how do you know when you are drinking too much?

[Cistus]

actually thats a stupid question. I know I am drinking too much, but I dont know how to stop.

I am in my mid 40's, FT job, three lovely kids, nice house etc....

I am drinking almost a bottle of wine, almost every night. I have been doing so for about 6 months. Prior to that its been up and down, I have always been a heavy-ish drinker but with a lot of dry days. there are a few dry days now but not many - perhaps one a fortnight.

I don't drink until the kids are in bed, I never miss work, I never drink and drive, But I know its too much. I dont get drunk as such although I certainly know Ive had too much the next morning.....

so how do you stop? I recently had some blood tests for something unrelated and was extremely pleased to hear that me liver function was normal.... but it wont be if I carry on like this.....

I last stopped drinking in April 08 for about 4 weeks, not at that time because I was overtly worried about my drinking ( though I was releived that I found it quite easy not to drink at all) but since then, its slowly increased....

I will hold my hands up and say I hada terrible problem with alchohol a few years ago. Heavy and regular drinking was a habit, and as someone further up said, it starts as a habit, like biscuits with tea, but then it has the potential to take over your life, unlike biscuits. I have said at other times my best friend, a beautiful man, managed t odrink himself to death - through not controlling the habit. We all cut down or stopped, but he didn't.

We have an emotional attachment to substances we use like alchohol, and it is soo important to ask yourself what is it that this substance is replacing, or what void are we feeling that leads us to 'compensate' for it.

This thread caught my eye as I am here feeling a little hungover and annoyed with mysself for drinking almost a whole bottle of white last night.
I promised my self i would only have 2 glasses but as always an open bottle is an empty bottle.
Really need to cut down.
I love feeling great on the mornings after I havent had a drink - try not to Mon to Thurs but go mad at weekends.
Started to realise I had a prob when a friend said ' You do make me laugh your facebook status always involves wine'
Glad to know I am not alone.

i am a student so am in the middle of my long holiday atthe moment. in term time i don't drink so much as I am often studying well into the evening. i always have Friday wine (and look forward to it), maybe drinking a bottle over 2/3 nights. WE have been going out more lately and i have been really good at limiting myself, maybe 2 bottles of lager (I drink them slower) and a glass of wine with a couple of soft drinks over the course of the night. However, now uni is out, my evenings are less taken up, I am really not enjoying this SAHm role, shopping , cleaning, ironing, blah. I think I am maybe drinking more because I am bored and I am usually so busy and knackered doing all of the above and a demanding degree that I fall into bed at 10 o'clock.

My dh drinks too, and thank god, he works nights so is only home 2 nights to have a drink. if there is lager in the fridge he might have one with dinner or when he gets in from work, but on his nights off he will drink whatever is there. I have always worried about him , not with the quantity of alcohol but the fact that he never chooses not to.

i can feel this creeping in with me now. I totally understand what other posters have said about partners encouraging each others addictions. lately i think I have been drinking more because it has always been available. Normally, we buy what we want, drink it, and then its gone. A few weeks ago, wehad a big party and there was loads of wine left over, so we have been working our way through it.

Now the wine is nearly finished, I am just not going to buy any when i go shopping. I will buy maybe 4 cans for DH for Friday night, and then I won't be able to drink when he is at work as i won't just be able to open that conveniently placed bottle.

I am really glad to have stumbled upon this thread. i am such a healthy person in general, I don't have any other vices and I hate to see the alchol creeping into my life. My grandma was an alcoholic and died in her early 50s. My dsis also has problems with alcohol and I worry that the tendency to excess may run in the family.

Like Mrs McCluskey, I am glad to know I'm not alone too!

There are a lot if red herrings around drinking, aren't there? Mainly because, unlike cocaine, for example, it's legal and even encouraged in polite society.

Very important to note, for example, that, though regular or heavy drinking (whoever defines what heavy means) do not in themselves define a "drink problem", nor does their absence in itself define a lack of a drinking problem.

It's much more about how good you are at stopping when you do drink and how effective the potential consequences are at stopping you.

For example, a lot of educated middle class alcoholics only find out for sure that they are alcoholics when they leave university - when they were there, it seemed that everyone drank to excess but, now that real life starts to encroach, they become rarer and rarer among their peers in not knuckling down and saving their drinking for exceptional or special occasions.

I'm doing fine, Cistus, thank you!

Didn't have anything to drink last night, and it's definitely getting easier. I'm hoping that I can replace the habit of drinking during the week with the habit of not drinking during the week.

I'm drinking slimline tonic, which is helping - it has that bitterness which I find more satisfying than if I was just drinking a soft drink.

But I had a horrible experience this morning when I woke up - I think I must have been partly dreaming - because I felt hungover! It took me a while to remember that I hadn't had anything to drink last night! It didn't last for long, but it was a lovely feeling when I realised that I wasn't hungover and that I had been alcohol-free last night.

DH has started drinking soda water and lime in the evenings, so am going to do the same.
Good luck everyone.

It's a lot easier when you're both alcohol free, isn't it?!

definitely
but when we are bad we are very baad together.
We can go a good couple of days with no booze and then we both have a 'oh well' night where we drink a bottle each.

Ah. You've been taking lessons from the BIWI house ........

Didnt drink last night but that was prob because felt hungover.
Will prob manage to get through tonight withouta drink as the kids have loads of activities.
ANd then tomorrow...well it is Friday..
will limit myself.

Didn't drink last night either.

And it does seem to be getting easier. Will I regret saying that?!

one day at a time, I think. I had nothing last night, and will probably be ok tonight. But am out with some friends tomorrow and will have a drink. That doesn't concern me, it's the being at home and finishing a bottle of wine before I know it that's worrying.

Ah, you see, it's the going out that worries me more!

I don't seem to be able to go out without drinking. 'Out' = 'having a good time' = 'having a drink'.

I'd really like to crack that one. I went out last week for dinner. There 8 of us and 3 stated right at the beginning that they weren't drinking (for various reasons). That would have been a great opportunity for me to declare myself also as an abstainer. But did I? No.

DH went and bought beer - which is now chilling in the fridge.
Not sure I can resist

Can you busy yourself for a bit Mrs M? And maybe have one later (if you absolutely have to). If yoyu work through the ironing pile/crossword book/tax return/whatever for a couple of hours and then allow yourself a beer later you will be able to clock the amount of beers you haven't drank simply because you started later.

I also didn't drink last night, I am intending not to drink tonight either. Tomorrow I will have some wine, as it is Friday night and dh is off work. Then I will be dry till next weekend if I can manage it.

just had the one when I finally sat down at 10pm.
Which for me aint half bad.
We are spendint the weekend with friends who are very light drinkers.
Wont drink much as will feel embarrassed in comparison.

I had a drink (or 2!) last night, which was OK. But this morning I can really tell that I did - just goes to show how quickly you get used to not drinking.

Unfortunately I am waking up with a bad head even when I haven't been drinking as my head is currently vacationing in migraine land. It will be nice to feel the benefits of not drinking when the headaches clear off though.

I suppose at least i can rule out the red wine for causing the migraine

Cistus

Still around? How's it going?

Have been reading this with interest and have now taken a deep breath and decided to join you. I had a bottle-of-wine-a-day (at least) habit for several years and only managed to get it under control when I got pregnant (I stopped for the first few months and then limited myself to 2 or 3 glasses a week). Recently however(DD is now 1) my consumption has been creeping up again and I've decided I need to have another go at sorting it out.

I hate the idea of stopping altogether (and yes, I know that probably means I need to), so DH and I have agreed not to drink Mon-Thurs. I haven't succeeded every day, but I have managed quite a few dry days. Feeling crap today though as I went to a friend's party last night and made the most of a rare night out. Hope this will motivate me to moderation over the weekend...

Have also been reading with interest......sitting here hungover. I drank 2 bottles of wine last night. One before DH got in that he didn't know about - and then opened one in front of him and drank that - which seemed acceptable to him.

Haven't drunk that much in a while - with me it's either 1 bottle of wine a night or nothing at all.

It's true about having voids in your life and filling them with booze. My parents are also heavy drinkers.

I have gone alcohol free a few times and absolutely LOVED it. You almost get on a high with the clarity you get and from feeling healthy and full of energy - so I'm going to start another alcohol free period as of today.

My biggest let down is social drinking. I can go alcohol free very easily on my own at home. I have lovely baths, nice dinners, go to bed at a reasonable hour and get a good sleep - but as soon as I see friends, I drink til I'm drunk and then the seed is sown and I fall back into bad habits.

Hi guys!
I am just taking one day at a time.
I know I will drink over the weekend but hoping it will be less than usual.
I keep thinking of how good I feel on the days after I have had nothing to spur me on.
I do a bit of fitness and It makes such a difference when I have had nothing the night before

Just been reading this thread with interest. I don't drink (anymore) but my ex h has a drink problem and I was probably on the cusp of full blown addiction a few years ago.

I used to drink heavily when I first met him and it was definitely a massive part of our relationship. I stopped when I became pregnant with ds, started again after he was born then stopped again when pregnant with dd. After she was born over 2 years ago I never really began again. The reason I am telling you all this is that it REALLY does get easier the longer you go without a drink. You actually start to become "addicted" to feeling good and not hungover all the time. These days I often fancy a drink then I think about how crap I will feel the next day, how rough and bloated I will feel for days after that and it really just doesn't seem worth it.

If you can just go for a few days, then a few weeks then a few months, I really believe you could get to this stage of appreciating how great you feel sober and want to maintain it.

I was and am surrounded by drinkers, my exh, my family do and always have drunk heavily and so do my in laws so its not like I don't have that influence, yet still I don't drink. It really is possible to do. Good luck to you all.

I am going to ask a question which I know is naive but it is still a serious one.

People who "dread" or "hate" or "can't face" the idea of not drinking - why, exactly? Especially if drink makes you unhappy?

I know this is naive because i used to drink shedloads and the idea of going even a day without a drink horrified me - but now I don't drink at all and really can't remember why I used to feel this way. (I mean, I know WHY I felt it - it was because I had a drink problem. But I don't remember how I rationalised it, what I feared would happen if I went without, or why a sober life sounded such a dreadful thing.)

Can anyone remind me, please?

I don't dread not having a drink. Over Easter dh and I gave up completely for 20 days - our new record having previously managed 17!

For me personally, I don't smoke, I don't have any other vices, no sweet tooth, nothing. It's a relaxant. People have suggested exercise instead, but I don't enjoy exercise.

I like the social aspect of drinking. The way the conversation flows easier. Or just to unwind with dh, watch a DVD and then talk crap to each other.

I seldom drink during the week, so I look forward to it at the weekend when I might have a bottle of wine. I wouldn't die if it was taken away, but neither would I be particularly happy. Because it's my only relaxant.