how do you know when you are drinking too much?

[Cistus]

actually thats a stupid question. I know I am drinking too much, but I dont know how to stop.

I am in my mid 40's, FT job, three lovely kids, nice house etc....

I am drinking almost a bottle of wine, almost every night. I have been doing so for about 6 months. Prior to that its been up and down, I have always been a heavy-ish drinker but with a lot of dry days. there are a few dry days now but not many - perhaps one a fortnight.

I don't drink until the kids are in bed, I never miss work, I never drink and drive, But I know its too much. I dont get drunk as such although I certainly know Ive had too much the next morning.....

so how do you stop? I recently had some blood tests for something unrelated and was extremely pleased to hear that me liver function was normal.... but it wont be if I carry on like this.....

I last stopped drinking in April 08 for about 4 weeks, not at that time because I was overtly worried about my drinking ( though I was releived that I found it quite easy not to drink at all) but since then, its slowly increased....

ok I failed miserably last might - knew I would, but that doesn't help. I think I just need to stop totally for a while and I will either have to avoid situations where I drink, or just be very strong - I totally understand about being in a crowd of people drinking and thinking 'I want one' and also the fact bars serve shite soft drinks (and I don't do fizzy stuff either!).
WOn't be tempted now until Sat as DP away and I am not going out, but Sat have family BBQ so we'll see!

mum to Charlie and Lola - welcome

Poor you - that must have been a horrible shock... I have been drinking much more than you and have normal liver function ( at the moment) but well done for cutting down.

its really interesting to me that ALL the ex drinkers on here feel happier now about their teetotal status than they did when they were drinking/trying to cut down etc.

I am intending not to drink today.

I do find it hard at the witching hour 8-9 ish - once the kids are in bed and I can relax.. once I get past about 9.30 I am ok...

one day at a time. I'm not sure where I am hoping to end up... I'm not 'that' bad - a drinker; I rarely get drunk, I dont get agressive when I drink, nor do I lose all sense, I dont drink in front of the kids, or at work, or miss work, or if I am driving, but nevertheless I feel uneasy about it, and would feel happier if I could /did drink less....

Hi Jem, I think so

(sorry brief post, am now off lunch and officially not supposed to be on here )

So what are your plans, to reduce or cut out completely? Do you need to go back to your GP to go over the results again? Must be a difficult time, especially if you have what happened with your Dad in your thoughts.

If you are struggling, as you mentioned you were, you may have some sort of dependency- I'm not saying you are an alcoholic mind!
but, I can help give advice for what helped me when I was struggling to not drink, for days when you decide to be alcohol free?
I'm sure others will too!

I do find it funny when people equate getting pissed with having a good time, but then so did I.
Difference with me was that in the end, I needed a drink just to actually talk to people. Still I suppose I am coming from the more severe end of the spectrum so to speak.

Still, I understand how difficult it can be to cut down or stop.

miflaw and jem are both spo ton Listen to them!All this practcing and 'being good'is sadly just delaying the inevitable.If you are having such a struggle and are disecting and discussing drinking at length then surely it is worth a try to cut it out and see how you feel.My dp definitely found it harder the more he tried moderation and the repeated guilt at 'failing' was soul destroying hop eyou all get the support you need x

That's really well done to cut down to a bottle of wine a week. How long does it take for your liver tests to make a difference?

I'm sorry I didn't explain that I didn't mean that drinking got easier! I meant that when the decision to stop and do something about it clicks in, the stopped tends to last longer with practice.

Hello all, thanks for your messages. Its not about getting pissed for me, I just really like the taste of red wine and cracking open a cold beer on a warm thing is just a social habit I have with my dh.

Its more about the health effect it is having on me. I am not sure how long it will take for my liver readings to go back to normal. The Dr said as long as they are not increasing they are not unduly concerned.

I don't know if I am at at the point where I could give up completely, or need to, apparently dink in moderation is okay ?

Or is it, there is a big drink debate going on in my region at the moment and the poster for it says is red wine good for the heart of bad for the liver - or both ?? www.nwph.net/alcohol/bigdrinkdebate/index.aspx

Oh dear how for the first sentence ! Must read my sentences before I post. [blush}

Of course cracking open a beer on a warm thing is probably v. nice (for the bloke) but I meant a warm evening !!

If its not about the feeling why don't you just stop?

What do you mean? I like the taste and I enjoy drinking wine,

I suppose there is the social side and drinking with the girls or our friends, but thats just a habit that I never really tried to break, apart from when I was pregnant.

noddyholder

If it were that easy there would be no people with alcohol problems.

Can I post my experience here, even though it contradicts MIFLAW, Jem and Noddy's advice?

The last thing I want to do is enable an alcoholic to carry on drinking BUT

About 8 months ago I decided to stop drinking altogether for a good long stretch. It was a test to see how bad my drinking problem was. I was worried about myself as I drank every single night without fail. About 5 bottles of wine a week. And had done for at least 5 years.

So I stopped for six weeks. I didn't find it hard ... but I didn't find it liberating or life transforming in any way. I didn't look better, I didn't feel better and I didn't lose any weight.

After the six weeks was up I did decide to drink alcohol again. But my consumption has reduced dramatically since then. I drink less wine but sometimes have a gin and tonic or a beer instead. I can drink just the one of those, with wine I always want at least half a bottle. I don't drink Monday - Wednesday. And have other spontaneous dry days too. I remind myself that I didn't drink at all for 42 days without too much effort, so its really no problem not to drink today, or tomorrow, or the next day. I guess I could go on and on and not drink for 10 days or 30 days or 90 days or 30 years.

But now I believe I am not addicted to it alcohol is not a spectre and I am far more at ease with it. Less wound up - infact, less in need of a drink to relax me!

I think the key for me, though, was the longish period of complete abstinence.

If it is only about the taste and not the getting drunk then it would be easy.i realise that sounded harsh not what I meant.many people have to stop things that taste nice for various reasons.It is harder with alcohol because it changes how you feel.So if it was simply something which you liked the taste of which was harming you you would stop it fairly easily.I had to do a very restricted diet before my transplant but it was fairly easy as it was all delicious stuff but i had to do it.Alcohol is different I was acknowledging that

Mintyy

Fantastic! And don't worry - you haven't contradicted my advice in the slightest.

What I have said is that someone attempting to emulate you AND FAILING TO DO SO may be well advised to cut his or her losses at that point rather than struggling (wo)manfully on for months or years.

MumtoCandL - the health thing is a bit of a red herring, to be honest. It relates to moderate drinkers. A glass of red wine a day is good for you, or so I am told.

A glass.

One.

A day.

Probably a pub measure or standard unit, too, give or take.

And then stop.

I should not imagine most people bothering to post on this thread see any relevance to their lives in that, so it can be safely discounted as pointless.

No way am I giving up spicy foods, tomato-based sauces, curries, chillies, caffeinated drinks, chocolate or citrus because of this acid reflux!

Ah expat but it won't kill you just burn like hell!

Ooh, acid reflux, nasty!

Hi Mintyy, I just write using my own experience that's all, loads of people are heavy drinkers, cut down or stop etc...it's different to being an alcoholic. You don't contradict me at all! Good on ya, anyway.

Like your (wo)manful comment MIFLAW.

too right, noddy, and i can always buy gaviscon advance and Zantac.

I guess what I'm really trying to say to the other worried posters is you could try what I did and just be done with alcohol altogether it for a good long while. Do not drink at all. So then you have no worries with having to count how many dry days you've had or how many units you've had or if you can drink a bit more because its a special occasion.

Cut it out completely (I did 6 weeks). Don't fret - this doesn't mean you are giving up alcohol forever - and see if that gives you a new perspective?

I understand the "fear" that you might have to give up alcohol altogether one day and I never want to reach that point, which is why I decided to try and find out once and for all if I was dependent or heading towards dependence. I love the taste of wine, and I adore a glass of sherry when Christmas lunch is cooking, and a Pimms at a summer party, etc.

Exactly, Mintyy. That really is excellent advice.

But not everyone will be able to follow it.

I remember in my mid 20s I would sometimes wake up and say to myself, "I'm not going to drink today." That was it - one day's abstention.

And I wouldn't drink.

At about 10 o'clock, passing the student union or graduate bar, I would think to myself, "haven't I done well? A whole day without a drink!

"I think I'll have a pint to celebrate."

And I successfully kidded myself that there was no contradiction there. I hadn't failed - I had redefined what a day meant.

There will be people on this thread who work their own version of this logic. I want them to know that they are not alone.

But also that, if they keep flogging that particular horse, it gets a lot, lot worse in the most wide-ranging and unpredictable ways. The biggest favour they can do themselves is to address that now.

Good luck to anyone who recognises her- or himself in my story. I'm here for you.

Mumtocharlieand lola.....

I had this last year..but no pain under ribs..I was drinking about 3/4 bottle of red wine a day for about 2years after my daughter was born.
I went to dr's for anxiety and had some blood tests and liver came back abnormal..told him what I drank so he said come back in a month then the second test was still bit raised. Frightened the crap out of me!!!
Dr didn't say stop drinking..just cut down..wasn't unduly worried....but i was!
I now never drink over 14 units a week and have a week of here and now and had month of xmas.
I have 2 kids very nice life and honestly thought oh my god...i'm gonna die!
But after all this time of cutting down..i now get an ache under my right ribs. Similar to what people describe as gallstones. Never stops me from doing anything..eat, sleep, go running..not feeling ill..tired.
However..I have been too scared too go back (it has created huge health anxiety) for 3rd test.. which Dr said wait another 2mths...that should have been last Sept!!! That Dr retired and I was embarassed and scared to go through it all again with another dr.
So I know how you feel.
How much are you drinking now? What did your doctor advise you?
CAT me if you like.

Miflaw haven't read the whole thread but have you ever tried 'rationing' and 'planning' your drinking before finally giving up?I mean stuff like only wine or never on a thursday?x

Noddyholder

I tried it all.

Nearly ruined my life.

Am so much happier now that I don't drink it's hard to believe that that was me.

But it was, and I make sure I don't forget it.

That's the point i've been trying to make. If you are like me then you work your way round these obstacles, conveniently forgetting that you put them there for your own good.

Only wine/beer - sure, but no one's saying how much - clever old me!

Only drink on Thursdays - yes, but don't you understand, THIS Friday/Saturday/Sunday/ Monday have been such hard work and I've got guests so that rule doesn't count - clever old me!

Drive so you can't drink - I'll take the bus then - clever old me! OR I'll count my units so that, by the time I have to drive, I'll only have two units in my system - clever old me! (This one allowed me to see the inside of a police cell and a magistrate's court - clever old me!)

"If anyone, drinking heavily at present, can do the about face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried often enough!"

Some very sobering advice here
Thanks

Hello all, quick lunchtime dip in

MIFLAW - what do you mean - "I should not imagine most people bothering to post on this thread see any relevance to their lives in that, so it can be safely discounted as pointless. "