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General health

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Original poster

how do you know when you are drinking too much?

381 replies

Cistus · 08/06/2009 17:35

actually thats a stupid question. I know I am drinking too much, but I dont know how to stop.

I am in my mid 40's, FT job, three lovely kids, nice house etc....

I am drinking almost a bottle of wine, almost every night. I have been doing so for about 6 months. Prior to that its been up and down, I have always been a heavy-ish drinker but with a lot of dry days. there are a few dry days now but not many - perhaps one a fortnight.

I don't drink until the kids are in bed, I never miss work, I never drink and drive, But I know its too much. I dont get drunk as such although I certainly know Ive had too much the next morning.....

so how do you stop? I recently had some blood tests for something unrelated and was extremely pleased to hear that me liver function was normal.... but it wont be if I carry on like this.....

I last stopped drinking in April 08 for about 4 weeks, not at that time because I was overtly worried about my drinking ( though I was releived that I found it quite easy not to drink at all) but since then, its slowly increased....

OP posts:

Rhubarb · 19/06/2009 14:28

That's a bottle each, not between us.

MIFLAW · 19/06/2009 14:37

Thanks for that, rhubarb - though it was more addressed to the people who DO ""dread" or "hate" or "can't face" the idea of not drinking and say so in their posts.

beonit · 19/06/2009 14:54

MIFLAW - it is hard for me to rationalise whay I can't face the idea of giving up completely. I guess it's because on the days I do manage moderation I love the way a few glasses of wine make me feel. I associate it with relaxation, sociability, the end of a hard day etc etc.

I think I would find socialising without booze particularly hard (I have done it, when pregnant, but tended to end up going home early for obvious reasons). I used alcohol to give me more social confidence from early on - started drinking quite a lot in my teens, throughout university, and never really stopped. Now it's a crutch that I don't want to be taken away.

Lordy, I sound like a right old soak.

Rhubarb · 19/06/2009 16:22

I know MIFLAW, but I just had to have my say anyway!

Original poster

Cistus · 19/06/2009 17:33

Hi still here. at work so cant post much .CRAP week. will update later
x

OP posts:

Plonketyplonk · 19/06/2009 17:54

I think that drinking can be fun! I think alcohol is a bit like a friend who you don't want to see all the time, who if you get stuck with, is not a friend at all, but someone you can have fun with from time to time. Leaving it out altogether is a bit like leaving a very destructive relationship, when you find yourself in bed with someone who really doesn't like you and is doing horrible things to you.

I think that a lot of parties are quite boring when you're not drinking, because unless you are surrounded by close friends (of the human kind), there's often not much to talk about. (or am I just a grumpy old woman?

I am really missing smoking at the moment. How crap is that?

fraggletits · 19/06/2009 18:07

wine is mummy's little helper for me! and like rhubarb says - wine is my only vice. I don't smoke or do drugs and eat fairly healthy dinners most nights.

My pattern is first glass at 4pm - last around 7pm - to get me through dinner, bath and bed routine. DH doesn't drink during the week so I don't normally drink alone in front of him. I can however disguise being quite drunk...scarily easily.

I will always drink. It is a huge part of my life. I share bottles of wine with my husband, my mum, all my friends. I'm looking forward to sharing bottles with my daughters when they are grown up.

I can't imagine always having a soft drink while everyone else has a great time........ and people who drink really do have a great time, but the ones, like me, who lose control of it end up having a horrible time.

I just need to get control back in my life because I don't want to be a tee-totaller. My drinking has been a bit problematic since being a SAHM to small children. It fills a void. But I know it will get better.

My plan for my future is to only ever drink socially and never again at home for no reason.

MIFLAW · 19/06/2009 18:46

Fraggletits

I recognise so much of what you're saying but the only bit that's actually a reason why stopping drinking is a negative thing(rather than reasons why you don't really need to stop) is that "I can't imagine always having a soft drink while everyone else has a great time........"

I couldn't imagine that either. Now I don't have to imagine it and it's great.

Of course some parties are boring without a drink. That's because the people at them are boring. Why would i want to be at a party with boring people?

Plonketyplonk · 19/06/2009 19:06

I know what you mean about thinking that everyone else is having a great time. They're not. They're just getting a bit pissed. Do you envy people who are getting stoned at a party?

If you are enjoying drinking, it's fine. It's a bit what I mean about booze being like a really crap friend who's great in small doses.

fraggletits · 19/06/2009 20:50

like i said before - i have abstained from alcohol before for a few weeks at a time and after the first 2 or 3 days I start absolutely loving it. I get almost euphoric. I'm quite happy living alcohol free as long as I remain a hermit. But then a social situation arises - not parties necessarily but a friend will come round or arrange to meet - or we'll have friends stay over, even the odd play-date with some mums round here who 'nudge nudge, cheeky wink.....glass of wine???' and that's it, there's just no way at the moment I can sit there with a coke while everyone else "enjoys" a drink. I just can't.

In moments of clarity I have realised that I would need to cut myself off from people for a long time before I could be comfortable in a social setting like that not drinking. And that's something I can't do yet.

walkinthewoods · 19/06/2009 21:10

hey
3 parts ot the wind currently but connect to what you are saying (and not typing at 35wpm!) Honest gov, haven;t been drinking....

There seem to be a couple of threads that are in the same vein but need joining up. And if I was compus mentis, I could tell you....however....maybe someone can join all the threasds up, twood be great, need some support, the wreck that I am.............

walkinthewoods · 19/06/2009 21:11

nice to see you dear

Original poster

Cistus · 19/06/2009 21:55

Hi all

Agree that joining the threads would be a good idea.. I didnt see that one when I started mine....

Ive had a crap week. Having not drunk for a week, Sat night I did - for no other reason than that I could. Like someone (fraggletits?) said - once Ive started there is no reason to abstain the next night... so Sun and Mon drinking too... then Tues get some bad news - not directly realted to me, but very sad. and am out that night... so manage several glasses and top up at home. Weds and Thurs night was away from home - drinking is a reflex. I hate being away, find it so hard to relax, cant sleep etc etc...this was unavoidable however, so I drink a bottle to help me relax. now tonight Im home. and drinking.again. Not a bottle . but well over 1/2

so so much of what you have written, all of you resonates with me. I'm too tired to think, but tomorrow its just me and dc3 at home, as my dh is taking dc 1&2 camping. I will try to think a bit - ts utterly ridiculous to be drinking when it clearly makes me anxious and unhappy BUT it also helps me, and I like it so much... in one way.....

OP posts:

swanriver · 19/06/2009 23:13

I thnk this thread is the one to stick with.
Cistus, and anyone else, I know loads of people who don't drink, are extremely sociable, and have a great tme and are very funny. Just to echo what Miflaw said, it is not necessary for a good time. You just see thngs as they are a bit more clearly without drnk and that can sometimes be dispiriting. It takes a while to build something to take the place of the drink.

MIFLAW · 20/06/2009 10:13

Fraggletits - "I just can't." Yes, you can. No one needs alcohol - do you think Muslims never have parties? You mean, perhaps, "I just won't" or "I just don't want to." Absolutely nothing wrong with that, but don't mix them up - that way heartache lies.

Cistus - there is an expression which goes something like, "I drank when I was happy; I drank when I was sad; I drank when my cat died.

"And I didn't even have a cat."

BecauseImWorthIt · 20/06/2009 10:55

That's true, MIFLAW - there's always a reason to drink!

.... things went well today, let's celebrate
.... things went badly today, let's commiserate
.... I'm a bit stressed, I need to wind down
.... I'm feeling really good, I'd love a glass of wine

Original poster

Cistus · 20/06/2009 20:35

D'you know what. I think I am afraid of sobriety. I am afraid of all the things I don't have to face at the moment because I am half pissed every night.

I have an ok marriage But that's all. I don't really love my partner any more; I don't really respect him and at times I actively dislike him. But we have 3 kids, and I feel I must make the best of it for them...

I'm not stupid enough to say I drink because of that; but i certainly think I drink to forget it.

I'm afraid if I was relentlessly sober I would have to face it and trash everything. And even as I write that I know its pelt

OP posts:

Original poster

Cistus · 20/06/2009 20:37

D'you know what. I think I am afraid of sobriety. I am afraid of all the things I don't have to face at the moment because I am half pissed every night.

I'm not stupid enough to say I drink because of that; but i certainly think I drink to forget it.

I'm afraid if I was relentlessly sober I would have to face it and trash everything. And even as I write that I know its pelt

OP posts:

Plonketyplonk · 20/06/2009 20:58

Sounds like a bit of a habit, Cistus. Why are you thinking you have to be sober all the time? I think that unless your relationship with alcohol is sooo dysfunctional and destructive, that you can always meet up for a bit of a piss up. Yes, it'll feel crap the next day, but sometimes it's a way.

I'm going to get hammered for saying that, aren't I? I think it is very important to try to take responsibility. A relationship with alcohol isn't going to sort out anything in RL. It could lead to dependency, which is going to be far worse than anything.

YOu don't need to face everything, all at once. Are you getting any extra support for yourself?

fraggletits · 21/06/2009 10:48

I'm really glad i joined this thread. Your words are very wise Miflaw and Plonk.

Cistus - we're in the same boat. Drinking to forget the realities.

my skin looks terrible and I'm fat (well, i've got a stone and a half to lose) and I freaked myself out reading up on liver disease the other day.

I'm getting psyched up for a long period of going alcohol free - it's just I have to get next weekend out of the way (friends coming to stay) and then I'm going on holiday for a month with my heavy drinking family.....and then DH and me are having a week off from the kids where we've got a few dinners planned and going to a concert with pals.....christ it's just endless! I'm surrounded by boozers.

I guess there's never a 'right' time to stop drinking though.

Blackduck · 21/06/2009 11:28

Okay, can I join? I am having too many weekends when I wake up feeling cr** and have to grit my teeth to get throught the day. Dp and I drank too much on Friday adn again last night. I need (and want) to stop this for a bit (if not totally). So where do I sign the pledge

gemmiegoatlegs · 21/06/2009 11:45

I am not too bad this wekend, I had 2 glasses of red on Friday and one last night (that I didn't really want) There is always a reason if t=you need one though tired/stressed/sociable/happy. Stupid me drinking when i don't even feel like it. At least I stopped at one last night. the rest of the bottle is still there in the kitchen and I am intending not to driink that tonight.

lilolilmanchester · 21/06/2009 15:25

I'm having a bad weekend, but did have 3 alcohol free days last week, which is a first in a long while so a step in the right direction.

karalathecamel · 21/06/2009 15:36

I'd like to join in this thread too - I drink too much and I can't remember who described it as the 'witching hour' the time between ending work and dinner but that's my problem time- I probably only really drink for a couple of hours a day but it's too much and I look forward to it. What I have to admit also is that i can't drink the way normal social drinkers can. Once I've had a glass of wine at a party I just have to keep going - one of the reasons that I'm great for not drinking at lunchtime (at weekends or whenever) is because I'd be pissed by tea time. Can't really handle it.

Blackduck · 21/06/2009 15:40

I know what you mean - I really am not a one glass and thats it person... I have found drinking beer is better (simply cannot do the volume and so drink less - but also up all night peeing....) For me it is also a social thing - I use it for dutch courage and talk a load of shite as a result. It has just become too much of a habit. This week should be better because dp is away and I don't drink on my own, so if I can get a good week in hopefully I can follow it through.

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