how do you know when you are drinking too much?

[Cistus]

actually thats a stupid question. I know I am drinking too much, but I dont know how to stop.

I am in my mid 40's, FT job, three lovely kids, nice house etc....

I am drinking almost a bottle of wine, almost every night. I have been doing so for about 6 months. Prior to that its been up and down, I have always been a heavy-ish drinker but with a lot of dry days. there are a few dry days now but not many - perhaps one a fortnight.

I don't drink until the kids are in bed, I never miss work, I never drink and drive, But I know its too much. I dont get drunk as such although I certainly know Ive had too much the next morning.....

so how do you stop? I recently had some blood tests for something unrelated and was extremely pleased to hear that me liver function was normal.... but it wont be if I carry on like this.....

I last stopped drinking in April 08 for about 4 weeks, not at that time because I was overtly worried about my drinking ( though I was releived that I found it quite easy not to drink at all) but since then, its slowly increased....

Cistus

No willpower here. My sobriety - and resultant happiness - are entirely to the credit of AA.

Why not give it a go yourself? You sound a bit short of better ideas ...

I'm sorry you're feeling crap, Cistus. So far, you've been doing well. You've been doing something you possibly didn't think very much about before. I've been chatting to a friend who stopped drinking for about a month and she said that she notices the effects of alcohol far more now she is drinking less. Even a small amount of it has quite profound effects. Please don't be too hard on yourself. You are chipping away at an ingrained habit and possibly a bit of dependency. Keep chipping and you will find out what is the best way forward for you.

You need to keep on and on forgiving yourself, as you might a friend in the same situation.

Go talk to your GP. You will be suprised at how many people are like you and have asked for help. They will give you all the advice you need. Just tell them the truth. You can do it.

And AA are very good. The idea of giving up your power to a higher authority - I've never been in that situation but have seen people engage with it and it really works.

"The idea of giving up your power to a higher authority" - I can fully understand the fear this engenders in some people because I was one of them but the irony is that, if someone has a drink problem, he or she is already doing just that! I used to have a higher power who could make me do things I wouldn't have done alone - sometimes I called her Stella and sometimes Johnnie Walker (and sometimes, when money was tight, just "K"). If you're in a similar situation, why not just replace it with a higher power that isn't trying to kill you? It doesn't have to be God, or even a god - as my sponsor at the time used to say, "MIFLAW, the only thing you need to know about God is it's not you!"

Morning all!

Cistus, I'm sorry that you're feeling so low. But it's very early days, and if you've been drinking so much for so long what you're trying to do (at the very least) is change a habit. It takes a long time to swap one habit for another. And given that alcohol is involved, it will be even harder.

It does sound to me as if you're being a bit harsh to yourself, and that you need to let up a bit and be a bit more realistic! I think you have to look on it - at least for the moment before you decide if you're going to take things any further - that any day without having a drink can only be a good thing.

What's in your head at the moment? What are your thoughts/worries/fears - and what are your positive thoughts?

(sorry to sound like a cod psychologist ...)

Hello, new to this thread but been avidly following it from the beginning. I have been drinking 1-2 bottles a night for 10-15 years. I have had a year off twice due to pregnancy and have the odd week off, sometimes the odd 2 weeks or even a month but I allways go back to it, I think because instead of adopting a long term lifestyle change I stop altogether for a few weeks and then just return to normal. I am hoping this time I can change that, we shall see....

For the last 26 days I have not drunk for 14 days and for the 12 days that I have had a drink I have had a third/half of what I would have normally drunk and I am feeling like I could manage this long term, although time will tell.... I was drinking about 9-11 bottles of wine a week and in the last (nearly 4 weeks) I have had 2-3 bottles a week which is still by no means perfect but is far better than it was. I have lost 9lbs as a result but I am not really looking at it as a diet just keep up the mantra of changing my lifestyle for a healthier one. I got a huge fright a few weeks ago when I read in the paper about the woman who died from liver failure at the age of 32 due to social drinking and thought enough is enough! Luckily DH doesn't really drink - he has done in the past but tends to because I do, however in the last couple of years he has stopped apart from social drinking so I feel quite embarrassed hurling wine down my neck of an evening on my own.

Will keep you posted how I get on.... good luck to everyone else!

Welcome Newme and good luck!

"but I allways go back to it"

Why not be nice to yourself and just pack it in?

But again, good luck to you however you decide to tackle this.

Cistus, anyone who's given up booze has been exactly where you are, I promise you those of us who now don't drink have been to every depth imagineable before we decided we just couldn't take anymore pain, physical, emotional and spiritual pain, I've been in bloody agony in all those areas, there's no will power involved, believe me, it was my "will" that got me into so much trouble, if I'm left to my own devices I can screw up spectacularly, I know the Higher Power concept can seem alien/religious/cultish, all I can say is it's none of those. If you decided to give an AA meeting a go, you would find support and hear stuff that makes you realise you're not alone and it's a comforting feeling. You don't have to say anything, open up, it's up to you how much you want to participate, what I can tell you is just by being there and absorbing the truth I guarantee you will feel better coming out of a meeting than you did going in. Thinking of you

Hello - think I need to join you all. I have drunk since the age of 18 fairly heavily and am now 36 so realise that is half my life....my parents enjoy drinking and I guess thats where my love of wine has come from. I probably started drinking more heavily about 10 years ago when I used ot haev a bottle of wine a night, I dont have that much now as gave up (obviously) during two pregnancies and now that I have 3 kids under 5 that seems impossible. HOwever I still manage to get through 4-5 bottles a week.

Like a few others I have had a pain under my right rib, but had a scan on my gall bladder which showed nothing, and thye checked my liver as well and said it was ok...however this doesnt stop me worrying about what coudl be going on inside my body.

I didnt drink last night as I had to pick my husband up from the hospital and made myself a big cafetiere of decaf coffee instead. It wasnt the same....but I did wake up feeling very proud of myself this morning. I hope to give and gain support on this thread - everyone's experiences sound so familiar to me.

Harrogate

Welcome and good luck!

Hi all
Havent posted for a while as have been a bit rubbish
Drank a lot last weekend
but have been so so all week
Not drinking tonight as have to work tomorrow
but finding it OK
am drinking soda and lime cordial instead and it is not so bad
WEll done to those who are doing well and
stick with it to those - like me - who arent.

think i should join this thread - am very like the OP. i drink daily. a couple of glasses, never drink and drive, it never effects my work etc, but id love to stop. i dont know why i cant - i did it with smoking.

i looked at this thread cos of the title - how do you know when your drinking too much. i think when you think "oh god thats me"!

i can do a few days without but i always cave in. its like its my "me time" when i have a glass and i love it. a little too much.

is 2 glasses a night too much? i feel guilty about it so i guess it is.

I don't really think, in the great scheme of things, that 2 glasses a night is a problem, pickyvic, although obviously it depends on the size of the glasses!

How many units do you think you're drinking? You could still be within the government guidelines of 14 per week, depending on the amount.

That said, if it's worrying you, then maybe there is a problem. Why not just try and have as many dry nights as you can, but not worry about those that aren't?

pickyvic, I wish I could stick at 2 glasses! If you mean standard sized glasses that is. Last night I had 2 gin and tonics and three quarters of a bottle of white. Not good. I feel fine today but guilty.

Hi all ! I have been meaning to post for a while but couldn't login for some reason. I went to the doctor on thursday and she refered me to a alcohol commnity desintox (not sure it was what the doctor said words for words). I told her everything. I'm going to get help on a one on one basis. I'm quite hopefule. After the appointment, I had to go to a girly night (didnt want to go but the host wouldn't take no for an answer ). Anyway I promised myself I wouldnt drink too much. When I came out of the doctor's appointment, one of my friend called and asked me to buy 3 BOTTLES OF WINE, said ok. On my way back from the off license, I met the gp with whom I had the appointment, I was mortified..She obviously saw the bottles ..Then afterwards went to th my friends house, get proposed a glass of wine, said no, ask for a cup of tea instead and she was on my back, saying oh my god you are pregnant, yes you are...was fed up saying no and have to justify myself, ended up having some wine but not too much..just ended up staying late because they wanted us to leave all together..went to bed at midnight and was exhausted the day after and not able to fonction normaly..I feel like a loser

You are not loser too much.
At least you have had the guts to go the doctors - I wouldnt be able to do that.
Maybe you should explaint to your friends that you are cutting out alcohol - thye may be more supportive.
DH and I got through 3 bottles of wine lst night so feel really down on myself.

Pickyvic - there's no such thing as too much except the definition you give yourself - ie if it makes you feel bad about yourself, it's too much.

FWIW I have NEVER met anyone who drinks "standard measures" when they're not in a pub - and remember even standard measures apply to really quite low-alcohol varieties (4% ABV for beer, 10% ABV for wine ...) I really wouldn't kid yourself. If it's too much for you, it's too much.

IDTMACS - if you do plan to stop drinking or even cut down significantly, sooner or later people will notice. Save yourself some grief and start being open with them now. Tell them you're not drinking and, if you're worried about seeming a wimp (though you really needn't) just tell them it's doctor's orders (which, in a sense, it is.) If they still won't take no for an answer, you may rest assured that they do not care about your well-being and are not your friends at all.

Hi all

no alcohol since thursday. feel much much better ....

and none today either.....

keep going guys x

Good going, Cistus!

You contacted AA yet? they really can help.

Hey MIFLAW- loved the biscuit talk!!

Sometimes people make cakes too....mmmm....

South-East London is very strong on home-made cakes. Peckham Friday night used to be practically a weekly picnic supper.

ok I should join. Getting to the point where its much too much.

Tell us more, sofa - it might help us to give you some advice and support but it may also help you to "type it out loud," IYSWIM.

Well I managed only 1 glass on Sunday lunchtime and nothing in the evening (thats an achievement for me). Last night had two thirds of a bottle. It might sound mad but thats slightly less than usual.