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how do you know when you are drinking too much?

381 replies

Cistus · 08/06/2009 17:35

actually thats a stupid question. I know I am drinking too much, but I dont know how to stop.

I am in my mid 40's, FT job, three lovely kids, nice house etc....

I am drinking almost a bottle of wine, almost every night. I have been doing so for about 6 months. Prior to that its been up and down, I have always been a heavy-ish drinker but with a lot of dry days. there are a few dry days now but not many - perhaps one a fortnight.

I don't drink until the kids are in bed, I never miss work, I never drink and drive, But I know its too much. I dont get drunk as such although I certainly know Ive had too much the next morning.....

so how do you stop? I recently had some blood tests for something unrelated and was extremely pleased to hear that me liver function was normal.... but it wont be if I carry on like this.....

I last stopped drinking in April 08 for about 4 weeks, not at that time because I was overtly worried about my drinking ( though I was releived that I found it quite easy not to drink at all) but since then, its slowly increased....

OP posts:
BecauseImWorthIt · 14/07/2009 13:13

I had the weekend off - but managed to be fairly circumspect on Friday/Sunday. The party on Saturday was another matter, but it wasn't too bad!

Back on the wagon now.

Welcome, sofatuber - love the name!

Tell us what your situation is.

Good for you HarrogateMum.

Blackduck · 14/07/2009 13:22

okay - been up and down here...A lot on friday, none sat, shared a bottle with dp sun and had a beer yesterday. I was when on sun at a picnic a friend asked if we'd bought some wine and I said 'no' and she said 'That's not like you'......see I don't WANT to have everyone think that of me....
Anyway loads of life rubbish here which also doesn't help - shall we move, shall we not? Shall I take a job with a 2 hour each way commute? What the HELL do I want to do with my life...On top of which I feel VERY lonely...

HarrogateMum · 14/07/2009 13:53

oh no Blackduck - whats up? Why do you feel lonely?

I can totally relate to the fact that people think of you and wine in the same sentence. People usually think I'm pregnant if I'm not drinking...

Blackduck · 14/07/2009 14:10

Harrogate - I know what you mean! Sure if I stopped they'd all think I was expecting....see I think that is why some of us find it hard to cut down/cut it out because of friends expecting you to do it(drink that is), and when you don't the spanish inquisition just makes you want to open a bottle and put a straw in....

The lonely thing - oh all sorts of reasons really - I am at a very weird point in my life where there is an awful lot of introspection going on and I just feel there is no-one there for me IYKWIM.

BecauseImWorthIt · 14/07/2009 14:12

Oh Blackduck

You know that you can always vent here!

MIFLAW · 14/07/2009 14:15

"see I think that is why some of us find it hard to cut down/cut it out because of friends expecting you to do it(drink that is), and when you don't the spanish inquisition just makes you want to open a bottle and put a straw in...."

Your friends expect you to drink because you drink.

If you stop drinking they will soon expect you not to drink.

This is within your power and they can't make you do anything you don't want to do.

Blackduck · 14/07/2009 14:21

MIFLAw - indeed!

MrsMcCluskey · 16/07/2009 21:35

MIFLAW you talk a lot of sense

MIFLAW · 16/07/2009 23:25

Thank you - if only it had come naturally!

Blackduck · 18/07/2009 08:24

okay I am saying this here in the hope that putting it in black and white will act as an added spur. I don't want to drink at all this week - starting today.....

Cistus · 18/07/2009 22:29

good for you Blackduck... how are you doing ? I have been very moderate with my alcohol intake in the last 10 days. I have has 2 glasses tonight, (less than 1/2 a bottle) and am now drinking fizzy water...In the last 7 days I have not drunk at all on 4 of them

feel much more in control, but still very mush going day to day.... and considering the abstinence option.....

OP posts:
Blackduck · 19/07/2009 06:51

Cistus - nothng last night, but didn't want it as absolutely knacckered! See how today goes - will check in Off to Mela today and they don't do drink so that should make it easier!!

Umlellala · 19/07/2009 07:28

Hello, am I allowed to join thisw thread in support for my husband?

He has recently stopped drinking (one week and one day!) after realising he can't cut down and is excited/terrified about the prospect of a life without booze.

MIFLAW · 19/07/2009 13:57

Umlellala

What are his views on AA? Works for me.

Happy to discuss.

S

jeminthepark · 19/07/2009 14:00

MIFLAW- there is a thread on the go called'my friend drinks too much'.... wanna go on? I've already posted, but , and am NOT bigging you up, but you do have a certain style of writng that gets a good point across.

jeminthepark · 19/07/2009 14:03

Hi Unlella- sorry to igm=nore your post- there was a quite active thread for the partners of addicts- don't know if it's still going. However, if he has a problem,, perhaps Al-Anon may be support for you?

I'm a recovering (female) alcoholic, but I know when I was trying to stop, my partner was quite unhelpful, although he was an enabler too, so I'm guessing it is different for you?

Blackduck · 20/07/2009 07:25

Went out to local Mela and got absolutely soaked! Then went to a tapas place with some friends which normally would have resulted in several bottles being consummed...I contented myself with a ginger beer and had a great time

Umlellala · 20/07/2009 10:14

Well done Blackduck - dh has gone mad for ginger beer too

Dh has been to a meeting of AA and learnt a few bits but doesn't think it's for him. He has quite impressive willpower - I think once the decision has been made, that's it (has just taken a while to Make The Decision - he has been telling himself he could only drink in the week etc). He is very excited/intrigued about it and talks a lot to me about his new life without alcohol... Think he might have found an internet forum to help.

Jeminthepark, I don't really drink at all. I can take it or leave it and only really do it because of social convention. Hate being drunk and am quite unusual in that I am quite anti-alcohol and usually would rather have a cup of tea. I have said I am happy to stop drinking at all though when around him, as I know he is sacrificing so much (though he wants to of course) for me and the kids. I think it helps he can see me having a great time and (hopefully) people enjoying my company despite being sober. Don't want to sound sanctimonious but to see there is a point to life/you can enjoy yourself without alcohol (this is from early discussions with dh). I can definitely see how it is hard though, alcohol and drinking as an activity is so ingrained in our culture - takes a lot to step outside that I think.

I love dh to bits drunk or sober but definitely prefer the person he is (not that he is nasty or violent or anything) when sober. I think he finds that a bit hard to believe...

Anyway, the best of luck and well done to you all so far. Will try to find the other thread - or start one!

Umlellala · 20/07/2009 10:16

(PS We both hope there is a time when giving up alcohol does not feel like a sacrifice but a freedom)

Blackduck · 20/07/2009 11:33

Umlellala - I agree, for me it is some much a 'habit' that a night out seems plain wrong without booze. But I had absolutley no problem giving it up when pg and dp and I have given it up for long periods when dp wanted to lose weight and feel better about himself. I know I can have a good time without it, but it has been my emotional crutch for a long time and throwing that away means I have to be 'me' all the time and can't hide (scary stuff...).

MIFLAW · 20/07/2009 14:28

Jem

Where is it?

Saw it once and now can't find it ...

Blackduck · 21/07/2009 06:58

Cistus how are you doing? Nothng again last night so three days in a row, which considering that includes a weekend is good.... I will probably damn myself saying this, but I am finding it easy at the moment, that may be because I am in the middle of some major re-assessment and I just don't need my head clouded. I am re-evaluating everything, and perhaps it is time for this thing to go?

MIFLAW · 21/07/2009 09:52

Umlellala

If he changes his mind, the offer stands.

Glad something is working for him.

jeminthepark · 21/07/2009 09:58

Oops, never done a link before...