how do you know when you are drinking too much?

[Cistus]

actually thats a stupid question. I know I am drinking too much, but I dont know how to stop.

I am in my mid 40's, FT job, three lovely kids, nice house etc....

I am drinking almost a bottle of wine, almost every night. I have been doing so for about 6 months. Prior to that its been up and down, I have always been a heavy-ish drinker but with a lot of dry days. there are a few dry days now but not many - perhaps one a fortnight.

I don't drink until the kids are in bed, I never miss work, I never drink and drive, But I know its too much. I dont get drunk as such although I certainly know Ive had too much the next morning.....

so how do you stop? I recently had some blood tests for something unrelated and was extremely pleased to hear that me liver function was normal.... but it wont be if I carry on like this.....

I last stopped drinking in April 08 for about 4 weeks, not at that time because I was overtly worried about my drinking ( though I was releived that I found it quite easy not to drink at all) but since then, its slowly increased....

Thanks MIFLAW, I did make him laugh the other day by saying, 'look why don't you take things one day at a time' not realising that's sort of what they say!! Think he went for a few sessions when he gave up before for a year (but was a different age/lifestyle).

When i was pregnant with DD1 i never drank a drop. With DD2 i had a strong desire for beer (think i was missing some B vitamins) but at the time did not think of it.
I used to eat loads of Marmite and also got myself some low alcohol beers and would have one at least twice a week.
Even craved those small tins of guiness type beer.
But the main thing is wanted was the taste.
That was my pregnancy craving.

"he went for a few sessions"

He did work out that AA is no more or less than a group of ex-drunks who help each other, didn't he? "Sessions" sounds a bit like the (common and understandable) misconception that there are professionals or therapists "leading" the meetings, which puts some people off, but it's just not so.

I'm sure you and he did know that, but I thought I'd spell it out just in case.

Hi everyone ! I'm doing really badly at the moment ..I'm waiting for my family to go on holidays to go to AA..I didn't sleep last night, the guilt wouldn't let me

Why are you waiting? Get yourself along now!

If you don't want your family to know, tell them you're going somewhere else - even to the pub!

IDrink - take MIFLAW's advice. don't feel guilty, take the first step to getting your life back...

Cistus - how are you doing? another dry night here - did pilates and everything creaked and ached!! Came back and ate tea with dp who didn't even offer me a drink (wise man) Feeling much clearer and now focusing on stuff (which isn't easy, but needs doing)
Good luck everyone, hope all is well in your worlds - feel like I have this thread t myself at the moment!

I'm ok, much more in control, thanks Blackduck... drank a bit over the weekend, but not excessive. ATM a bottle is lasting me 3 nights (and there are dry nights in between those three) I have found that asking myself a question "Do I REALLY want this' before pouring another glass works quite well. Often I am just as happy with a glass of fizzy water - I think sometimes its just having 'something' to drink..... I'm much happier with my intake....

Not sure how the future looks, just going day to day. I have certainly given myself a scare

Cistus

Have you changed your mind about stopping then?

MIFLAW no, am taking it one day at a time. I would prefer to be able But I recignise this may not be possible for me, so one day at a time, and watching my intake.

at the moment if I drink less than 14 U spread over the week, I am happy enough..

I may be in denial. I dont know....

Cistus

How you go about it has to be what's right for you.

I too manage my drinking one day at a time. However, I think I mean something very different to you by that.

I don't drink. At all. Period. Drink ruins my life, destroys my relationships, creates practical and emotional problems for me and puts me in real danger. That's never going to change.

So I have a choice. My choice is, today, do I want madness and misery or a chance of sanity and happiness?

And I revisit that choice each day and I make my choice for that day only knowing that, if ever my life gets too easy, too fun, or just too pleasant, I can always choose the opposite tomorrow.

For quite a while now, I have made what strikes me as the right choice every single day - but I am helped in that by knowing that the alternative is always there if I want it. I haven't signed anything, I haven't taken a pledge, I haven't said, "I'm not drinking for a month or a year or a decade" - I've simply recognised within myself that drinking for me will never do what I want it to and I act on that knowledge, one day at a time.

Incidentally, "I recognise this may not be possible for me" - not sure what this means, I think you've missed a few words, but if you mean stopping drinking may not be possible then what on earth do you mean? It's not food or air! What do you honestly think will happen to you if you stop drinking? How do you think Muslims and Methodists survive and live happy, profitable and contented lives if drink is so essential? Okay, you might not want to live their lives, but you have to admit they are not actually suffering for want of a drink. When you are ready to stop, you can stop - I promise you.

You are doing very very well, Cistus. If you are drinking sensibly, and you are comfortable about it, you're doing well. Last night I drank nothing because I thought well, I have too much to think about today. You really sound as though you are changing a habit. That's such good news! if drinking is something you enjoy, it's good to try to be sensible about it. Saying that, nobody is sensible all the time about the things they should be sensible about!

I have to stop smoking again, which is a bugger, and I guess I will have to stop drinking too. MIFLAW, you mentioned earlier about when you first stopped that nicotine and caffeine intake went up. It's the same with not smoking. It's not very nice. It's not a good place to be at all. Oh come here, Allen Carr!!

I think MIFLAW is right - it is horses for courses. I needed to do this dry week (that is the limit I have currently set and I may or may not extend it) to prove to myself that I could. This is for me, and works for me (and I have just had another dry evening - thou ds's meltdown would have driven me to the bottle if dp and friends hadn't finished it all!). I am less good (cr*p frankly) at the cutting down approach - I am more all or nothing, so I have gone this route. If the cutting down works for you go for it!

I agree - if cutting down is what you want to do, and if it works, go for it. From what I can see among the "civilians" I know, some people like drinking and find it fun. To those people, I say, "fill your boots!"

However, alcoholism is the illness that tells you you haven't got it. Lots of people come to threads like this - and similar people come to AA - and say that drink is making their lives a misery and they need to stop. They know, instinctively, that they cannot moderate their drinking. They have tried and failed in every imaginable way.

When the practical implications of stopping drinking sink in - ie you don't drink any more - some of these people (initially, me included) panic. They didn't mean stop. They meant cut down. Or drink on alternate days. Or stick to white wine. Or anything, in fact, that doesn't involve actually stopping. To these people, I would say - again, based on my own experience - remember what brought you here. Remember the desperation you felt. Remember why you said you wanted to stop - not cut down, stop - be brave, and go for it.

The difference between these two groups is as real and unchanging as the difference between women and men in frocks. And the most accurate part of that comparison is that the last people to be fooled are the frock-wearers themselves.

Hope this makes sense to the people who need it. I am aware I might get "flamed" - I did once before for having the temerity to remind a desperate woman of the fact she had been, erm, desperate. So apologies if anyone feels I've been a poor sport.

Just checking in. Another dry night here and feeling a lot better for it as I need to make some serious decisions and need a clear head.
IDrink - how are you, are you okay?
Cistus - how you doing? Feeling better about things?
Have a good friday.

Well thats my week concluded! Out last night and no drink, just a gallon of water - felt a bit 'out of it' as everyone got more and more drunk, but think that is partly because I actually don't feel too good this morning (H1N1 or just a summer cold -not sure?!) Also out tonight and have already warned friends I am NOT drinking.....Have decided to try to continue with the completely dry for a while longer (no limit set this time, so I won't be annoying you all by checking in everyday ). Has been a funny week, but for me the crux was a couple of things said that basically came down to blackduck=wine and I just didn't want to be defined by the demon booze. So I am selling it to people as a detox at the moment, but who knows where it will go......
Good luck everyone, hope you all have a good week, will catch up next week and thanks for letting me use the thread as a spur/place I could be accountable - it helped me.

MIFLAW you will certainly not get flamed by me! You are correct in that I missed some words out of my last post ; what I meant to say was
"I recognise that cutting down may not be possible for me"

Because of course If I am asking, there is already at least the germ of a problem

we will see.

your advice is always good, and honest, and very much appreciated by me anyway.

Blackduck - well DONE !!! thats really fantastic... you check in every day if it helps, and count each day you have been sober too

Hi just wanted to check in and say my bit.
I'm currently in hospital doing an alcohol detox = I've been here for 2 weeks and thus haven't drunk for the longest time in years, yay!
Anyway MIFLAW I wanted to ask your opinion about smoking. Now I'm off the booze my smoking has gone through the roof - from c5 a day to 20-25 a day. Will this calm down? THe doctors here are trying to persuade me to stop, and part of me wants to but I feel it's a lot to take on. But I don't want to just swap one addiction for another. What does everyone think?
Agreed with a comment that someone made earlier - just think about all the BAD things that alcohol has done in your life, write them down and stick them somewhere visible. It's an evil evil thing and I'm not having it ruining my life any more.
Also there is usually a reason that people are drinking - I have been doing a lot of soul searching this past week and have realised that I have a lot of problems and I was just using the booze to block them out. They are all still there but now I've got the strength to get out there and face them.
Good luck everyone whatever path you choose.

Hello all.

Cistus, am glad to hear I haven't offended you. Stick at it and life will get better.

Jazzygirl, I don't know if I have an opinion on smoking but I can tell you what happened to me - when I drank, I ended up on 40 Marlboro reds a day (I had only started smoking seven years before; I was not one to pussyfoot around with these things ) and I stopped completely about a year after I stopped drinking because, at last, I was able to do so, with a clear(ish) head and what felt like real convictions for the first time in a long while. I used Alan Carr and, because I was not drunk, I didn't go back on my decision the morning after. I have never smoked since.

I can also tell you the advice I was given. When I first came into AA and started taking it seriously, I wanted to solve all my problems at once. I drank too much, obviously - but I also smoked too much, drank too much coffee, and spent a bit more than I could afford on fruit machines. What should I stop first? Or should I stop them all at once? The advice I was given was stark but incredibly helpful. "Stop them in the order they're killing you." I stopped drinking first; then smoking; because I was rarely in a pub and was sober when I was in one, the fruit machines sort of stopped themselves; and I still drink too much coffee, but not quite as much as I did.

Any use?

Hi everyone, nothing this weekend and feeling good. Went out sat and was out til gone one an, oh the joy of beening able to get up on Sunday and feel clear headed if just a little bit tired. Yesterday had friends round for lunch, one who is an alcholic, so he and I were trying various soft drinks (Rocks ginger beer anyone?). Again it was really good.
Jazzygirl good luck with it, and whilst I am not a smoker M's advise seems sensible!
Cistus and others hope you had a good weekend.

I've had that advice too. I'm on the no-smoking wagon, and hoping that I don't start drinking myself to death instead. For now, I have to make do without fags or alcohol. Bugger

Blackduck - having packed them both in I can promise you that the really bad urges, the ones it's nigh on impossible to reason with, leave you alone in a matter of days.

As long as you let them ...

Been a funny week here - had the odd half glass and usually left a quarter of that! I feel much better and clearer headed. I need to face up to a lot of career related stuff and the booze was getting in the way (deliberately as well of course!). Anyway not holding hard and fast to the never here, just working on moderation now....

Hi ladies !
It has been a while I didnt post on here, I have given for 2 days now and I wanted to ask how long the withdrawal symptoms are going to last ??

As long as you let them ...

What symptoms have you currently got? In my experience, for a heavy (and i mean heavy) drinker, the physical symptoms should begin to taper off after 3-5 days.

It is important to note that, unless you were on seriously large amounts of drink a day, most people find it safe to go cold turkey. However, if you feel seriously unwell or get any "unexpected" symptoms (fitting, loss of balance, hallucinations, palpitations, anything that's not like a really bad hangover, basically) trust your instincts, DO NOT DRINK and call a doctor/NHS direct/casualty and then do exactly what they tell you.

How long the mental craving lasts is largely up to you and will be considerably less if you take some action to start putting your life back together. Many people find AA helpful, including me.

I drink 2 bottle of wine mixed with 2 bottles of sparkling water, no spirits, I dont want to cut down I want to stop. I feel like I'm nauseas, the shake, headache, tiredness...) Thanks Miflaw for your kindness