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Original poster

support thread for people who are about to lose a loved one

383 replies

saint2shoes · 23/01/2009 11:19

my dear old dad who is 81 has a aggresive Brain tumour.
The doctor has just pretty much said there will be no treatment apart from steroids.
he has got bad really quick. in October I have a picture of him looking OKish(my sm died in early September) Then at Christmas he looks so ill.
he is in Hospital and looks so small and frail.
I know I am not alone and could do with talking with othere people who are going through stuff like this.
I know a lot as my mum died of a brain tumour when I was 18.

OP posts:
fryalot · 12/02/2009 21:51

nancy - glad that you are feeling more positive after seeing him.

xx

fryalot · 14/02/2009 08:49

how are things?

my dad had his first chemo yesterday. Haven't spoken to him yet because he went straight to bed (I presume)

Was supposed to be taking the kids next week for a visit but I don't think he's going to be feeling up to it.

2shoesformyvalentine · 14/02/2009 09:10

hope your dad is ok squonk.
One week on and I am still reeling.
wonder domtimes if it will ever feel real.

NancysGarden · 14/02/2009 10:14

Thinking of you 2shoes and Lilred and Sidge. xxx

Sounds like a step forward Squonk, your Dad may not feel like visitors but it might be worth asking it might be exactly what he needs.

LilRedWG · 14/02/2009 11:26

I agree - ask your Dad if he's up to it. I know my Dad loved to see DD and used to tell me to let her play and not shush her all the time so that he could rest.

It still doesn't feel real and I don't think it ever will.

Sidge · 14/02/2009 12:22

Nancy glad you got to see your dad. How is he today?

Squonk I hope your Dad's chemo goes ok, he might appreciate a visit but I know it's hard to predict.

2shoes and LilRed - thinking of you both.

NancysGarden · 14/02/2009 12:30

There are no big changes. Dad has still not woken but I feel strangely peaceful now about it. The more I speak to people who tell me rare stories about patients taking up to 4 weeks to awake from brain surgery, the more I relax and try to accept what is happening.

We just have to keep hoping. The latest scans don't show any damage so that is very encouraging.

fryalot · 14/02/2009 18:07

that does sound encouraging, nancy. Tis good that you are at peace with what is happening.

My dad's chemo went ok. He said that the worse thing was the sub-zero gloves they had him wear in the hope that his fingernails don't fall out.

He is worried about what germs the children may be carrying and as he is now severely immunosuppressed, I don't want to risk taking them over just in case they have been in contact with anything icky. I shall be going over next week though on my own.

2shoesformyvalentine · 14/02/2009 19:13

it is so hard when you have children, my sm became totally paranoid about germs, so we lost out on loads of visits.
hope your dad is ok.
Nancy xx

Sidge · 14/02/2009 19:56

Nancy I am glad you feel peaceful. That is precious amongst so much anguish. Fingers crossed that your dad is having a lovely healing sleep and will wake soon

Squonk I hope you get to see your dad soon and you all remain germ free!

2shoesformyvalentine · 14/02/2009 21:57

I think I am loosing the plot, I can't post on sn anymore, I have just had a similar thing happened on my yahoo group, stuff I could take a while back I can't...what do I do?

Sidge · 14/02/2009 22:03

What's going on 2shoes??

2shoesformyvalentine · 14/02/2009 22:07

normal stuff, but if feel like crying, which is not me.

Sidge · 14/02/2009 22:11

Wanna offload on to me? Am happy to provide shoulder

2shoesformyvalentine · 14/02/2009 22:13

I can't I have managed to annoy a lot of people. and will probaly be told to leave this thread next.
I don't often consider leaving mn, but i do at the moment.

Sidge · 14/02/2009 22:19

That would be a shame 2shoes.

Feel free to CAT me if you want to chat.

2shoesformyvalentine · 14/02/2009 22:30

thanks, I have talked to someone of board, but it won't change it. no doubt I will feel better and lol at getting upset over it all.
how are you?

Sidge · 14/02/2009 22:40

Up and down. I think I'm ok then something really daft sets me off and I'm crying. Today it was knowing that my Dad will never send or receive a Valentine's card again. Daft eh?

I have pictures of him around the house but at the moment looking at them makes me upset, but I feel if I put them away for now that's wrong too. Sigh. This grief malarky is crap isn't it?

2shoesformyvalentine · 14/02/2009 22:49

I think that is what has set me oiff, I was sorting through photos for wednesday. db wants some for the funeral, which is a nice idea.....but tbh I wish I hadn't looked.
add in the feeling of not fitting in anywhere.

2shoesformyvalentine · 14/02/2009 22:49

Sorry I am being very woe it is me

Sidge · 14/02/2009 22:51

You woe away [weak smile]

I feel quite woeful but also feel obliged to just 'get on with it'. Probably not good either.

2shoesformyvalentine · 14/02/2009 23:01

oh I can do the getting on with it in rl, well you have to.
but on here and TTR it is different.

mshadowsisfab · 14/02/2009 23:08

had an idea I will change to my other neam and see if that helps
well it has in the past.
(love 2shoes)

Sidge · 14/02/2009 23:11

LOL going for anonymity then?

I know what you mean, I just get on with it because I have to (life goes on) but it's bloody hard.

Will look out for you as mshadows!

mshadowsisfab · 14/02/2009 23:14

thanks for being kind it has helped.