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Original poster

support thread for people who are about to lose a loved one

383 replies

saint2shoes · 23/01/2009 11:19

my dear old dad who is 81 has a aggresive Brain tumour.
The doctor has just pretty much said there will be no treatment apart from steroids.
he has got bad really quick. in October I have a picture of him looking OKish(my sm died in early September) Then at Christmas he looks so ill.
he is in Hospital and looks so small and frail.
I know I am not alone and could do with talking with othere people who are going through stuff like this.
I know a lot as my mum died of a brain tumour when I was 18.

OP posts:
KerryMumbles · 25/01/2009 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mshadowsisfab · 25/01/2009 22:49

thanks KM

WeeTimorousSquonkie · 25/01/2009 23:05

hi 2shoes.

just thought I'd come and join in really...

it's shit isn't it

my dad is still waiting to hear from the oncologist as to whether there is any hope of any treatment. they promised to get back to them last Tuesday and despite my step-mum ringing every day they have still heard nothing

It's not like he's got a fucking ingrowing toenail that's giving him a bit of gyp!

mshadowsisfab · 25/01/2009 23:06

oh the waiting is horris, poor you. for some reason Dad had an MRI the other day, no idea whay, but I know what the end result is going to be. Much love to you.

mshadowsisfab · 25/01/2009 23:08

talking about toenails this shocked me, he needs his nails cut, I can't do it (won't go into that TMI) it will take at least a week to organise!!!

WeeTimorousSquonkie · 25/01/2009 23:08

I suppose they want to see exactly how big it is - could it be treatable, depending on size?

WeeTimorousSquonkie · 25/01/2009 23:09

re: toenails - can the hospital organise a chiropodist to come and do it for him?

mshadowsisfab · 25/01/2009 23:12

no they have said it is too big and fast growing I think they are just checking to see if it is secondry or primary.
it is the chiropadist that takes a week,

mshadowsisfab · 25/01/2009 23:12

off to bed now nite xx

WeeTimorousSquonkie · 25/01/2009 23:14

night sweetheart, see you in the morning...

LilRedWG · 26/01/2009 08:25

Morning lovely ladies. Thinking of you all today. x

mshadowsisfab · 26/01/2009 10:58

morning(am trying to add you on fb) off to see him soon. hope he is having a good day today.

LilRedWG · 26/01/2009 13:10

I hope today goes well and your Dad is comfortable. x

mshadowsisfab · 26/01/2009 18:01

well..............he was so bloody grumpy, they had him sitting in a chair and it made his back hurt, omg did he moan because he had to wit to be moved!!! not like my dad at all.
I have decided to have a break at the end of the week, db will be visiting him so I will go in wednesday and let db take over until monday. I so need a break.

fryalot · 26/01/2009 18:40

hey you.

It's awful when they're hurting and you can't help, isn't it!

And you do need a break, you need to be able to look after dd (and ds and dh as well) and if you're refreshed after a bit of a break, you'll be more use to your dad as well.

My dad has an appointment with a clinical nurse on Wednesday and then an appt with the oncologist a week on Friday so hopefully one of them will be able to tell him whether chemo is an option.

2shoes · 26/01/2009 18:44

Oh I do hope you gte the news you want, your Dad does have youth on his side so I hope that helps him. It must he horrid for you waiting.

It was horrid today, dad is so demanding, I think he calls the nurses a lot. the man in the next bed told him to shut up I was not best pleased. still bloke has had a stroke so I am shore Dads constant demands are getting to him(I spoke to the sister)
I feel drained by it alltbh.

fryalot · 26/01/2009 18:51

would it be worth thinking about a hospice place for him, rather than a hospital? I presume he's still on the stroke ward?

You're right to take a bit of time off from dealing with it all.

LilRedWG · 26/01/2009 18:57

You are definitely right to take a break. I've learnt that the hard way. Even my Dad has told me that I need to think of DH and DD.

DH and I are going away for a night this weekend and the weekend after we are away with his parents, but DH knows that I will come back at a moments notice.

2shoes · 26/01/2009 19:03

squonk he can't be moved until he is stable, then the doctor at the hospital reckons it will be a nursing home, I suppose that will be whan a hospice might be mentioned.

LilRedWG · 26/01/2009 19:04

Squonk - the waiting is the worst. Take care of yourself. x

fryalot · 26/01/2009 19:06

thanks lilred - you too, sweetie. And try and have a nice time with dh; hopefully a nice couple of weekends away will give you the break that you need from everything that's going on

LilRedWG · 26/01/2009 19:09

I hope so. I feel terribly guilty for going, but I know that my parents do not want me moping around or putting my life on hold, but it is hard to do it all the same. This particular weekend will be good as it is just DH and I and we can get some R&R without DD's help.

fryalot · 26/01/2009 19:12

do not feel guilty!

you will be in a much better place to offer support to them and the rest of the family if you have a break now and again.

If I were closer to my dad, and actually dealing with any of this shit, rather than just telephoning every day, I'd be having a break as well.

2shoes · 26/01/2009 22:17

LilRedWG hope you have a good break, you deserve and need it. > to both of you.

LilRedWG · 26/01/2009 22:25

My sister's just text me to ask me to go over tomorrow as Dad is sufferng from side- effects of his radiotherapy. I so wish I could make him better.