support thread for people who are about to lose a loved one

[saint2shoes]

my dear old dad who is 81 has a aggresive Brain tumour.
The doctor has just pretty much said there will be no treatment apart from steroids.
he has got bad really quick. in October I have a picture of him looking OKish(my sm died in early September) Then at Christmas he looks so ill.
he is in Hospital and looks so small and frail.
I know I am not alone and could do with talking with othere people who are going through stuff like this.
I know a lot as my mum died of a brain tumour when I was 18.

well that sounds like it may be good news, nancy.

Will wait to hear.

(waiting's a bastard, isn't it!)

Nancy - sorry about your Dad, but I'm glad that surgery went well.

2shoes - how are you doing honey?

I'm not sure how I am. We went away with ILs last night, it had been booked for a while, and family all told me to go. It was surreal.

Thank you for all your kind thoughts - they really are helping and I do appreciate it.

LilRed I can totally relate to the 'surreal' thing. Dad died 15 days ago and I still can't quite believe it. I keep waiting for an email or phone call from him.

Then I remind myself that he'll never phone or email again and I can hardly bear it

Nancy fingers crossed for your dad - what sort of cancer does he have? (if you don't mind talking about it of course)

spooky I started a thread asking lilred if she felt it was real yet, I so know what you mean sidge...I can't get my head to accept he has gone(even though I did peep at him on saturday, before I legged it)

2shoes - can I have a link to the thread please? Sorry I missed it.

Hope you are all OK. Thinking of you.

x

It is so hard to wait and so frustrating not being able to go to the hospital.

They removed most of the tumour (90%) but the last part is in the brain stem and he will need radiotherapy. This was the news I got last night so I slept really well.

This morning it doesn't look as good. He has still not woken from the surgery and has now had a bleed so will prob have to go back into surgery.

I don't know if it's called cancer when they haven't categorically said that the tumour is malignant. They will test and get the results to us next week.

But so much of what is being said is to protect us, and I feel so confused/ emotional I don't know what is fact until I can actually go to the hospital.

They said it can take up to 2 days for people to wake.

I feel so sad reading your messages about your parents never contacting you again. My thoughts are with you all.

He's still in ICU, still not awake, on a ventilator. Losing all optimism here.

you said this morning that it can take 2 days for him to wake up.

It's not time to lose your optimism yet.

Still here and still thinking of you

xx

Thankyou. They've put him on the critical list. They told us it can take up to 2 days, but the consultant is worried now. There have been other complications. Thanks for your message squonk.

xx

they've put him on the critical list so they can give him the care he needs.

keep being optimistic.

xx

how was the night, nancy?

sending you love nancy xx

Thinking of you Nancy. x

Thankyou all. I'm afraid he has still not woken. They are concerned about the pressure in his head so he may need to go back to surgery. Everyone tells me how swollen he is. I'm still coldey, back at work but not able to visit until this budges. If I can't before I am going saturday I haven't seen him for a week now.

I am trying to be positive, xx

Oh, Nancy. Will they not let you in with a mask on?

Thinking of you and your Dad. x

nancy

xx

much love. Stay strong (in rl. you can lose it as much as you like on here)

lilred & 2shoes, how are you doing?

Think I'm still in shock a bit squonk - feels so unreal and I'm okay 90% of the time. I feel so so numb and miss him so much, but at the same time cannot believe he has gone. :9

Oh Lilred, I'm so sorry . I was reading the Scott-Holland poem thread last night and had a weep. I feel numb and cannot believe the situation we are in either so I can only imagine what you are going through.

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I didn't think of a mask. I will ask when I call, thanks for the suggestion.

It felt pretty awful going back to work today it felt like those who suspected something out of the ordinary, thought it their duty to get the full story at all costs (tears in the staffroom). Probably my head's just crazy at the moment. It just wasn't nice.

LilRed I totally understand what you're saying. The complete surrealness of it all; you can't quite believe your Daddy has gone. I am fine 90% of the time then it hits me like a speeding train and it's almost a physical shock.

Nancy thinking of you and your Dad; any news?

2shoes how are you?

Just checking in on you ladies.

sorry been staying away, as my head hurt iynwim.
nancy hope you are ok

I've just got back from the hospital. Dad has still not woken, but I feel so much better having seen him myself. I feel much more positive tonight.

Don't be sorry 2shoes, it must be so hard, you've got to look after yourself whatever it takes.

I hope you all get some respite, something to get you through that very real 10%. Wishing you all strength.

Nancy, I'm so glad that you got see your Dad, but am sorry that he not yet awake. Take care. x

2shoes. xxxx