No dog-ends. No roll-ups. No 'Just One's. NO SMOKING!!!

[minkmama]

Morning girls, not subtle i know but hey, some of us need this

I know he is a nice bloke, but being nice and being a good decent husbamd are different things. Hmm.

I am sorry but I have to go. I have some dishes to wash and I need some sleep.

Lovely chatting hugs I hope you feel better tomorrow x x x

Yeah maybe we will wake up next to prince charming...night night xx hugs xx

Do you think all this dp / dh slackness is due to their mums doing everything for them? My dp is similar to what you two were describing last night except he doesn't expect me to do things, he just doesn't care if they aren't done! And he has NEVER, not once EVER got up with dd in the morning since she was born. I had a real go at him about that the other day. Whatever's going on, whether I'm ill, working, at home, having a 'day off', it's ALWAYS me who gets up. Then when he does get up he wants a 'quiet half hour with the paper' and gets moody if he's interrupted mid-sentence while I've probably already been up for 2 hours at that point and would do anything for a quiet 5 minutes.

GRRRRRRRRRRR .............

The thing is though when I tell him, like this week, he's genuinly surprised I feel like that and kind of upset and 'ashamed' at himself. Since I said it, he's been much more responsive in the mornings. He's clueless my dp, he's the most brainy bloke you could meet but he's on another planet. .

I got dp from his mum IYKWIM...straight from her house to mine.
I will be advising my own kids to pick a bloke whos lived in a flat/house/tent or whatever...ALL BY HIMSELF so hes already fully trained in housekeeping.
My dp admits he does nothing around here. He says I know im a lazy bastard, actually were his exact words...
Last night he came in from work and in 2 seconds flat whipped the front room into a tidy one...I felt like saying Ok...great but you dont have to do it right away...or it all...just a little and often would be nice.
Ive just saw a doggy get hit by a car and I keep hearing it yelp...GAWD.

Oh, horrible! I saw a man get run over by a car, right over his stomach outside our front window when I was about 15. It's haunted me forever.

Alas, the solo living doesn't help much. Dp was living in his own little flat in Islington when I met him. You should have seen it!!! Before that he'd been living solo from when he was 18. I met him when he was 26. I almost backed out of the idea of moving in with him because of his untidiness which only really hit me when we came to pack up his stuff from his flat. Nightmare ...

He really truly just doesn't seem to see it. But I guess his time living alone does make him appreciate that I 'look after him' better than he looked after himself.

The downside of his living alone and being generally a bit of a loner is that he is also pretty clueless about co-habiting. When it was just he and I before dd was born this was fine because I like my own space too. But I've adjusted massively to accommodate a child while he still attempts to keep his life / time / space as it was and gets cross and frustrated that our lives aren't like that any more.

By the way, if your dp does a mad whip round in the lounge, just go with it! One of my much older mum friends with teenaged daughters told me that one of the best things she'd learnt was not to EVER tell her partner how to do stuff with them or with the house. So even if he was doing it in a crappy kind of way, let him. I've adopted that with dp. One of the household jobs he's taken on is hoovering and although it drives me nuts that he never does in the corners I'm not about to stop him!! .

Oh, horrible! I saw a man get run over by a car, right over his stomach outside our front window when I was about 15. It's haunted me forever.

Alas, the solo living doesn't help much. Dp was living in his own little flat in Islington when I met him. You should have seen it!!! Before that he'd been living solo from when he was 18. I met him when he was 26. I almost backed out of the idea of moving in with him because of his untidiness which only really hit me when we came to pack up his stuff from his flat. Nightmare ...

He really truly just doesn't seem to see it. But I guess his time living alone does make him appreciate that I 'look after him' better than he looked after himself.

The downside of his living alone and being generally a bit of a loner is that he is also pretty clueless about co-habiting. When it was just he and I before dd was born this was fine because I like my own space too. But I've adjusted massively to accommodate a child while he still attempts to keep his life / time / space as it was and gets cross and frustrated that our lives aren't like that any more.

Oh, bloody hell, why does that stupid damned repeating thing always happen to me?????

Do you refresh the page? Or go back back back to find something and then forward and so it puts it up again?
Its ok...its part of you now...you just wont shut up...its ok we heard you the first time!!!!
Man ran over sounds horrendous OMG.
Ill modify that to girls pick a bloke whos lived on his own in a tidy house then shall I?
Hmmm, I know folks with other halfs who dont quite get that they now share thier lifes with another adult and a small person.
BRB in half an hour or so..

Guys I've been bad...

Oh no Mammya...has the nicotine monster got you round the throat?
We all have been bad at some point now...how bad have you been?

...As I was saying earlier to BM...yes some blokes i know spend 5/6 hours on thier day off listening to music whilst the other half does the looking after the kids dinner bla bla bla and when im on the phone to my friends in the orning and thier dp is upstairs and then i ring at 4 pm and they are still there...oh i want to cry for my friends.MEN
One friend in particular has had 7 years of no money, no going out, no help with house, he wouldnt change nappys, get up etc etc and she has never once lost the plot and said FFS you have dragged me down to this F* right off im leaving...
..so he doesnt change and so they continue,her doing all the shit and him upstairs headbanging to Iron Maiden whilst she and the kids are downstairs cold and hungry coz hes spend the money on dvds/cds..rah rah rah.................

Well I haven't had any fags per se but toked on a few spliffs at at party last night. No intention of getting back on fags but feeling a bit aaaaaaaaaargh today (IYSWIM!). Am debating whether to put my counter back to 0.

About your friend: I don't understand why she stays with him, would it make the slightest difference if she was on her own with the kids? Actually thinking about it yes: she might be better off financially! But I know it's easier said than done.

Mammya, dont worry, I wouldnt reset your counter, youve had a few spliffs, the nicotine monster is DESPERATE for you to continue to supply him with his fix but you arent so you are winning and Well Done you!

I dont get my friend either TBH. Once upon a time she said he was her soulmate...and I could accept that as if someones your soulmate that overrides all.
But...I also know my mothers instinct would, if my kids were hungry and dp was upstairs listening to a 10.99 cd while the were asking for food and there was none...well I would throttle him. Literally.
I just wouldnt be able to accept in my mind, that that cd was more important than me and our kids.
He doesnt hit her, so theres not a threat of violence but hes downtrodden her so much she cant stand up for herself...and of course he hates her seeing me as im mouthallmighty and she gets off the phone from me and for 30 seconds fells she does have a right to complain.
But it doesnt get her anywhere, he says "I dont want to talk about it" and thats thats.
I spoil her kiddies and fill her with coffee, its all I can do.

Mammya, don't worry too much about a couple of spliffs at a party. You've been doing so well it doesn't 'mean' anything. When I had my little 'glitch' I set my counter back to zero because it didn't feel as good somehow to have it counting knowing I hadn't really completely quit.

Fp, well, dp's nothing like that! What does your friend's partner say if she does have a go at him? Or does she just say nothing ever?

Crossed posts with you, fp.

Sounds like a dreadful situation. And makes me glad that although my dp's head is, ahem, elsewhere half the time, at least I do know without doubt that he cares about us and his heart is with us.

Although a touch of what you say rings true for me, except rather than dvd's and cd's my dp's passion is books. You really truly wouldn't believe the amount of books he's got and how it's left us broke some times.

He says I dont want to talk about it and flounces off, leaving nothing gained..
Does your dp buy them new or trawl charity shops?
I never buy books new, cant afford it..but im going to make an exception for FGs book!

Ill be watching \link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=1375&threadid=48305\this with interest WTF?}

That IS a weird one. Obviously a single mum who's had a very bad day.

Dp buys lots of books second hand but as his field is completely academic he often has to buy new ones and they are BLOODY expensive!!! He says it's his 'work' and that's true to a degree but I do think he could use the library a bit more.

Does he sell them on when hes done or do you also have to dust them?

LOL, fp. No, they don't get sold on, it's not like that. It's like a 'library.' And no, I NEVER EVER dust in his room. I don't go in there for anything. It's a nightmare. It looks like an 80 year old man died in there and was found 6 months later.

So early one morning your going to accidently set fire to it? LOL???!!! I can throw out, give away or sell books. I lend them out hoping they wont get returned to free up some shelf space
Works sometimes

That would be I cant

Honestly though I NEVER enter that room of his. I wouldn't know where to start. I could sneak the odd batch of 50 out to a 2nd hand shop I'm sure without him noticing but to be honest it wouldn't make a dent in the literally thousands and thousands still in there. The shelves are on every wall of the room, triple stacked, then stacked on the tops to the ceiling. Then the floor piles start ...

AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG sounds like my mates dh s cd room....full of cds/dvds/lps/ etc...he puts them in alphabetical order.[grimace]

Dp's books are beyond organisation. To be honest if they were alphabetised or organised I think I'd find it easier than having them just all lumped together like they are. He seems to be able to find things weirdly enough.