Does anyone here have a debilitating phobia?

[Lonelymum]

I almost wanted to change my name for this, but thought hell no-one really knows me anyway and I don't like the thought of covering up more than I am doing anyway. It is very hard for me to write this though (I am shaking and my hands have gone clammy so bear with me if this doesn't seem to make much sense).
I have had a phobia pretty much all my life. I don't want to say what it is as I am not sure how accepting many of you would be of the idea. Suffice to say, it lives with me constantly, has become worse lately, and really affects the way I live my life. One of the consequences of it is that I find it very difficult being alone with the children at night which is why I freak out whenever dh goes away (a lot at the moment.)
Then last week, browsing on the internet, I discovered my phobia has a name (never knew that) and is apparently quite common though not often spoken of. Surprisingly this made me feel a bit better and has given me the strength to talk about it now here. However, it has also upset me in a way I can't describe. Also, I read that this phobia can be cured but the only people offering cures on the web have been American. I wondered if anyone had had a phobia and had had it cured by medical/psychiatric means here in the UK and feels prepared to talk about it. My phobia is apparently not curable through aversion therapy.
Shaking sooo much now. Have to stop. Can anyone offer any support?

Lonelymum - following a car accident nearly 5 years ago. Diagnosed with a specific anxiety disorder involving specific elements of driving. felt totally ridiculous about it and it took 2 years before i got help.
I had a few sessions of cognitive behaviour therapy which reall helped. Not totally cured (ie hate hate ahate driving on fast roads as driver or passenger) but can function easily as a driver)

Please talk some more if it helps

Mine is so wierd (even to me who has lived with it) that I would feel a fool having to open up to the doctor about it. I presume you got your therapy through your GP?

Lonelymum, yes, I have had a phobia since I was 6 years old which has come and gone over the years. Sometimes it's been nearly debillitating and has kept me housebound, others I can stay on top of it but it never goes away. I ended up doing my PhD on obsessions and phobias so it is likely I've come across whatever kind of phobia you have as I've read about some very unusual ones. If you want to CAT me, please do. Phobias are awful and they always leave you with shaky hands and anxiety just thinking about them.

Oh sorry, to answer your question, I've been seeing an analyst (Lacanian psychoanalyst) for the past 4 years now. I was fortunate in that even though it's analysis I got in on the NHS but that also goes to show what I state I was in!! Behavioural / cognitive therapy doesn't work for my phobia either, neither do antidepressants (tried 'em all!). Although the analysis hasn't cured me by any means it's really helped.

lonelymum, do you have a good relationship with your doctor? I'm sure s/he wouldn't think you weird, just incredibly brave at confronting it and trying to get help. as popsycal says, treatment can help enormously, even if it's not cured. i hope you can find strength through others' experiences here.

Prefernot, do you know anything about the cures poeple can undergo for phobias? I was stunned to read that my phobia is curable (I don't honestly think mine is but I suppose that is because I live it every day and can't remember a time without it). I can't imagine being free of my phobia but my whole life would be worth living if I could be free of it -at the moment, most of the time it doesn't seem to be. It has to be worth trying to sort out, doesn't it?

Sorry posts crossed and now I am crying so much I can hardly see the keyboard. Can anyone explain to me what any of the therapies are. What do they involve?
I once saw a programme on TV about phobias and people being cured of them and some of the cures were worse than the phobia, it seemed to me.
I just feel no-one will take my phobia seriously although, as it now getting worse and worse, I am getting closer to the point where I think a doctor would have to see that it was serious.

lonelymum, dont have any advice but you sound so upset please go and see your dr. lots of hugs xxx

I know some phobias can be cured. Some of the most common ones like arachnophobia etc. are quite easily curable with cognitive / behavioural therapy so long as the patient is brave. Some others for instance ones which have a kind of 'superstitious' element to them, or a psychological root cause such as a debilitating fear are harder to 'cure' because they are so embedded into the structure of one's patterns of thinking. But the patterns of thinking themselves can be helped to change. That's the aim of analysis which doesn't believe in 'cure' but believes in relieving mental suffering.

Lonelymum, ALL phobias that affect your life are serious.

From what I could understand on the US websites I read, my phobia could be cured by changing the way I thought about things. Who would do that? A psychiatrist?

Do they not say on the website? I really couldn't say myself without knowing roughly the nature of the phobia itself. You see all therapies are a way of changing thinking, they just use a different approach, i.e. behaviour / analysis etc. Could you CAT me what it is? I promise you I won't find it weird and I will not mention it, it would just be easier to have a better idea. You may have the same problem as me for all we know! I'm on blue09[at]onetel[dot]com

The writers of the website were offering to cure callers. They didn't say who they were. Of course, I am not going to use them as they could be anyone, but I did think they were probably right in saying that the phobia could be cured. It interests me that you say only some phobias can be cured. I was hoping (for me and all other sufferers of phobias out there) that they all could be, given the right therapy.

Lonelymum, I have to go now as dd's waking up and I'm in the middle of potty training her. I'm serious about sending me a CAT and even if you don't want to go into detail I can recommend all kinds of books for you to look at which are very helpful. I'll check this thread again later anyway.

I really truly do understand how awful this can be and how ashamed it can make you feel. Hang in there.

lonelymum, do try to get a referral from your gp, at least then you know who you dealing with is kosher. re: cures, I believe that some eg blood phobias are more treatable than others. i think you basically have to confront what it is that is your phobia with CBT but at a pace which you can cope with, and therefore helps to put you in control of it, instead of the other way round.

Sorry, Lonelymum, crossed posts. Just briefly, like any kinds of chronic mental illness / disturbance there are a number of approches and outlooks. Some phobias are more 'straightforward' to treat. Some respond to drugs, some to cognitive / behavioural therapy and others work well with psychoanalysis. Some people may go into a kind of 'remission' where the phobia fades into the background so much it's barely there (I've had periods of time in my life in which my phobias been much more manageable) and this could last for years. Generally for more complex phobias, the underlying fear will always be there but life will be very improved after the right therapy.

What's the name of the website by the way? Or is it too specific to your problem to mention here?

Really got to go now. Will check thread later!

Sorry, Lonelymum, crossed posts. Just briefly, like any kinds of chronic mental illness / disturbance there are a number of approches and outlooks. Some phobias are more 'straightforward' to treat. Some respond to drugs, some to cognitive / behavioural therapy and others work well with psychoanalysis. Some people may go into a kind of 'remission' where the phobia fades into the background so much it's barely there (I've had periods of time in my life in which my phobias been much more manageable) and this could last for years. Generally for more complex phobias, the underlying fear will always be there but life will be very improved after the right therapy.

What's the name of the website by the way? Or is it too specific to your problem to mention here?

Lonelymum, I have to go now as dd's waking up and I'm in the middle of potty training her. I'm serious about sending me a CAT and even if you don't want to go into detail I can recommend all kinds of books for you to look at which are very helpful. I'll check this thread again later anyway.

I really truly do understand how awful this can be and how ashamed it can make you feel. Hang in there.

Lonelymum, I have suffered from a social phobia for many years now. It means that I am frightened of eating and drinking in front of other people, basically my hands shake so much I think I'm going to spill stuff, and the act of lifting a spoon up to my mouth seems genuinely impossible. Soup is my worst nightmare. I have cancelled many a dinner party because of it, and also sat through a meal not eating claiming to be unwell. The only reason I feel I can say all this is, like you no one really knows me here.
Phobias can be so debilitating and isolating can't they?
I have tried counselling, which helped a bit, antidepressants were great, but stopped taking them when pregnant / breast feeding, and never gone back on them. It comes and goes in it's severity, and it depends on who I am with (it's much worse with people I don't know), and how stressed I am feeling about life in general. When it's really bad I also have panic attacks, and it was the panic attacks that led me to the doctor (and antidepressants), as I thought I was going mad.
this book has been quite helpful in helping to calm down during a panic attack and to try and stop the shaking.
Sorry, have no magic cure for you, I am sure if you went to your gp they could help you in some way. Please go if you can, as it's the paralysing fear that gives phobias such a hold. If you can make this first step you will be opening the door to help and support.

I hate it when that happens with posts. Grrr .....

Have CAT ed you prefernot. Please keep what I write confidential! I'm sure you would, but I had to say that. Hope to hear from you soon.

lonelymum, there are many different approaches to 'curing' phobias. you can almost certainly be sure that at least some of them will get rid of the phobia. i believe (and it's only a belief) that phobias are about anxiety and if you 'cure' a phobia without treating the underlying cause of anxiety it will be displaced and will appear in another form. having said that the form it may take may be much easier to live with (eg it might be easier to have a phobia about, say, lizards of which there are not many in GB, than the phobia you currently have).

If it was me, I would go the psychotherapy route. there are certain types of therapy that are reputed to be more successful with phobias and one of these is CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy).

do you feel that the phobia is a totally isolated thing? or do you have a generally high level of anxiety or issues which you'd like to tackle apart from the phobia?

feel free to CAT me if you'd like some more advice (i can't promise that the advice will be guru like, but it will be sincere), i'm a trainee psychotherapist, so may be able to help somewhat.

another route is hypnotherapy, which can have good results to.

hth

Thanks nicmum2boys. I will order that book when I do my bulk ordering of books, DVDs etc for Christmas. I would really like to read something on the subject. Up until now, I have just lived with my phobia, only really talking about it with dh. Finding out there are websites (however dubious) devoted to it is a real revelation. In the past, I have cried and cried wishing I could be free of my phobia but it seemed as much a part of me as my heart or brain. I am shell shocked to think that maybe it could go away and I would never have to worry about it anymore. I can't tell you how much difference it would make to almost every aspect of my life.
Your phobia sounds just as encompassing as mine. I do feel for you that you have to suffer in this way. Do you think you will ever be free of it or are you content to just be able to manage it?

I feel the phobia is an isolated thing in that if I could be free of it, I wouldn't have much to worry about at all in my life. (What a blissful thought!) But, it does encroach in a lot of other things in my life so in that way, it is not isolated. I will try to CAT you too Sophable, if I may.