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Original poster

Does anyone here have a debilitating phobia?

279 replies

Lonelymum · 23/11/2004 13:13

I almost wanted to change my name for this, but thought hell no-one really knows me anyway and I don't like the thought of covering up more than I am doing anyway. It is very hard for me to write this though (I am shaking and my hands have gone clammy so bear with me if this doesn't seem to make much sense).
I have had a phobia pretty much all my life. I don't want to say what it is as I am not sure how accepting many of you would be of the idea. Suffice to say, it lives with me constantly, has become worse lately, and really affects the way I live my life. One of the consequences of it is that I find it very difficult being alone with the children at night which is why I freak out whenever dh goes away (a lot at the moment.)
Then last week, browsing on the internet, I discovered my phobia has a name (never knew that) and is apparently quite common though not often spoken of. Surprisingly this made me feel a bit better and has given me the strength to talk about it now here. However, it has also upset me in a way I can't describe. Also, I read that this phobia can be cured but the only people offering cures on the web have been American. I wondered if anyone had had a phobia and had had it cured by medical/psychiatric means here in the UK and feels prepared to talk about it. My phobia is apparently not curable through aversion therapy.
Shaking sooo much now. Have to stop. Can anyone offer any support?

OP posts:
helenmh · 23/11/2004 14:46

Hi
i have a phobia about swimming in water. i have had lots of lessons including one to one and things have got alot better. I panic if I try and let go and float. I can remember being thrown in a pool when I was 6 and going into a real panic. i just wish i could relax in water with the kids.

Aimsmum · 23/11/2004 14:53

Message withdrawn

noddy5 · 23/11/2004 14:59

I ahd a terrible phobia about social situations have managed to overcome it on my own as couldn't even bear help groups or anything!CAT me and I'll dig out some books

nicmum2boys · 23/11/2004 14:59

I think I'm ok living with it at the moment, Lonelymum. Although it would be so nice to be free of it. It's amazing how far reaching these things can be. I would like to go back to college, and at some point I will have to return to work (though not for a few years), but the thought of coffee/lunch breaks absolutely petrifies me. I guess I am happy to live with it for now as I don't actually have to confront it on a daily basis.

Soppy · 23/11/2004 15:26

Haven't read all of this thread but will do so asap - have to dash back to DS but I have a phobia of the telephone which makes life very awkward. The advent of the internet, texting etc made it far worse and now that I am forced to use the phone much more rarely, it's much more difficult to do so.

Original poster
Lonelymum · 23/11/2004 16:05

The trouble with my phobia is that it is much less to do with situations I can control ie if I was phobic about water I could avoid swimming pools (pain though that would be with children, I could still do it). Equally NM2B, I suppose you can mainly avoid public eating places, although that must be hard. My phobia though is of a situation I have no control over and cannot forever avoid. It really dominates my life in a way non-phobics would struggle to understand and it is making me so depressed, I can't tell you how bad I feel continually. Part of talking about it here on Mumsnet is a try out to see if I could discuss it with a doctor/therapist. I really don't think I could overcome it on my own Noddy and exposure to it isn't making it any better for me Aimsmum, in fact, a lot worse.

OP posts:
Socci · 23/11/2004 16:39

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Lonelymum · 23/11/2004 16:45

I don't know what triggered the phobia exactly although I can make a pretty reasonable educated guess and some stuff on the website confirmed it. Previously, I had all the reactions you describe when my phobic situation arose, now I find myself panicking about it all the time even when there is no reason to. That is why I know it is getting worse. So you all think I should see my GP and try to get myself referred to a therapist? Please reassure me. Reading my posts back, I think I sound quite controlled, but I can assure you I am not!

OP posts:
agy · 23/11/2004 16:49

I really think this is something that anti-depressants could help with.

CountessDracula · 23/11/2004 17:20

Isn't it all about a fear of losing control deep down anyway? Or is that panic attacks?

I have a phobia about seaweed. Reasonably easy to avoid. I don't mind it on land but if a bit gets round my foot in the sea I freeze and freak at the same time. We once had a v embarrasing episode in Greece in 1990 where dh and I dived off some rocks and swam round to a cove that was covered in seaweed and no way out other than to walk over it. I stood out beyond the seaweed utterly hysterical proclaiming that I would rather drown than walk over the weed. Dh (then db) offered to walk to the local village and get some lifting equipment! In the end I just had to do it but was hyperventilating and sobbing for hours afterwards.

I can't imagine how terrible it would be to feel like that about something in everyday life. I really feel for you xxx

MummyToSteven · 23/11/2004 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

fairyfly · 23/11/2004 17:42

My phobia is letting the plug out when im in the bath, just cant do it. I try now and again but i end up screaming. It used to also be sitting on the toilet and a water rat coming up but i have to work on that. Sometimes it comes back to me and i have no choice but to jump off the loo mid flow.

agy · 23/11/2004 18:05

Oh Fairyfly!!

Original poster
Lonelymum · 23/11/2004 18:14

I have to say that a lot of things people are describing here are things I dislike too although I wouldn't say I have a phobia about them: the seaweed and the pulling the plug out when still in the bath are not things I would choose to do either. Funny isn't it? Maybe we do share common fears for reasons we do not know.
I have just had enough of my phobia. I honestly don't think I will ever be cured but I want to do something about it just to make sure I can't be cured. I look back on so much of my life and the phobia has been lurking there like an uninvited guest influencing everything I do, and I have had enough of its presence. Dh and I were talking about it the other day and he pointed out that I have a very aggressive attitude towards loads of normal situations which I associate with the phobia. I had never realised that before. So, as well as making me miserable, it is also making me aggressive.
Sorry, I just need to write these things down. Don't know what I expect anyone to say in return.

OP posts:
PicadillyCircus · 23/11/2004 18:19

Lonelymum, I don't have anything useful to add, but just wanted to send you some big hugs - whatever your phobia is, it must be horrible to feel how you do.

Original poster
Lonelymum · 23/11/2004 18:21

Yeah and getting worse by the minute as dh is due another night away tomorrow.

OP posts:
beachyhead · 23/11/2004 18:24

I think you have moved so much closer to being able to discuss this in detail with your gp through this thread and I hope this has made you realise that no-one will think this is not a serious problem for you. Well done in facing up to it to this level and maybe now you can start to get some real professional help and the end will be in sight...... hugs all round.

Original poster
Lonelymum · 23/11/2004 18:25

Thanks Beachyhead. Wish it could be done here on Mumsnet but there are still some things that need professional help.

OP posts:
beachyhead · 23/11/2004 18:27

But you are so much closer than you were at the beginning of the thread - would you be able to take your dh to the gp with you, or maybe another friend....and book a double appointment so you don't worry about the time. Just think how good things will be when this is not dragging you where you don't want to go.....

Original poster
Lonelymum · 23/11/2004 18:30

I have been thinking about how I would actually approach GP throughout today. I don't really like my GP> I saw a fantastic woman doctor last week about something else and I asked her if she worked at the practice as I really clicked with her but she was a locum. I feel I need dh there as I think I would have difficulty making my GP realise how serious my condition is, but dh could tell her as he has had to live with it all this time. Trouble is, dh works a long way from home and can't take the time off easily. I still need to work this out.

OP posts:
carla · 23/11/2004 18:32

Could he speak to her on the 'phone before your visit, LM? XXXX

MummyToSteven · 23/11/2004 18:33

LM - it might help if you write down what you want to say before the visit. also how about printing off some (reputable!) web site info about your phobia to hand to her - that might save some of the embarassment factor maybe?

MummyToSteven · 23/11/2004 18:33

oh and agree with carla with trying to sort out dh phoning her

beachyhead · 23/11/2004 18:34

well done for trying to work it out - I hope you get to see a decent gp, there are some really good ones out there - and I am sure that your dh realises that you are making a huge step by approaching your gp, he will manage to get some time off work.

Just sit tight and keep thinking of ways you are going to achieve this huge goal and how good it is going to be when you have.....

I have to go now, but I'll check in tomorrow,

aloha · 23/11/2004 18:36

There's nothing to be ashamed of in having a phobia. We all have irrational fears (spiders, confined spaces, being stuck on the tube and pitch dark in my case) and a phobia is just an irrational fear that interferes with your life.
Could you not bear to tell us your phobia? You sound terribly ashamed of it - but there really is no need. My first thought was that you had a phobia about vomit, which is surprisingly common. From my research, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy does seem the most effective treatment for phobias, and your GP could refer you. They won't judge you. There will probably be a long waiting list, but that seems a small price to pay to set yourself free.