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Does anyone here have a debilitating phobia?

279 replies

Lonelymum · 23/11/2004 13:13

I almost wanted to change my name for this, but thought hell no-one really knows me anyway and I don't like the thought of covering up more than I am doing anyway. It is very hard for me to write this though (I am shaking and my hands have gone clammy so bear with me if this doesn't seem to make much sense).
I have had a phobia pretty much all my life. I don't want to say what it is as I am not sure how accepting many of you would be of the idea. Suffice to say, it lives with me constantly, has become worse lately, and really affects the way I live my life. One of the consequences of it is that I find it very difficult being alone with the children at night which is why I freak out whenever dh goes away (a lot at the moment.)
Then last week, browsing on the internet, I discovered my phobia has a name (never knew that) and is apparently quite common though not often spoken of. Surprisingly this made me feel a bit better and has given me the strength to talk about it now here. However, it has also upset me in a way I can't describe. Also, I read that this phobia can be cured but the only people offering cures on the web have been American. I wondered if anyone had had a phobia and had had it cured by medical/psychiatric means here in the UK and feels prepared to talk about it. My phobia is apparently not curable through aversion therapy.
Shaking sooo much now. Have to stop. Can anyone offer any support?

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Aimsmum · 24/11/2004 14:05

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Socci · 24/11/2004 14:22

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womba1 · 24/11/2004 14:25

I think you're brilliant Lonelymum, to have made a doctors appointment...i hope you are given the support and understanding you deserve.
I'm currently living apart from my dh due to work commitments so i know exactly how you are feeling when on your own.
I'll be around this evening so if you need a chat or are in need of a friendly face ...you know where i'll be!
Womba x

nicmum2boys · 24/11/2004 15:57

Well done Lonelymum!! You've taken the first brave step. I just have this picture of you with your hand on the door to freedom, you know we are all here helping you to push it open, you don't have to do it alone.
Not sure if I will be online tonight, DS1 has tonsillitis, and is v poorly. Will be thinking of you though, and check back in tomorrow, ((((hugs)))), nic x.

Lonelymum · 24/11/2004 17:02

Thanks for all the supportive messages. I wish one of you were coming with me or having the same appt with your GPs. I am so scared being alone.

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catinthehat · 24/11/2004 19:27

There was a section on this in All in the Mind on Radio 4 recently which may be of interest to you, Lonelymum. Apols if anyone else has already mentioned it. It's on the BBC site - click here, then click the "listen again" box

Lonelymum · 24/11/2004 19:35

Thanks. I tried but I couldn't get the computer to play the programme again.

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Aimsmum · 24/11/2004 19:43

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Lonelymum · 24/11/2004 19:47

I am in West Sussex, Aimsmum.
What is the matter with your dd? It sounds awful. If it is any consolation to you, my ds has been in hospital for three operations and has always been fine afterwards. Also, I have never seen or heard another child being sick while he was in. There is a tendency for the nurses to leave the parents to nurse their children, but that is because they think the child would be happier to be with his/her parents. If you are really anxious about nursing her, ask the nurses to help more. I know I did (though not because ds was vomiting because as I said, he didn't.)

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Aimsmum · 24/11/2004 19:58

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prefernot · 24/11/2004 21:31

Lonelymum, as you know I emailed you most of my 'story' earlier today so please don't be bothered to read this miserable 'I'm an emetophobe' case study again! I thought I'd post some of it here because it's nice to share one's troubles with people who might understand.

I started to be very afraid of anything to do with vomit at around 6 years old but it developed into a life altering phobia by the time I was 8. It had a dreadful impact on my school life as I was terrified of being sick at school and like all emetophobes every tiny incidence of my own sickness turned into a weird way of thinking. For instance I had been sick twice on a Thursday before age 8 so I was especially terrified of Thursdays and would spend much of the day hiding in a cupboard outside the classroom. Eventually the only way I could cope with school was to not eat or drink anything at all until I got home in the afternoon - I figured that if my stomach was empty then there was nothing to be sick of. This of course left me frightfully thin (I was 4 stone for years through school and remember my parents glee when I hit 4.5 stone around aged 13) and there were endless talks of anorexia etc. etc. and I never did tell a soul what I was really afraid of. When I left school I was a better for a few years, mostly because I could stay home a lot. Then I got involved in studying art and that was a good channel for me and I went on to do an MA and a PhD. I've always avoided relationships because of a fear of catching germs and because I couldn't explain to people why I didn't eat unless I was at home.

To cut a long story short, it has made my life miserable too, really miserable and prevented me from doing so many things I'd have liked to do. Around 5 years ago I also got some health problems related with not having eaten enough for so many years which meant it actually became hard for me to eat without pain which made everything worse.

In terms of therapy. Because my phobia often left me with a dangerously low weight, the GP's etc had no option but to take it seriously. It was always annoying because I think deep down they thought I was anorexic and never believed me when I said I wasn't. I long to eat normally and not be this weight. First of all I saw a professor of CBT at St. Thomas' hospital who was lovely but really truly nothing he did helped other than having such a nice man to talk to once a week. I saw him for 2 years. Then he became ill and I saw a colleague of his who's a psychoanalyst so I kind of fell into that treatment and within a couple of weeks I realised this was a much more relevant form of treatment for me than CBT. I've been seeing him now for just over 4 years. In that time I got pregnant and had dd.

Now, in terms of 'aversion' therapy which I have never believed in in relation to emetophobia, I am living proof that it doesn't work! I actually wasn't sick once between the ages of 13 and 37 and it was suggested to me that if I was sick it would help reduce the fear on more than one occasion. Like you said in your thread the thought of being sick was too much for me to face. But at 37 when I got pregnant with dd I had non-stop sickness for the first 5 months. I had to be hospitalised a couple of times and put on a drip. It was literally my worst nightmare come true and it's the main reason why I will never attempt to have another child although I know how dreadful that sounds. If, after all that daily vomiting for 5 months I still have the phobia then how could one or two events of vomiting cure it?

The reason I believe in psychoanalysis is because although never promising a 'cure' as such it helps enormously to understand why you think like you do and most importantly to work out how and why this thinking came about. I've worked out with myself that I am afraid of 'shame' of the way people would look at me / judge me if I vomited in public. I can't bear the total self-disgust associated with vomiting and with me I think that goes much deeper than the phobia itself. For instance I also have a fear of blurting out something awful to someone, basically of anything oral becoming out of control. I don't know if this is making sense.

marthamoo · 24/11/2004 22:35

Lonelymum, I am so pleased you are seeing your GP - we will all be holding your hand in a virtual MN type way. I think you have already come a long way since your first post and I think you are really, really brave.

I'm offline 'til Monday so won't be able to check in or post but I will be thinking of you. Best of best luck.

nicmum2boys · 24/11/2004 22:45

How are you doing Lonelymum? Hope you are OK.

Prefernot thankyou for sharing your story. It must have been so hard for you growing up with your phobia. I really felt for you reading through it, and just wanted to send you hugs. What really struck a chord with me was what you said about shame, and other people seeing you, and about being out of control. I think this is a common root in phobias, at least I know it is in mine. I said earlier if I could sit in total darkness and eat a meal (ie. No one could see me) I would be fine. I had some psychoanalysis a few years ago, but never saw it through to a conclusion. Like you I found it fasinating, the way our thought processes, and how we feel about/react to situations comes about. I suppose I really ought to see about picking up the therapy again, but there just doesn't seem to be time. I can't make time to have my hair cut once every couple of months, let alone go to therapy once a week. But then am I making excuses?? Hmmmmm not sure.

Arabica · 24/11/2004 23:23

Hello, what an amazing thread! I just wanted to add my 'therapy works for me' story. I have had a fear of balloons, champagne corks, fireworks and thunderstormsin fact any situation where a bang or other explosive sound is imminent, but not completely predictablefor as long as I can remember. Don't know if that makes sense, but if you can imagine someone saying they'll pop a balloon in exactly 10 seconds, I wouldn't be frightened, but if they said, I may pop it sometime but don't know when, I couldn't handle it. As a child, I literally ran out of rooms in a blind panic when Xmas crackers were to be pulled, and refused point blank to go to firework parties. I've also had to leave my theatre seat when a character aims a gun because the instinct to bolt is so strong. I've avoided lots of children's parties because there would be balloons present and I couldn't handle it.

Anyway sorry this is so long, but I started therapy quite a few years ago to deal with my phobia and eating problems. Learning more about myself and when my phobia intensified (during a v stressful period in early childhood) helped me stop beating myself up about being a mental case and helped me start to deal with it better. For example when DS was too tiny to be left in a party room by himself, I remained in a living room with about 10 balloons in it (impossible before--I'd have had to take him out of the room). And fireworks don't hardly bother me at all. I'm OK with crackers, and although I don't think I could see a play with guns in it, I am getting there.
Sorry so long and rambly! But long-term therapy really was the only way I could be helped, as the roots of it all went back so far...

Arabica · 25/11/2004 10:56

I hope I haven't killed this thread...

Bunglie · 25/11/2004 11:19

I do have a phobia but it sounds silly,
Snails, slugs,worms,maggots in fact anything of that ilk. I garden with 2 pairs of surgical gloves on and scream if I see one and can not go near that bit of garden until I know it has gone.

I was told about 'slug pubs' when I asked here on mumsnet if anyone knew how to get rid of them...my garden now has over 10 and it is no larger than 20ft sq!

jabberwocky · 25/11/2004 11:56

I used to joke about my neuroses being such an integral part of me that I couldn't imagine giving them up! I find that my obsessive compulsive tendencies increase when I am agitated over something. I will start wondering if the oven is off, coffee pot unplugged, iron off, you get the idea. I find that if I can distract myself from checking (much easier now with a child!) it will subside. If I give in and start looking at everything, I wind up running around the house looking at appliances. A big part of my recovery is seeing a therapist for a "tune-up" when I feel that I am starting to get in an agitated state over things. I went through 2 1/2 years of therapy a while back, then another stint when I had PND.

prefernot · 25/11/2004 12:01

I'm ever so sorry I only just realised (which must be a sure indication of my quiet self-obsession) how ridiculously long my post was on someone else's thread.

Note to self: be briefer, be briefer.

Bunglie · 25/11/2004 12:05

Prefernot, I found it very informative and honest....not long at all.

Titania · 25/11/2004 12:12

I have a phobia of bring sick, daddy long legs, black slugs and balloons SHUDDER

Titania · 25/11/2004 12:13

meant BEING sick.........

Lonelymum · 25/11/2004 13:59

I am finding it amazingly therapeutic just reading about other people's phobias. I hope that doesn't sound cruel. I don't mean that it makes me feel better because x has an even more ludicrous phobia than mine - I don't think anyone's phobia is ludicrous - but somehow it is helping me face up to what I have to say at the GP's tomorrow. Also, if so many of you have had therapy for phobias, I feel more likely to be taken seriously myself.
For me, the focus of the phobia is less important than the behaviour it forces me into. Does that make sense? I mean, no-one likes vomiting and I don't see how I will ever be able to say lightly to my children, "Oh dear, you have just thrown up all over the carpet. Never mind dear. I'll pop on the rubber gloves, clear it up in a jiffy and then go back to my lovely meal...." But, if therapy can stop me obsessing about when will be the next time my children throw up, and stop me begging dh not to go away every time he has a routine meeting for work at the other end of the country necessitating a night away, that will be worth it.
Meanwhile, in the world I inhabit at the moment, DH IS COMING HOME TONIGHT!!!!! HOORAY HOORAY HOORAY!!!!!

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Lonelymum · 25/11/2004 14:01

BTW Prefernot, if you think you post was a bit too long,
a) as this is my thread, I give you full permission to be as long-winded as you like and
b) wait till you see what I have emailed you! Hope you have a spare 10 minutes sometime to read it.

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Aimsmum · 25/11/2004 14:07

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Lonelymum · 25/11/2004 14:15

Thanks. I must admit I am having severe doubts about going now, but I supoose I have to go through with it.

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