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Original poster

Does anyone here have a debilitating phobia?

279 replies

Lonelymum · 23/11/2004 13:13

I almost wanted to change my name for this, but thought hell no-one really knows me anyway and I don't like the thought of covering up more than I am doing anyway. It is very hard for me to write this though (I am shaking and my hands have gone clammy so bear with me if this doesn't seem to make much sense).
I have had a phobia pretty much all my life. I don't want to say what it is as I am not sure how accepting many of you would be of the idea. Suffice to say, it lives with me constantly, has become worse lately, and really affects the way I live my life. One of the consequences of it is that I find it very difficult being alone with the children at night which is why I freak out whenever dh goes away (a lot at the moment.)
Then last week, browsing on the internet, I discovered my phobia has a name (never knew that) and is apparently quite common though not often spoken of. Surprisingly this made me feel a bit better and has given me the strength to talk about it now here. However, it has also upset me in a way I can't describe. Also, I read that this phobia can be cured but the only people offering cures on the web have been American. I wondered if anyone had had a phobia and had had it cured by medical/psychiatric means here in the UK and feels prepared to talk about it. My phobia is apparently not curable through aversion therapy.
Shaking sooo much now. Have to stop. Can anyone offer any support?

OP posts:
Aimsmum · 01/12/2004 20:19

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midnightmass · 01/12/2004 20:22

This reply has been deleted

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SantaClausfrau · 01/12/2004 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

prefernot · 01/12/2004 20:45

Hurray for your dd, Aimsmum! I hope she's feeling ok?

winterwombaland · 01/12/2004 20:49

I'm so annoyed with myself!! I went shopping today with my ds and while in Boots, i heard a lady coughing. I wasn't anywhere near her, couldn't even see her but she was making choking noises. I started to get really sweaty palms and my breathing went totally haywire. The f*ing woman then threw up! The noise was enough for me and i just dropped my basket on the floor and flew out of the store!
The stupid thing is, even though i really wanted the things i'd intended to buy, i couldn't bring myself to go back into the store. I wouldn't have had to go anywhere near where the lady was ill so i wouldn't have seen or smelt anything... but i just couldn't do it.
This is getting beyond a joke now...

winterwombaland · 01/12/2004 20:51

Aimsmum, an so pleased that everything has gone well for your dd x

Aimsmum · 01/12/2004 20:51

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Lonelymum · 02/12/2004 10:57

Really glad to hear it all went well Aimsmum. Phew what a relief!
Spent three hours shopping yesterday with ds3 until he started crying through hunger and tiredness and still haven't got loads of things! So will need at least one more trip.

OMG Winterwombaland (aka Womba1, right?) what a bloody nightmare!! I too would have run like the clappers for the door, though I might have gone back again later if I was desperate for the goods. I only say that because yesterday I went to so many shops where I had seen things I wanted before only to find them sold out. That will teach me not to buy the things when I first see them. It was so frustrating, so if I had been in your shoes, I would probably have waited an hour or so and then gone back. How incredible is that? I have never seen or heard of anyone throwing up in a shop. Now I have that scenario to worry about!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lonelymum · 02/12/2004 10:59

Rather, the message should read, that will teach me to buy the things when I first see them.

Anyone else finding this thread a bit long? Shall we start a new one entitled the phobics support group?

OP posts:
mum2jay · 02/12/2004 14:25

Hi, winterwomland, the very same thing happened to me in boots last summer, a little boy threw up and I heard it and then I heard his mum shouting he had been sick but I couldn't see him so I was frozen to the spot! We were at an out of town shopping centre and once I escaped from boots I ran straight for the car panicking incase he was somewhere else! I left my sister in boots not knowing where I was, she is used to me running off and cound me, she had seen it and I started asking all sorts of questions - isn't it weird how you hate it but you have to ask? - I asked her where it was and to this day I have avoided the photo counter! I always avoid where it has happened when I see/hear it, I once drove about 10 miles out of my way to work because there was sick on the pavement and I didn't want to go past it!
Aimsmum, I'm glad that your dd was ok, what a relief!
Lonelymum, hope you are feeling better today.
x

prefernot · 02/12/2004 14:33

Gosh, I can really relate to your terror at that woman being sick in the shop. It also made me think though that we're kind of our own worst enemies because for me, being afraid of being sick, the reaction that any of us would give i.e. running a mile and being utterly disgusted, is what makes me afraid of being sick in the first place!

Weird, isn't it?

prefernot · 02/12/2004 14:34

I mean that reaction in others of being running a mile and being disgusted is part of what fuels my fear of being sick. I vaguely imagine everyone would be like that and I would feel so repulsed by myself ...

Original poster
Lonelymum · 02/12/2004 14:44

Just wanted to add, I do feel a glimmer of sympathy for the poor woman who was ill. I fear on this thread we all sound very unsympathetic towards sick people. It isn't really that - I mean, that woman must have been feeling really bad prior to throwing up and that is a horrible situation for anyone to be in - but phobics are not, by nature, the most selfless of people, I'm afraid.

If your sister knows about your phobia mum2jay, does that mean everyone here has told their family? I suppose yours must know Prefernot. I ask because although my family know I don't like sick related things, I don't think they know I have a phobia and I am keeping quiet about my therapy.

OP posts:
Aimsmum · 02/12/2004 14:59

Message withdrawn

winterwombaland · 02/12/2004 15:32

hello all, hope everyone is feeling well today? i've just got back from shopping...and i made myself go back into Boots... i even walked around the area that the lady was sick in yesterday!! I feel really pleased with myself. I'm just trying to imagine how strange this must all seem to people that haven't got a fear of vomit and all the associated problems?!
Even as i was cursing the poor lady yesterday, i did feel incredibly sorry for her, but my irrational thoughts just took over and i panicked!
My close family and friends know about my phobia and are totally supportive of me... but it doesn't make it any easier to talk about it with them... i feel like i'm making a big deal out of something which shouldn't even be an issue.

Sorry...i'm rambling....

mum2jay · 02/12/2004 15:59

Hi, Yes, all of my family know about the phobia, but unless you suffer it I don't think anyone can understand. Unlike you - very sympathetic - I get annoyed at the people who are sick as they have put me in a terrible situation, however, I had not thought about how they feel. So I do feel a bit bad
My sister understands probably more than anyone else, she was on the school bus with me one day and someone was sick from smoking (no sympathy there it was self inflicted!) and I was in the window seat and she was in the aisle seat, I wanted to get off and she pushed me back down, I was in such a state that I hadn't realised I had clawed the wood out of the back of the headrest and had long splinters right down my nails! My mother-in-law and sister-in-law to be look at me as if I'm from another planet when I start, SIL says that her friend has the samne phobia but she hides it from people so if someone is sick by her she is ok, I told her no way! If you have this you don't have time to think about being ok - you are to busy running in the opposite direction!!

mum2jay · 02/12/2004 15:59

I wasn't being bad to smokers then but he was about 10 years old and showinig off to his elders!

FimboCLAUS · 02/12/2004 16:08

Mum2Jay-totally understand your phobia. I always take a carrier bag (check first there is none of those little holes at the bottom) with me if I have to take my dd on bus "just in case". I always feel better to if there is some resepticle that they can do it into. Don't know if it is a phobia as such or the fear of the bus drivers roth because I think they have to take the bus out of service if something like this happens.

prefernot · 02/12/2004 22:09

Gosh no, lonelymum, the only person who knows is dp. When I was at school I confided in a best friend when I was about 13 or 14 because I wanted to be able to go to discos with her and the only way I could do it was to go with no food or drink in my tummy which meant being able to go to her house for 'tea' and to stay the night as her mum wasn't a stickler for mealtimes like mine was. When I think back it's actually pretty terrifying that I would therefore have gone over 48 hours without eating or drinking a drop at that age. I also find it astonishing that my parents / teachers etc. didn't pick up on it at all. My mum once had a chat to me about periods as mine didn't start until I was almost 18, but that's it.

prefernot · 02/12/2004 22:10

One of the things that really gets to me, on reflection, is that the excuses I've made to cover up the phobia are often so absurd and far-fetched I don't know why I didn't just tell the truth!

ItllBeLonelymumThisChristmas · 02/12/2004 22:16

What do you think your family would say if you told them? I ask because I sometimes think it would be nice to come out in the open with my family, but I fear I would be told to pull myself together, in which case, I would rather not mention it at all.

prefernot · 02/12/2004 22:33

I don't have much family to tell now LM. My brother would be fine actually as he's a very supportive chap. My mum would be a nightmare. Food, meals, etc. etc. are so important to her. I, even now, have very sneaky methods of disposing of much of her cooking . I don't have anyone else on my side. Dp's mum is a very severe German woman who i barely know and his sister is a very stressed mum of 3 small kids who I barely see.

prefernot · 02/12/2004 22:34

I like your Christmas name by the way! Can't think of one for me can you?!

prefernot · 02/12/2004 22:34

You were right earlier that this thread is too long. Shall we start a new one?

ItllBeLonelymumThisChristmas · 03/12/2004 12:29

I'll start something right away!