Does anyone here have a debilitating phobia?

[Lonelymum]

I almost wanted to change my name for this, but thought hell no-one really knows me anyway and I don't like the thought of covering up more than I am doing anyway. It is very hard for me to write this though (I am shaking and my hands have gone clammy so bear with me if this doesn't seem to make much sense).
I have had a phobia pretty much all my life. I don't want to say what it is as I am not sure how accepting many of you would be of the idea. Suffice to say, it lives with me constantly, has become worse lately, and really affects the way I live my life. One of the consequences of it is that I find it very difficult being alone with the children at night which is why I freak out whenever dh goes away (a lot at the moment.)
Then last week, browsing on the internet, I discovered my phobia has a name (never knew that) and is apparently quite common though not often spoken of. Surprisingly this made me feel a bit better and has given me the strength to talk about it now here. However, it has also upset me in a way I can't describe. Also, I read that this phobia can be cured but the only people offering cures on the web have been American. I wondered if anyone had had a phobia and had had it cured by medical/psychiatric means here in the UK and feels prepared to talk about it. My phobia is apparently not curable through aversion therapy.
Shaking sooo much now. Have to stop. Can anyone offer any support?

LM fwiw I don't think your GP would be fazed by that at all

Actually mts ( Let the kids go dirty) I don't have those classic symptoms but I do have others that are terrible to relate on a parenting website. Just to give you a taste, I don't like to kiss my children, put them to bed, see them hold hands with their friends, etc. It is so horrible. What a mother I make.

And totally agree with MTS last post.

I mean it when I say I couldn't make myself sick. I would rather live with the phobia. I realsie how sad that makes me.

Lonelymum, I think I guessed because one of my close friends has exactly the same phobia and she's a single mother, so it's been very, very hard for her. It was the bit about it being hard for you at night that rang a bell for me - she's exactly the same. It makes her unable to sleep with anxiety. She's a fantastic person, beautiful, intelligent, a great mother to her son and I don't know how she does it. I do have some insight into how you must feel. It really isn't anything like a dislike of vomit - we all have that - but it is a cause of real panic and fear. She has better and worse times with the phobia - at her worse she becomes obsessed with symptoms and cannot let her ds eat food in other people's homes etc in case of provoking vomiting and lots of other things. She also sometimes finds it very hard to eat herself and she gets very thin. Her GP did take it seriously and she is on anti-anxiety medication and on the waiting list for CBT - it's certainly NOT a trivial thing. It is linked to how stressed she is in other areas of her life, which is pretty stressed sometimes given that she has no support from her son's father. I don't think she uses Mumsnet, but if she did, I would still say that I think it is pretty heroic to carry on day after day struggling with a really big fear like this. Good luck to you Lonelymum. You really shouldn't feel ashamed at all. Having a phobia doesn't make you a bad person or a bad mother, not at all.

no LM, not horrible, just sad that you have to go through that. having these sort of difficulties doesn't make you a bad mother - it just means that you don't enjoy life and parenting as much as you ought to.

as someone in recovery from handwashing OCD I can empathise with the sort of triggers that are troubling you. i really do suspect that there are many people with these type of symptoms; that's the thing about OCD/phobias - if you look on the net, there is always someone with the same phobias/triggers etc as you!

It must be terrifying to contemplate seeking help to conquer any phobia, because by its very nature it is about extreme fear. You really have my sympathy LM. However, if you can bear it, I think it will be best for you in the long run to try to talk to your GP about it. No-one is going to force you to do anything you don't want to do, and you could pull out of anything at any time if you felt too uncomfortable. But you stand to gain freedom from a terrible fear that has a major effect on your life.

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Actually I think she's got an appointment now - it was a longish wait, but once you are in the system it will happen and the therapy is for the rest of your life. Or you could go privately - if you are interested in that option you can find a therapist online. I could suggest a couple of reputable professional organisations and your first contact could be via email which you might find easier. My friend was also very concerned about the impact of her phobia on her son - she gets very anxious when he eats, for example - but he's a lovely boy.

You would never be asked to make yourself sick as part of the therapy.

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No Hausfrau, I know what you mean. It is a comfort knowing that other people feel the same. Not that I would wish this on anyone, but at least I know I am not the only one.
I don't have too much of a problem with eating out although I was twice a little bit sick when I was a student and ate out with my parents at posh restaurants - I think the food was too rich for someone on a baked beans on toast diet! - but I can still eat out but would be careful not to over eat. And having not been sick with a bug since 1974, I don't worry too much about being ill myself (though if I feel sick, I freak out).
My phobia really comes into play with my kids. I am paranoid about them getting ill all the time. For some reason, it is worse at night. When dh is away, I can hardly bear to feed my kids, I go to bed when they do, and I go to sleep as soon as I can, partly to make the time pass quicker, and partly so make sure I have as much sleep as possible in case the worst happens. You know, it even affects my love life. Sometimes, I can't do it because I feel I must get to sleep quickly for the above reasons.
I know I need help.
Aimsmum, I will read that website later. I have to go out now. Thanks to everyone who has been supportive towards me today.

I am so so pleased i read this thread... i now know that i'm not mad and it isn't just me!! I too have a fear of vomit, whether it's me being sick or anyone else. I haven't been sick for 18 years and throughout both of my pregnancies, i didn't even feel queasy, thank goodness!.
Many years ago i was on my way home from a nightclub on the last night bus. A drunk guy got on and was looking decidely nauseous. I started to have a panic attack because i thought he MIGHT be sick and i got that scared that i got off the bus and walked the 4 remaining miles to my parents house, at 3am through fields and common land!! I was in such a state that i didn't even think to phone my dad to get him to pick me up!
My ds is now 19 months old and in March he woke up in the night projectile vomiting... i was rooted to the spot, crying hysterically and nearly passing out. My dh was amazing, changed all the bedding, bathed our ds and made me sit in bed cuddling him (our ds, not my dh!)...I was petrified that he was going to be sick again...and he was...and although i was shaking and crying, i calmed him and cleaned him up. The next morning i was so proud of myself that i phoned all my closest friends and my parents to tell them....how silly does that sound??!
I still hog the remote control when watching tele, just in case someone vomits... and if my dh is ever ill at night (alcohol induced or not), i lay with my head under my pillows with my fingers in my ears humming very loudly! I feel silly admitting that i have this phobia and however much i tell myself that my behaviour is irrational, i still turn to jelly at the mere thought of sickness.

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Hausfrau, my dh has stayed out at night because he's been sick and didn't want to upset me anymore! It makes no matter to me whether its through over indulgence of alcohol or just plain illness. He's wonderful about it though.

My gran has a fear of being sick. I remember my mum saying that she hsan't been sick for years. However, I kept my phobia/fear from the outside world for years and only 'came out' to friends and collagues (see how brave I am now!) when I had my first baby. Mainly because I had to.

I have a fear of buttons. Most people lol when they hear and think it is hystrical but I have learnt to live with that. But if I touch one by accident I have to wash my hands of the 'dirt' and can't shake off the feeling for weeks...