Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
General health

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

Does anyone here have a debilitating phobia?

279 replies

Lonelymum · 23/11/2004 13:13

I almost wanted to change my name for this, but thought hell no-one really knows me anyway and I don't like the thought of covering up more than I am doing anyway. It is very hard for me to write this though (I am shaking and my hands have gone clammy so bear with me if this doesn't seem to make much sense).
I have had a phobia pretty much all my life. I don't want to say what it is as I am not sure how accepting many of you would be of the idea. Suffice to say, it lives with me constantly, has become worse lately, and really affects the way I live my life. One of the consequences of it is that I find it very difficult being alone with the children at night which is why I freak out whenever dh goes away (a lot at the moment.)
Then last week, browsing on the internet, I discovered my phobia has a name (never knew that) and is apparently quite common though not often spoken of. Surprisingly this made me feel a bit better and has given me the strength to talk about it now here. However, it has also upset me in a way I can't describe. Also, I read that this phobia can be cured but the only people offering cures on the web have been American. I wondered if anyone had had a phobia and had had it cured by medical/psychiatric means here in the UK and feels prepared to talk about it. My phobia is apparently not curable through aversion therapy.
Shaking sooo much now. Have to stop. Can anyone offer any support?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lonelymum · 23/11/2004 18:37

I am not sure dh would do that Carla.
MTS - Yes I have printed off an article and highlighted all the bits that I identify with very strongly, but the article doesn't touch on loads of other implications which affect me, so I would have to add a list of my own. It isn't easy doing that as just thinking about it gets me in a state, but I think you are right in that it would help me to convince the GP I am serious. It is the thought of not being taken seriously that is really stopping me going. And the thought that help might be at the end of a long waiting list. That is really off-putting too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lonelymum · 23/11/2004 18:39

OK Aloha, take a pat on the back. I decided if anyone guessed I would admit to it and you are a very clever girl. Now let the disapproval begin.... Mother of four children.... Well, what did she expect..... Blah, blah, blah...

OP posts:
spacemonkey · 23/11/2004 18:40

Blimey that's nothing to be ashamed of at all lonelymum, it's a far more sensible phobia than mine (spiders). Please don't be ashamed and go and see your GP. X

Original poster
Lonelymum · 23/11/2004 18:41

If only you knew how all encompassing it is though.

OP posts:
beachyhead · 23/11/2004 18:42

There's no disapproval here - just a wanting to get you better.... First step taken and now you are on the road.....

carla · 23/11/2004 18:42

Why wouldn't he want to do that, LM? It must be affecting his life as much as it is yours. And just wanted to say that however much you want to keep it private - and everyone else here will appreciate that - no one is going to judge someone as lovely as LM - nor anyone else for that matter. Big hugs. XXXX

AuntyQuated · 23/11/2004 18:42

i can fully understand that LM. there is nothing pleasant about it.....sorry just had dinner....can't write more

spacemonkey · 23/11/2004 18:42

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound as if I was minimising the distress this must cause you LM, just saying that you will not be ridiculed by anybody for being phobic about vomit. Please don't suffer any more and seek some help from the doc.

Original poster
Lonelymum · 23/11/2004 18:43

And a phobia of spiders is easily avoided - just don't get a job in the insect house of London Zoo or go into too many dark, dusty corners.
But for me, with four kids.....what a wally!

OP posts:
spacemonkey · 23/11/2004 18:44

I cannot bear vomit, although I wouldn't describe it as a phobia. I have two children, and when they have been sick they have had to clear it up themselves because I can't do it

agy · 23/11/2004 18:44

I think it can turn out to be easier than you think - once you are in the surgery. Thinking too much beforehand can be bad. Just go in and don't think until you actually open your mouth! You'll be surprised how easily you can explain, once you start.

agy · 23/11/2004 18:47

Is that a phobia, though - or an aversion. I think its the anxiety behind it that you need to get help with.

Original poster
Lonelymum · 23/11/2004 18:47

A huge amount of the trouble is that no-one finds it pleasant obviously, and people easily confuse their disgust with it with my huge fear of it and think to themselves "I cope, why can't she?". Well, I'll tell you why, because I do not just feel disgust, I feel a huge, black, evil monster hanging over me, and not just when my kids are ill but EVERY BL**DY SINGLE DAY!

Sorry, don't know how else to express myself.

OP posts:
spacemonkey · 23/11/2004 18:48

Argh, I wasn't intending to compare my aversion to your phobia. Really, your GP will take this seriously and no-one will laugh at you for it LM. I really do hope you can bring yourself to speak to your doc and get some help with this. Thinking of you.

Original poster
Lonelymum · 23/11/2004 18:48

Oh Agy, believe me, what I experience is a phobia, a HUGE phobia. You see, it is hard to understand and what if my GP responds as you did?

OP posts:
lou33 · 23/11/2004 18:48

I am phobic about anyone going near my bottom, which has been a problem with my bowel condition

MummyToSteven · 23/11/2004 18:49

don't think anyone here is going to be disapproving/tutting/unsympathetic. not as if you 1)choose your phobias 2)suffer misery for the sake of it. and after all vomit is hardly a substance anyone can offer praise for - it's just that with you (and many other people), a normal "disgust" response gets blown into a "panic" response, and you end up getting into avoidant behaviour as well.

i do hope that you aren't stuck on a waiting list - are there any useful self-help things you can look at in the meantime?

spacemonkey · 23/11/2004 18:49

Your GP won't respond like that because your GP will understand the nature of a phobia and will want to help you, I promise.

Original poster
Lonelymum · 23/11/2004 18:50

No offence taken Spacemonkey or Agy. You have to live with this to know what it is about. It is really hard to express properly, both in writing and when speaking to someone face to face.

OP posts:
Aimsmum · 23/11/2004 18:51

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Lonelymum · 23/11/2004 18:52

Well perhaps you can understand that aversion therapy isn't much good here although I have read that some people like me have been forced to make themselves sick! I would seriously go to the ends of the earth rather than do that.

OP posts:
MummyToSteven · 23/11/2004 18:53

i don't really see the relevance of labelling something an aversion rather than a phobia - it's the effect on your life and quality of life that's important IMHO.

a phobia/aversion can lead to some very avoidant behaviour - i can see that a vomiting phobia could have serious implications on day to day life - say excessive caution with food hygiene/food preparation/eating out (sorry if I am hitting on any sensitive spots here LM).

Original poster
Lonelymum · 23/11/2004 18:53

Have to bath the kids now everyone, but if you can offer support, please do and I will be back later to read your posts.

OP posts:
agy · 23/11/2004 18:54

I would think your gp would treat the underlying anxiety. BUT - I don't know anything about it. Can only advise you to go and see what the doc thinks.

MummyToSteven · 23/11/2004 18:55

i am not sure what the current thinking is on aversion therapy for your type of phobia - i.e. as to whether it is felt to be effective/worthwhile- but I would imagine a CBT approach wouldn't mean you had to go that far - but would look at stopping you taking unnecessary precautions/helping you assess risk of activities more accurately