Does anyone here have a debilitating phobia?

[Lonelymum]

I almost wanted to change my name for this, but thought hell no-one really knows me anyway and I don't like the thought of covering up more than I am doing anyway. It is very hard for me to write this though (I am shaking and my hands have gone clammy so bear with me if this doesn't seem to make much sense).
I have had a phobia pretty much all my life. I don't want to say what it is as I am not sure how accepting many of you would be of the idea. Suffice to say, it lives with me constantly, has become worse lately, and really affects the way I live my life. One of the consequences of it is that I find it very difficult being alone with the children at night which is why I freak out whenever dh goes away (a lot at the moment.)
Then last week, browsing on the internet, I discovered my phobia has a name (never knew that) and is apparently quite common though not often spoken of. Surprisingly this made me feel a bit better and has given me the strength to talk about it now here. However, it has also upset me in a way I can't describe. Also, I read that this phobia can be cured but the only people offering cures on the web have been American. I wondered if anyone had had a phobia and had had it cured by medical/psychiatric means here in the UK and feels prepared to talk about it. My phobia is apparently not curable through aversion therapy.
Shaking sooo much now. Have to stop. Can anyone offer any support?

Oh wow-this is my phobia too.I've had it so long that I can't ever remember living without it.I can't believe that its not just me.No one knows about my phobia as I've managed to hide it,but I've done all the things listed here,eg not going into pub toilets,not eating out ect.If dh is ill,I have been known to sleep on the sofa so I don't have to hear him chucking up.

Lonelymum,I hope you can get to see your GP.Considering the number of us here suffering from it-your GP is bound to have come across it before & take you seriously.

Lonelymum, sympathies and if it helps at all I know that your phobia is quite common and I really dont think your gp will be freaked out x E

bovary,
No idea and I've asked my mum and she can't think of a reason either.

It just means I can't wear clothes which have them on - neither can the children. Or if they do their dad dresses them! Had to come out in case anyone bought them button up clothes as a present. People were very kind and some even knitted carkies with poppers on!

cardie not carkie!

OMG so many messages and so many things I want to comment on.
Janeybops, I have heard of the phobia over buttons. It was one of the phobias talked about on this programme I saw about phobias. I have always remembered it because it seemed so odd to me, so take comfort: you are not alone either.
Hausfrau, Aimsmum, Womba and Mirage - you are my soul sisters! I completely relate to everything you wrote. I always put my head under the pillow to block out the sound too. My dh would never dare get so drunk he was sick as I deeply disapprove of that (I don't even drink alcohol so deep is my revulsion - all linked to the emetophobia). I cry, shake violently, panic, all the things you describe. If the kids are ill in the night, dh deals with them and I sleep in the spare room but I don't sleep. Usually I lie awake all night listening to them, despite myself. I also usually have to use the loo several times myself, not to be sick, but my bowels literally turn to water and, even though I was fine before, I end up having diarrheoa. I am sure that is what happened to men terrified witless in the trenches in WW1 - well, that is what vomiting does to me.
I do have to admit to cleaning up my children's mess though, as I once didn't do it because I was too scared (the first time ds1 had a tummy bug) and the vomit soaked through to the mattress and was very hard to remove so now I clean up as I am obsessional about removing every bit of it. Dh says I am braver than him to do that, but I find being with the sick person the worst thing. I couldn't cuddle my children after they had been sick, so well done for doing that Womba. Also, I recognise not using the loo after someone has been sick in it, or not wanting to anyway: sometimes there is no choice. I wish I could embrace you girls, I feel so close to you. Actually, I wish we could all be free of this horrible phobia, so, what I want to know now is:
if I am going to see my GP about it, how about all you other sufferers too? And not just the emetophobes out there. Or is it only me who has reached this depth of misery and despair about it?

I don't have much by way of words of wisdom - I just wanted to say how incredibly brave you all are by talking about your phobias on here.

When I was a teenager - and into my early 20s I used to not be able to eat and drink in public - I couldn't even have a cup of coffee as my hands would shake so much I couldn't lift it to my mouth without spilling it. I also had panic attacks. If I had a drink in the pub I would have to rest my elbows on the table and cup the glass in both hands (and carefully scan the people I was with to make sure no-one was watching me before I raised it to my mouth). Initially I thought I had MS or Parkinson's - it never occured to me 'til reading this thread that it was a phobia. I was very lucky - it gradually improved and it very rarely happens now.

And I've never told a soul about that - very cathartic this thread.

My thoughts and best wishes go out to all of you - it must be so disabling to suffer a phobia in this way.

Lonelymum, really feeling for you. Admiting your phobia is the first step to being free, and you have taken the first step. So glad you are not doing it alone. It's amazing how many of us are suffering from phobias isn't it? You really sound like you have the courage to go to your GP with this. Please rest assured, this is a very real problem, your GP should be completely sympathetic. I remember when I first went to mine, and I was so stunned when she took me seriously. It was such a relief. For me I can honestly say antidepressants worked best, I was on prozac, and it felt like I had this protective shield around me, I could cope at last. Not saying this would be the same for you (the ADs I mean), but if I hadn't gone to the GP I wouldn't have got the help I badly needed. You're right, I guess I should go back and get it sorted once and for all, but have other things going on right now (have recently miscarried) that are taking my emotional strength up, and somehow the phobia is taking a back seat. But I know that wont always be the case.
I recently saw a program on discovery health called "In Therapy" which dealt with a girl with emetophobia, like you she found it completely encompassing, couldn't go out of the house with her DD incase she picked up a bug. She was helped by hypnotherapy I think. Tried to find some info on the website (discoveryhealth.co.uk) but kept getting an annoying popup which wouldn't disappear, and couldn't read the text, don't know if you want to try, they seem to repeat thier programs alot, so chances are it'll be on again.
(((((hugs))))) nic x.

Marthamoo, that is exactly what I am like. Any ideas as to how it improved?

Lonelymum, I don't have a fear of other people being sick but I really really can't stand me being sick at all. I have the horrible vomiting bug at the moment and have not vomited.

In fact I have vomited three times in the past 27 years (once on alcohol and twice with food poisoning) - I get hysterical and cry when I do, and I have to be so ill that I am virtually unconscious before I can actually vomit. This is obviously not particularly debilitating. I could never never make myself sick in a million years.

I hope you can get your phobia sorted as it is obv. making you very unhappy indeed. I don't see it as anything you should be ashamed of though.

nicmum2boys, I don't know why it improved but it did - very slowly. Actually, thinking about it, I supposed I used aversion therapy on myself. It just wasn't possible - particularly as a student - to avoid eating and drinking in public. In my first year I was in catered halls of residence and I would have starved. Like you, I would pick the least shaky thing - no soup, ever. I felt like everyone was watching me and thinking how weird I was - who else has to guide their fork to their mouth with their other hand? But no-one ever said anything - maybe they didn't notice or maybe they were too polite to say anything. I think if anyone had said something that would have finished me. I would go through agonies to get through a meal. But I did get through - and barely perceptibly it got better. I got more confident, which helped. And now - at 35 - I am far more confident in social situations and I am able to sort of steady myself, if that makes sense.

It's weird - I haven't really thought about it for years, but it was so debilitating; I dreaded any kind of social situation - I remember meeting dh to be's parents for the first time and turning down coffee all weekend because I couldn't chat and drink coffee.

I guess it was at its worse from about 16/17 to...about 24ish?

It's funny - I was at a party the other day and I was chatting to a woman I didn't know and I noticed that every time she had a sip of wine she lifted the glass two handed. I think it takes one to know one - I bet no-one else even notices unless thay've experienced it themselves.

I don't know if that was any help at all - I don't have a do x,y and z plan but I guess if you could start small? Go out somewhere quiet with your dh/dp or a close friend and have a cup of coffee. Make yourself drink it, even though your hands will be shaking so much. I even used to weigh up the type of coffee cup - those with the tiny handles are the worst because you can't get a good grip, and it's too hot to hold with both hands.

Good luck.

Thanks marthamoo. I am 34, and still suffering!! It's funny, the lengths you go to isn't it? I won't order cappuccino, cos it usually comes in big, wide mouthed cups, like a soup bowl, and bottled water is a godsend!! I have good times and bad. I can manage to go out with DH and DSs, but still wouldn't chose soup or coffee. I keep asking myself "what's the worse that can happen?" you spill something............big deal, no one else will probably think anything of it. If only it were that simple lol. If I could eat every meal I have to eat in public in complete darkness I would be fine. (Not very realistic is it?).

omg can't believe this thread. I have an 'illness phobia' but tummy bugs are my worst nightmare. I don't worry about me being ill just my children. I have just started CBT and have actually had the first session today. My doctor knew my anxiety was affecting my life so she referred me to the CPN. Have never heard of anyone else even remotely feeling the same way as me before - I really don't feel so stupid now!

You do have my sympathy - it is horrible. And it doesn't make any sense at all, there's no logic to it, but that doesn't help, does it? Little steps and don't stop trying...

I appreciate your phobia is extremely severe and certainly sounds like you need professional help rather than my unuseful tips!

But i wanted to share with you how i partially overcame my phobia of spiders.

All my life have been terrified of spiders. If i saw one i would shake, vomit, scream and have a physical fit, but at the same time be frozen on the spot until someone came to my rescue (and god forbid them if they let that spider go!). My dp on many an occasion would have to physically pin me down and tell me to breath deeply until i relaxed enough to stop shaking.

When working in a nursery, a very nice man came to show us his bugs and spiders to assist with our insect topic!!! I s* myself when i found out. I positioned myself behind all the children and kept my eye on the tarantulas (in their box) the whole time in case one escaped. Then it was time for the man to take a big fat hairy tarantula out and offer for us to stroke him. An unfriendly colleage volunteered me to stroke it. The children looked at me with great excitement. In that split second i told myself i had to do it, for their sake, otherwise i'd be instilling fear into them. So i did! my hand was shaking, and i only touched it a tiny bit, but i did it!!
i have never felt so proud of myself and i don't think i could ever do it again. But now when i see a spider around the house, i am able to tell myself it is nothing compared to the one i stroked.
Tiny spiders i can now ignore (whereas dp used to have to remove them)
Big spiders i can catch under a jar and then wait for dp to remove it, admittedly i spend most of the day checking that it hasn't escaped.
And for a week or so after seeing a big spider, i do have to check everything before i use it e.g check under duvet/cups/towels/clothes etc. But then i forget about it until the next one. I used to spend my whole life checking for spiders before doing anything.

I am sorry, i know this prob doesn't help you at all, but i wanted to kind of say there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Even if its only a small step forward.

I really really hope you can get the help you need. And wish you luck!

I can't believe how supportive you all are out there! Don't take that the wrong way, I have been posting on Mumsnet long enough to know that all manner of problems get the most sympatheitc of treatment (even though I sometimes privately think I couldn't be as sympathetic - in those cases, I don't post). I have wanted to post about this ever since I discovered this community of faceless friends (about 7 months ago) but I just couldn't do it. Sheer desperation led to me to post yesterday as the phobia is getting much much worse lately, and I can't believe how accepting you have been of my problem, how non-judgmental, and also, how many other sufferers there are out there who feel they can admit to their phobias too.
I have been thinking about it overnight and I have just realised that my phobia even indirectly affects another sad aspect of my personality - my loneliness. I find making friends hard and I have just realised that part of the problem there is that I hate myself for having my phobia and that means I don't think anyone else could like me either, so I don't make friends. It isn't quite as simple as that, but your acceptance of me and my phobia in the last 24 hours has really taken me aback and made me realise there is a connection there.
I really am determined now to go to the GP even though I dond't want to admit my problem to her. Hopefully she will just put me in touch with someone else and I won't have to go into too much detail with her about the whole of my sorry life. I spoke to dh last night and he wants me to go to the GP too so I am going to make an appointment later today.
Thanks everyone, and if there is anyone else out there reading this and crying quietly to themselves as I would have done if I had come across this thread, then I would say to that person, try to come out on Mumsnet about it as it is the first step towards doing something about it.
BTW, dh is away tonight and I am sitting here with a stomach that feels like I have swallowed a cannon ball - my usual tense reaction to him being away. I will probably come back to Mumsnet several times today, so please post if you can say anything supportive.

As I said, one of my friends has this phobia, and I've NEVER thought any the less of her for it. In fact, I admire her more because I know how hard it is for her, yet she gets on with the hardest job in the world, being a single parent with no support, works p/t and copes. There really is nothing at all to be ashamed of. So pleased you are going to get some help. My friend's gp isn't mrs sympathetic, but she did refer her without any argument at all.

I have just read the website Aimsmum provided a link for yesterday evening and the news isn't good. Apparently, in the writer's opinion, none of the treatments actually works. I'm afraid that is what I privately think anyway. There is also an horrendous mention of people being asked to watch "vomit videos" which would be impossible for me. I am not so sure this is a good idea after all...

Lonelymum,please don't worry about what the website says will/won't work.Everyone is individual & different things help different people.

Incidentally,I saw a tv prog on the health channel a while ago about a lady with this phobia.The therapist she saw certainly DIDN'T make her watch films of people vomitting.(if they had-I'd have had to have switched the tv off).

Sorry-will have to go now as dd has just fallen over & is screaming.Just popped in to see how you are.Will post later.
Hugs
Mirage

lonelymum - sorry not had chance to read all posts so sorry if repeating what's already been said but I can highly recommend CBT for treatment of phobias (and general anxiety). It really is excellent and very positive. It's not sitting about contemplating your naval but taking steps to overcome the phobia. Good luck with the GP - if you need more info about CBT look here Brit Association

Oh Hausfrau, I don't know how you cope not having a doctor on hand. Doesn't it worry you that your children may fall ill (not necessarily with a vomiting bug , just any illness) and you would have nowhere to turn?

Well, with shaking hands and uneasy heart I have just arranged an appt with my GP for Friday. Even as the receptionist suggested the date I felt like saying "oh no, I can't make then" but I had to steel myself and say that would be fine. I don't want to do this!!!! But, I will definitely let you know how it goes Hausfrau.

Lonelymum, sorry haven't had time to post here since yesterday, dd's got a horrible fever / viral thing. Sent you an email just now though. xxx