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Original poster

Do you ever feel like ending it all?

322 replies

ohdear · 05/09/2004 00:39

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
Kayleigh · 08/09/2004 12:23

thanks fairyfly. oh essbee honey , thought it might be you. Can't believe you think that anyone would judge you harshly. You have obviously been putting on a brave face, even on here and you shouldn't have to. Please go to the doctors and tell him everything. You need to be honest with yourself and him so that you can get the right help and support.

I suffer from depression so I know a bit about how you are feeling.

With love and hugs.

fio2 · 08/09/2004 12:27

just go to the dr's and tell them the truth essbee. Nobody will judge you on mumsnet. Hope you get some helpxxx

corina, I am so glad you came out the other side. It must have been an absolutely horrendous time for you and I am glad there was a light at the end of the tunnel for you. I hope you stay well and you medication continues to work well. Lots of love xxxx

wobblyknicks · 08/09/2004 12:27

Essbee - I'm really glad you feel like you can bring it all out into the open now. Sorry if I upset you on msn, hope you feel a bit better. Haven't got any brilliant advice but there's no need for you to feel ashamed.

You are so brave and such a good mother - don't ever let yourself forget that. We're all here to support you and all the things you're going through atm WILL pass eventually even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

If you ever need anything, you know where we are and I really hope you start to feel better soon.

hester · 08/09/2004 12:51

Essbee, congratulations on being brave enough to 'come out' to us. It takes guts. I can't remember the stats but depression is REALLY common among women - many, many of us have been there and understand, at least partly, what you are going through. We're not judging you; we have great faith in you and want to do our bit to help you in the very difficult journey ahead. I detect (maybe wrongly) in your posts that you think we may not be understanding that your life really IS shit (i.e. that it is not just your depression making you feel that it is) and we do understand that these are very real problems. We're all urging you to get help with the depression not because we think that's your only problem, but because that is the first step in tackling your problems. Much love and hugs to you.

moomina · 08/09/2004 12:58

Oh essbee - I was thinking about you this morning at work and wondering how you were anyway! And then I got home and saw that you are 'ohdear'. Synchronicity perhaps - but I hope that at least that shows you are being thought of and cared for even by people who don't know you. And I just keep thinking of that lovely thing you did for misdee last week with her ds's toy.

I've never met you, but I don't need to to know you are lovely. You are the furthest thing from worthless I can think of right now. I am really glad you've let us know who you are. And there are lots of us who really do know how this feels. Will be thinking of you at 5.20 today. Be totally honest with your doc and she will be able to help you.

And if you ever want to CAT me, I'm not very far away at all. I could probably be round in minutes (although you might not want that!!) Thinking of you.

throckenholt · 08/09/2004 13:16

if you really think of ending it all then maybe the samaritans can help put you in tough with the right people - maybe someone can look after the kids for a few hours/days to give you a break.

Maybe try seeing a different doctor - your gp may not be the best person to talk to.

Try the CAB for your other problems - they can write letters for you etc to sort out debts.

Honestly no-one would care as much about your kids as you do - they would not be better off without you - but you need help to sort things out - for you and for them.

throckenholt · 08/09/2004 13:17

that should be in touch not tough

JJ · 08/09/2004 14:31

Huge hugs, essbee. Hope the weekend comes quickly for you.

tigermoth · 08/09/2004 14:42

Good luck for this afternoon essbee.

It's only a suggestion, but to help you talk practical stuff to the GP, you could begin to talk about some of the organisations mentioned here (like the CAB) and your need to see them, as a way into opening up about what's happening in your life.

You said your GP moved fast and took you very seriously regarding getting a referral for your son, so hope the same happens today.

take care xx

cartrefle · 08/09/2004 14:43

Hi Ohdear, i've
not been on Mumsnet for ages. I've just read your thread & wanted to add my support. I suffer depression, am on medication and in therapy. I have no idea what your problems are but I DO know life can deal some people a really sh*tty hand. A saying that helps me is-
" Remember yesterday, dream of tomorrow but live for today." My thoughts are with you and wish you the very best for your appointment today.
Open up as much as you can.
XX

suedonim · 08/09/2004 14:45

I'll be thinking of you at 5.20, Essbee, and hoping the appt goes well. Definitely write a few things down and don't try to put on a good face for the Dr. He/she needs to see the truth of how you are at this time. You've nothing to be ashamed of and no one is going to judge you - what's to judge?? You've got an illness, just like chicken pox or something and you need lots of sympathy and support. In a few months, maybe even weeks, you'll be able to look back on all this as a bad dream. Take care. Sue x

sobernow · 08/09/2004 15:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bonniej · 08/09/2004 15:26

Good luck for this evening, you are not alone honestly. I've been through similar feelings of despair myself and know how hopeless it all seems at the moment. Things WILL get better and you WILL come out the other side. Good luck again, everyone is thinking of you. xxx

Galaxy · 08/09/2004 15:56

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aloha · 08/09/2004 15:57

I thought it was you Essbee, which is why I wanted you to 'come out'. I knew nobody would judge you and would care about you. The feeling you have that nothing will ever get better is depression. That's what depression means. It's not a fact. How can it be? You have no idea what the future holds. And anyway, you don't need a perfect life to be happy. There are sad and lonely millionaires and people with terminal illnesses who are genuinely happy. I'm certainly not trying to make you 'count your blessings' or anything so trite, but to keep reminding you that you feel this way because you are depressed - it really isn't the case that the only way you will feel less depressed is for your life to be perfect. If you get the depression under control with CBT and/or medication, then life won't seem so bleak. You have lovely children who need their mummy more than anything in the world. YOu know the way you love them? That they are so beautiful that you sort of pity other people for their less appealing kids? That they melt your heart even when they've been vile? Nobody else feels like that about them. If you weren't there, they wouldn't have it. You are special and unique because of that. You've got the message from other people (parents/ex?) that you aren't good enough or loveable enough. But that's their warped, loveless perspective, not objective truth. Some people don't have much love in them so don't make great parents. Some people are violent and cruel. They don't make great people. You are full of love and kind and decent, a far, far better person than those whose opinions you still value and trust. Would you trust their judgement on your friends? I bet you wouldn't. You'd say they were wrong. So why trust their judgement on you? Tell your doctor everything. Things go wrong in life. It's not a sign that we are in the wrong.

CountessDracula · 08/09/2004 16:02

Oh essbee sorry you are so down. I think you are very brave to come out, as for being judged, on what exactly? Being human and caring a lot about your kids?

Best of luck with the doctor today - I can't really add much you have had so much good advice already, but if you don't tell him/her the truth then they can't help you

sobernow · 08/09/2004 16:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JuniperDewdrop · 08/09/2004 16:49

How are you Essbee? So glad to know who you are iykwim. We're all in this together, struggling through the s* that's life so don't ever feel embarassed. I bet a lot of us would like to think we could be so open with our feelings. hope it all went well at docs xx

MummyToSteven · 08/09/2004 17:36

Hi Essbee, and glad to see that you have come out of the closet, so to speak. Hope it went ok at the doctor's today, and that you had the chance to explain fully and truthfully how you were feeling, and the problems in your life atm, and that the doctor was helpful. Please let us know how you went on.

MummyToSteven · 08/09/2004 18:33

Bump!

keziah · 08/09/2004 18:52

Hi Esbee. I have been following this thread and although I don't have anything to add to the wise words already written, along with everyone else here I wanted to express my admiration for your courage and to send you lots of love. I hope your appointment has helped. Thinking of you x x x

essbee · 08/09/2004 18:53

Message withdrawn

lou33 · 08/09/2004 18:55

Well done missus. Small steps.....

Kayleigh · 08/09/2004 18:56

Essbee I am on 20mg. That's what I started on and it is still considered a low dose. Hopefully you won't get any side effects as you body is already used to the medication. I hope you are feeling better soon and then you'll be able to tackle the other stuff head on.
xx

fio2 · 08/09/2004 19:00

well done essbee xxxxx

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