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Original poster

Do you ever feel like ending it all?

322 replies

ohdear · 05/09/2004 00:39

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
MummyToSteven · 07/09/2004 22:32

it's the depression talking oh dear - the Dementors if you are a Harry Potter person - the gremlin feeding off your worst fears - I am fundamentally unlikeable that is telling you that - that you are worthless, noone wants to be your friend. Reality is; people think you are a great person and a great mum; someone is staying wit you this weekend - and they wouldn't do that if you were so fundamentally unlikeable.

lou33 · 07/09/2004 22:39

I don't think you can see the wood for the trees Ohdear. You couldn't be sure. It's really hard to do anything when you feel this low, or make any decisions, so take small steps. Pat yourself on the back for even getting out of bed , making the kids breakfast, anything at all. Don't expect to feel great, wake up smiling or looking forward to the day ahead, just deal with that ten minutes, then get through the next ten etc. You must go to your gp, and your solicitor as well, even though you don't have the energy. Take someone with you, who you trust, and knows the situation . I'm sure the more people you told, the more would be flocking to help. Really I am convinced of it.

Original poster
ohdear · 08/09/2004 02:10

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OP posts:
colette · 08/09/2004 04:04

Good Luck oh dear. Let us know how you get on. We are all thinking of you

spook · 08/09/2004 07:51

Morning OHdear. I'm thinking of you today honey. Please go-I think once out in the open you may feel a little of the weight lifted. You said you needed allies...good luck {{{{}}}}

JJ · 08/09/2004 09:41

Thinking of you today. Hope the doctor's appt goes well.
xxx ooo

JuniperDewdrop · 08/09/2004 09:49

You're in my thoughts and prayers today hun xxx
hope it all goes well and you manage to tell the gp everything

lemonice · 08/09/2004 10:18

Tell the gp you're scared - I did and even begged him to let me stay with him in the surgery all day because I couldn't face stepping back into the world again. You can't keep putting a brave face on because it's not sustainable. As others have said over time and with support your life will come back together and you will be stronger than ever.

I wish I could be there for you.

With love
xxx

MummyToSteven · 08/09/2004 10:52

best of luck with today. please be as absolutely honest as possible - and be open to whatever the docs suggests

Original poster
ohdear · 08/09/2004 10:56

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 08/09/2004 11:11

Sorry Ohdear, I did reply to you but created a new conversation by mistake!

MummyToSteven · 08/09/2004 11:12

rhubarb - think your post has got lost - there is a thread by you but no post when you click on it

lydialemon · 08/09/2004 11:15

Thinking of you today, ohdear.

XX

Kayleigh · 08/09/2004 11:22

ohdear, I am so glad you have made the appointment. Make sure you tell the GP the truth about how you are feeling. If you think you are going to go to pieces in the surgery make a list before you go of symptoms/feelings and give it to him. If you don't want to say certain things in front of your children write it down in a letter to him.

Am pleased you have someone coming to see you at the weekend. We are all here for you till then.

fairyfly · 08/09/2004 11:23

RHUBARBS POST

Come on Ohdear, you have the strength to get through this. Shit happens in life, you've been given a raw deal lately but you are still here and that's through to your determination and strength. I shall quote to you a friend who was told this by her psychiatrist when she was at the lowest ebb a human being could ever get to; "your children are very lucky, they are seeing you now with your face in the dirt but they will watch as you pick yourself up, dust yourself down and carry on with your head held high, and from that they will learn about courage in the face of adversity and they will be able to face anything life throws at them, they are lucky children indeed!" I hope you can take that same advice. You might think that there is no ending to your suffering, that you will feel like this forever, but you won't, life changes and a month, 2 months, 3 months, a year from now you will feel differently, you will be in a different situation. When I was pregnant less than a year ago and feeling that life was not worth living, if anyone had told me that just 8 months down the line I would be starting a new life in France I would have laughed in their faces just before throwing myself off the nearest bridge! And what a waste that would have been because here I am trying to live my dream. Be strong, live life, there isn't another chance, this is it, you make your own dreams so go and make them!

SoupDragon · 08/09/2004 11:24

Found Rhubarb;s post:

"Come on Ohdear, you have the strength to get through this. Shit happens in life, you've been given a raw deal lately but you are still here and that's through to your determination and strength. I shall quote to you a friend who was told this by her psychiatrist when she was at the lowest ebb a human being could ever get to; "your children are very lucky, they are seeing you now with your face in the dirt but they will watch as you pick yourself up, dust yourself down and carry on with your head held high, and from that they will learn about courage in the face of adversity and they will be able to face anything life throws at them, they are lucky children indeed!" I hope you can take that same advice. You might think that there is no ending to your suffering, that you will feel like this forever, but you won't, life changes and a month, 2 months, 3 months, a year from now you will feel differently, you will be in a different situation. When I was pregnant less than a year ago and feeling that life was not worth living, if anyone had told me that just 8 months down the line I would be starting a new life in France I would have laughed in their faces just before throwing myself off the nearest bridge! And what a waste that would have been because here I am trying to live my dream. Be strong, live life, there isn't another chance, this is it, you make your own dreams so go and make them! "

SoupDragon · 08/09/2004 11:24
Grin
RhubarbToo · 08/09/2004 11:25

By Rhubarb on Wednesday, 8 September, 2004 11:09:09 AM

Come on Ohdear, you have the strength to get through this. Shit happens in life, you've been given a raw deal lately but you are still here and that's through to your determination and strength. I shall quote to you a friend who was told this by her psychiatrist when she was at the lowest ebb a human being could ever get to; "your children are very lucky, they are seeing you now with your face in the dirt but they will watch as you pick yourself up, dust yourself down and carry on with your head held high, and from that they will learn about courage in the face of adversity and they will be able to face anything life throws at them, they are lucky children indeed!" I hope you can take that same advice. You might think that there is no ending to your suffering, that you will feel like this forever, but you won't, life changes and a month, 2 months, 3 months, a year from now you will feel differently, you will be in a different situation. When I was pregnant less than a year ago and feeling that life was not worth living, if anyone had told me that just 8 months down the line I would be starting a new life in France I would have laughed in their faces just before throwing myself off the nearest bridge! And what a waste that would have been because here I am trying to live my dream. Be strong, live life, there isn't another chance, this is it, you make your own dreams so go and make them!

fairyfly · 08/09/2004 11:25

beatiful post rhubarb it gave me goose bumps x

RhubarbToo · 08/09/2004 11:25

Blush Grin

sobernow · 08/09/2004 11:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ohdear · 08/09/2004 11:32

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
earlygirl · 08/09/2004 11:37

oh dear lots of love from me too-have been sending you light.
rhubarb those are beautiful and wise words they made me go all funny too

corina · 08/09/2004 12:12

HI Ohdear,there have been some brilliant posts.I just want to tell you my story to maybe give you some hope that things do get better.Last year in May I felt exactly like you.I have 2 children and a husband.I decided when everyone was out of the house to take an overdose.I was lucky,I ended up in intensive care on a ventilator.I'd survived.Thank god I did.It took 3 months for the bloody antidepressants to work.I was tearing my hair out then as I wasn't a bit grateful to have survived and still wanted to die.My family was frantic and din't know what to do with me.I still went back to work feeling like that too early really.Then one day the pills decided to work and I actually felt happy,just in one day.Since then I feel fine.I have been diagnosed with scizo effective disorder so I have to eat healthily and look after myself to stop being unwell again.Unfortunately there's no support groups for my condition.I have myself a new hobby ,crafting ,which has opened up a whole new life for me and made me new friends too.I couldn't be happier.Please try and look to the future.It makes me cringe when I think about my children could have lost their mother.You can feel better it just takes time.Good luck with the doctor today I'll be thinking of you.

fairyfly · 08/09/2004 12:15

This is a really big step for ohdear, I have just persuaded her to say who she is(essbee). I have been talking to her on msn and was getting the impression she is incredibly ashamed of herself for feeling like this. I thought if she made the step of coming out on mumsnet then it will be easier to discuss her feelings with the doctor, instead of hiding. I think it is an important brave step of facing things, so she can start to get them sorted. I hope i am right.

Her main concern is that she has never been this open about how bad she is feeling and you will all judge her. I think she needs all the support she can find, anything that will help her get out of this rut.