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Do you ever feel like ending it all?

322 replies

ohdear · 05/09/2004 00:39

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emsiewill · 05/09/2004 01:53

I know you said your marriage is one of the problems, but can you talk to your dh at all? Does he know how you feel? Does anyone?

KateandtheGirls · 05/09/2004 01:55

Is there any way he could stay with your kids for a day and/or night while you just get away and have a break?

ohdear · 05/09/2004 01:57

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KateandtheGirls · 05/09/2004 01:58

Does he see the kids?

ohdear · 05/09/2004 01:58

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emsiewill · 05/09/2004 01:58

Can your friend offer any practical help?

ohdear · 05/09/2004 01:59

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ohdear · 05/09/2004 02:02

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emsiewill · 05/09/2004 02:02

But you're their mum. No-one can offer better than your love.

Really sorry ohdear, but I have to go to bed now (should have gone at least 3 hours ago). Feel free to CAT me, if you want someone to talk to - by email, or on the phone if you think it would help (probably not going on my form tonight lol).

Look after yourself - I will no doubt be around mn tomorrow, and will look out for you.

ohdear · 05/09/2004 02:04

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ohdear · 05/09/2004 02:21

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KateandtheGirls · 05/09/2004 03:51

I wish I did ohdear (and I'm in the US anyway). I hope someone else knows of something. It sounds like you could do with a break from your kids. Even one day would help, I'm sure. I hope you find a way to achieve that. In the meantime, please see your doctor about your meds. Clearly they aren't effective and you need more help.

I have to go to bed too. I'll check back tomorrow.

tealady · 05/09/2004 07:35

I hope you feel a little better this morning. I really think you should start by getting some help. You must go back to the doctors and tell them how desperate you feel. Maybe also your health visitor could help?

Also I wonder if homestart might be able to help at all? They provide support for families. Here is a link for you to have a look at
homestart . Please get some help - it worries me that you sound so miserable. Take care.

tigermoth · 05/09/2004 08:13

Same here, hope you feel a bit better. It must be so hard to have absolutely no one who's nearby who you can confide in and who can offer support.

I know how worrying money probelms can be - it can be a paralysing fear, and so difficult to face up to them when you feel depressed anyway, and work out a practical plan of action. You have children depending you and a home to run and you seem to have sole responsiblity. I really feel for you. I don't know the scale of your problems but please ask yourself, would every single person in your family really want to see you and your children suffer huge hardship? You are on your own, it is so tough. You are not a failure for not holding it all together all the time. Is there anyone at all in your family you can confide in? They can't help you if they don't know what's happening. I'd also definitely contact a debt advisory service or the CAB - they can offer help. I get the impression you desperately need someone to lift the burden of responsibility from your shoulders, someone to make the phone calls, to speak up for you, to tell you of all the options.

hugs xxx

Beetroot · 05/09/2004 08:15

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moomina · 05/09/2004 08:43

Hi ohdear. I hope you are feeling a little better this morning. When you are very depressed I know it is also really hard to motivate yourself to do anything except sort of go through the motions of each day, so everything builds up and it all becomes a vicious circle, each problem piling on top of the last and you feel paralysed by it all, I bet. But you can get help.

It might sound fatuous but writing it all down really can help as a place to start. Even if you think the list is going to be as long as your arm, write down all that is bothering you, point by point. Then you can start to deal with it. There will be stuff on that list that really does need dealing with, and soon, stuff that can be dealt with later and stuff that, in all honesty, you can probably do very little about at the moment.

The please contact the CAB and the Debt Advisory people - they are there to help and without wanting to sound flippant will have seen it all and will know how to get you the help you need. I would go and talk to your GP again too and see if he/she can suggest any further help. And Homestart can be brilliant - someone will come and look after your kids for a couple of hours so you can get things done or just have time to yourself properly.

You need support but you won't get it unless you ask for it! I can understand totally that you must feel exhausted and ground down, but I promise you that if you start taking small steps you will feel better and things will get better.

And finally, you are not a bad mother. No way! Please don't think that. If you didn't care you wouldn't be here. Keep posting - we will be here to support you (((())))

emsiewill · 05/09/2004 09:21

ohdear, just wanted to see how you are feeling this morning.

Fairyfly · 05/09/2004 10:37

If you ring your council and ask to speak to the Educational Welfare officer they will help you. They do anything to make sure a mother is ok. That is one way you can get help, i am sure there are other options. Ed officers can get you people to take them to school, pick them up and people to give you a break at weekends. If you are single, you can ring gingerbread they can put you in touch with other parents and you take it in turns to babysit.

Fairyfly · 05/09/2004 10:44

Re bailiffs, ring them and come to a payment arangement, as much as you can afford, don't let them turn up at your door. If they do don't let them in. Once you have made an arrangement, they will know you are willing to pay and leave it at that. You will also feel back in control about one of the things that is worrying you. Incidently they were at my door a couple of months ago, and all is fine.

ohdear · 05/09/2004 11:25

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earlygirl · 05/09/2004 11:40

dont feel like ending it all but i do feel like leaving my dp today things just go from ok to awful within the space of a couple of weeks hes really taking the p*ss and now he wont listen to me to talk cause ive got angry with him
these days im usually a bright happy person but this morning i feel positively murderous toward him
soory if ive hijacked your thread with a rant (i cant be bothd starting my own -its just too say yeah i feel crap today too.............

ohdear · 05/09/2004 12:02

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hester · 05/09/2004 12:03

So sorry to hear you're going through this, ohdear. Depression is just horrendous, and when you're in the depths of it it's impossible to see a way out. But trust me, there is a way out and you will find it. It is definitely worth talking to your doctor about your medication, since your current prescription clearly isn't very effective. It's a shame there isn't a Homestart near you, but there must be something similar. Have you tried ringing parentline? Or how about the Family Welfare Association? Fingers crossed for you - wish I was close enough to give you a big hug.

ohdear · 05/09/2004 12:06

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Fairyfly · 05/09/2004 12:14

It is how you handle lifes knockbacks i think and if you find them more difficult to get over each time. Have you tried counselling, you still have issues with your father that probably need to come to the surface.
It is difficult to suggest anything without knowing what the problems are. Is there anything you can do to start making positive steps to change anything that is depressing you?

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