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Original poster

Do you ever feel like ending it all?

322 replies

ohdear · 05/09/2004 00:39

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spacemonkey · 06/09/2004 10:10

Sorry you're feeling like this ohdear - I can't add anything that others haven't already said (i.e. do go to the doctor again and please don't do anything to harm yourself). I'm going to the doctor today for similar reasons - it's so difficult to walk in and admit these sorts of feelings, but it is worth it because they will be able to offer help of some kind and anything is worth a try, even if you're unsure about counselling/therapy/medication.

Imo you really need to take some time off work. I know that is really difficult for you to do, especially having debt problems, but you simply must take some time out to gather the energy to start tackling other things. You may have to ask your family for help (I know that is really difficult for you to do too) but as someone else has said - what have you got to lose? I am sure they will not want you to suffer like this.

You simply can't do everything on your own. I'm a lone parent too and I know EXACTLY what you mean about feeling that huge weight of responsibility and just wishing that someone else could lift it from your shoulders, just for a little while! It really is the pits isn't it.

Homestart is a good idea too for some help with the children if you haven't got much support from friends/family. I've never used them myself, but I would if my kids were younger.

And do keep posting because writing is a great therapy in itself.

Hugs XXX

Tortington · 06/09/2004 10:28

I have felt like you do right now at 2 times in my life. a sweeping black hole that engulfs everything and you cant seem to get out no matter what you do.

the irony is only a good mum would think so selflessly as you - you think your kids would be better off with someone else, bad parents dont think that way, through everything a child just needs its parent to love them which you obviously do.

re the debt, i have had so many bailiffs its not funny. dont let them in dont let them set foot accross your doorstep. before it gets to that stage phone them up. htey always say "we need £25 pw or something ridiculous. the law states £2.80. offer each debtor £3.00 pw.

when you have the debts being paid - you can then visit the CAB for financial advice - but i bet thats too far off for you to even contemplate at the moment.

tell you what, if ever you want to vent anonymously e - mail me, if your e- mail addy may give you away - set up a hotmail account and call yourself something new - then e - mail me. [email protected] with the subject line "mumsnet" so i know to open it.

have you a mortgage or do you rent? if you rent and you owe rent pay your weekly rent + £3.00pw. if you have a mortage you need to speak to the bank. i had my house repossessed when my twins were 4 months old and i had a lad of 3yrs old i had to start all over again and the bank chased me for 16 grand.

guess who helped with that one? mumsnetters - they know everything or they know a site that does.

they way i get through every long black day with work being the shittiest it has ever been at the moment - the shit i get it simply unsurmountable. the kids school - detentions, sprained thumbs, dog eating daughters hearing aids - really! and the guilt of not being able to get to the hospital to get her some more because i have to work all the bloody time - the way i get through it is this quaint little motto
"fuck it
fuck 'em all"

not helpful to you at this time i am sure ut maybe when you get a little better.

re support: you have soooooooooo many people who care about you on mumsnet alone, anyway in which any of us can help you - we will in a second. if you need to find where your nearest anything is - someone will find it for you, if you need more info on a certain drug or counselling - mumsnetters know everything.

hows the state of your house? when i got depressed the next thng i would slap myself in the face with was my house. i owned nothing, my kids had nothing, everyone elses kids had everything, mine got charity shop clothes and carboot toys. my house is a shithole ...etc..etc.

now i use the motto above. and my house is a shithole, but every one can either take me as i am or go swivel. true friends are the friends you need not fly by nighters, true friends will accept lots about you.hope this helps

Lisa xxxxxxxx

Afriend · 06/09/2004 10:37

What a great post Custardo and I'm sure it will help ohdear.

Ohdear, when we spoke last night you sounded so desparately unhappy and confused and desperate and I just wish I could offer you some practical help. There's loads of mumsnetters close to you who would, I'm sure, want to help you.

You've had a major upheaval in your life over the last year and I know that the other issues you're facing look like unconquerable mountains but taking each step one day at a time and with support, counselling and practical help (that you are entitled to), you will get there and come out on top.

Your ability as a mother is not in question. You're an excellent, kind and patient mum who needs a break. Your GP can recommend a change in medication or dosage if needed and put you in touch with support groups that can offer practical help. Please go and see her and tell her everything.

I know there's a lot going on for you at the moment but people do want to help you and you will get everyone's support on here. Don't be embarrassed to carry on posting and if people guess who you are then I'm sure they wont reveal it. Your right to privacy and hence feeling able to to post openly is appreciated and understood by everyone.

You know my thoughts on the "big" issue that is troubling you- please do what I say and that will be one "task" off your list"

Love xxx

lydialemon · 06/09/2004 11:12

I haven't got anything to add, I just wanted to say that I really feel for you and I hope you can make use of the excellent advice others have left for you.

XX

JuniperDewdrop · 06/09/2004 12:12

Fab post custardo, sorry to hear you've had such s* happen though xx

Beetroot · 06/09/2004 15:20

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sobernow · 06/09/2004 15:28

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suedonim · 06/09/2004 16:02

I do so hope you've been able to see your Dr or otherwise set the ball rolling, Ohdear. Remember that little baby steps will count, you don't have to tackle the mountain all in one go. Take care.

Original poster
ohdear · 06/09/2004 16:15

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ohdear · 06/09/2004 16:52

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Beetroot · 06/09/2004 16:55

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006 · 06/09/2004 17:10

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KateandtheGirls · 06/09/2004 17:31

Yes, your gp will help. That's what I've been trying to tell you...

I assume your gp was the one who prescribed your current medication, so they have some idea that things aren't great for you.

MummyToSteven · 06/09/2004 18:50

ohdear - get your solicitor to sort out the maintenance. if you are having trouble getting through then plague her with calls - or get her secretary to confirm when she will be available to return your calls - if you are enough of a nuisance you will get a prompt call back! The GP can help both from the point of view of reviewing your meds, but maybe discussing with you referring you to counselling/CBT/a CPN, and may know of useful resources for you to get practical help.

Original poster
ohdear · 06/09/2004 18:51

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ohdear · 06/09/2004 18:53

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MummyToSteven · 06/09/2004 18:54

if things really get bad and you can't see a GP, you could try going to A & E and telling them how depressed you are and seeing if they will get a psychiatrist to come and see you there and then - bizarrely that's how my GP got me a referral to psychiatrist/psychotherapist when I was 18!!!

JJ · 06/09/2004 18:55

Good for you!! That's a great step. When is your solicitor's appointment?

I hope the doctor's appt on Wednesday goes well.

Original poster
ohdear · 06/09/2004 18:59

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ohdear · 06/09/2004 19:01

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bambi06 · 06/09/2004 19:05

i dont know where you live but surestart are brilliant and very helpful in all kinds of experiences and problems..im so sorry that you feel so sad and helpless at the moment but the only way is up now and once youve got back up it will appear to lighten and you will see some future, i only wish someone was there for you ..where do you live maybe some of us locally could help share the load a bit .are you in london?

JJ · 06/09/2004 19:06

Ohdear, I think you take MummytoSteven's suggestion and head to the A&E. Take the kids, bribe them with sweeties or whatever and go.

Wish I could do something to help you.

MummyToSteven · 06/09/2004 19:09

i should add A & E ideally at a big general hospital where they will have a psychiatric department. alternatively go to your nearest walk in centre. there are provisions at walk in centres for referal to local mental health services as an emergency

Chinchilla · 06/09/2004 19:38

Ohdear - please keep going, take each day at a time. We are all here for you.

IME, CBT and 'talking' counselling are both good, although not a quick fix. I know that it is easy to say, 'How will talking about it help?' as I felt exactly the same, but it does! Somehow you get through all the crying and talking, and come out the other side a stronger person who is able to reason away many of their bad thoughts. I used to think that I was a horrible person who didn't deserve love. I thought that no-one had a reason to like me, and used to try to vary my behaviour with each person to try to be someone they would like. It was hard work, and mentally draining. CBT taught me how to deal with these thoughts and to be myself.

Thinking of you.

sandcarstle · 06/09/2004 20:04

friends will help if you ask them to. if you dont tell people you need help though theres nothing they can do. you might even find someone who could keep the bailifs away. friends are friends for good or bad their not just there for the good times. go to your doctor and tell them everything. it wont be anything they havent heard before. hugs