Firstly, I am NOT a poo troll! Help!

[Badders123]

So. Whole family had norovirus last week - I wasn't sick unlike the others but I was thoroughly ahem emptied.
I swear I saw rice crispies circa 1989 in there 😱
I am now very constipated.
I've been eating fruit and rice cakes and bland stuff but I haven't been for what week now..
Been taking lactose twice a day and took senna last night but still no movement 😞
Ive got some laxido from my mum...should I take it?
I'm so uncomfortable 😞
Help!

You need loads of Laxido. I was told to have loads by my doctor, the dose you are on seems to be for maintenance not impaction.

Yes it is
Like small lumps (oh the indignity!)
I will start the 4 sachets when I get back at about 4
I'm eating but not my usual amounts

Someone I know fashioned a homemade enema out of a lucozade sport bottle and warm water... maybe not the best medical advice but they said it worked

I still think a cigarette will get you going, when I've been bunged up with my Crohn's a rolley has always helped with the blockage!

I'm fascinated by all the different home remedies. We could write a book, between us!
"Remedies and rewards for regularity."

Not sure how the lucozade bottle ought to work though... Hopefully I'll never need it.

I'm feeling quite desperate but I'm not going to start smoking! 😀
I'm going to try again before I go.
Luckily my sister lives quite close and has multiple loos (seriously she has like 5....it's mad)

I always associate lucozade with being ill...in the 1970s it was the cure all if you were poorly, it's quite nasty though, isn't it?
😖

"someone you know" yes I believe you furry elephant! 😂

Lucozade used to come in glass bottles wrapped in orange cellophane that got all sticky.

We're all still willing you on. The poo cheerleaders are doing their stuff.

In the spirit of the live labour thread, shall we take guesses as to the weight?!

Too much wine always seems to work for me as well, have a couple of bottles of Pinot griot and see what happens

Sugar-free chocolate, for the same reason as the sugar-free Haribo. There is a tolerance threshold for the amount of artificial sweeteners that you can consume before they start having an, erm.. deleterious effect.

I once bought a box of them at the office and left them on the desk of a colleague who had skipped lunch (for him to eat, but with a warning not to overdo it). When I came back he had eaten half a box, which would have been fine except for that tiny detail. He said that he felt ok so I thought, fine, then maybe it's just me. Then the next day he reported back to say that he went out to walk his dog after going home and that, well, as a matter of fact he nearly didn't make it.

And if it doesn't work, at least it's chocolate.

Delurking. I really hope for us you it doesn't come in dribs and drabs but is a baby's head sized cannonball. And, yes, yes, weigh-in before and after. Good luck! A couple of double espressos are worth a shot.

Afternoon!
Had some more movement - not loads - but seems to be going in the right direction!
I'm so sorry there isn't been a massive poo for you all to revel over 😀😀
Thank you all for your sympathy and company in my misery
Xxxxxx

I had a feeling it might be a disappointing finale. I was hoping for a 4 pound poonami but it's probably just going to be squeezing a bit out here and there isn't it? Never mind - you did your best

😂

Let's be honest though, a gradual clearing is far better for both OP and her plumbing.

I was browsing round ikea this afternoon and suddenly remembered you and you poo, I had to hurry home to read this.

witty
I'm honoured ❤️
Pickled
I feel like I've let you all down!! 😖

My sister passed out after her first post op poop. Your way is best, hope you feel better soon!

'S ok. You're going tantric stylie. This is the slow build up to something bog-blowing

More poo!
Hurrah!

Well done Badders! Such a relief, isn't it? There may be some gas in there too . Let It Go!

Well done. Get it all out and you will feel beyond better tomorrow