Firstly, I am NOT a poo troll! Help!

[Badders123]

So. Whole family had norovirus last week - I wasn't sick unlike the others but I was thoroughly ahem emptied.
I swear I saw rice crispies circa 1989 in there 😱
I am now very constipated.
I've been eating fruit and rice cakes and bland stuff but I haven't been for what week now..
Been taking lactose twice a day and took senna last night but still no movement 😞
Ive got some laxido from my mum...should I take it?
I'm so uncomfortable 😞
Help!

Lots of strong dark chocolate (70-85%) and 2 kiwis works for me.

Good luck...

While I weep tears of sorrow for your discomfort, Badders, I'm crying tears of laughter about the handbag and shouting down the loo. Would me shouting down my loo help, do you think?

If this is a regular irregularity, please try flaxseed, aka linseed.

You never know pickle, it could help!
😂

....and there appears to be a prune juice shortage in my village!

Dried apple rings and coffee. You will be in the loo in no time.

Poor you. Not fun at all. Hope you have some nice soft paper for your poor bum. A bit of Vaseline applied might help too once you get going.

Can you put a small stool(no pun intended) or box by the loo to put your feet on when the time comes? It makes it easier to squat and you strain less. You don't want a big pile after this, after all!

Fingers crossed you see some action soon.

Impaction dose of laxido (or any brand of macrogol) is 6 sachets in 1-1.5L of water drunk over 6 hours, not repeated for more than 2-3 days (of the top of my head). I'd try that (it's usually on the leaflet somewhere - you have no idea whether I am actually qualified to advise this even tho I know I am!) and only that for now. And stay in!!!

Oh badders you poor thing. I've been little sluggish this week due to having to take codeine for pain relief. Definitely try tummy massage. I use the technique I learnt at baby massage - called 'I love u'. It eases cramps and gets things moving.

You massage down the left side of your tummy from top to bottom like an 'I' in one firm stroke.Then from the top left, down again, and across the bottom of your tummy like a 'L'. Then top left, down, across and up the right hand side like a 'U'. Be quite firm and do it about 6 times or so.

Oh! And definitely think poppy thoughts like Lapin says.

Dr didn't seem to think it was impaction.
She said I didn't feel "too backed up" 😳😳
I might try that though....I'm willing to try anything at this rate!

POOPY THOUGHTS! Think poopy thoughts. Thinking poppy thoughts will be of no use to you right now. Thank you stupid phone.

Get yourself some sugar free jelly beans. I ate a big handful of them without realising they were super free and I think I pooped out atlantis, the holy grail and jfk's shooter.

Check the leaflet in the laxido/movicol. It will tell you what to do for impaction. 4 sachets a day isn't enough. You need the max and also lots of water throughout the day.

Read the reviews on Amazon for sugar free Haribo. Sounds like they'd do the trick

You have my sympathy. I had two weeks of diarrhoea due to salmonella poisoning, but the worst part was the two weeks of constipation afterwards. Eventually after trying a gazillion treatments like you it moved.

I have ongoing issues with constipation and the only thing that works for me is bisacodyl , take 2 and don't move too far from a toilet , not pleasant but generally works .

Hmmmm
Just had a small - ahem - movement.
Still quite crampy.
I've already had 2 sachets today....could I do 4 sachets in 1 litre of water?

Syrup of figs is what you need. It's vile. Neck about 1/4 of the bottle and stay indoors. See if DH/DP can get some while s/he is out

I can't believe you've not been badders. I keep checking up even though I've not posted before. Far too invested in a stranger toilet habits.......

Oh and I'd say a big. Steaming pile is exactly what you want!

I think I am overinvested in your bowel Badders I've been worried for you all morning and hoped that it would been 'resolved' by now. I'll try shouting into my loo if it will help? chips in a quid for the handbag

This is like a live labour thread

I love all the advice to stay indoors. As if you'd be wanting to go far from home with almost a fortnight's worth of poo and pretty much all the ingredients of George's marvellous medicine waiting to make an escape.

I've just eaten some grapes in lieu of prune juice
I feel very sad I'm letting you all down or rather my lax bowels aware!
I promise I will post as soon as I achieve...er...splashdown 👍🏻
I'm going to my sisters to have my nails done at 3 😣

You poor thing. Sounds sooo uncomfortable.

Hoping for large movement for you soon.

I wouldn't risk leaving the house at this stage. DS frequently gets backed up, we up his laxido dosage for a day or 2, then it's a poonami for a couple of days. He's only 3 but it ends up everywhere. A run around outside usually sets him off.

I can assure you running will not be happening 😂
I'm now having a strong coffee.....

Yes - but space the litre out over a few hours (you can have other stuff to drink too). And if you need to go at your sisters DON'T hold on!!
If you've been off your food there might be less than you expect. Is what you're passing hard?