Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
General health

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

dd needs a liver transplant due to obesity related reasons... would you give part of your liver?

152 replies

louispa · 06/03/2017 22:54

this is a really hard situation for me and i am struggling with my choices. i feel like it isn't my place to talk about her medical history, she is in her early 20s.

however, she does need a liver transplant. there is the option of using part of a living match's liver.

would you do it? i think to myself would i do it if it was alcohol reasons and i think i dont know... its the same, isnt it? i dont know though.

OP posts:
lougle · 07/03/2017 11:19

Giles not necessarily. louispa has explained that the liver has been damaged because of repeated bouts of gallstones and presumably pancreatitis. The over eating does need to be addressed but it is almost impossible to do that with someone who is ill. They simply aren't well enough to take on board nutritional change when they are ill. Unless the liver is replaced, any nutritional modification is irrelevant, because the DD will deteriorate and die anyway. So the options are that she has a known donor transplant or that she goes on the transplant list. Either is a valid option, at first, but there will be a 'safe window' for transplant and there will be a time when the DD becomes too ill for a transplant to be a viable option for treatment.

I'm not dismissing the dilemmas involved. But I do think the line of 'she's made her bed', which is the underlying tone of the thread, is a very simplistic view of obesity. If it were that simple, we wouldn't have the crisis that we do. And it is a crisis. I work in an ITU and many of our patients are obese. It isn't 'abnormal' there, sadly.

Gileswithachainsaw · 07/03/2017 11:22

Oh I'm. Not saying "she's made her bed..." at all. It's human nature to want to help people where you can and either you are someone who's prepared to do it or you aren't.

I'm just saying I understand reservations because there's a difference between saving a life and prolonging it.

It's an awful catch 22. Right now she's dying anyway so what's to lose by carrying on.

On the other hand the trauma of surgery and the afterthought could trigger an emotional eating response...

alreadytaken · 07/03/2017 11:34

the OP is getting a hard time - rather unfairly in my view but people who have not experienced addiction issues may not know it. Would I do it - knee jerk reaction yes and more considered probably, because I'd have to feel I'd tried everything even if it failed. But it is not the simple decision it's being made out to be. You would be putting your child through a major operation that may not save their life and could possibly even shorten it. And should another child develop a liver problem in future you are not going to be able to help.

You cant force someone to accept help, only go on providing opportunities. You can enable them to destroy themself by doing too much but that's a lesson most people only learn the hard way. Sometimes relatives walking away will trigger recovery and after talking to the doctors about how long a transplant remains an option appearing to walk could be the next thing to try. Although it will be an unpopular view the eating problem has got the daughter a lot of parental attention and removing that can be a spur to change.

As for risks of getting cancer etc they are lifetime risks not risks at any age. I wouldnt personally be thinking about that but about the risk to my child with/ without the operation.

Sixisthemagicnumber · 07/03/2017 11:41

The OP has other younger children to consider. It isn't a case of she can just donate part of her liver and carry on as normal the next day. There is no father in the picture to help out whilst OP recovers if she has the operation. I would try to do whatever is necessary to help my child through a serious health condition but I would have to think about the impact on my other children and when there is no guarantee of health success with the child who has had the transplant due to their behaviours then the decision becomes much harder. OP needs to be healthy for her other children - they are young and dependent. It must be an awful to be in OPs position and she has obviously started this thread as she feels she is in a really difficult position and has a difficult decision to make.
As much as I love all of my Holden dearly I can't honestly say that I would be donating part of my liver without question if I was in identical circumstances to the OP. I certainly wouldn't be donating to a stranger whilst I am still alive, I don't even have to think about that one.

Bluntness100 · 07/03/2017 11:48

Yes, for my child, I would. I've read the thread, I understand the issues and still yes, no doubt, i would. I couldn't live with myself otherwise but more importantly, she is my child and as such I would do whatever I could for her.

NormaSmuff · 07/03/2017 12:41

It sounds like bailing out a gambler with more money. I hope you can access proper advice op

age81 · 07/03/2017 13:43

This might not end up being the OP decision in the end, it's a through assessment to get on the transplant list.

NavyandWhite · 07/03/2017 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Badders123 · 07/03/2017 15:36

Without a seconds thought...

Badders123 · 07/03/2017 15:38

If your dd decides not to focus on her health after her transplant then that's up to her
Could you live with yourself if you didn't donate and didn't give her that chance?

age81 · 07/03/2017 16:10

Badder, many people are waiting desperately for 'their gift', If it's not going to be looked after then that's unfair to the rest of the people on the list!

AndShesGone · 07/03/2017 16:13

Without even a moments thought

CreamCrackerundertheSettee · 07/03/2017 16:29

I've had a liver transplant- not due to obesity or alcoholism. Recovery is incredibly difficult and there is a lifetime of medication. Living transplants are relatively new and weren't an option when I had my transplant 15 years ago. It isn't a simple procedure.

Transplant consultants are v picky about who they allow to have a transplant and I can't imagine that the OPs daughter would be deemed suitable unless she shows some inclination to changing her lifestyle.

That said, there are many steps on the road to being a living donor blood/tissue matches etc. It isn't the case that the OP can make the decision to donate and they go ahead.

age81 · 07/03/2017 16:35

Cream, I had a transplant last year due to a blood clot and the recovery is still ongoing now.

Wow for 15 years though!

CreamCrackerundertheSettee · 07/03/2017 16:40

Age81 One year is great, I hope you are keeping well. I had a couple of problems in the first year but have been v well for 14 years. The first year is hard as you are getting used to the meds and are still on some that they drop eventually e.g steriods.

PossumInAPearTree · 07/03/2017 16:54

Would your dd not be a candidate for gastric band/balloon surgery on the NHS....either before or after a liver transplant?

age81 · 07/03/2017 17:01

I'm not quiet 6 months and down to 23 tablets a day now which I will probably be on for life.

Gileswithachainsaw · 07/03/2017 17:12

Transplant consultants are v picky about who they allow to have a transplant and I can't imagine that the OPs daughter would be deemed suitable unless she shows some inclination to changing her lifestyle

Does that apply to living/directed donations?

I only know what I see on TV which is obviously not really life and I can imagine there are very strict guidelines with who received organs.

But are these kind of things more lenient as a living Donor won't usually be donating to strangers on the list?

Apologies fir asking please don't feel you have to answer Flowers

alltouchedout · 07/03/2017 17:19

Yes. If this was something one of my dc needed and I could give it to them, yes, without question, whatever the circumstances of their illness. Yes.

CreamCrackerundertheSettee · 07/03/2017 17:33

I'm no expert but living donations still require huge expertise and ongoing costs re medications - never mind the costs of surgery and subsequent nursing. I expect the potential participants still have to meet the criteria for inclusion on the transplant list.

Transplants are never as they are portrayed in the likes of Holby City where the donor and recipient are on the same ward and one person is responsible for deciding who has the organ!

Gileswithachainsaw · 07/03/2017 17:35

Thank you cream

age81 · 07/03/2017 18:00

You have to be the same blood group to start with, as well as size.

My sister is 5ft and tiny frame, I'm 5' 10 and a size 14, I would of needed too much of her liver for her to survive so it was a definite NO.

Badhairday1001 · 07/03/2017 18:07

I wouldn't give it a second thought, especially for my children, but any of my family really.

wickerlampshade · 07/03/2017 21:42

Your poor daughter. Yes, she shouldn't overeat, but that is incredibly rare to progress that far. I wish you the best of luck with your deliberations Flowers but maybe not appropriate to send Cake

hennipenni · 08/03/2017 13:14

Without any doubt I would, my daughter has a condition that could potentially kill her at any time, I would do anything for her to remove the risk.

Swipe left for the next trending thread