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Original poster

EMERGENCY - Toilet problem, help needed

216 replies

driveninsanebythehubby · 30/05/2016 21:25

Hi,

So embarrassed to be posting this - but as stuck on the loo in agony I'm desperate.

I have a stool that I can only presume is the size of a marrow attempting to pass my body. I'm on the verge of saying it's more painful than childbirth (and I had a 4th degree tear with no pain relief at that moment so I know what pain is!). I have attempted to go several times today and it gets so far out and then gets stuck. Like I cannot push anymore because I feel like it's going to rip me apart. I get contraction type waves trying to push it out but it won't come. Because I'm straining, there's then blood too. Earlier I tried using a tissue to grab and pull it out (clearly that worked well!!!!)

I HAVE to get this out tonight as I'm at work tomorrow and I cannot phone my boss to say I'm not coming in because I have a giant shit stuck up my arse!!!

Can anyone at all give me some suggestions to help clear this beast?

PS it's caused by medications that I'm on, a crap diet and probably not enough fluids when exercising this weekend. My routine has never been regular as such (once a week would be 'normal' but I'm sure I only went a few days ago!)

Thank you (and please don't laugh)

OP posts:
thenightmanageress · 30/05/2016 22:33

Hurrah!

daftbesom · 30/05/2016 22:34

Flowers OP - glad you're feeling better!!!

Doinmummy · 30/05/2016 22:34

Yaaaaay ! How did you do it in the end ?

Haggisfish · 30/05/2016 22:34

Hahaha-she who got her shit stuck!! Like she whol shoved a garlic clove up her fanjo for thrush...glad it's out. Codeine is a bugger.

RainbowsAndUnicorns5 · 30/05/2016 22:35

Whoop! Congratulations !

OhForCodsHake · 30/05/2016 22:35

Congratulations! It's a boy! 💩

WorriedOrStressed · 30/05/2016 22:35

What a relief Flowers

BastardGoDarkly · 30/05/2016 22:35

Oh thank god!! I'm really happy for you!? I need to get out more....

Original poster
driveninsanebythehubby · 30/05/2016 22:35

Ok name - Matt (because I know several who are real shits themselves)
Time - 22:30 ish
Weight - felt about 6 stone.....no inclination to actually weigh it!

There's my BA ConfusedGrinShock

OP posts:
Paddingtonthebear · 30/05/2016 22:36

I had similar problem after giving birth, had a 4th deg tear and blood transfusions so despite preemptive lactulose, the antibiotics, pain killers and iron tablets I had to take resulted in a no poo situation for two weeks postpartum. Tried everything. Couldn't sit down in the end it was that blocked up. The only thing that worked was an enema, district nurse came to my house when all else had failed. Bleak times but the relief was incredible.

You have my sympathy, it's awful.

myshinynewusername · 30/05/2016 22:36

Yay! :)

Doinmummy · 30/05/2016 22:36

So pleased Op , I remember the relief !

BigFatBirdFromBirmingham · 30/05/2016 22:36

I could so feel your pain. Flowers

OhForCodsHake · 30/05/2016 22:36

Did it flush or did you have to snap it in half with the loo brush?

WriteforFun1 · 30/05/2016 22:36

3 inches wide? Ouch!

VioletBam · 30/05/2016 22:37

Congratulations! I hope Matt is doing well....

I have to say though...3 inches wide isn't much! Mine are often that wide...no issues getting them out...it must be Matt's DENSITY caused the problems...rather than his size....

Paddingtonthebear · 30/05/2016 22:37

Just seen your update. Well done! Grin

QOD · 30/05/2016 22:37

I'm so glad the poo has crowned!!

Just to make you laugh, last week I had to do an emergency poo at the garden centre, ladies closed for cleaning so they sent me I to the disabled. Immediately on locking someone was rattling the door so the préssure was on ...
I pushed that baby out in one move and oh my god. Felt like I'd shit a baby out.
strangest thing?
Ghost poo! Nothing in the bowl, nothing on the paper ...

Comenext · 30/05/2016 22:37

Congratulations driven! Feel happy for you. Phew!

RainbowsAndUnicorns5 · 30/05/2016 22:37

3 inches isn't much

Owwwwwwwwwwww

Doinmummy · 30/05/2016 22:37

Welcome to the world Matt - now bog off and don't come back !

Liiinooo · 30/05/2016 22:38

Oh thank goodness! I actually punched the air when I read it was out!

Well done OP and all MNetters. I wish you had been around as support and advisors when my poor DD1 was suffering.

Original poster
driveninsanebythehubby · 30/05/2016 22:38

Method for anyone who needs it in the future.....

Walked up and down stairs
Large glass of Diet Coke
Latex gloves
ShitLoads of Vaseline around the ahem entrance
Started to push it out and once stuck used my gloved hand to reach in and tear bits off to make it smaller
Then had next push, felt it move further so did the 'balloon blowing ' whilst leaning forward (chest to knees) and then sitting bolt upright (like a ratchet) and bending back down.

So glad it's over but feel kind of attached to this toilet seat now!

OP posts:
RainbowsAndUnicorns5 · 30/05/2016 22:38

Ghost poo Grin now this is getting weird...

BillyDaveysDaughter · 30/05/2016 22:39

QOD that poo was so aerodynamic it shot straight through the u bend

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