EMERGENCY - Toilet problem, help needed

[driveninsanebythehubby]

Hi,

So embarrassed to be posting this - but as stuck on the loo in agony I'm desperate.

I have a stool that I can only presume is the size of a marrow attempting to pass my body. I'm on the verge of saying it's more painful than childbirth (and I had a 4th degree tear with no pain relief at that moment so I know what pain is!). I have attempted to go several times today and it gets so far out and then gets stuck. Like I cannot push anymore because I feel like it's going to rip me apart. I get contraction type waves trying to push it out but it won't come. Because I'm straining, there's then blood too. Earlier I tried using a tissue to grab and pull it out (clearly that worked well!!!!)

I HAVE to get this out tonight as I'm at work tomorrow and I cannot phone my boss to say I'm not coming in because I have a giant shit stuck up my arse!!!

Can anyone at all give me some suggestions to help clear this beast?

PS it's caused by medications that I'm on, a crap diet and probably not enough fluids when exercising this weekend. My routine has never been regular as such (once a week would be 'normal' but I'm sure I only went a few days ago!)

Thank you (and please don't laugh)

Keep going with the spoon, don't worry you can just chuck it. You don't need much off it to release the pressure

Poo contractions are definitely a 'thing'

Just put your finger up your arse and pull it out. Because of medication, I cant go any other way now. It has become normal.

Oh and these are a godsend.

work very well

Doinmummy it's morphine & tramadol that's got me - used to be on codeine though. Awful side effect.

Sorry for bringing up any painful memories for anyone

When the babies are constipated I lay them on their backs, do a bit of leg cycling and gently push their legs towards their tummies and it makes it coming out a bit easier, could you try that?

Best of luck!

Bend forward not back. Chest on thighs. Awful for you. Ah, well we're all rooting for you!

I once called a friend who came round an held my hand around the bathroom door when I had a half in, half out, solid poo of giant doom like yours.
I did feel about a stone lighter afterwards. Also slightly giddy and hysterical. BUT not filled with concrete poo.

Sothathappened never thought I'd be looking at Love Honey for a remedy for this problem!

This is disgusting but I gloved up and stuck a finger up there and sort of broke a bit off, then pooped it out, then finger breaking thing again etc it did take me 3 days to get up the courage to even do that though.
There was shit everywhere it was fucking heaving but what can you do
Hypermesis meds + not eating and therfore not shitting for months are what broke me

Oh God I don't like the sound of using a spoon, be very careful op!!

Now typing whilst bending forwards, chest on my knees

Think hope I just heard the car pull up

Im sorry.....they are meant to clean you out in prep for anal sex. Grim....

But I use them for chronic constipation....the warm water dislodges it and makes it come out.

The spoon scares these it out of me (sadly not literally)

Occasionally being very impacted is a hospital job, I had a patient who had to be admitted and have it removed under GA bless her.

Scares the shit I tried to write

My meds do this. Movicol is the way forward long term. Can only sympathise.

Tramadol ?? Oh god the horror of that stuff . I was given boxes of it after having shoulder surgery- it's dangerous stuff. It made me itch all over and I went into a strange sleep but not sleep state , I felt I couldn't breathe properly and was twitching uncontrollably

Late night pharmacy closed early due to unforeseen circumstances. I could now cry.

Getting the gloves.

Also I got a bidet called bio bidet fitted. Shoots warm water up there.

Stand up and touch your toes, do a few times.

I've asked hubby to look for liquid glycerine (I think he thought I was kidding!)

Oh and if you do buy and anal douche also buy some milton sterlising tablets to clean it.

Seriously ring oohs!