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Original poster

EMERGENCY - Toilet problem, help needed

216 replies

driveninsanebythehubby · 30/05/2016 21:25

Hi,

So embarrassed to be posting this - but as stuck on the loo in agony I'm desperate.

I have a stool that I can only presume is the size of a marrow attempting to pass my body. I'm on the verge of saying it's more painful than childbirth (and I had a 4th degree tear with no pain relief at that moment so I know what pain is!). I have attempted to go several times today and it gets so far out and then gets stuck. Like I cannot push anymore because I feel like it's going to rip me apart. I get contraction type waves trying to push it out but it won't come. Because I'm straining, there's then blood too. Earlier I tried using a tissue to grab and pull it out (clearly that worked well!!!!)

I HAVE to get this out tonight as I'm at work tomorrow and I cannot phone my boss to say I'm not coming in because I have a giant shit stuck up my arse!!!

Can anyone at all give me some suggestions to help clear this beast?

PS it's caused by medications that I'm on, a crap diet and probably not enough fluids when exercising this weekend. My routine has never been regular as such (once a week would be 'normal' but I'm sure I only went a few days ago!)

Thank you (and please don't laugh)

OP posts:
RainbowsAndUnicorns5 · 30/05/2016 22:01

Keep going with the spoon, don't worry you can just chuck it. You don't need much off it to release the pressure

Doinmummy · 30/05/2016 22:02

Poo contractions are definitely a 'thing'

SoThatHappened · 30/05/2016 22:02

Just put your finger up your arse and pull it out. Because of medication, I cant go any other way now. It has become normal.

Oh and these are a godsend.

work very well

Original poster
driveninsanebythehubby · 30/05/2016 22:02

Doinmummy it's morphine & tramadol that's got me - used to be on codeine though. Awful side effect.

Sorry for bringing up any painful memories for anyone

OP posts:
scrivette · 30/05/2016 22:03

When the babies are constipated I lay them on their backs, do a bit of leg cycling and gently push their legs towards their tummies and it makes it coming out a bit easier, could you try that?

Best of luck!

StarSpotter · 30/05/2016 22:04

Bend forward not back. Chest on thighs. Awful for you. Ah, well we're all rooting for you!

GinAndSonic · 30/05/2016 22:04

I once called a friend who came round an held my hand around the bathroom door when I had a half in, half out, solid poo of giant doom like yours.
I did feel about a stone lighter afterwards. Also slightly giddy and hysterical. BUT not filled with concrete poo.

Original poster
driveninsanebythehubby · 30/05/2016 22:04

Sothathappened never thought I'd be looking at Love Honey for a remedy for this problem!

OP posts:
Abbinob · 30/05/2016 22:04

This is disgusting but I gloved up and stuck a finger up there and sort of broke a bit off, then pooped it out, then finger breaking thing again etc it did take me 3 days to get up the courage to even do that though.
There was shit everywhere it was fucking heaving but what can you do Blush
Hypermesis meds + not eating and therfore not shitting for months are what broke me

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 30/05/2016 22:05

Oh God I don't like the sound of using a spoon, be very careful op!!

Original poster
driveninsanebythehubby · 30/05/2016 22:05

Now typing whilst bending forwards, chest on my knees

Think hope I just heard the car pull up

OP posts:
SoThatHappened · 30/05/2016 22:05

Im sorry.....they are meant to clean you out in prep for anal sex. Grim....

But I use them for chronic constipation....the warm water dislodges it and makes it come out.

CuntingDMjournos · 30/05/2016 22:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
driveninsanebythehubby · 30/05/2016 22:06

The spoon scares these it out of me (sadly not literally)

OP posts:
Girliefriendlikesflowers · 30/05/2016 22:06

Occasionally being very impacted is a hospital job, I had a patient who had to be admitted and have it removed under GA bless her.

CuntingDMjournos · 30/05/2016 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
driveninsanebythehubby · 30/05/2016 22:06

Scares the shit I tried to write

OP posts:
Mummyme1987 · 30/05/2016 22:06

My meds do this. Movicol is the way forward long term. Can only sympathise.

Doinmummy · 30/05/2016 22:07

Tramadol ?? Oh god the horror of that stuff . I was given boxes of it after having shoulder surgery- it's dangerous stuff. It made me itch all over and I went into a strange sleep but not sleep state , I felt I couldn't breathe properly and was twitching uncontrollably

Original poster
driveninsanebythehubby · 30/05/2016 22:08

Late night pharmacy closed early due to unforeseen circumstances. I could now cry.

Getting the gloves.

OP posts:
Mummyme1987 · 30/05/2016 22:08

Also I got a bidet called bio bidet fitted. Shoots warm water up there.

Pineau · 30/05/2016 22:09

Stand up and touch your toes, do a few times.

Original poster
driveninsanebythehubby · 30/05/2016 22:09

I've asked hubby to look for liquid glycerine (I think he thought I was kidding!)

OP posts:
SoThatHappened · 30/05/2016 22:09

Oh and if you do buy and anal douche also buy some milton sterlising tablets to clean it.

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 30/05/2016 22:09

Seriously ring oohs!