**TAMOXIFEN**22 !

[MaryAnnSingleton]

yikes- here we go...

Rushes in to give topsy a big hug. I'm glad the waiting is over for the results, and it's good growth is not fast, - I think you are wise to go for the treatment now - I would do exactly the same - you want to be tackling the bastard. Been thinking of you today, but its been one of those hectic days and I didn't have a chance to get online. But loads of good thoughts - you are doing well girl, and you know we all love you and are rooting for you xx

Ned - hope you enjoy the book, and that chemo went well today

MAS - will you thank Theo for his card - that was very sweet of him, I hope he enjoys his book too.

Any more takers for 'NOtes From a Small Island' - just PM me your address and I'll send you a copy

gig - hugs for the wobble, - hope your mum has helped you feel calmer xx

love to all - just catching up with all your news now.

Am very cross with DH at the moment. Scruffy (dog) was supposed to go back to vets for a check on her ears, at the weekend he said 'I don't think she needs to go, she's better' and I said 'I think she should go, to make sure it's completely better', - so today I phoned him at work about something and he slips into the conversation 'oh by the way I cancelled the vets appointment'
Sneaky bugger

• sorry that was rather a dull domestic, but I'm cross

Topsy you are an amazing and wonderful woman....and you can keep this bastard of a cancer on the back foot. Not aggressive nodules sounds better than the alternative.....I guess, but you must have very mixed feelings about the whole thing. Well done for getting through the consult.

Gig be kind to yourself, today has been a tough day, I hope you got lots of hugs and from your mum.

Ned - glad your are hope, now get on that sofa and keep your feet up

jchoc - not the best news then work wise.....!

Kurri - have pmed you. I would be cross re domestic too if I were you!

grr about cancelled vet appointment kk -I be cross..glad you got Theo's card.
jane about job downgrade - hope the hot bread and butter was cheering (send a slice over to me !)
ned glad you got through today's dose -xx

Sparkle - I'll pop one in the post tomorrow

Glad you have today's chemo out of the way ned.

Yay for Ned - least that's another one down. Hunker down and just see how it takes you. I think aches won't really kick in until you stop the injections. Are you doing those yourself? Can't remember.

Kurri, grrr on vets. I'd be cross too. Tell little dog to look mighty pathetic and guilt trip him.

Jane, that's annoying about your job - how cruel to tell you when you're just about to go on holiday too. Honestly you'd have thought they could have waited at least. Are you all packed and ready??

Amber, can't say what you should do, but nice nurse sounds like she knows a fair bit. Feel a bit amazed they might even vaguely let you start up again after all the trouble you've had on it.

Have just been to a strange and mysterious mathematical land with DS. It's called 'chunking' ...

Everyone below a scale 6 had job evaluation and all the letters should have arrived today. Would like to be at work in a way, cos would like to know what the others say. However, our immediate managers have already been delayered and lost grades and some staff have not been assimilated and maybe won't have a job at all, sow I should count myself lucky to have a job! Not packed at all, travelling very light. Been doing washing today, cut the grass and pottered in the greenhouse. Will pack tomorrow! I am not going to let myself get upset about work, pay protection for one year at least defers the problem. Stupid thing is that I usually enjoy my job, but may have to apply for others because money just isn't worth what it was before quantative easing! Sorry I'm a bit self absorbed today. Dh still hasn't got breakdown insurance and listened to the radio too much again today (4hr job sat in car). Guess who had to get bus to him and bump start it again? He is in big trouble!

Delayered and assimilated? Blimey, it sounds like the plot from Star Trek versus the Borg!
Whatever that means, it sounds horrible. Hugs all round.

Thanks amber. A nights sleep and work isn't so important. Put it all in perspective. I do worry that we will get a regional pay cut as well as losing car allowance soon though. Hey ho. joys of working for local govt! Hope you all wake up feeling refreshed. Time for a I'll put one on.

raining again - am on mum patrol today -dad is off to London (his best friend who died in January has left £500 for his friends to have a drink with) so am going to make sure she's ok and help her get upstairs to bed for a rest in the afternoon. Have arranged for a mutual friend to join us for coffee and croissants (and maybe a maple pecan thing). Shall add some to the trolley,of course.
Special love to topsy and happy packing to jane - don't let the job thing spoil your holiday..
ned how are you doing ?

Morning All

That's a lovely thing that your dads friend has done mas . Hope your dad has a great day . And don't eat too many buns at your mums today !

Ned hope you had a good night , and aren't feeling too rough .

Gig how are you feeling today ? Hopefully not too down .

Jane sorry to hear about your work troubles . That's just what you don't need right now eh ?
Where are you going on hols ?

Who's turn is it for appointments today ?

I didn't sleep too well last night , too busy churning things over in my mind .
But I am strangely calm today , and glad to have an action plan .

Did any of the Tax or Herceptin ladies have both at the same time ? How common is it for that to happen ?

Topsy, it's new research showing it's most effective to have the two (well, three - see above) together. I didn't, but would have done if it was offered.

So it's becoming common now, but wouldn't have been even six months ago, if you see what I mean.

forgot to say- please enter my blog giveaway !

Hi again,
MIL is coming today from BIL's .Saw her on sunday and after suggesting the possibility of ringing the b clinic and letting them know they can ring,she suprised me by saying she definately doesn't want to know till next weds appointment. She wouldn't explain so I didn't push it but she wants(?) to come to my breast clinic appt tomorrow so we will be together all day and perhaps she'll talk about it.
I think she is putting it off because she thinks its bad news and she's scared.
What do you think?

And smee- is it your re-con op tomorrow? loads of good luck if so.

Had pretty good night - sedative ADs seems to have over-ridden the skitty feelings I have had before on the steroids, so slept OK. Not feeling too bad this morning - not too sicky, just a bit spaced out and shaky. Not really achy either. The calm before the storm, perhaps? Have got an appointment with practice nurse on Thursday to do my first injection with me, and then will hopefully be OK to do them myself.

topsy I love a good plan, I think it makes things a bit easier somehow. Sounds like a good ruthless plan with the Tax and Herceptin together, to give the little buggers a good blasting. Thinking of you lots today x x x

MAS what a lovely idea of your dads friend! A close colleague of my dads did something similar with his extensive wine collection after he died - all the bottles were laid out and a list of friends were invited to come and choose 6 bottles each! Hope you have a nice day with your mum and visiting friend. Enjoy the croissants!

jchoc so sorry to hear about job stuff - what a worry for you. Don't let it spoil your hols though- where are you off too?

smee tell DS from me chunking is really hard, and he's a super clever boy if he can master it! (it's a bugger to teach too, but don't tell him that bit!)

Waves to kurri, sparkle, amber and anyone else around this morning

X post 14k hope you can have a good chat with MIL over the next few days. Sounds like she's really lucky to have you supporting her through this tough time x x

Gig, Ned and Jane - big hugs to you all (actually typed 'big bugs' - no thanks!).

Amber - I had to laugh - the word 'assimilated' made me think of the Borg too! Wanted to say sorry if my previous post re the portacath sounded smug or boasting, does to me now, but not meant that way. What I was trying to say in my kack-handed way was that even in the context of a manic and stressful day the procedure was OK.

14k - good that mil is coming to the clinic with you, time to talk - sounds like she needs time to get her head around it all.

mas - enjoy your coffee.

topsy - chocolate to maintain calm. I'll see if there is a gold bunny left over for you.

smee - good luck for tomorrow

ned - glad you had a good night - we have the storm here, rattling the tiles and it is precipitating it down.

wave to lime and kk and amber and sparkle.

I'm going back to Morocco with my cousin, she is over here visiting her Mum again and it seemed a shame not to, when I could :) Feel a bit mean leaving the girls, but I can't take them out of school and I've promised to take them on holiday in the summer... And dh said he didn't mind, he doesn't like going abroad.

Oh and ned you are allowed to spend the day in your pjs if you like ;)

I'd stay in pyjamas ned !
Good luck tomorrow 14k with your appointment and with MIL's on Wednesday.
smee is your op tomorrow ??

I4k I think that mil being scared is almost certainly it. Or may prefer news face to face so can ask ?

Very very tired which I think was part of issue with major mood down. I will talk to onc about it as not sure large spells in bed curled up weeping is the way forward. Think possible element of pnd- I am fretting about amount of time I have spent with mini and my energy level being so low is affecting quality of our relationship (massive over thinking possibly as have done too much therapy which stresses early relationship with your parents).

Amber how is it going?

j it does sound all very 1984 and not surprised you are hacked off. Trip might help feel better.- where in morocco would you be going?

ned the optimist in me thinks maybe you won't react so badly with this lot. And you are getting to be an old hand at managing se.

mas meant to say that is such a great idea of your dads friend .

topsy the shock/stress Bound to take while to process. Do you know when will start treatment?

jchoc that is awful re: your downgrade especially just before your holiday. Have a fab time in Morocco though.

mas have a lovely time with your mum today. That was a lovely idea for your dad and his friends.

14k thinking of you and your MIL. Hope your appointment goes well tomorrow.

ned glad you are still feeling not too bad. Not sure how I would cope with self injecting. Think there would be quite a few tentative jabs first.

smee good luck tomorrow. Thinking of you.

gigs hope you feel a bit better today. You have had a stressful few months so to be expected.

topsy thinking of you but glad you are feeling calm today. I'm sorry I can't help with the Tax/Herceptin question as I'm having FEC but I was told the FEC/Herceptin would more than likely overlap.

Waves to everyone else - must dash taking mum out for coffee.

Topsy, I'm not a Herceptin person, so just had the Tax by itself. You must feel totally blasted today after the stress of yesterday. Have an indulgent day. Chocolate raisins from me on the fb trolley. healthy surely?!

Jane have a fab, fab holiday. All that sun and I love Morocco.

Ned, definitely stick in your PJ's. Bit grim outside anyway. I am baffled by chunking. DS says if I try a bit harder, I'll understand it in the end.

MAS, what a lovely idea, though £500 to spend on drink?? That should be quite some party.

Gig, how are you today? Hope feeling a bit brighter. Why not join Ned in her PJ's. Sounds like a lot of tlc needed all round.

l4k, maybe your MIL needs time to take it all in. Good to hear she wants to support you tomorrow. How are you feeling about your appt?? Hope you're okay. What time is it, so we can all be thinking of you?

Sparkle, how's Nikki dog? Is she any better?

• Kurri what revenge did you take on DH?? Do tell..

Have a nice coffee with your mum, Gracie.

Eight, how are you?? Still feeling a bit better this time round?

My op's not until Thursday, but as usual have daft amounts of work to get through before then. Better get on, but am waving to Amber, Lime and Sometimes and to anyone else I've missed..

jane - I'm sorry about your job - what a thing to fling at you. But as MAS says, don't let it spoil your holiday, have a wonderful break.

topsy - I'm glad you feel calm today, - you do have a plan and that's always good. I didn't have my chemo and herceptin at the same time (but I didn't have tax.), but most people I know who were diagnosed after me have had them together - they've found it's more effective that way (herceptin being given to everyone from early on was a fairly new thing when I was diagnosed - so they are refining it's use all the time)

Ned (and gracie) - I had to do the self injecting, and felt a bit daunted, but really it is no problem - it's a very small needle and it just goes under the skin - honestly you will manage fine - the only thing that is a faff is setting up all the wipes and 'sterile area' (not many of those in my house!!) but they gave me a plastic sheet thing to put over the filth

PJ days definitely to be encouraged the day after chemo Ned - have you got a good book, or DVD to watch?

l4K - maybe your MIL just wants that bit of time to get her head round it all, everyone's different, - I hated waiting, but perhaps she knows how much she can take in at any given time. Hopefully you'll be able to have a good chat with her, - it's great that you can be such a support for her, you are obviously a very good DIL

Gig - hope you can get something sorted out - low mood is tough to get through, and it's been especially hard for you - I was terribly weepy for ages when I got my DX, and I walked about like a barely functioning zombie for the first months of DS's life - I was so drained, so the fact that you are coping as well as you are with both situations is a tribute to your strength. But I all for taking whatever help you can to make life easier - there's never any need to struggle on when you are down.

MAS - hope your Dad has a lovely day, - what a nice thought from his friend and I hope you and your mm have a nice day too and enjoy your croissants.

waving to Lime (hope you are feeling a bit better now )and amber, Sparkle, Sometimes and everyone.

Smee - is you op tomorrow? - loads of luck with it, will have you firmly in my thoughts, hoping everything goes well, - I'm sure it will