**TAMOXIFEN**22 !

[MaryAnnSingleton]

yikes- here we go...

but topsy you are doing so well -try to hang on to that thought- it must be hugely scary though- we'll be there with you holding on to any spare limbs and sending positive vibes.
figgy would a maternity sleeping bra be an idea ? I vaguely remember those
Hope ds2 has a good trip - how exciting,am sure he'll have a fab time and all will be well.
gracie hope things improve for FIL -poor man. Small world re surgeon ! it always throws me seeing people out of context.

and good luck to Gig and anyone else with appointments today.

Morning all - absent over weekend as at parents and their internet is tucked away upstairs, so thought a bit antisocial to abandon them at regular intervals to check in! My DB seems to gave a recurrence of his CFS/ME after 8 years of being clear of it, so my parents are going to see him today and see what the situation is

Thanks for all helpful suggestions about work crap stuff. Great link Amber thank you. Going to phone Macmillan and NUT this morning and see what they suggest.

LOADS of appointments this week -
topsy CT scan results
GraciesDad bowel test
Amber Portacath and oncologist
Sometimes Pre-op
Smee operation (Wednesday, I think?)
Gig CT scan

Have I missed anybody?

I've got chemo this afternoon, so trying to keep busy this morning. . .

Offering and sending positive vibes to everyone, fbs and spare hands for all to hold. Hang in there everyone - especially you lovely topsy -thinking of you lots and lots for this afternoon x x

Blimey Topsy, don't disappear - today of all days you need us to distract. Keep busy 'til 2.30 then. Am burning a flame here for you and as MAS says, last scan gave you far better odds, so hold onto that. xxx

Gig, are you today too?? I don't think you are (apart from rads obviously). Waiting for result's horrid, so am piling Percy Pigs on the fb trolley. If you don't like them, you can hurl them at the DD's to buy you time to chill.

Figgy, a friend who's just had a baby said maternity bras are hugely improved and really comfy, so I'd second MAS's suggestion.

MAS, I loved that video of your dad. Great that your mum managed too. When's DS off to NYC? Must be soon.

Gracie, hope your FIL gets better news than you're anticipating. Such a sod you've had so much illness in the family. How are you today?

Waving to l4k - how's your MIL? Hope not too down. Did you get anywhere in terms of obtaining results for her?

Got little time, as it's my pre-op blood-letting today. Will come back later to check in. Hope everyone had a good weekend though. Sun's shining here. Am taking that at as a good sign for the week ahead.

Good luck everyone with appointments, results and chemo. Lots of prayers and positive thoughts winging their way to you all.

Amber hope you are ok you sound very down.

Ned - good luck for chemo today, mine is next week. I have finally been feeling back to normal so not looking forward to it but thinking positive that after next week I will be quarter through.

I am going to start some decluttering today as I have let things slide. Really worried about DD. She is so tearful at the moment. She was up twice last night saying she didn't want to leave me and didn't want me to be sick again . Other than a couple of days when I had my chemo I am really just getting on as normal and nurses come when she isn't here so not really sure what has happened.

smee hope pre-op bloods, appointment goes well.

Mini Twirls and Viennese Whirls for the fbs trolley.

x-posted Ned. Chemo again already?? I am a bit out of the loop due to NYC I think. Good that it's another one though - first Tax? You'll be fine. Better once it's in am sure. Am thinking of you xx

Thanks Smee yes, first Tax today. quite a lot little bit scared apprehensive. Will feel better once its done, I think. Do I just phone my GP to book someone to come and do my bone marrow injections? Nurse or doctor? I don't think I'll be able to drive by Thursday, so might need someone to come here. . . Hope your pre-op stuff goes OK today x x

Gracie Poor DD. Its a rollercoaster for them too, I think. How old is she? My DS is 4 and a half, and I have just tried to be honest with him and tell him what's going on a way he can understand, and answer all his questions, even if they're always the same questions. Tell her its OK to be worried. There is a book on the BCC website here that might help to explain what it happening? Lots of hugs to you and her x x x

kurri thanks for the excellent book, which arrived this morning! It smells so much more lovely than my Kindle! I shall take it to the hospital this afternoon.

ooh ned will be thinking of you this pm - don't be scared xxx
and smee hope blood letting etc is ok - thanks for kind words about dad's video - he was very depressed by his performance- tsk- he is always very self critical -really he should be pleased as he's only been playing the oboe for about 6 months.
I shall buy mini twirls later to add to the trolley.

Hi all- another rads down. And the sun is out. I wish I knew when get scan results as uncertainty of when isnt helping. And my oncologist bound to think I am more odd as she only sees me when stressed and tends to make me more stressed as she might be an amazing dr but has a slightly stern way with her.

ned/smee my dd also gets a bit unsettled too although I play down what is going on without denying it. Part of issue for her is that I think my illness has come on back of a Long spell of me being out of sorts (I was on no lifting etc for a big part of my pregnancy and very out of sorts at end). This seems to have made issue as much as about her adaption to having a baby sis as she associates mini gig with inactive mum.

Can I make two recommendations for helpful /cheery books - firstly "shit my dad says by Justin halpern" profane but extremely funny and can dip into it when you need a laugh.

The cancer survivors companion by Lucy Atkins and dr frances good hart- this has a load of practical tips on managing stress , issues etc after dx and treatment .

Both are available on kindle for e book fans.

Good luck Topsy, Ned and smee for today. I am think of you.

I will try and keep up this week, and keep refilling the fbs trolley.

have to go and fix a zhu zhu pet now!.....don't ask.

Ooo ps. Nikki dog is looking much better, I think she has turned the corner now. Hopefully stitches out on Friday.

And ned hope first tax is ok - am sure anticipation as bad as anything physical. How many down are you on treatment count?

Fix a zhu zhu pet? The best fix for those things is the bin.

We have an irish hamster zhu zhu .... Thanks grandma for that

I have fixed it, that wasquick wasn;t it, it is now scuttling under the kitchen table in a very annoying fashion, but dd2 is happy, so peace reigns in the sparkle household.

gig this is 4th out of 6, so will definitely feel like I am making progress after this one. . .

X post Sparkle Am in awe of your zhu zhu fixing skills. Glad DD2 now content! Hope all OK with you x x

Thanks Ned will have a look at that book. She is 7 and although we have told her I am having some medicine to make me better and that I will lose my hair, we haven't actually told her why. Thought it might be too much for her to handle. Hope we haven't done the wrong thing in not telling her.

sparkle glad Nikki dog is on the mend and well done on the zhu zhu fix. I'm with kurri best place for those is the bin.

gigs I'm sure your consultant is used to seeing stressed patients, goes with the territory I suppose. Fingers crossed your result comes through soon.

Ok some issues with ds, but no change there eh! I am enjoying the sun though today....wish it would stay as I am missing the lovely April May sun shine we usually get which actually is out summer!

I don't think you have done wrong thing - cancer an emotive word and chances are , if she has heard of it , will be in a dramatic context (eg someone's grandparents death etc).

What did orthotics say sparkle ? Any progress or positive news to share?

Gracie - I agree with Gig, it is so difficult to know how to deal with it for them. I didn't say anything to my ds, apart from I had to go to hospital etc....actually I should have said more, because he realised how poorly I was post surgery. So hard to get the balance right.

yes,I'd be careful about saying 'cancer' as it is a frightening word and chances are they'll have heard about people dying from cancer and that isn't going to be very helpful.

Bah did big long post and lost it. But people hear cancer (including anyone diagnoaed

And it is a very emotional response . Whereas it is serious but so are a lot of other things that have no where near the same emotive angle that cancer does.

being topped up.

Painful flushing, as ever, then straight back into work negotiations. Had long chat with sensible nurse who said don't go back on herceptin. Will see if onc agreees tomorrow. Part of me is scared of the operation to take the portacath back out again, as last time it went very wrong when they put it in, and I've gotten phobic about hospitals. Oh well.

Topsy, don't you dare start believing their rhubarb about life expectancy. They've just found the targeting mechanism that delivers chemo direct into the cells and should make a heck of a difference to survival outcomes. It won't necessarily bea cure, but it might well be a lifetime of fairly straightforward management instead. Fingers crossed.

Goodluck Ned, Gig and especially Topsy for appointments today. Will be thinking of you all. Smee, is it your operation this week as well and Amber -portacath - busy, busy week for hospitals. Gracie, my kids have definitely been perturbed by all this bc business - although we have I think been genuinely positive throughout the whole thing (first month excepted) it is true that life is different for them at the moment and this is bound to be disturbing for children. We are just telling them it will soon be over and we can get back to normal. Have you told school what is happening as mine unfortunately have had some behaviour issues there which perhaps we could have avoided if I had been a little bit more upfront about what was going on at home. Think we are just a stressy sort of family unfortunately and are very good at winding each other. I have just waved the boys off on a school residential - touch and go whether ds2 could go but he is really looking forward to it and I hope he enjoys it. Second cycle of docetaxol is going much better & feel almost normal today other than a few aches around my tummy.