**TAMOXIFEN 17 **

[MaryAnnSingleton]

blimey- we're almost up to our limit...so brand new shiny,sparkling thread.

poor mum kk -am imagining a teeny woman tossing bird seed in the air
I made light of my dx I think- I emailed my friends,not all,just selected few and didn't go into much detail. I don't think my parents wanted to acknowledge it as my SIL had been diagnosed with aggressive bc some years before (thankfully over 5 years clear now) my dad had prostate cancer (and was hugely stoic about that-all well now) and I think most importantly my younger brother died of cancer aged 10 and that whole thing was pretty awful to contemplate all over again.

Hi everyone! Just waving for now, I can see there is a lot going on here. My cousin let me out for a walk on my own and I survived crossing the main road twice! No mean feat with the traffic around here... No lane discipline - basically a free for all with lots of mopeds and pushbikes mixed in. Bit grey today but nice and warm and the colours of the hibiscus hedges and borganvillia are stunning.

Deeply of janes Morroccan adventures .
Am presently wrapped in a blanket on the sofa and it's so cold I can't feel my nose ! I would give my first born for a week somewhere warm right now .

Why won't the NHS fund a group trip to The Bahamas for us Tamoxifen Ladies ?

ILGC I think you and your family have done so well getting through the Christmas and New Year period . I find New Year hard enough at the best of times , but it must be such a bitter sweet time for you all .

I can't compete with jane's bourgainvillea and hibiscus- though my potted hibiscus is about to flower again which is cheering.

Happy New Year everyone, wherever you are, in all senses...
Would you believe that our local leisure centre cut all morning classes/swim/aqua aerobics, between Christmas, up until tomorrow I hope to get to the morning class before my first Rad appointment in the pm. Anyone else gone swimming during rads?

The leaflet I got from my rads department advised against swimming during rads . You had better check with them first drift .

jane resumed swimming shortly after rads, but I think not a good idea during- chlorine and whatnot harsh on your poor irradiated skin. Check with rads people.

Thanks for the reply.

Topsy, now I do like the idea of a group Bahama's holiday. Perhaps suggest it at your next appointment. We have been out for my annual, birthday walk and I kindly found a bit of the white stuff for the boys. OK, was hail rather than snow but was the only bit we've had all holiday. They are back to school tomorrow.

Camel, glad your feeling more optimistic today. I find everything seems more bearable in the daytime but in the middle of the night rationality flies out the window. You will know in two days time and then the worst will be over.

I'm up for the Bahamas too!

Went for a very chilly walk today with DH and DS. . . Did comment that the enormous black rain cloud seemed to be gaining on us, but was told the wind was going the other way. . .[hmmm]

Cue rapidly approaching rain cloud, hailstorm and complaining DS. . . All up Maiden Castle. Very cold and exposed, if you don't know Dorset!

Was good to blow some cobwebs away, and think about something else. . . Even if it was how wet my new beautiful fat face coat was getting!

Only 3 days for me to wait for results now. . .

Ned are you from Dorset? - I grew up there, its beautiful.

My DD (aged 8) has just left for her first ever sleep over at a friends house . She is bouncing off the walls with excitement . But I feel like she has left home !

Join me in a bottle glass of wine ladies ... Please ?

Hi Ned, a good "blow"/walk seems so instinctive at times. Hope you have good news in a few days time, either way enjoy everything along the way.

Heh, OneInEight, I think I was being perfectly rational last night, more than what I was thinking this morning actually which was just flat out denial, not optimism or rationality :) I am a very scientifically oriented person and find comfort in evidence/statistics/rationality and, rationally and objectively, I think it's reasonably likely that I could get bad news. Might not, but as you say I'll know in 2 days. I'm totally OK about it though - had a chat with someone who is a pathologist (who looks at about 100 of the same biopsy I had in a week!) and also my (ex)MIL today. She is the practice nurse for a GP practice in a smallish town and has seen a number of people with lymphoma. Was a good chat :)

Yes Kurri- not originally, but have lived here for nearly 10 years. Completely fab place to live, and bring up dcs. 4year old DS growing up into a very satisfactory country bumpkin! We live between Dorchester and Blandford, and I work in Bournemouth.

Topsy bet your dd feels super-grown up! How fab that she's looking forward to it so much. Hope she has a lovely time! Will definitely join you in a (Ned cracks open bottle and passes Topsy a large glass!)

DH cooking roast chicken tonight- yum!

Yes please! Can I put my name down for the Bahamas trip ?
We've been out for a short walk to blow the cobwebs out this afternoon. The wind was strong and freezing, and there was ice on some bits of grass out on the top! I've got used to the milder weather we've had over Christmas. Had to force dh into the cafe for some hot chocolate with cream. Off now to catch up with a bit of Christmas tele- there's little to watch on for weeks, then they put lots of good stuff on when you either have people round or are out visiting, so therefore not watching tele

topsyturner Here we go I may defer my wine until Wednesday evening, either way, as I really need to get back on the diet wagon after Christmas! Although, maybe one won't hurt ... ;-)

Thank you Driftwood - did feel quite "alive" up there in the freezing hail, iyswim. . .

Ah nothing like a bit of 'weather' to make you feel alive

I grew up just outside Wareham - still go often to visit my mum, and I went to school near Bournemouth (many moons ago )
Soon after I'd finished my treatment I went for a walk to Dancing Ledge, - it felt so good - the sea is so wild there, I just sat on the rocks at the top and stared out at it!

Camel - is there a spare seat on that diet wagon?, - I definitely need to hitch a ride.

I hear what you are saying about the scientific approach - my DH is a scientist and when I was ill, he very much needed to know details, statistics, possibilities etc. - I was more fingers in ears and 'la la la' (although I'm fine with info. now) You just have to go with whatever is best for you and makes you feel best armed to get through it all.

Book me in for the Bahamas too, please.

Had a lovely hour long walk today, then visited my chum. Home now and dinner is in the oven, ready for DS to eat with us all when he comes in.

She's not going to be brought home till tomorrow tea time !
The house feels so quiet already ...

But there is plenty of wine to ease my pain

So we seem to have a general consensus for the trip to The Bahamas . Hmmm wonder if we can get group rates ?

My rads body parts are awful sore and itchy tonight . After everyone went to bed last night I sat bare chested on my sofa slathered in soothing cream . That helped for a while . I don't get much time to go bare chested as no one has seen me since my surgery in June ! How I have managed to keep it under wraps since then I don't know . And I know DH and the DC wouldn't react badly to it . Its just me , it took such an effort to even bare my chest to the medical professionals , I can't face anyone else seeing me .

Topsyturner I know it's not at all the same, but I understand a bit of what you mean. I laboured at home with my son until 10cm and then had an emergency transfer to hospital which ended in a c-section (switched to a general mid-surgery) that left me very traumatised and I was completely unable to look at or touch my scar for 6 months to a year, let alone let anyone else see it.

Did someone say Bahamas?? Am packing..

Topsy, ask them at the unit for some cooling gel things to put on the itchy skin. you can put them under clothes if you're sitting. Hope your DD has a wondrous time.

Lots of country walks on here. We went ice skating, at which we were useless - though I was the best I even managed to let go of the handrail.

Hahahahahaaaa !