**TAMOXIFEN 17 **

[MaryAnnSingleton]

blimey- we're almost up to our limit...so brand new shiny,sparkling thread.

Oooh Camel, poor you. i am finding the waiting tough too, so you have my sympathy.

I am sure they are not going to diagnose my with b/c either. But I dreading that they are not even going to look, and dismiss me out of hand. My lump(s) is only there when I lie on my side, my breast fat seems to consume it when upright. Will they say it is not visible, ony at one angle or not big enough, so not worth investigating?

Of course I want to hear no cancer, but if they just say off you go and don't wrry about it I will wrry senseless, even with no other symptoms. I need them to at least xray or something to reassure me.

And, in the very unlikely event I do have b/c I am assuming, maybe naively, that no other symptoms means very early on, so surely I have nothing much to worry about.

when is your appt, mine is a week on Tuesday.

And Back for Good, just read your post, which is genuinely very reassuring, so thank you.

Dig, I have had an appointment already. Mammogram was ok, but they found an abnormality in lymph nodes so did a biopsy. My appointment to get the results is on Wednesday.

Size is not a factor in whether they investigate or not - some tumours are very small and they definitely are not all visible. Good luck.

Dig, Camel waiting and hoping with you. I hate waiting and am possibly the most impatient person ever!! Lots of people here holding your hands.

I've generally been okay over Christmas but am now worring a bit about some other symptoms that I've had over the last 10 days or so: Have lost my appetite, am v bloated, have indigestion and upper intestinal pain and feel nauseous. I am assuming this is stress-related - and if I wasn't in my current situation wouldn't dream of going to see my GP - but just wondering whether I should get it checked out?? I understood that if I developed secondaries that would be some time later?? Hoping I am just a hyperchondriac - but I (and the GP and my first consultant!) assumed my lump was benign and look where I am now. Any words of wisdom?

oh the waiting is hard and you are bound to be feeling the stress of it which might account for nausea and all the other feelings of unwellness. Not all tumours are visible or indeed feelable (mine was discovered by mammogram) and I would say probably all of us felt perfectly healthy and well before diagnosis - no symptoms that you might imagine would indicate cancer.
I think you'll worry until you know for definite what's what-it's not nice but once you know either way things will feel better-even if it is bad news,you'll know what you're up against and be armed with ways to deal with it-treatment follows pretty quickly. All your anxieties are perfectly normal - just wish we could make them disappear.

Happy NY everyone and BackforGood, year for your return!! Am liking the name, but cursing you too, as now I can't stop singing it..!

marmite, I had terrible rib pain after diagnosis and was convinced it was due to bone secondaries, but all scans were clear. Talk to your Consultant about it otherwise it will niggle away at you, but I'd bet it's all stress related.

Dig could your night sweats be menopause? Just a thought, but it might be maybe? Must feel like you've a long time to wait. Let us distract you and worry away if you need to. Waiting's horrid.

You stuck in the waiting game too Camel. Though Wednesday's not so far now.

Figgy, I hope DS2 wasn't too flattened when you told him about his friend. Hope you're okay too.

Topsy, what a lovely post. Worst year for you definitely. 2012 is going to be different.

Does anyone else's house look like a banshee's been rampaging? Ours is awesomely messy. Might dim the lights later so I can't see it.

Happy New year again from me to everyone

Hand holding and hugs for all the people waiting - I think its even harder at this time of year when everyone is having parties and such like, makes putting a brave face on things more of a strain.

Marmite - stress could very well be playing a factor in how you are feeling, but IME GPs are very understanding and willing to check you over while you are going through this uncertainty, so if you'd find it reassuring then pop along. I have the kind of innards which react physically to any kind of stress, - so many sympathies.

hello BackforGood, nice to see you back

topsy - that was a lovely post, you have had a horrible year. You speak of help and support you have had here, and that is wonderful, but I'd like to say you are a poster who gives so much. You are a warm, generous, caring, funny soul, much loved by us all xx

Hi, it's me not Dig who has the night sweats. I'm not menopausal - 37 with an absolutely clockwork 30 day cycle. I wake up at about 5 every morning absolutely dripping and my bed soaked. It's been going on about 3 months, I think and I've never had anything like it. Coincided with the onset of the itching which is why I thought they were linked.

marmite I had very similar health issues following diagnosis, digestion problems, bloating, abdominal pain, it has eased greatly over the last few weeks and I am certain stress played a huge part. I have been to see my GP who was excellent and put my mind at rest and told me in no uncertain terms to go back at anytime for reassurance.

Happy New Year to everyone, very best wishes for 2012.

Ooh, sorry Camel I knew it was you. Not at all sure why I put Dig . Still could be entirely innocent you know. All sorts of things can cause night sweats.

Thanks Smee :) Night sweats and itching are both lymphoma symptoms and, although I know it could be totally innocent, I just have a feeling - not a hysterical, irrational one, I'm pretty level headed. I also had another lump investigated in November that was put down to a 'possibly an enlarged lymph node'. God, I am coming drip-feeding. Not intentional! :) I am OK, I just want to know now. Not long now as you say.

Camel I've had periods of full-on night sweats in the past (delightful!) which I think have been down to stress: I don't often feel stressed but have had periods of lost sleep due to DCs.

V odd this BC business, isn't it - as MAS says. On the outside I feel very healthy and not at all ill - I'm a runner and was still overtaking people at 7 months pregnant [Paula Radcliffe emoticon]. I just have a v badly behaved lump (can't remember which of you I stole that phrase from but it's mine now!).

Have just upped the stakes on healthy eating here. After a Christmas largely characterised by mince pies have just served a slightly shocked DH wholewheat pasta with wilted spring greens for supper. Not the start to 2012 he was hoping for, I suspect, but actually v tasty. Let me know if you'd like the recipe [sits back anticipating loud clamour...]

Periods of lasting 3 months of them every night? I have been very stressed in the past and never experienced them, so all new to me. Did you experience the same intense itching too?

I really wish I had somewhere to talk about this without my thoughts being dismissed. I realise people are trying to help when they make suggestions like stress, cysts and everything else but it is really not helpful :( Sorry, I don't mean to sound ungrateful or bitchy, but I have friends saying 'Oh it's nothing' or 'You're too young' etc and thought this was somewhere to talk where I wouldn't be dismissed. I really do know that it's not anyone's intention to be dismissive, really I do, but trying to help by telling people it's nothing etc really, really doesn't help. I'm not a hypochondriac, I'm not prone to getting melodramatic over health things and it would just be nice to be listened to and taken seriously and not told 'Have you considered it's this innocuous thing?' - yes, of course I have considered that.

Camel I'm so sorry . I really didn't mean to dismiss your concerns at all. I first posted while I was waiting for my biopsy results (I had to wait for two weeks) and found it comforting when people offered alternative explanations. I'm new here - and therefore possibly not the best person to be offering advice - but people on here are unbelievably kind and supportive.

I hope you can get through the waiting.

No worries :) I'm sorry for blowing up and it's not you - it's human nature to try help.

I guess people are all different. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone or anywhere because I feel like no-one is taking me seriously when they offer alternative suggestions and like the conversation is being shut down. It's not like there's one random thing and I'm getting hysterical by thinking 'Oh, it must be cancer' - it's 3 or 4 very specific clinical signs on top of a suspicious scan finding. It might be fine, but objectively, rationally I have plenty of reason to think that it's possibly/probably not.

Did they biopsy the last lump in November elusive ?
I have very little knowledge of other cancers apart from my own , and even with that my head has been firmly buried in the sand .

I am hoping that you get some concrete answers either way this Wednesday . Why the hell all hospitals can't run a one stop clinic for these things I don't know . This was how I was diagnosed , and it's far more humane .

No, no biopsy on the first lump. Went to a GP who referred me to A&E. A&E doctor said to return to A&E if it hadn't gone down in 5 days. It didn't so I returned to A&E. A&E doctor said they'd probably want to remove it surgically. Surgical registrar comes down and says they've not seen anything like it. Sent me for US. US was inconclusive, they didn't know what it was. Saw surgical registrar again who said probably enlarged lymph or trauma (had been horseriding before it appeared) and to come back if it didn't go away.

(((hugs to camel)))) people are trying to be kind, but I understand that you know your own body, and know when something is 'off'. I know we all hope - and you hopeyourself - that your worst fears are not confirmed but I fully understand your pragmatic approach and realistic consideration.

Being a Newbie here myself cliches and platitudes are all I can offer by way of hope. It seems a bit callous - not to say cruel - to come out and say yes those symptoms do sound scary. And I am unqualified to offer anything morevthan hugs.

My position is a bit diffeent, can I ask your advice? I have told almost no-one in real life and not discussed it in depth with anyone. how on earth do you raise the spectre? And for those further downthe road, how do I tell people if BC is the diagnosis?

Heck Camel, you really won't hear any of us saying 'it'll never happen" because it already has to us.

Iit still feels worth saying that my rib pain scared the hell out of me but turned out to be nothing. That's not me being dismissive, it's just trying to help a bit maybe by showing how my worst fears were proven wrong. I still had a cancer disgnosis, so it was totally crap but you can't second guess what you face until results are in. you could be okay or you could not, we all know that and understand it more than most. Impossible to say anything other than stay with us and say whatever you want. Rant more or whatever you feel. It helps a bit I think.

Camel - my apologies, it wasn't my intention to be dismissive at all, or to sound patronising or not take your fears seriously or anything like that

I hope you get the answers you need on Wednesday, uncertainty is a horrible thing, and whether your results are likely to be good or likely to be bad, you can't deal with the situation until you know one way or another.

take care - will be thinking about you on Wednesday xx

camel I don't think we were dismissing your fears and saying that it's nothing- just suggesting things it might be as those are the more likely scenario - I remember my SIL saying she wouldn't tell me everything would be ok for me as no one can know that and how very pissy it was when people said things like 'you're strong and you'll be ok'. Please feel you can say how you feel on this thread- it's natural though for people to want to try to reassure.

topsy I absolutely agree with what kk said about you
and yes Backforgood -that pesky song is spinning around my head now

I have told almost no-one in real life and not discussed it in depth with anyone. how on earth do you raise the spectre?
Hah, well I posted on FB (to a filtered group of good friends, not generally) in a 'Oh, god, I could really do without the hassle of this appointment this week' way because I totally expected to be in and out of there in 10 minutes. Wouldn't have otherwise. I told my ex and best friend on the day I found the breast lump. Just said 'I found a lump'. I'm a very blunt, just say things how they are type person though. Haven't told my mum about the appointment or biopsy though.

smee, thanks :) I guess I don't see getting a diagnosis as my 'worst fear' at all. It'll just a PITA, and I'd be devastated because I think I'd lose my job (can't say why or what it is) and I love my job, but I'm not afraid that I'd die.

as those are the more likely scenario
Yes, I agree that those things on their own, in isolation, are more likely to have an innocent explanation. So if someone says 'I have night sweats' then it's more likely that it's nothing and you can't assume you have cancer on a single symptoms, but 3, 4, 5 specifically grouped things means the more likely scenario, statistically and scientifically, is not innocuous. Of course it may be, there's always the chance, but I can't talk about the not-innocent option, the one that is factually more likely, with anyone because no-one will let me. If I say anything, the answer is 'No, it's not. It's probably this' which is what I'd probably say to any single sign - but when there are quite a few of them, I just wish one person would say "OK, it doesn't look good" and let me talk about that.

When people focus on one of the things and say 'Oh, it's probably nothing' it really does feel dismissive because it's not just one thing and because it feels like the conversation is being shut down. Of course I know people are trying to help and reassure and that's lovely :) It's just very frustrating. It's not just the one thing on it's own, so makes me feel like I have to explain again.

ok then camel so it may be lymphoma - let's accept that that's a possibility - and that you're afraid that if it is you'll lose your job.