**TAMOXIFEN 17 **

[MaryAnnSingleton]

blimey- we're almost up to our limit...so brand new shiny,sparkling thread.

I think the thing about this thread Camel, is that many of us come from the position of having had a cancer DX, and from living with that DX. We all think everything we have, every twinge every upset stomach, every aching bone, every cough is the return of our cancer. That's the way it is. So we get it checked and we worry and we try not to upset our families, and we come on here and say 'I'm really scared'.

Often it's not connected with cancer and is a separate problem, sometimes it is connected. Sometimes tension and poking at your body to test the size of lumps and bumps makes them hurt more. Sometimes cancer doesn't have any obvious symptoms, and sometimes lots of symptoms don't mean cancer.

But the only way to find out is to go through the tests and scans and wait, and if you are a person who likes to be in control of your life as much as possible, then that is a frustrating, angry making, frightening thing.

Yes you may have lymphoma, - I don't know a great deal about it, but it sounds as if you suspect you have, and your instincts may well be right. I hope very very much that they are wrong on this occasion and you get good news on Wednesday and can get on with your life.

Meanwhile let us help you if we can, honestly no one minds you getting a bit cross (even if we do nibble back a bit ), you've got every right to think you are getting a shit deal at the moment, and that no one else understands. But between us we've been through the gamut of emotions, and although we may sometimes get it wrong and say the wrong thing, we're not doctors, we can't give answers, we're just a bunch of women who are trying to get our heads round this bastard illness too.

Camel this is (one of the many) things about this bastard disease . the uncertainty .
Even if/when you get a diagnosis , no bugger can tell you 100% that this is what's going to happen .
Every case is so individual , from diagnosis to treatment prescribed to reaction to the treatment .
I was told 6 months ago that my breast cancer had spread to my lungs and I had a projected future of 2/3 years . And that any treatment beyond chemo was going to be of no use to me .
Well I am 2/3 of the way through radiotherapy now as my lung tumours reacted so well to chemo ! So , although I will never be cured , I have a much better outlook .

Not telling you this so you can say "yeah topsy " , but to demonstrate how things can change so much .

As regards your work , I think (if you get the diagnosis you expect) you will need to get some formal professional advice . From what you have just told us I understand that it's not like you can take a year out to have treatment as this job won't physically be there in a years time .

Aaaagh , as if having Cancer isn't bad enough . You then have to worry about everything else aswell !

Thanks Kurri Kurri, thanks everyone. Sorry for being snappy and prickly. Wednesday not too far away now - will just have to be patient. Not very good at that though. Just need to think of my DS saying "Mummy, be patient" (usually when I ask for a cuddle or kiss), bless him he's only just 4, and smile at that :)

kk smee mas mwaaaaah !

Am a bit of an emotional wreck tonight . I really have to stop watching tv . Watched Pat pop her clogs on Easties earlier , always hits me seeing a cancer death . And now I have just watched the Adele concert on BBC1 . Whether you are a fan of her music or not , she sings with such emotion
It's a good job I had the delectable Benedict Cumberbatch in Sherlock inbetween those 2 as a bit of light relief

Off now to remove my Christmas name if I can remember how to ...

topsy and kk - absolutely agree with what you've said.
Whatever the outcome on Wednesday camel we shall be thinking of you.

am going to watch Sherlock on iplayer tomorrow...
have been out to see friends and was forced to eat Christmas cake and drink more prosecco..

Snap and prickle all you want Camel, - I've definitely done it in the past, and don't apologise, there's never any need - we just want to be the best help to you that we can

topsy - stay away from the East Enders, it is the most depressing programme - why don't they ever just have a quiet Christmas where nothing much happens?

I missed the first half hour of Sherlock, because someone phoned [grrr]

Camel, i think we like prickly people on here. Know I do. Seems more real somehow. On the job, all you can do is take each step as it comes. Get through Wednesday, then if you need to worry about what's next you can after that. Are you another Londoner then? Am guessing you must be. If so, me too.

Dig, have spotted we missed your question. I will have a think and post more tomorrow when am not zonked.

Topsy, eh, Pat's dead? Blimey - I thought I read some other character had cancer, but don't remember it being Pat. . Sherlock was fun if daft. Night all. zzz

Well, Smee, you know what they say - "Well-behaved women seldom make history" :o Yes, am a Londoner.

Looking forward to watching Sherlock tomorrow morning, although I'm supposed to be moving this week so really I should stop being a lazy slattern and get on with packing.

Camel, Lymphoma: MIL had it for 25 years. Plenty of operations and goodness only knows what else, but she had a heck of a life and enjoyed most of it. Others will have had a different experience, of course. As people have said, we've got cancer/have had it - so this is one place where we're not dismissive, thankfully. Keeping you in thoughts in the lead-up to Wednesday.

Can I have a small panic please? Heceptin again tomorrow - going to risk yet another dose. And the skin on my breast has gone wrinkly over where the lump was, so I've got to talk to my bc nurse/specialist and of course I'm imagining the worst. Which is silly as I've only just finished chemo/surgery/rads and got a "complete response", but...
Anyway, I'll let people know what they say. Suspect it's a SE of the rads.

?

Hey camel- no answers, just mumsnet hugs. . . still holding your hand and waiting with you.

I haven't told my parents about any of this. My mum is depressed, and would think the worst, which i would find even harder. Not sure how to tell her if results come back positive for bc- will be worse that i didn't tell her in the first place. If negative, will probably not say anything at all, i think.

Do benign lumps make you more prone to bc further down the line? Does anyone know if there are any links?

Sherlock was good, btw, but not as good as last series, i thought!

Only a few of the sorts of benign breast lumps point towards a higher risk. info.cancerresearchuk.org/cancerstats/types/breast/riskfactors/ gives some examples.

amber I would think it's likely to be a reaction to rads,the breast can shrink as a result (mine has certainly) so maybe that's why there's wrinkliness -also the skin will be still affected by radiation,I'd've thought,but ask bcn.
camel I am a Londoner too, but relocated to Hampshire a few years ago.

morning all, it's a bright and sunny day and I am thinking of walking the dog, then visiting a friend who isoff work right now, recuperating from an op and also having radiotherapy, so I will no doubt be listening to her latest round of medical news with even more interest (nosey emoticon).

amberlight Hope your BCN can reassure you tomorrow.

Heh, this whole waiting thing is such a rollercoaster, as you all know :) Woken up today thinking that I was being really silly and of course they are going to tell me there is absolutely nothing on Wednesday.

Morning All

Last lie in before rads start back again tomorrow .

Who was asking about telling people about cancer ?
I told very few people myself . I took the cowards way out and made my DH tell people . I made a list and told him to phone them all .
At first I found it so hard to say "I have cancer" .

As for telling my children , I dreaded that . I have an 8 year old and a 12 year old . I eventually sat them down and explained that I had cancer , but the doctors were going to sort it out with an operation and some medicine . And that I was probably going to be sick for a while , but after that I would be much better .
They took it very well , asked a few questions (who is going to cook for us whilst you are in hospital ?) and then preceded to ignore it all !

I still haven't told them about the secondaries . Because I don't want to scare them .

The people in the know advised me to keep them 1 step behind what I know . And so far that has worked really well .

Thanks Topsy.

MY DH knows, my two sisters know and have been to get lumps checked themseves before. Oh, and I told a woman in a shop, just some randomer, god knows why lol. It did come up in a conversation, I didn't just bluit out to a stranger lol.

It feels wrong to tell anyone when it is just the what if stage, cos I feel like an attention seeker.

My kids know I am going for a check up asthey spotted the leaflet in my handbag. Ii just did a very generic if you find a lump you do the grown up thing and get it checked, and they have not asked for more info.

have no idea how and when to have the conversation with family, friends and work if need be.

Amber, it's the Rads I'd bet. I got all paranoid at that stage too and insisted on a CT scan even . Rads messes the skin up in lots of us, so it's bound to be that am sure. Hope the Herceptin goes okay this time. I know it was easier last, but it must still be a worry.

Ned, I didn't tell my parents until I knew what I faced. In fact I didn't really tell anyone apart from obviously my DH and my BF. When you're diagnosed it's so hard to get on top of all the jargon / treatment, so I waited until I'd got a grip of it all before I told anyone. That way I felt in control and could reassure people rather than panic them. With kids, I think it depends how old they are in terms of what you tell them. My son was 5 when I was diagnosed, and we told him the truth, but in a simple matter of fact way. Worked well for us, as he was young enough to accept whatever and believe it all too, so he never got scared for me.

Camel, I like your style.

Lovely day here - clear, crisp skies. Hope it's good wherever you all are too.

Hi Camel, just caught up with all this, just to say my DD (v.early 20's) is currently undergoing chemo for Hodgkins. She is managing to continue her studies as a med student and is doing brilliantly. When she got her diagnosis the consensus was she could continue life as normal but had to study from home for a few days a fortnight when her immune system is weak, but that was only because hospitals are full of sick people!!!!!!!! Many people can work through treatment if their employer is supportive.

I think NY is a bad time for anyone with cancer all that looking to the future, dd2 had a huge wobble last night, missing her dad and worrying about big sis and me. But we are off to watch Pompey in a minute and a couple of hours shouting does help.

Thinking of you all x

Dig, that bit to Ned was to you too. I'd wait before telling people. Cancer's such an emotive word, and very few people seem to know that Breast Cancer treatment has radically improved, so all that happens is their terror piles down on you and adds to the worry. It's fair enough that people are scared for you, but it's not especially helpful before you know what's what iyswim.

Thanks Ilovegeorgeclooney My employers are lovely, very supportive and extremely aware/accommodating to disability so if it does turn out to be that, hopefully it'd be OK and it would be fine by July, although I would probably need to be well before that - there are two very hectic periods in March and May and then at the end of June I need to be on a 24/7 12 hour shift rota all the way through both games (with a short break from shifts in between the two)

Morning all - I had a very weird dream, - won't bore you with the details but it revolved around a wedding and someone saying to me 'your bottom isn't that special' ,

Telling people is a difficult thing to do, and you have to play it by ear a bit. Like topsy, I found it very hard to s the word 'cancer' - I kept bursting into tears, and I didn't want to do that because I didn't want people to know I was worried in case it made them more worried IYSWIM.

I think the age of your children is the main consideration in how you explain things, and how much you say. Mine were older, so I had to be pretty factual and detailed. I told them a few days before my mastectomy, the rest of my family, I told when I got home from hospital - so they weren't worrying about me having an op.

All my family coped much better than I imagined and were really supportive, - they want to help, they want to be able to 'do' something, so mine did loads of practical stuff. I had friends who got really upset when I told them, and have one who still finds it hard to talk about even now.

So I think its a question of picking your moment, and tailoring the info. and your tone, to who you are telling. But you need to consider yourself and when you feel ready. IME no one was offended that I kept it to myself while I was going through all the tests.

Camel - all the ups and down of feelings are exhausting in themselves - so take things as easy as you can, although you sound like a busy woman - hope the move goes smoothly, - is your little boy helping with the packing?

amber - the skin over my mastectomy scar has gone very wrinkly and itches a lot since rads (even though it was nearly 3 years ago) I had it checked and it was pronounced normal. So get them to have a look - rads does affect and change your skin quite a lot, so I think it is very likely to be that.
Try not to panic

Good luck with the herceptin tomorrow - keeping everything crossed that it is OK this time.

My mum phoned yesterday - she fell over, throwing bird food up onto the outhouse roof (for the seagulls ) fortunately escaped with only a graze. I have made her promise to let the seagulls fend for themselves and only put bird food on the ground and on the bird table I set up for her when I was there!

Definitely time for a

OOps - massive post, sorry

ILGC - NY is a hard time, seems to bring it all home somehow. For such a young woman, your DD has had a hell of a lot to cope with, and she's been such a star.
I hope you all enjoy the match, shouting is very therapeutic