Page 7 | **T*A*M*O*X*I*F*E*N 11 **

KurriKurri · 29/06/2011 19:25

Oh topsy are you OK?

shoormal · 29/06/2011 19:29

Gosh you all sound like such busy people - I'll try to keep up (virtually if not physically)!

Topsy I hope you are okay.

Thanks for the reassurance about being off work. You're right that I would probably be knackered. It's a busy quite full-on full time job. I'm also partially self-employed but for now don't have to rely on its income.

smee · 29/06/2011 19:29

Topsy, are you actually posting from Tesco toilet?! You definitely need cider. Hope things improve.

Original poster

MaryAnnSingleton · 29/06/2011 19:50

what's up topsy [worried] ?? Am off to meditate but will check back later...

OP posts:

amberlight · 29/06/2011 19:50

Topsy, heck - are you alrightish????

topsyturner · 29/06/2011 20:23

Home now .
Was indeed posting from Tesco toilet .

Was just trying to explain to DH exactly what our financial situation is . (imagine the most ostrichy ostrich you have ever seen , and DHs head would be buried deeper in the sand than that !)

We are not in dire straights , but we have to tighten our belts considerably .
He had a minor explosion when he realised he wouldn't be able to spend the bonus he just got from work on something frivolous for his car (complete petrol head) if he still wanted the bills paying and to eat over the next 8 or 9 weeks .

He suggested instead that I cancel the summer play scheme I have organised for DD next week .
Now she has been booked in for this week because its the week I start my chemo and I don't know how I am going to react .
I am keeping my other child at home (he is older and a bit more independent) and she is only going for 1 week .
But he thinks I am being unreasonable for this .

Maybe it's my fault as I handle all our finances . He doesn't even know the sign in codes for the online banking .
We have never done the his money / her money thing . I just pay the bills and what is left is "ours" .
But unless he truly believes in the money fairy , where the hell does he think the money to pay the bills , food and diesel is coming from ?
I am all of a sudden without an income , is he really that dense ?

I think everything has just caught up with me , and I had a major sense of humour failure .
I shall go out tonight when he asleep and key his car , that will make me feel better

smee · 29/06/2011 20:34

Blimey, Topsy he sounds v.much in denial. Totally ridiculous of him to expect you to cancel play scheme for his car accessories. Even without cancer it would be unreasonable. Though am guessing this is all your fault for being so incredible and coping. I'd bet if you'd collapsed on the sofa and sobbed for weeks, you wouldn't have had that row.

Go get that cider and maybe get him one too if you're still talking. DH and I had a few furious rows I seem to remember. Think it was the tension seeping through. most definitely helped.

KurriKurri · 29/06/2011 22:32

Oh dear, has it calmed down a bit now topsy? (or has the car been keyed ) It does sound as if he hasn't quite grasped the reality of the situation yet.

I think Smee may have a point - you've been coping so well, he thinks things can carry on as normal. I think he needs to be sat down and have it spelled out that you are going to need his support through this, for when you feel poorly, or just down and fed up. But maybe he's normally pretty good and just had a blip tonight,- hope so

And if its any comfort, my DH was very supportive, but I still had several occasions and still do, when I said 'you just don't get it.'

Columbia999 · 29/06/2011 22:37

Can people who take Letrazole be in this thread? I had a couple of years on the dreaded Tamoxifen in 2001, but all I got for my trouble was four stone and thrush!

KurriKurri · 29/06/2011 22:45

Of course you can Columbia, you are very welcome. We aren't all on tamoxifen, - just went for a thread title that didn't scream cancer

I sympathise greatly with the four stone, - I've struggled with my weight too, as several of us have.

How do you find Letrazole - have you been on it since 2003 or so? - And how are you doing since your DX?, well I hope

topsyturner · 29/06/2011 22:46

He's normally good , I have him well trained so I am allowing him this one blip .
I have told him that for the next 6 months at least , he needs to step up and take over the reigns a wee bit . I need to concentrate on getting through all this without having to worry that everything else is falling apart because I'm not doing it .

He has , ofcourse , taken himself off to bed .
I think its where he does his best sulking thinking .

You are right , I do need to take to the sofa and indulge in a bit of "woe is me" .
Life is never easy is it ?
As if I didn't have enough problems fending off the squirrel population .......

Cider was nice btw .
I stopped at one bottle .
Wouldn't want to be out of control and accidentally fall against someones car with my keys in my hand repeatedly

Original poster

MaryAnnSingleton · 29/06/2011 22:52

hi Columbia -you are very welcome
oh topsy - I do agree that it might be that you have coped so brilliantly so far that dh might not be getting just what it's all about. Men can be like petulent little boys sometimes. Best hide the keys away I think,just in case.

OP posts:

Columbia999 · 29/06/2011 22:54

Hi Kurrikurri, I'm finding Letrazole much better than Tamoxifen, and don't seem to be having any side effects after a year. This is my second punch-up with the big C; I was planning my ten years survival party for January 2011, but they found it had come back last May and gone into my bones. I spent five weeks in hospital last summer, having two massive operations on my spine, which was falling to bits, so I'm now full of metal as well as drugs! Fortunately no chemo was needed this time, or last time, but had to have radiotherapy to the spine, which absolutely fried my throat.
On the upside, I was able to retire early, I'm still independent, although don't have the energy or stamina I used to have, but it's not too bad. Oh and I lost a stone and a half on the hospital food diet! What I have isn't curable, but it's manageable; and the lump that was found last year has apparently disappeared.

topsyturner · 29/06/2011 23:05

Hi Columbia and welcome .
I'm not normally as ranty as I am this evening , so sorry for that !

Totally get where you are coming from on the hospital food diet .
I was in for 5 days when I had my mastectomy , and I had friends bring me in decent food !

Am deciding that tomorrow is another day , and should DH make it through the night , I shall move on from tonights fuckwittery (thankyou Ms Jones )

DDs last day at school tomorrow , she breaks up for the summer hols at 11.45am (who makes these times up ?)

House keys have been hidden , have finished my one bottle of cider . Think I shall lie down on the sofa with the one thing I can always rely on .
No not pig/dog .
My Kindle

Night night Ladies , thanks for listening and sorry for the verbal explosions !

smee · 29/06/2011 23:10

Topsy, how restrained you are with the car keys one bottle of cider. Hope tomorrow's a better day. If your DH's like mine, it takes a day or two for them to admit you might have a point.

Hello Columbia. Of course you're welcome. We're a roguish bunch, so if you can put up with that dive straight in. Sorry you have had the secondary diagnosis. That must have been incredibly hard. Brilliant to hear the lump has gone though.

Columbia999 · 29/06/2011 23:15

Thanks for the welcome, ladies! It's not a club any of us want to be in, but it's good to be among people who know how it feels.

KurriKurri · 29/06/2011 23:18

Oh I'm sorry to hear its gone to your bones Columbia, the operations on your spine must have been pretty tough going, and the radiotherapy, has your throat recover at all or is it still damaged? It's a bastard of an illness

But you sound upbeat and cheerful, and good news that the recent lump has gone, it sounds as if its being well managed I'm glad the letrazole is suiting you better.

I was DX 3 years ago, and had mastectomy, chemo, RT and herceptin, now on tamoxifen. Still sometimes wake up and think 'did this actually all happen to me? - oh yes it did!'

Have I chatted with you on another thread by the way? - your name seems very familiar (or I may be totally wrong -its has been known for my memory to go AWOL )

Original poster

MaryAnnSingleton · 30/06/2011 07:33

Columbia -that's a bugger,am sorry you have been so through much.
Hope dh has seen some sense today topsy

OP posts:

amberlight · 30/06/2011 08:04

Columbia, blimey, you've had a heck of a ride with this so far...have a !

Morning all...will catch up properly later...

cakesandale · 30/06/2011 09:28

Hi all

Topsy - sorry I missed last night's punch-up: men really, REALLY don't get it. Hope things are back to normal today.

Welcome Columbia: I am sorry to hear that you have had this second diagnosis. You certainly sound as though you are coping bravely and with lots of fight still left in you. Dive in here, we absolutely get where you are coming from. I hope you like talking about cake.....

Original poster

MaryAnnSingleton · 30/06/2011 10:11

Have been invited to be a part of an illustrator showcase on Sunshine Smile Publications- an online children's books website -yay ! I had to write about what I'm currently working on so I wrote that I'm working on a book with a writer (CAKES) !! Didn't divulge details ! Of course we will squabble over who gets the PLR on our high concept book

OP posts:

topsyturner · 30/06/2011 10:20

MAS - hahahahahahaaaa !!!! Will we all have to choose sides when you and cakes fall out over PLR ?

DH gone to work . He's not in much better of a mood , but tough . He needs to suck it up and move on .

Have banging headache today . Am pretty sure that's down to yesterdays argument and not the cider ..............

KurriKurri · 30/06/2011 10:28

Well done MAS, and we all want ring side seats when you and Cakes slug it out over PLR
(I bagsie be the referee/Master of Ceremonies)

topsy - he'll get over it, just needs his grumpy time. Send him on here and we'll screech at him give him some helpful tips.

Hope everyone else is good today, - bit worried about pink, - am hoping its just that she's not up to posting yet, rather than anything else.

cakesandale · 30/06/2011 10:55

We won't need a referee, we'll more likely need someone to make a decision while we keep going "No, really, I insist, after you' 'No, no, honestly, after YOU'

MAS I am emailing you some stupid questions shortly relating to the book thing. Just a few things to get us both thinking along the same lines....

Just failed to set up the email access on my BlackBerry. Sigh. In fairness to me, our IT guy can't do it either. Back to the shop for me.

Columbia999 · 30/06/2011 11:28

Cake? Don't mind if I do!

I think the only thing you can do when you get a shit diagnosis is to see what can be done to sort it, and do what's necessary. I always get a bit embarrassed when people say I'm brave, because I'm just doing what I need to do to stay alive; bravery doesn't have a lot to do with it. It's also a bit insulting to the people who don't survive, makes it sound like they didn't "battle" hard enough, or weren't brave enough. I try to deal with it all with humour, and be as "normal" as I can.

The thing that has gutted me the most is that I've had to give up tapdancing, which I absolutely loved, because it's a bit too high impact for my knackered bones. But I'm back doing amdram, which is great. I had to pull out of our local production of My Fair Lady last year due to going into hospital, but I'm now playing Widow Corney in Oliver! with another group, and it's brilliant fun.

Kurrikurri, I've seen your name on here a few times, but not sure if we've talked. But you may know me from another forum which is about to fold