TAMOXIFEN 9 *********

[MaryAnnSingleton]

Starts here !

MAS - loads of luck and good vibes for tomorrow. I'll be out all day, but will be thinking of you and keeping fingers crossed xxxx

Kurri, the Psych was obviously having an off day.

Amber at rude tumour. Glad the drugs zapped things for you. Hope you have a better day tomorrow.

Sparkle, you can never have too much glitter imo.

Really just here to say MAS, I'll have everything crossed for you too. This time tomorrow, am willing you a huge smile of relief.

Hope everyone else is okay tonight. Am getting a bit concerned about Figgy again. Are you okay Figgy?

thank you x

smee..im glad your meeting went well,im another one whose sergeon wouldnt even entertain the idea and insisted on chemo first.

kurri...all i can say is thankgod for orange lucozade and orange calipso lollies.

cakes..well done for losing weight thats fantastic.

mas...good luck for tomorrow will be thinking about you,take care xx

amber...thats really good news makes it all worth while.i know it really lifted my spirits knowing that chemo is doing its job.

topsy... welcome im so sorry you have to join us,everyone here is so lovely and supportive.

lgf...hope your feeling less foggy now.

sparkle..hope your son recovers quickly and you can get him back at school.

i have lost my day to sleep been so tired but the good news is i havent been sick and have managed to eat small amounts.the eating situation is becoming a nightmare i wish my body would decide what i want to eat but it keeps changing its mind.why is it when i suddenly want lemon cheesecake theres none in the house.

No lemon cheesecake? Heck, I want some as well, now. Yesterday I did a small scientific experiment with Jelly Beans to see how many different flavours I can still taste. 5 out of 14. Hmm. Not even the flavours I normally like!!

who's for a of whatever flavour seems most enjoyable right now?

I've just pulled up and have my mug of amber, so am ready to go.

Smee, I knew you'd be found of sound mind, does that mean you can have your op?

I am a bit at the loss of taste you chemo ladies are all experiencing: I never had that, but it must be horrid. Worth experimenting endlessly with coloured sweets, though amber My eating problem was mainly about chewing. I was so tired that, if anything needed a lot of chewing, I just couldn't be bothered. Vegetable soup became my friend (and so it is a mystery how i came to be so dumpy).

I mainly came on just now to say best of luck to MAS. I hope you get instant reassurance MAS - I am willing it to be so.

Topsy - crikey. That instant diagnosis stuff must hit you pretty hard. I am sorry. We have all been there (although sparkles thankfully turned out to be a bit of a false alarm ) and so we do know a bit about how you might be feeling. And between us we have quite a bit of advice to impart if you need it. So ask questions or just rant, or even just chat about inane stuff to take your mind off it. It's all par for the course here. You are very, very welcome. Pull up a comfy chair.

Sparkles, I hope the glitter co-operates with the vacuum cleaner, and that baby sparkles gets happily to school soon.

KK, I am desperate to see these puppets finished.

Love to all. x

Just meant to add - dd's friend's Mum is going into hospital today to have a bit of work done on her shoulder. She is very chipper about the whole thing, and is to be in for one night. DD's friend had to be pulled off her Mum at the school gate, sobbing as if she would never see her again

Ooh the taste loss thing drove me mad too. I never found anything other than icepops. Amber, I like the sound of the science. You could move onto Fruit Pastilles next.

Pink am wishing you Lemon Cheesecake. Tart things definitely make sense and Cheesecake always makes sense.

Cakes, yes now I've been decreed sane, I think the op's on if I want it. I think I do, but have time to mull before I meet surgeon again in June. Wasn't all that easy to get her to agree tbh, but I can be quite annoying forensic, when I get an idea in my head.

Are you looking after DD's friend while her mum's in hospital? Sweet that she was so upset.

Topsy, hope you got some sleep and aren't feeling too bad today - daft thing to say, but still. Cakes is right, ask us anything, or just witter away. We are here if you want us.

Got fingers crossed for MAS. So hoping she comes back with good news.

And LJ too, forgot to wish her well but it's her last FEC today. Hooray for you LJ to get this far!! Last flamin' FEC, so no more of that smell ever again.

Kurri, any more body parts arrived in the post today.

Cakes, you didn't say how your appointment went??

It went fine - -thanks. The surgeon and his student had the usual furtle and said all felt fine, and he had a look for my mammo results which he said were clear. So now my surgical check-ups become yearly instead of twice yearly. Hooray! Except, being me, I still want the letter about the mammo to confirm. I have every faith in the surgeon he is fab, but I can't get over the suspicion that he was looking at last year's results. I know that is unlikely, but we never quite loose the post-cancer loopy gene, do we?

I had forgotten about LJ's last FEC Good on you LJ. Double hooray!

I am mighty impresssed you can get your doctors to change their minds, smee. Mine treat me like an annoying little midge if i ever try to have an opinion

I'm not looking after dd's friend, although it might be a good idea. Her dad is a bit vague. I have told them to keep my number to hand in case chaos breaks out, though

YEAY for clear Mammo, Cakes!! And of course he was looking at the right year, though I do get the paranoia. I was awake at 3am this morning worrying about shoulder pain, convinced it was bone secondaries. Have just realised it's gone.

Smee's top tip for pinning down Doctors is statistics. Honestly, wins every time. If you can out stat them, they surrender.

Early morning secondaries are frequent here too

Morning .

Had a crap nights sleep (there's a surprise)
And after I waved the kids off to school on the doorstep , I had a major wobble .

Got it all out of my system , then got my hubby (while he was at work , bless his understanding boss) to phone my sister and tell her .
We live in seperate , but close by , countries . And she is my only blood family .
Got loads of dhs family here though , and one sister in law who actually went through the whole mastectomy thing a few years back .
So will have support system in place for my children .

Anyhow , my sis got straight on the phone to me , and was great . Wanted to know if I wanted her over for the consultants appointment next week . I've told her to save her time off till I really need her (surgery etc) .

Not going to tell the extended dh family or my friends till after the consultants appointment .
Then have to figure out a way to tell my children .

And then there's the financial side of things . Am self employed , no worky , no money .

Aaaargh , so much to think of !

One thing at a time, topsy. Things have a habit of working out better than you think. MAS, smee and I are all self-employed (I may have missed others), and managed to keep things going one way or another. You may find work is a useful distraction, depending on what you do, of course, if it is physically tiring you may find it more difficult than if it is a desk job.

My advice would be to concentrate on getting a treatment plan and getting your own head around things, and then deal with the other stuff at the appropriate time. As a Mum you probably have oodles of experience of planning and juggling and coming up with schemes on the hoof, all this will be useful now.

It is fab that you have a solid support structure. Worth it's weight in gold. It makes so many more things possible.

Keep remembering to breathe.

am not ignoring your post topsy,just dashing by- first off-hooray for a clear mammo Cakes and once a year appointments -yay ! for you !
I was given a paddle mammo this morning and it turns out to be dense tissue,so all fine and dandy with me too -thanks for kind thoughts -you are all lovely.xxx

Oh wow, that is terrific news MAS. I am so pleased and relieved. for you I think.

Thank God for their vigilance though.

Hi Topsy, You're doing well you know and your sister sounds fantastic.

If it makes you feel any better, right at the start I found it hard to do anything much. I cried a lot and panicked and spent far too much time on Google. Once I'd got a clearer idea of treatment it got a lot easier, as I had a clear view of what I was facing, so had to just slog on through it.

On work, Cakes is right as you might be surprised how much you can do. I work from home, and kept going throughout pretty much. In some ways it was good as it distracted me and kept me busy.

Your instinct in terms of waiting to tell people sounds sensible. I found it far easier to tell people once I knew a bit more. How old are your children? I have one - a son, who was five when I was diagnosed. He was genuinely fine throughout though. Actually I don't think he really noticed, which surprised me. If you have similarly aged kids and want to know what we told him, I'd be happy to say - I'd bet others on here will have advice too. Don't rush any of it though, as there's more than enough time to think it through.

Might just be my way through, but DH and I got a bottle of champagne as an 'up yours' to Cancer when I was diagnosed. Think it really helped him to see I was up for the fight. You'll need treats to get you through and he will too.

Cakes is wise though - one step at a time and breathing is enough for now. Honestly, that would be an achievement in itself.

YEAY FOR MAS!! Just x posted so missed your news, but am so, so pleased. in buckets tonight.

Good post smee

What?? Me suggesting MAS has buckets of wine?!

MAS Yay!!!!!!

Topsy, I'm self employed too and been able to work - there's definitely a good chance that things will work out unless you're involved in something very manual or with lots of travel (which might be more of an issue).
Good to hear of the support. Take all you can get.

Have realised after my last two posts, Topsy will think me an alcoholic.

::hides the bottle of just in case::

Actually smee, I was referring to your post to topsy, but the one about wine works equally well for me

Wine can get you through a LOT of dark times, so get that bottle back out, amber

DH and I shared one last night to cheer my check-up results. It was lurvely....

amber..the taste thing is so funny i just discovered i still have my taste for apple and orange,still want my lemon cheesecake though.

cakes..i couldnt eat meat on my last cycle tastes like i was eating fizzy flesh or cardboard lol flipping hard work.

smee...i like your determination to go for what you want,good for you.

mas...thats brilliant news but omg you dont need scares like that.im so pleased for you.

topsy...i was told straight the way at the breast clinic i had BC but still had to wait a week for the biopsy results that was my lowest point i couldnt even look at my kids without welling up.i was advised to prepare them for the worst or at least put the seed in their head so it didnt come as a bolt from the blue buti tell you what my kids have been amazing they have had a big influence to keep me strong,avoid google it will give you nightmares i made that mistake and was just about planning my own funeral.i was told my tumor was almost one solid mass in my boob thats why they opted for chemo first,i have only had 3 chemo sessions and its shrank so much i can hardly feel it now.you will get through this and even start to laugh again.

still craving lemon cheesecake but none of the shops round here sell it,i hope its not going to be a diasapointing as my 2 week wait for mr whippy icecream van to come round ,omg anyone would think im pregnant my plans for dinner are rice a sausage and if that doesnt work add chilli powder,this food buisness is making me lose my mind.as you can see my sickness has lifted and im now food obsessed but failing miserably. daughter is coming home today from uni for a long weekend always lifts me when shes home plans for tomorrow are to go on a lemon cheescake mission,bless her.