TAMOXIFEN 9 *********

[MaryAnnSingleton]

Starts here !

Enjoy her company, then, pink. I hope she finds you that cheesecake. I am trying not to envisage it owing to my diet, which is going OK so far. I can't afford to slide though.

The idea that any flesh could taste fizzy is blowing my mind - yikes. It's enough to put even me off my food.

I am amazed at how much your lump has shrunk, pink, and so quickly. I hope it continues until it is taken out for good. This is a nasty old disease, but I really think mutual support and laughter are godsends during the long haul.

Topsy, the treatment is do-able. Keep that in mind. It is long-winded and boring though, and that is where we come in (and your RL support group).

topsy -am back- I found doing my work very helpful -I nearly turned down a job during my radiotherapy but dh persuaded me to take it -I think I found renewed vigour as a result of the diagnosis - am glad you have a good support network too,and we are always here !
Just take one step at a time,always the best way,though I know it's hard not to leap ahead of yourself.
Bless my dh- he worked from home this morning and I knew he'd be fretting- but he's put our last bottle of fizzy wine in the fridge (also to celebrate 6 years today since we moved here)and he took me to lunch at the Italian cafe.
I am exhausted !
love to everyone-am childminding shortly.

I read my post back , and it was a complete panicky pity fest wasnt it ?
Right , slap round face , buck my ideas up , and get on with it . (I promise you , I am not normally like this !)

I have an 11 year old son , and an 8 year old daughter .
My DD makes her First Communion on Saturday , so I have something really lovely to look forward too , and to take my mind off things .

I am a childminder , so I really dont see how i can keep my mindees in limbo . (parents cant wait around for how ever long my treatment takes , no matter how much they sympathise)
But , as I say , that can all wait till untill I get my full diagnosis .

I shall now (when I get another spare moment) read through as many of your posts as I can , and hopefully get to know you all .

Sounds fab, MAS. Good on your lovely DH.

Topsy, self pity is fine at this point. I wouldn't condone it for long periods of time, but once in a while it is really justified.

I will have a think about how to tell your kids. Like smee, my dd was 5 when I was diagnosed. She, too, was fine, and we were pretty honest about things.

Take it easy.

Topsy, we all feel like you from time to time, so never worry about what it sounds like.
Childminding - tricky, yes. I'm thinking of immune system challenges from the chemo and children with colds etc etc and you having to whirl like a dervish to keep up with them. Not impossible, but certainly a lot to think about. Yay re first communion!
I'm not sure I've said very much about me on here yet anyway but if it helps with scouring it for detail, I'm a mum in her mid 40s with a teenage ds and a small business I co-own with dh, plus in our mad household we have Mr B the small dog, Mr C the cat, my dsis, and (luckily living elsewhere) Mr T the horse. Oh, and I do national and international work on autism etc etc so often hang about on the SEN boards etc offering snippets of what life's like for an Amber on the autism spectrum. All good fun really.

topsy-the telling children thing is hard and something I'm thinking of working on as a book/illustration project (with the help of everyone here :-)

For topsy we should perhaps just do an update of who we are and our dx and treatment - to save trawling through the many posts

I started this thread coming up to 2 years ago because of my anxieties about taking tamoxifen..it has been such a help in every way and I have mde fab friends. I am the mum of an almost 14 year old boy, married and work as a freelance illustrator. I was diagnosed in April 2009 with 2.4cm invasive ductal carcinoma grade 2 with intermediate dcis, sentinel node biopsy showed clear nodes,so just a WLE and radiotherapy and tamoxifen for me. Oh and I'm ancient (52) in very small type
The tamoxifen has been fine -though recently am very achy.but I suspect it's appalling posture when sitting or too much time at the computer/hunched over my desk.

ah x posted with amber ! yay too for the first communion- I remember mine -my lovely dress and veil and rosary and white shoes !

Good idea to do a review - I was diagnosed in March 2009 with a 2.5cm Grade 2, stage 2 lump of some kind, God knows what. Had sentinel node biopsy and then a level 2 node clearance because they suspected there might be spread (despite the sentinel nodes being clear) but they were wrong and I lost a lot of nodes for no reason (beyond certainty, of course). Was advised to have chemo though was borderline on the need for that - six cycles of FEC, then 15 rounds of radio, and tamoxifen ever since.

I am 48 (though not for long), married with one dd aged nearly 8. I am a self-employed writer, which you can't tell from my appalling typing.

Hello all - lots of posts, and have just finished reading them all, nice getting to know our newer members

MAS - huge hooray for dense tissue, what a relief

Cakes - also hooray for clear mammo

Topsy - sounds like you have a good supportive family around you, which will stand you in good stead. You will feel as if your emotions have been put in the blender for a while, - so don't worry about how you sound on here (I didn't think you sounded at all pity-fest) - but it doesn't matter anyway - this is good place to get out the stuff you can't always say to family -I think nearly all off us have been on here at some point and said how fed up we are. - But mostly we're cheery and waffle on about cake

Amber - I like the jelly bean experiment - you can keep retesting every so often to see how your taste buds are improving

I met up with a couple of friends from my keep fit class today - and we went for lunch together in a nice little Italian place, then we all went to a BCC talk on signs and symptoms of recurrence - we a were all a bit nervous but actually it was fine - not too scary. And on the whole I was glad I went - although I did purchase a bottle of wine on the way home as I do feel I need one tonight

I am trying to get the puppets done -but it is quite time intensive, but as soon as I've finished centipede I'll put a photo of him up. (I had to finish the worm off quickly and get him to the puppeteer so he could practise with him (prima donna!!!) so didn't have time to photograph it. Might be able to at the weekend though.

Love to all, I'll post my CV later - off to break into that wine now!

Hi Topsy, welcome to the club - sorry you have to be here but this group will help you loads! I'm a lurker these days as I am back at FT work after treatment last year.

Summary - I was DX in Dec 2009 through a routine scan followed by biopsy, had a 1.5 cm tumour which was thought to be grade 2-3 but after a lot of tests was finally a 1. Had spread to nodes so had lumpectomy by WLE, infection, another op to clear infection, chemo (Epirubicin then EMF over 7 months - long haul), another op to clear all lymph nodes from affected side mid way through chemo which I consider exceptionally courageous and noteworthy, then also had radiotherapy at same time as chemo which again was exceptionally courageous on my part. I was totally knackered about 3 weeks after rads finished. But hey, here I am pretty much normal again - as far as anyone can tell, and have been back at work since NOvember.

Having said all of that, for the first time since recovery I feel a bit down just now - partly having a sore throat for 3 weeks - its not developing or going away. Well I suppose I did have a cold with conjunctivitis as well a fortnight ago. And partly its not knowing how long I will have our PG around. (That's Polish guest for newcomers)

And work is a bit full-on.

I think I need a holiday to look ahead to.

Anyway, Topsy, its tough but its doable and everyone here will leap forward with helpful suggestions whenever you ask a question So chin up my dear, and take one step at a time. The ability not to panic is a great asset. However we have all had a ghastly panic stage which lasts at least 3 weeks so if you're still in that phase, you are totally excused - get your support team organised when you can face telling people. That's one of the worst things, but once done, life gets easier. Accept all offers of help even if you defer them - eg you don't necessairly need help today but you might next week beacuase of x, y and z. I found people rallied round in a wonderful way. Good luck.

Blimey, lots on here tonight. Yes, very good idea to introduce ourselves. I was diagnosed in March last year, aged 44. 1.7cm ductal, grade 3 and in 4/22 nodes. Had mastectomy and nodes removed, then chemo and finally rads. Finished in December and am now genuinely fine, apart from occasional paranoia. I have one son, who's now nearly 7. Am now on Tamoxifen and it's fine for me too.

Honestly though Topsy, I'd say panic fest sounds about right for now, so give yourself a break. Breast cancer's scary and discovering you have it is the most terrifying news you're probably ever likely to hear. You're at the hardest bit though, honest. Keep talking to us - we might take the edge off the fear a bit.

SR, sorry you've got a sore throat. There's a nasty cold doing the rounds. Hope it goes soon. + yes, you need a holiday.

Kurri, can't wait to see the centipede.

MAS, hooray for sparkling wine. You very much deserve it, so enjoy.

Pink, hope your daughter finds the best lemon cheesecake. She does sound lovely.

Amber, you keep on with the jelly beans.

Hope all others are good - especially LJ after her final FEC today.

Here I have an extraordinary number of fairy cakes to ice for school cake sale tomorrow. Also have a work deadline to hit before 9am. Now remind me again why I gave up drinking mid week. Seems like a very bad idea atm...

topsy... we have all been through where you are now its a terrible shock,i didnt cope very well at all to start with as your emotions are all over the place.

i live in the midlands and im a 47 year old single mum to 3 kids, havea 19 year old daughter who is away at uni but comes and goes all the time,a 15 year old teenage daughter and a 11 year old son who has learning difficulties,dyspraxia and a language disorder.i also own a dog and cat theres never really a dull moment in my house at the moment my x is helping out alot with my son as hes pretty full on and needs lots of help but i wouldnt swap him for anything hes a real character and very funny but needs alot of steering in the right direction to keep him out of strife.

i was diagnosed not so long ago and im having chemo first and have already had 3 lots of FEC chemo and will be changing to TAX T on my next cycle.i was first diagnosed as stage 3 my lump despite what they say grew very quickly causing me alot of pain my onc measured it as 12 cm just before i started treatment and put the fear of god into me,turns out after futher tests that it hadnt spread anywhere not even to the nodes.i was scanned 10 days after my first chemo and it had shrank to 4.9 cm i have no idea of its size now but it is continuing to shrink and its now been graded to stage 1 nothing short of a miracle. at this rate i wont need all the boob off but will be having a reduction on both sides (not complaining have always hated being top heavy) then will go on to radiation treatment for somewhere between 3/5 weeks. you will come across me moaning and groaning about chemo and complications,ignore me im the biggest wimp going lol you should have been around when i lost my hair and my wig drama but at least i know i made a few people laugh.

Pink - I meant to say have a lovely weekend with your DD, she sounds a great girl

Topsy-a quick background for me
I'm 51 , I've got a 26yr old son who lives with his girlfriend, and a 21 yr old DD who is in her last few weeks of uni before she graduates. Now the kids have left home DH and I are turning into old fogies.

I was DX in June 2008 after noticing nipple changes,I had a 3.5 cm stage 3 tumour, had a mastectomy, then in the sept, a lymph node clearance. 6 months of chemo, radiotherapy and a year of herceptin.
I'm now on tamoxifen. I like yoga, and gardening and atm I'm doing a bit of work for my son (he's a director/actor in a provincial theatre, and is doing James and The Giant Peach - I foolishly agreed to make puppets for the show - just so you don't think I'm completely mad when I go on about centipedes worms and grasshoppers )

I've found I seem to have a bit of a foggy memory about some of my treatment, so you may well find me talking complete rubbish, - luckily there are lots of ladies on here who have all their marbles

Thanks for all the replies and summaries , good to hear your stories .

Pink - your story in particular has been of great help to me this morning . I had been in utter despair because the rough measurement at my initial ultrasound was approx 6cms .
I had presumed this meant my case was hopeless .

I am so glad I have found this thread , and truly hope I am here to both get and give support for a very long time !

am sure you will be topsy

Just dashing in quickly, as have a lot on today. Wanted to reassure both Pink and Topsy about big lumps (sounds bizarre put like that!). My lump was 5cm on initial ultrasound, but then they decided the actual cancerous tumour was 1.7cm after they'd operated and done their pathology report. I had my op before chemo, so who knows whether the chemo had anything left to kill. I like to think there was none..

Sorry you are down SR, but I think a sore throat and a long-standing house guest are enough to push anyone over the limit. Can you arrange a holiday or treat of some kind?

Topsy, you will be here with us for ages. it is addictive.

I am glad that pink has been able to reassure you about the size of your lump. BC care is terrific, here in the UK, and very likely even better where you are. Once you get a treatment plan, and start on it, it really does feel LOADS better, because you are on the road to recovery. In the meantime there is cake and all manner of other treats which you are definitely, for now, allowed to indulge in. it is positively recommended that you treat yourself lavishly, and often. It helps. Fact.

Topsy, don't worry about size, as the others have said. My measurements were all over the place - surgeon thought 4-5 cm, ultrasound showed 2.3 cm, MRI showed something else. After 3 lots of FEC chemo it was just over 1 cm so I wouldn't worry about the size. Sometimes the bigger they are, the harder they fall. And recent research shows that women with tiny tumours tend to fare worse because often they get lesser treatment (as people thought it needed less. Nope). Don't google stuff unless you're a scientist or doctor or similar and know your way round the research terms as there's 99% utter rubbish out there.

Did someone say cake? Yes please! Just off for wild weekend with dh to recover from this months' medical extravaganzas so after packing and whirling like a dervish I think I need a sit down and a cuppa!

Ooh, ooh - where are you going?

Sunny Gloucestershire - cottage in a village with a decent pub or two. Bargain!! I'll bring back cotswold virtual goodies for everyone.

Wow, I have only not been on for 24 hours, so much to read.

very about the idea of you packing to go off somewhere amber! Details please I am living a very exciting virual life through you guys' holidays and day trips!

For Topsy, alittle reveiw of me....I am the fly in the ointment so to speak, but the others refrain from batting me away I was dx with a mass in my left breast following bleedy discharge in Oct/Nov last year. I had needle core biopsy where they were happy that although mass needed to be removed it was not yet cancerous. I had surgery in Jan of this year, where they cut quite a lareg chunk out of breast behind the nipple. I have healed ok through so although it is quite scarred I don't really care at this point. Just feel lucky I caught it. I am 39, mum of 3, ds is 8, dd1 is 5 and dd2 is 2. My ds has a genetic condition which causes him sever pain, and frequent hospitalisations, I am always locked in battles with LA and NHS......'tis my permanent state of stress! I am a teacher by trade, but these stays a full time carer for my ds, and stay at home mum for all dc!

Had slice of lemon drizzle cake this morning...shouldn't have but did, now I want more!!!!!!!!!!!

Got to go had to collect ds from school, he only lasted an hour today, but first time this week so a result I guess, but he is back to hospital this pm!

Amber. That would do it for me. A lovely Cotswoldy hideaway and some nice pubs. Good on you! Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!

sparkles - flipping heck, poor ds. Sending you both virtual hugs and wishes for a pain-free and positive afternoon. And a lovely restful weekend.

have a fab time amber !
and lots of love to little sparkle for his hospital visit.

Interesting about the size thing too- I am always curious about the who gets chemo and who doesn't thing- some folk on the BCC site when I was having treatment had the same size or smaller tumour,no nodes like me ,grade 2 but got chemo- it's obviously the age thing-but I still wonder.

It is quite complex, I agree

My case was pretty similar to yours, I think, but I got chemo because they found a random tiny lymph node within the margin they took out and, although there was no spread in the armpit nodes, there was some in that tiny node adjacent to the lump. So they said they did not know what to do, but chemo might be wise.

Hello ladies, I hope you are all ok?

Topsy - welcome :) Everyone here is fantastic and have loads of helpful tips and advice.

I am 40, and have 3 young children (7, 5 and 3) and was diagnosed in February this year with grade 2 breast cancer that has gone to nodes. I have just completed 4 rounds FEC and am about to start on 4 rounds of docetaxol followed by a masectomy (and probably rads...might as well go the whole hog). Its scary! It was the biggest shock ever and I think I sat on the sofa for a week, hardly moving, just crying.

I am ever more optimistc now and here such wonderful stories. I try and forget its there as much as I can, and get on with stuff. I am still working.

Take one day at a time, and ask these lovely ladies on here any questions. They usually know the answer

Well I feel ok(ish)...although very 'windy' and prone to indigestion, and a bit a nausea. My period started today which also doesn't help! I thought chemo was ment to stop them?

I am off to pick the children up from school soon, and then off to the park (if the rain holds off). Hurrah for the weekend :)