A Level Results - Can't shake disappointment

[WoodforTrees]

In short, I feel unreasonably sad for DS following results day, despite the fact that he himself seems perfectly happy with his insurance. He does have form for trying to show a sunny disposition through disappointment, but I do believe he is genuinely ok with his outcome.

I however have been tearful all day today (literally bursting into tears when alone) and am really struggling (but managing) to hide my sadness. I am trying to make sense of my feelings and make it stop. This overwhelming sadness happened once before - around six years ago - over something that should not have triggered the level of emotion it did, and it took me a while to start feeling rational and gain perspective. I don't want to go there again.

I just feel like the whole world got into their Firm yesterday, and DS didn't.

He missed his RG (lowered on results day) offer by one grade (genuinely mitigating circumstances for him dropping that one subject that I won't bore people with) and has ended up at a perfectly ok mid-tier ex poly. All his mates - similar mocks across the year and similar results - some better, many worse got their Firms and are off to top Unis and I just feel gutted for him.

I am also worrying that now that top tier Universities have swept up lower grade students, the mid-tier Unis are going to be half-full or padded out with students that aren't that bothered. And how that will effect the cohort and his Uni experience in general.

I don't know. I just feel really sad for him, i don't know a single person that didn't get their Firm this year except DS and it stings being in that 18% that didn't. I want to celebrate him but I just can't shake the disappointment. I don't understand why I feel so affected by this?

Did anyone else not get their Firm and feel a bit like this?

Years ago Dd didn’t get great A level results, she’d been in and out of hospital in sixth form. She went to a mid level ranked university and got a 1st class degree.

She was one of a handful of people nationwide who got a training position in industry after her degree. Lots of people she knows are doing shop work/bar work as they couldn’t get a job in industry after.

Shes going back to uni in Sept to do a Masters and has been offered a place at one of the top RG universities in the country and for her subject it’s ranked in the top ten worldwide.

So going to a lower level university does not mean there’s no hope for future prospects, etc.

Because contrary to the views held in the MN bubble, a huge number of employers work with universities which sit outside of the RG. Not all employers insist on a 2:1 either.

Many graduate employers recognise that there are excellent graduates from a whole range of institutions. In fact, some post 92 universities have fantastic graduate employment figures and are specifically targeted by employers. These universities often have a long record of vocational education and supporting students in developing the skills employers want.

RG universities are research intensive institutions. That’s their mission group, most universities are part of one. It doesn’t necessarily mean excellent teaching, student support or graduate outcomes.

This is good advice. One size does not fit all. Better to go to the right uni for you, than a high-tariff university that might actually not provide the right experience or course, and be unhappy. RG/ high tariff does not always meanbetter career prospects (also my experience!), there are too many variables to consider.

I once mentioned that in huge areas of employment, like local government, the type of uni attended didnt make much difference.

Got told that the public sector "didn"t count".

And self-employment never seemd to exist either.

I suppose you shouldn't assume that the current number if unis snd courses is automatically perfect but there's an awful lot of "stay in your lane" around the "too many unis" meme.

Obviously if he is happy then that is the main thing.

however- clearing is not a static thing. Laces will have freed up over the past couple of days that were not there on Thursday night/Friday morning. There are still lots of places available at top 25 universities. It’s worth taking another look if he isn’t entirely happy. There are even places at top ten unis available since some will have rejected their places and traded up.

Aberdeen, UEA, Exeter, Lancaster, Leicester, Liverpool, Loughborough, Manchester, Nottingham, Reading, Southampton, Cardiff, Sussex, Swansea, Warwick, York, Aberystwyth, all in clearing for history and all original pre 92 universities

MN is very narrow minded on this subject.
Out in the real world we see employers of ALL types working with lots of different universities.
This fact seems to offend people on here though!

Thanks for this. Some of these might be showing up in UCAS but certainly lots don't have places left. And many only for International at this point.

But also, DS is happy. If I start pushing him to grab at any Uni that the world deems 'better than his', what message am I sending him? And then if he doesn't make the clearing place he will feel shit. If he was really unhappy, he'd be scouring UCAS and Uni sites, but he isn't, so I am going to leave things alone.

But thank you for taking the time to check.

All universities are equal but some universities are more equal than others 🤣🤣

You so often see "employers" mentioned when what's actually meant is "a few City law firms".

I don't think anyone said that All Universities are equal. But I am glad you are finding my search for support amusing.

@justasking111my son is off to Leeds Beckett in September. He missed his first choice, Loughborough, by six marks. He has now accepted LB and has admitted he probably favoured LB but felt he had to try for Loughborough because it was more prestigious. I do it OP I’m a little bit sad it’s not RG but I know he will have a fab time clubbing in Leeds!! I hope he makes great friend and get some life experience and starts to pick his clothes off the floor. I want him to go for his independence as opposed to future career. That will all pan out.

And I have to admit that when we visited LB all the other students looked like him and I did think this was the best fit for him. All quite sporty and enjoy a night out ( we were looking at the sports courses). Best be top for confidence and self esteem than bottom with a load of elite athletes. I live in a very middle class area and the obsession with Warwick and Durham etc. is insane. I know exactly where you are coming from.

Indeed. And anyone who knows anything about graduate employability knows that the majority of students aren’t working for city law firms or the ‘big four’. And that’s okay.

It isn’t “not P.C, it absolutely isn’t true. I, as an employer, couldn’t care where a degree is from. If it were the case that nothing but an RG degree was worth anything, nobody would go to any other university. Check out the stats for onward success from non RG universities, they are just as good, better in some cases. League tables etc are a tiny part of the story. I was looking the other day and one “top tier” university in the top 20 in the U.K. scores lowest for most things, second worst in the U.K. for the student experience, but manages to make the top 20 because of the excellent research it does - something which affects very few students.

Stop perpetuating nonsensical myths out of some kind of snobbery for RG universities.

@mrsnjw DDs boyfriend has Just graduated from Leeds Beckett. He had the best time and loved it. He did really well and was well supported. DD spent a lot of time visiting him in Leeds and adored it.

@WoodforTrees my husband went there when it was a met. He absolutely loved it and made lifelong friends who were his ushers at our wedding. He will be fine. You son will be too at Nottingham Trent.

@mrsnjw Thank you. Like you, I did see how DS would fit in when we visited NTU. He really is bright and engaged, but he is going to be able to show his skills and thinking much better in a less traditional/exam based institution.

Meh, as someone who struggled through a mediocre degree at a top 10 RG Uni famous for its reseach reputation and then did another 1st degree at a mid-table ex-poly, I got far more value from the latter, where teaching was prioritised. Enjoyed it far more, much better degree and way more useful.

I think your pride is hurt. Your DC seems to be in a better place and he did pick it as his insurance...

@WoodforTreesmy son is the other way round good at exams but absolutely useless with coursework. He can’t organise himself. He got bbc so decent grades and I so wanted him to trade up as it were! His friend got a RG uni with an E in maths. How is that possible. He just loved the sport facility at LB and I didn’t, like you, give him the impression that he was underselling himself if he is happy going there. We should have looked at Nottingham Trent too. I think part of it is empty nest syndrome lumping although I still have DD at home. A friend said the hardest transition in parenting to make was going from director in you child’s life to audience. I get it now.

Oh and it was a far more employable course...directly targetted by all the main employers, as it was a vocational degree.

It depends on the subject. You are obviously unaware that a lot of ex polys vocational courses score higher in the employability rankings than more prestigious universities. 98% of my graduates (yes I teach at an ex poly - oh the shame of it) are in graduate level employment within a few months and most have a graduate level job offer before they qualify. Have a look at the world renowned School of Jewellery at Birmingham City University or the work of the Royal Birmingham Conservatoire and revise your attitudes about the opportunities available at ex polys

@mrsnjw

A friend said the hardest transition in parenting to make was going from director in you child’s life to audience. I get it now.

That's a really good analogy, and definitely part of it. (Almost harder than the transition from Mama, to Mummy, to Mum, to Bro )

Your DS could have had plundered clearing with those grades but ultimately, I have come to realise (over the past two days) that DS is making the first really important choice of his life, and it's not for me to undermine it.

Our boys will be fine.

The quality of the university experience does not depend on whether the Uni is a Russell Group or an "ex poly". The so called ex polys (we are now a full 33 years on from the poly era) can be much better at treating students well, and giving them good quality work experience.They can't rest on their Russell laurels to get students through the door.
The one I worked at had paid internship schemes within the university for undergrads and grads, plus many part time jobs for students. Graduates hit the ground running in terms of succeeding in employment, if they were not going on to PG study.
"Russell Group" is a very successful marketing label. Many non RG are above RGs in the various league tables, so in some cases it's just a snob factor.
Are you sad because he's disappointed you? Please don't let him see that.
My opinions are based on relatives who've gone to all types of universities, my own attendance at RG and non RG, plus employment experience at a non RG.
Your son can always get to a RG later for postgraduate, if he wants to, if it matters to him. In my experience, employers do not mind which university people went to. When I'm recruiting, it doesn't make a difference to me. I see it as a product of family background as much as anything.

Would it amaze you to know that Abertay offers the best computer game design courses in UK or Oxford Brookes' research in history outperformed Oxford's at the last research assessment exercise? But sadly the attitudes some MN parents have are destroying the brilliant non Hotel Kempinski (ex Hotel Russell) universities.