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Fostering

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on fostering.

Original poster

Its our last week together

260 replies

Flower3554 · 21/07/2008 11:09

Well this is it, one week today our little one meets his new mummy

I'm busy washing all his cuddly toys cos some of them are so grungyI'd be ashamed to send them with him

He's having a sleep at the moment and I'm imagining what it will be like when he goes, I know I'm going to miss him like crazy but it's long past the time he should have moved. I hope it all goes smoothly and he really "takes to her"

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 03/08/2008 17:20

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MamaGLovesMe · 03/08/2008 17:22

I am sure that isn't what people mean when they say that.

They probably mean they don't have the patience or the inclination, etc etc.

iCod · 03/08/2008 17:24

This reply has been deleted

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ShinyPinkShoes · 03/08/2008 17:24

From what I hear of a friend the pay isn't very good though so it very much tends to be something people do definately for love more than money.

If you consider that those children are your responsibility 24/7 and that you could be nursing them through drug withdrawal it's not always an easy job.

poshtottie · 03/08/2008 17:25

I didn't think it was paid, only an allowance to cover costs of the care of the child/children.

FluffyMummy123 · 03/08/2008 17:25

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ShinyPinkShoes · 03/08/2008 17:25

Oh and FWIW I honestly don't think that Flower started this thread with those intentions at all

FluffyMummy123 · 03/08/2008 17:25

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Original poster
Flower3554 · 03/08/2008 17:26

Thanks cod.... just as a matter of interest, I don't get paid, I get an allowance to feed and clothe the child and a fee for the use of the bedroom. We buy all the equipment ourselves as well as toys books, days out etc etc.

The amount in total works out at around £40 per day each day being a 24 hour day, no holidays or days off either.

Not a wage, no pension, and I'm happy to do this, my choice entirely.

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 03/08/2008 17:28

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MamaGLovesMe · 03/08/2008 17:28

I doubt very much that is why Flower started this thread.

If it is a job then of course they should get paid but it is hard to get approved as a foster parent and it isn't something you can honestly do just for the money.

Original poster
Flower3554 · 03/08/2008 17:37

If and when we go on holiday, and we can't very often as birth parents usually say no, we take the lo's with us.

In 21 years we have never once sent lo's for respite.

Before I began these introductions for this lo his SW asked that I send the other fc into respite for the duration of the intro's to ensure my full attention would be given to the new mum, I refused, point blank. I firmly believe that children in care should be as settled as it is possible to make them and not pushed from pillar to post.

I'm off to do the baths now.

OP posts:
RusselBrussel · 03/08/2008 17:46

bloody hell cod, you really are a coldhearted fish.
when you posted about your bil everyone was saying oh poor you, poor your sister.
but no-one is allowed to do similar for flower here?

MamaGLovesMe · 03/08/2008 18:05

I would love to meet you, Flower.

Barbarella40 · 03/08/2008 18:16

Hi

We have tried quite hard to stay in touch with DD's FC as she said DD was very special to her. It's all one way unfortunately, and she doesn't reply when I send her photos of DD.

We also weren't offered any food (and didn't expect it tbh) and took cakes and biscuits and didn't get any of them either.. lol.

You sound quite unique Flower.. lol

I think it's such a shame when adopters don't keep their promise.. IMO the FF are a part of my DD's life and I wish they showed more interest.

firsttimemama · 03/08/2008 18:16

That was a disgusting post from COD followed by further insulting posts. So rude! I know she likes to be controversial but those posts are just pathetic and childish from a supposedly educated women. Good luck Flowers with the hand over. Ignore those attention seeking poisonous posts - IMO she really has proved she's not worth it this time.

MamaGLovesMe · 03/08/2008 18:23

I have said before how I have written to foster parents from 30 years ago and both sides were thrilled to hear, and get replies from the other. I haven't heard from them for a few weeks now but hope I will again.

HumphreyPillow · 03/08/2008 20:47

I hope the next few days go as smoothly as they can for you all, Flower.

Purpleparrot · 03/08/2008 21:01

I would just like to say to Cod that I am extremely angry about her posts to Flower. They were uncalled for and hurtful.

This site is supposed to provide advice and support and should not be here to attack genuine posters. You are welcome to your opinions obviously but if you cannot do so in a constructive manner then please don't bother at all, particularly at a sensitive time!

Flower is my mother and has been fostering since I was 9 year old - I am 32 this year - and let me tell you something about that woman, she is good and honest and very special indeed and would not post about something that is very important and emotional to her simply to ilicit 'you are so great' replies!

She has always gone above and beyond for every child in her home and when they leave after being with her for a number of years at a time she breaks her heart.

She fosters to 'give back' if you like and because she enjoys caring for children. The allowance she gets does not cover the work she does or the things she provides for the children by any stretch of the imagination and to hope that you hear how a child you have nursed and cared for and loved from a few hours old is doing is not a lot to ask.

The children in her care love her back and are happy and safe and to be honest I think that deserves the title of wonderful.

You have no idea how hard this 'job' can be unless you have lived this life. Some of the children she looks after are so damaged and it takes someone special to help them love and trust again. Someone who care help them through surgery, someone who can comfort them and take away their nightmares, someone who can help them to play again and relax and someone who can help them to move onto a new and better life.

Fostering is not always a job that you do for money it is a vocation and in my opinion you cannot put a price on the level of care she gives to 'her' children.

I have a 9 year old son and she is always the first person I would turn to for advice and help. If I don't know the answer I know that Flower will. If I can be half as good at motherhood as Flower is and was then my son will be a lucky boy indeed.

lucyellensmum · 03/08/2008 21:01

I have reported Cods posts, this is not the thread for this argument.

I have to say, in the past i knew a woman who was a foster mother for the money. Horrible cow she was, she used to foster black children and was really awful to them. I think there was another woman in my town that did this. I would hope that this sort of person would soon be weeded out of the fostering community these days. To even suggest that Flower does this for the money is sickening. And quite frankly, even if it is a job, albeit a vocational one, Why would that be wrong?When you look at the wonderful things women like this do for young children.

Cod, i think you are great, but you have really stepped out of line this time [disappointed]

Quattrocento · 03/08/2008 21:01

You're fab Flower.

Good luck xxx

lucyellensmum · 03/08/2008 21:06

Purple parrot, i have goosebumps reading your post, you sound so proud of your mum and rightly so - i bet she is equally proud of you.

I think that no further comments should be made about Cods posts, immature and attention seeking at its ugliest.

onepieceoflollipop · 03/08/2008 21:41

Purpleparrot I don't know your mum (only from this thread) but what you posted just confirmed the impression that I had already of her.

These next couple of days must be so hard for her as she tries to make the most of the last few hours with the lo, and has to start "letting go"

Imo fostering is not "just" a job. Some of us do hard jobs - but to do this 24 hours a day (regardless of whether one uses occasional respite for holidays etc) is a massive commitment which most of us will never understand.

Original poster
Flower3554 · 04/08/2008 08:02

Good morning all

Last night was rough but today's another day

Thank you Purple, you're so lovely and yes, I am sooo proud of her lucyellensmum

Thank you too, to all of you

Today we have a meeting to discuss how things have gone so far and if Wednesday is definately leaving day, I think it will be but I'm guessing new mum will be very nervous.

OP posts:
whooosh · 04/08/2008 08:29

Really hope the next few days go well for you flower.