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Fostering

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on fostering.

Original poster

Its our last week together

260 replies

Flower3554 · 21/07/2008 11:09

Well this is it, one week today our little one meets his new mummy

I'm busy washing all his cuddly toys cos some of them are so grungyI'd be ashamed to send them with him

He's having a sleep at the moment and I'm imagining what it will be like when he goes, I know I'm going to miss him like crazy but it's long past the time he should have moved. I hope it all goes smoothly and he really "takes to her"

OP posts:
fryalot · 21/07/2008 11:12

oh!

but

but

but

I think you're fab

Carmenere · 21/07/2008 11:12

You are a saint imo, I am filled with admiration for women like you.

Kewcumber · 21/07/2008 11:16

how sad and lovely at the same time. Is this the one who lives quite a way away? Did you resolve handover?

lilyloo · 21/07/2008 11:17

Hope it goes smoothly too for all of you !

stealthsquiggle · 21/07/2008 11:18

You are so brave. I hope they stay in touch and let you know how he is doing.

Original poster
Flower3554 · 21/07/2008 11:35

Thank you all.

Kew... It has been almost resolved in that the lo's social worker has offered to drive mum and baby home. I say almost because the mum is aghast at this idea but is too scared to say so.

She desperately wants a friend of hers to help her and to travel by train. I've suggested she just says she'd prefer to do the journey with the baby and have her friend already on the train out of sight.

OP posts:
ladytophamhatt · 21/07/2008 11:41

Oh Flower....its the Lo whose the same age as ds4 isn't it?

Oh god, my eyes have gone all misty just thinking about you and him.

I really hope its not too hard on you and
he settles in ok.

I missed the thread about the handover, what happened? I hope it does go smoothly.

I'll be thinking of you this week.

Original poster
Flower3554 · 21/07/2008 11:45

Hi LTH yes it is the same one, I think your lo was born a week or so before him. Where has the time gone eh

The social worker wanted me, at the end of introductions, to travel by train with the baby and "deliver" him to his new mummy then come back on the train by myself

I told her what to do with her suggestion and said they really should consider employing robots to do fostering

OP posts:
hatwoman · 21/07/2008 11:46

oh well done you for making such a vast difference in the world. misty-eyed here too. I hope it goes ok. how old is lo? how long has he been with you? good luck with it all.

hatwoman · 21/07/2008 11:48

cross-posted. I'm glad you felt able to stand your ground - did you really say that about robots? well done. I hope it's not indicative of the normal level of recognition you get.

lou031205 · 21/07/2008 11:48

Flower Why can the friend not openly help mum?

Original poster
Flower3554 · 21/07/2008 11:48

He is 18 months old and has been with me since he was 2 days old

OP posts:
hatwoman · 21/07/2008 11:50

oh lawks. you are clearly an amazing person.

Original poster
Flower3554 · 21/07/2008 11:52

Hi lou, social services have a ridiculous rule that new mums shouldn't have visitors even family for the first few weeks supposidly to help mum and child bond. Its barbaric in my opinion and I've had quite a few new mums in tears because they have to tell their families not to visit.

I'm afraid I advise them to let close family etc visit but not tell social services.

I'm not going to heaven now am I

OP posts:
youngbutnotdumb · 21/07/2008 11:55

My Aunt was a foster carer and the first 2 she had, she adopted because she couldnt hand them over.

The tears are streaming donwn my dace at the thought of u seperating from DFS. It m,ust be like handing away ur own child I couldnt do it ur such wonderful person.

Braver than me.

Hope all goes well and good luck to u in the future.

Original poster
Flower3554 · 21/07/2008 11:58

Hi youngbutnotdumb, I'm afraid my house isn't big enough to keep all the lo's we've handed over, I'd need 80 odd bedrooms

It is the hardest part of fostering, I think of it as a price I pay for all the joy I've had with the lo's.

Sometimes it's a very high price though

OP posts:
stealthsquiggle · 21/07/2008 12:06

I suppose I can sort of see the point of that SS rule in as much as it gives new adoptive parents something to hide behind if they want to prevent an influx of friends and relatives, but surely they don't enforce it, do they ?

So friends of ours are in the process of adopting and already have a DS - does that mean DS is not allowed to go and visit his friend when their LO arrives?

youngbutnotdumb · 21/07/2008 12:06

I couldn't do it although I'm only 21 I did consider it because I'd love to help so many kids out there who need a home but don't think I could do it. Maybe wait until I'm older and see how I feel.

I can't even begin to imagine how u feel, it must be bittersweet knowing he's going to a loving family but that it means he has to leave u. It must be hard for him too when he goes poor little mite is to young to understand. But who knows maybe one day all your DFC might show up and you'll see that in one way or another that u have helped them and I'm sure they'll be a credit to u.

Original poster
Flower3554 · 21/07/2008 12:19

Our local authority enforces the rule although I have heard of the odd one who turns a blind eye.

I can see the point too if there are dozens of distant relatives turning up but close family and the odd friend wouldn't hurt surely.

In any case how must it seem to the lo, does he think "has the world been wiped out and theres only me and her left"

What happens when she needs to shop, he'll see other people then!

I'm afraid my head hurts with all the banging it against the brick walls of social services.

OP posts:
wannaBe · 21/07/2008 12:23

what you do is amazing - you are a better person than i am.

Is this the LO who was having assessments re his inability to point etc? What happened with that?

Do you have another placement lined up which will fill the gap a bit?

Original poster
Flower3554 · 21/07/2008 12:51

He still can't point! He has been diagnosed as having a developmental delay of around 3 months.

He is finally walking and has begun to hold a cup himself.

I have another little one here who is 7 months, she's been with me since she was 2 weeks old, she was 6 weeks premature and was in hospital for her first two weeks as she wasn't feeding well.

I don't plan on taking more than one at a time any time soon, I'm getting a bit long in the tooth now

OP posts:
lilyloo · 21/07/2008 13:05

wow Flower i bet that's been great fun and very hard work !

hatwoman · 21/07/2008 14:23

interesting (and suprising) about the no visitors rule. on the one hand I don;t feel remotely qualified to comment on its validity - adopting an 18 month old is an experience vastly different from anything I have ever encountered and it may well be good for bonding, but, on the hand, I would have thought that the family would be better served by social services providing support and advice rather than applying blanket rules (which people probably "obey" out of fear, which really doesn;t sound productive to me). When we give birth to babies some us don;t want our family and friends to come near for weeks. some us want them at home organising a welcome party. It's such an intensely personal choice - and in the case of adopting - part of being empowered to be a parent - that, imho, there would have to be a wealth of evidence that vistors were actively damaging to impose a ban like that. so having said I don;t feel qualified to comment it appears I have argued my own way to disagreeing with it... unless there is such a body of evidence. which I doubt.

hatwoman · 21/07/2008 14:24

all imvho of course.

Kewcumber · 21/07/2008 14:34

no visitors for first month is a common recommendation for new adotpers though I didn;t know SS now had a rule about that. Btter "rule" IMVHO would be only very close freidns and family for first month and Holding ban for first month ie no-one but parents to hold.

How on earth could they possibly enforce such a rule anyway!