Its our last week together

[Flower3554]

Well this is it, one week today our little one meets his new mummy

I'm busy washing all his cuddly toys cos some of them are so grungyI'd be ashamed to send them with him

He's having a sleep at the moment and I'm imagining what it will be like when he goes, I know I'm going to miss him like crazy but it's long past the time he should have moved. I hope it all goes smoothly and he really "takes to her"

I think all it does is make adopters fearful and resentful.

I know I once said to a social worker " thats a cruel thing to make people do" her reply?

"we have what they want, ie the child, they'll jump through hoops if we tell them to"

It's common sense to me that when you suddenly, perhaps for the first time in your life, find yourself in complete charge of a child, have people close to you family or friends to reassure you.

Flower that comment confirms my (distant) observation of the process our friends are going through - sometimes it seems like the SWs are trying to find out if/where this a point where they will turn round and say 'no' to the latest ludicrous demand

As you say - if the LO is used to being in an extended foster-family it must seem very strange to suddenly be all alone with 2 (or even 1) adults and no-one else.

Well, any LO placed with our friends is inevitably going to meet other people in the first month, unless the SWs are going to dictate that she doesn't pick up her own DS from school for a month ?

Stealth, I've seen the process from both sides as DD1 adopted a child some years ago and vowed afterwards that he would be an only child because she could never go through it a second time.

They have to be thorough that I can understand but not as intrusive or dictatorial as they are.

Surely it's better for the child to be in a natural setting with a warm family than wondering where the rest of the world has gone.

"My" little one will have it hard enough getting used to everything and everyone being different without this so I will be encouraging his mum to be as natural as she can be with him.

Oh that will be a bittersweet day

At a risk of sounding cheesy, I think you're amazing.

God, when I think about ds4 being around teh same age as your LO, and how upset he'd be without seeing a familiar face.

I really hope it goes smoothly for him Flower. I'm sure his new mum will be great, she deffo needs to NOT listenn to teh SW though.

I know LTH, I feel the same When he's in his cot and fast asleep I must admit I torture myself with those same thoughts.

The awful thing is with a decent social worker he could have moved before his first birthday. At least then it might have lessened his trauma .
I'd still have gone through hell though

God I'm going to miss him His new mum is a lucky lady, I do envy her.

I knwo I've said it before but I really don't know how you do it.

I really admire you.

Just want to say thank you all, you lot are amazing you know.

Heaven knows how I'd manage without your support

Hi Flower, just wanted to come and add my support. Wish I could give you a big hug.

Hi Flower,

Have just read this thread and the tears are rolling now. You are such a great person, I couldn't do it. I hope that all goes well for you and LO although I imagine it'll be torture for both of you to be seperated after such a long time. Youv'e done what you can do and now he's going to a loving home, I hope you manage to get through this difficult time and good luck in the future.

Another one here who is glad there are people like you about.
All the best

Thank you all, the days must be dragging for his new mum, but they're flying by for me

My new link worker asked me today if I could take a baby expected a couple of days after he leaves. I'm afraid I said no

We still have the 7 month old and to be honest I need some time almost to myself.

She said "oh I thought it might cheer you up"

For the love of god what do they think we are!!!

I go to a meeting Monday lunchtime then bring his mum to meet him for the first time afterwards. Our LA suggests an hour for the first visit but I usually let them stay a little longer so I'll be on here Monday to let you all know how it went.

Thanks again for your thoughts and good wishes.xxx

OMG.....the new mum hasn't met him yet??

have I got that right?

God, the poor little thing is going to be heart broken and so scared.

Oh Flower...I hope I've misunderstood that.

As an adult who when a child had some shite foster parents and a couple of good ones - THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO.

Flower, I think you must be a living breathing saint. That little boy is so very very lucky.

He may not (let's face it, probably won't) remember you in years to come but the love that he will have had from you must make an impression, he will always carry in his heart and in his head the feeling of having been loved and cared for all his life. You have done a wonderfull thing.

I never cry on here, but im sobbing at this thread.

Flower. you must be an amazing person.

I recently wrote to the set of foster parents and a family of befrienders that I knew when I was 6 and thanked them for all they did. I was touched they remembered me and had kepy photos of me for 30 years.

Anyone not crying? I can't stop blubbing.

Please come back and tell us more next week (or sooner) if you need a hand held, feel for you so very much. And for DFS, who let's face it, thinks that you are his mummy. I hope his new parents realise how lucky they are.

i thought of you the other day flower, as i was chatting to a long-time foster mum at the kids school. i think she said she has been doing it 40years or so.

you are amazing.

Oh I have gone all weepy!

You are amazing, I can't imagine what you are going through, but thought I would add my support.

Good morning all.

Yes LTH this will be the first time she's met him.

To explain.... We attend a meeting on Monday after which I will bring her back to our house where she will meet lo for the first time.

She stays an hour or so then comes back the next day for longer, the next day longer again and so on until the middle of the following week when she collects him and takes him to his new home.By this time she will have spent full days with him, bathed him fed him etc.

I have met her and spoken on the phone, I took photo's of her which I've pinned above his changing unit and I say "look theres mummy" whenever I'm dressing/changing him etc

I think its going to be hard for all of us but I'm determined to help her all I can, Its the only way I'll get through it. xxx

I feel the need to say it again after your last post Flower but I know you know how we all feel about you.

We'll all be here, holding your hand....I wish I could do it in RL.

I don't do this often but you definatley deserve an LTH {{{{{{hug}}}}}}

xxxx

Totally agree with lth. If anyone deserves {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} it's you Flower.