Its our last week together

[Flower3554]

Well this is it, one week today our little one meets his new mummy

I'm busy washing all his cuddly toys cos some of them are so grungyI'd be ashamed to send them with him

He's having a sleep at the moment and I'm imagining what it will be like when he goes, I know I'm going to miss him like crazy but it's long past the time he should have moved. I hope it all goes smoothly and he really "takes to her"

Flower, you are amazing.

Flower I have been following your thread for the last few days (often with tears in my eyes, but I would imagine you are shedding more tears...). Of course you are "allowed" to feel a little when you see the lo giving affection to his new mummy. I would imagine you have such mixed feelings.

Feelings of almost overwhelming sadness that you are about to "lose" him - even though this was always the plan? But also feelings of joy that his destiny is to be with his new mummy and you are so selflessly facilitating that.

This thread is a massive inspiration to me. I am thinking very seriously about whether I would be cut out to foster. It has been on my mind for a very long time.

I keep thinking of lots of little questions. Perhaps after next week I will post again and ask you some stuff. At the moment I think you need the space to vent on here, and get some support for you and your dh if it all seems too much. I said it before, you are fab. x

Thank you

Ask away onepiece I'm only popping in and out on here but I'll answer any questions I can when I see them.

Thanks Flower, enjoy your day today with lo.

Will post some questions in a day or two.

Hello Flower, how was your day?

Here are some of my questions (no rush for any answers).

What is the youngest baby you have fostered -are some of them literally hours/days old?

Does the biological mother name the baby or not always?

Do you have to have all the equipment ready before the baby arrives, or do they come with some of it? (I'm thinking basics like bottles, formula, car seat, nappies etc)

Have all your foster babies been formula fed or is it possible that the biological mother (depending on circumstances) might express and you give the baby ebm?

As foster parent is it up to you to make general decision such as whether to use a dummy or not, what weaning approach to use etc. (all of the stuff we debate at length on mnet)

Do young babies (i.e. under 6 months) have to sleep in the same room as you in line with FSID guidelines?

How do you refer to yourself (from the baby's point of view) are you known by your first name or mummy?

When the babies move on (like your lo) do the "new parents" prefer to buy lots of new clothes/toys, or are most happy for the baby to move on with the clothes/toys etc that they are already familiar with? (like you are doing with your lo now)

Are you allowed to send photos/a letter etc with the baby so that they can see when they are older who looked after them when they were tiny?

Thanks so much Flower.

Flower, I'm just about to log off as were off on our hols tomorrow but I wanted to let you knwo that I'll eb thinking of you and LO all next week.

I hope its not too hard on either of you....although sadly I suspect a lot of tears will come.

I really admire you, I would love to do what you do but I just knwo I;m not strong enough.

Anyway, good luck, I'll have a cyber tissue here for you for all the tears.

xxxx

onepeice, IIRC the LO flower is talking baout in this thread has been with her since he was 2 days old.
That makes it even more heart breaking doesn't it? In his eyes Flower is Mummy...

Oh god Flower, I don't knwo how you do it, just that thought alone has reduced me to tears.

{{{{}}}}}

Yes LTHH he has been with her for 18 months Flower said in a previous post that he has no idea what is coming (or words to that effect)

I have the most amazing respect for what she (and other like her) do.

What a fab woman, an inspiration to many of us.

LTH.... you've probably gone bye now but thank you, tissues accepted. Have a lovely holiday, wish I was coming with you

Onepiece....

The youngest has been 8 hours old. It is usual though to get them around 2 days old.

Most parents name their babies but babies who are being given up for adoption are sometimes named by nurses or medics.

I use all my own equipment unless a parent asks thaat I use their stuff which I'm happy to do.

Most are bottle fed but I have had some who express milk and freeze it which I give to baby, it's difficult though for them to express enough so it is usually some formula feeds and some breast milk feeds.

I usually consult parents re dummy or what formula they want baby to have but quite often its down to me to decide.

Babies up to 6 months share our room but we are not allowed to co-sleep.

We use our first names only. Never mummy or daddy.

New parents are advised by adoption workers that its best if they have familiar stuff at first, so much else is going to change for them. It is a comfort to them to have clothes, toys that they recognise.
I often loan new parents stuff, cot mobiles, bath support etc.

We usually have photo's of ourselves and our family in lo's life story book. I also write a "goodbye" letter to the lo's in which I tell them how much they were loved in their first months/years and how much we are going to miss them.

Hope this helps

Thanks Flower for all your answers.

Must be so and hard to write that goodbye letter.

Still thinking of you as you spend these last few days together.

You're welcome onepiece.

It is very hard and I always have to leave it and go back to it many times before I'm finished it

We had a lovely day yesterday all together

Today I have to take lo to where new mum is staying and leave him with her all day

I'm dreading it, not for him, for me
I've never left him anywhere but home and then only for a couple of hours at a time.

Wish me luck

Good luck Flower.

BEst of luck, you are amazing and very brave. Big hugs

Thank you. He's due back soon If this is the state of things to come I don't much like it

The place has been sooo quiet.

Is he back yet? How did it go? I bet mum is exhausted

He got back 20 minutes ago he is absolutely filthy and he grinned from ear to ear when he saw me.

His mum says he's been fine but wouldn't eat his lunch so I've just finished giving him an early tea.

She has usually been very smart and tidy looking but this afternoon she looks quite disheveled and tired as well. She actually said she didn't know how I managed with 2 babies. I told her she'll be fine, it's still less than a week since she met him so she is doing well.

My DH has to travel back down to Plymouth where he works tomorrow so she thanked him for all he'd done as she won't see him again, bless him DH replied I haven't done anything it;s Flower who does it all.

Right I'm off for a cuddle before bathtime.

Only 3 more sleeps

Someone linked me to this post... it's lovely to read from the FC's POV. Flower, you sound like a great FC... I wish our DD's FC had been half as reassuring and helpful as yours, although she was ok.

When we brought our DD home just before Christmas, we had no choice but to allow relatives to come over. Her FC said she was used to lots of people around her and would be confused with just having us 2, so she encouraged us to do what was right for our child (we didn't tell SW, but actually our SW was pretty good with giving us credit to do the right thing?.

Chilren are all individuals.. you have to go by the child. Needless to say, she was in her element with all the fuss and attention (which we staggered) and she took it all in her stride. Her new parents, on the other hand, were totally frazzled.. lol.

Best of luck for letting him go.. it must be so hard, but your job is second to none in the adoption process... without FC's like you, our children wouldn't be half the people they now are.

Bless you xx

Trying hard to stop the tears.

Well done, flower. You are amazing and that little boy owes everything to you. He will remember you.

I really hope they stay in touch with you. Are you allowed to ask or at least say you would love it if they felt they could, but it is up to them?

Wow Flower, this has come round so quick. Will be thinking of you next week. Sending lots of support your way.

Cx

Thank you xx

We are allowed to ask that they keep in touch but it is the new families choice whether or not they do.

It is the most soul destroying part of fostering, to me at least, when they drive off after spending day after day in your home getting the benefit of all your hard work, eating your food and worst of all promising faithfully they will keep in touch, only to never hear from them again

It does happen and it makes the grieving process harder than it need be.

It might be an idea to say that much as you would love them to keep in touch, if they aren't planning to can they just say as the hope is worse than the definite no.

You may have a point there MamaG, I do understand that it's daunting to be suddenly on your own with a new arrival who isn't a helpless baby any more but a phone call when they've gone to bed isn't asking a lot

We once had a little boy from 2 years old to 5 years old and introductions took almost 3 weeks.

DH was, as usual, working away and my own 3 dc's were still at home, I also had another 2 fc's to care for so life was busy to say the least.

The couple were so grateful for all I'd done and promised to keep in touch, ring me that night, come to visit often etc etc.

I've never seen or heard from them since That little boy will be 15 years old next month

Just wanted to say flower you are an amazing person xxx

My friends adopted 3 years ago and they still see the foster carers. The parents do it as the child wants to see them.

Unfortunately not all new parents are like that.

I have been fostered lots so have an interest in this. I would also like to do it when mine are older.

MIL was horrified at the thought of us adopting.