Things that happen in films that don't happen in real life

[LilyAnn13]

1. Sliding down a wall when in emotional distress
2. Swiping everything off the desk when angry
3. Starting to talk about your day when entering the house, before you've even checked if anyone is home e.g "Hi I'm home. You'll never guess what happened to me in the office today...."

Feel free to add.

Women who take their glasses off, reveal their previously hidden beauty, & magically never need them again.

Any digital photo can be zoomed in on to almost infinite depth. And if not, the lead investigator just has to say "enhance" (which the techie apparently hadn't thought of until then), and there is the small print of the perpetrator's car rental contract on a photo taken from 800 miles up on a cloudy day.

Calling out “Hello? Hellooooo?!” when you think there’s a burglar in the house to virtually make sure they attack you, instead of grabbing something heavy and defending yourself if they do appear.

....instead of grabbing something heavy and defending yourself if they do appear.

Or locking yourself in the loo and calling the police.

Family politely sitting at dinner table, absently prodding their food, eating painfully slow or in fact not eating at all - usually a conversation induces someone to put down their cutlery and walk off with an untouched plate of food.

Walking in the door, flicking one light switch and having instant mood lighting courtesy of multiple side lights, table lamps, floor lamps that all come on simultaneously.

Not finishing saying the life-changing, desperately urgent and important thing you were half way through saying, because you got interrupted once.

But the one that annoys me the most is being sick. Party the being sick because you're shocked about something/sad/distressed? But mostly for the actual poor puke-performing. Endless coughing - why? In reality, real vomit comes from the gut and doesn't really involve coughing at all - heaving and burping - but it's always cough cough spit more coughing spit. Gah

Slapping someone when they are hysterical or women slapping a man for upsetting them and the man doesn’t react.

You're not supposed to rinse with water.

Or, if no one answers, they immediately break the door down with a battering ram. Has no one ever just nipped to the fag shop?

Or having “an old friend” you can disappear to stay with for weeks on end at a moment’s notice, despite not having seen them in years. In real life, you’d be lucky to get a “Merry Christmas hun, must catch up in the new year x” text.

Shooting people right in the middle of the forehead. As a former markswoman, it’s nigh on impossible to be that accurate from that angle/distance/travelling at high speed leaning off a motorbike. The torso shot is a higher percentage kill shot.

Yes, they always seem to assume that the householder must be standing near the door ready to open it as soon as they knock. In TV/film police world, no-one is allowed to be locked in the toilet and need a minute or two before they can answer.

Taking out photos of your loved ones to show people when you're in a dangerous situation. Surely we've all learnt that that's a certain way to ensure you are next to die?

Really? I do it all the time. Someone I use my left hand just to challenge myself. Sometimes close both eyes. I guess you just weren’t very good. Don’t feel bad.

This! Though, I really appreciate it because films are about escape and I would hate to be trapped in a realistic bedsit for the duration of a film.

Love this thread.
I watch French TV (which has lots of really fab detective series!) and thing I notice most is that people don’t say much. Not like in real life where people are emotional/blurt out stuff/are incoherent etc -they are silent.

Tropical jungle film set, which could be pretty much anywhere in the world, and a bird calls in the distance. What bird is it?
A kookaburra - native to Australia. Fancy that.

War films, battlefield scenes - all the men are freshly washed and shaved, hair neatly trimmed, uniforms pristine....

In Order of the Phoenix, Dumbledore says he needs to 'nip to the loo' before they leave.

I'm always charmed by that dialogue.

I can do that, though.

Man (sometimes woman) comes home and immediately opens a beer from the fridge.

God yes. I remember watching a film with my old flatmate where two women were in peril, one shouts to the other "we need [man's name]" and my flatmate says : "why? Because he has a penis?"

Women beating men in hand to hand combat. In reality the average man is bigger, stronger, faster, more aggressive, and has more stamina than the average woman. Most of these film encounters are equals in their fields (eg both military) so the woman would've got seriously injured or killed, rather than way above average strong woman Vs way below average weak man.

People getting knocked unconscious then coming to and behaving like nothing happened. No disorientation, no nausea.

Kate Winslet in The Holiday working in central London but also managing to commute home to the end of a long, inaccessible dirt track in Sheen fast enough to have a full evening to herself for wine, bath, telly, and interacting with Cameron Diaz on the internet. In reality she would have been home around 11pm, knackered and muddy.

I've never seen this, but if she worked normal hours and lived in Sheen she could be home by 7pm at the latest. There's a direct train from Waterloo that runs reasonably frequently. Mind you, I'm struggling to think of anywhere in Sheen that matches the description of a "long inaccessible dirt track", it's the epitome of suburbia.