Things that happen in films that don't happen in real life

[LilyAnn13]

1. Sliding down a wall when in emotional distress
2. Swiping everything off the desk when angry
3. Starting to talk about your day when entering the house, before you've even checked if anyone is home e.g "Hi I'm home. You'll never guess what happened to me in the office today...."

Feel free to add.

Or I'll phone you ( because you are the investigating officer) and tell you that ill be over later to tell you something crucial to the case . I won't because I'll have become the next murder victim before I ever see you.

Or having open heart surgery and then being able to have a deep and meaningful conversation later when , in reality, you'd be in a coma in intensive care for 4 days and then be off your head on morphine for days after

Very small women taking on enormous men in a fight, throwing them to the ground and handcuffing them, all on their own.

In real life, woman would be lucky to escape with a broken jaw or ribs, hulk would hopefully run off without kicking her ( or worse).

Ordering “ a pint” but not saying of what

This! Ditto a "glass of red please mate". WHICH ONE??

Also the massive incompetence of the villains, despite their multi-billion dollar wealth and cutting-edge-tech hideouts.

"Ah, Mr. Bond, welcome, come in. Let me show you my entire evil plan and then put you in a death machine that doesn't work." - Jerry Seinfeld.

Adorable, luminous green snot and headlice free, tousleheaded children who never, ever throw a strop, announce they need a poo, bite, kick or do that whining, keening sound just when you need them to be absolutely quiet to avoid the murderer/zombies or want to get it on with the hot bloke that's inevitably rescuing the pair of you.

The most realistic thing in the Walking Dead was where the kid got everybody else killed.

They always shower facing the wall behind the shower so the water runs into their eyes.

Drink driving.
Sleeping in full makeup.

And if one if the women is a side-kick of James bond and they find themselves unexpectedly attending a posh function it's never a problem for her. He picks up a slinky little number and says " Put this on". She never has her period, or the wrong pants so there's VPL or bloating. She's always waxed and hair-doed and made up even when they've just done a high speed desert chase of bad men to get to some giant mansion in the desert where there will be a banquet of sheeps eyes( cos there always is )

Oh absolutely. It's the same when they have a phone message and never have to go through the press 1 for blah, press 2 for blah blah. And computers always start up immediately and never go into a bloody reboot/ virus check when you need to quickly print something.

I’ve actually seen someone swipe everything off their desk in anger 😂

No one ever uses soap or a cloth/sponew while showering. They just rub their bodies sensually and that’s it.

Also the huge breakfasts that no one eats or only grabs a piece of toast.

Drinking straight bottles of vodka and not even flinching when swallowed.

Getting the sack and automatically having a cardboard box to put all belongings into when leaving, and everything fits in the one box. And always having a plant.

Moving house and absolutely everything is packed into perfect square cardboard boxes, and labelled & sellotaped. Nothing is ever unpacked and they just move in and start living normally straight away.

Blokes that heft you up around their waists and have sex against a wall. Chance'd be a fine thing in this house. Need an ambulance outside at the ready.

(Sorry, I'm 3 double vodkas into 'thank god the in-laws have departed' and it's showing)

I do this every morning

Being left a luxurious country inn in rural Vermont.

Probably by a relative you never knew you had.

...and coincidentally having a neighbor who is gorgeous, single and a tech billionaire.

Obviously written by someone who has never set foot in rural Vermont😂

Yes this drives me nuts. I always end up shouting at the screen "eyes on the road!!!"

Parking outside a pub or restaurant in central London.

Film and tv people with young children tells them to go and play whilst the adults talk, the child complies with the request and the adults proceed to have an uninterrupted conversation without requests for toilet/snack/ipad or anything else.

Adults who rescue their kids from monsters or kidnappers and then immediately put them to bed by themselves, close the door and go off into other far off parts of the house or out to do more investigating.

Those huge American kids bedrooms.

Women in action movies get cute little scars on their cheekbones or temples never broken noses or black eyes or anything ugly.

Hangovers! After a huge night, waking up groaning in a hedge with messy hair, but then being fully functional and ready to go after 30 mins and a cup of coffee. This happened in Gavin and Stacey the other night. In reality any subsequent plot would have to be postponed for at least 24 hours to allow for lying on the sofa watching telly and feeling shit.

This was me in my early 20s. 5 minutes from alarm clock to out the door, breakfast as I walked.

When a small group of people start gradually disagreeing with one another and shouting, and then someone in the room shouts "QUIET!" and they all suddenly stop.

Also police/spy computer systems that can give an immediate answer to a very specific question. Usually with a flash user interface and no need to log in.

Women removing heels by bending their leg backwards and up so they just remove the shoe at their hip height.
No, we just sling them off!

And pack someone else's bag as easily as you would your own.