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The Bluestocking Pub, where we continue to read about gerbils nobly and bravely working undercover in the Fen.

1000 replies

AsWithGlad · 20/08/2026 15:44

Welcome to The Bluestocking, the best (perhaps only) online women's pub. Nothing in the food or drink can harm you, everything is served by a very enthusiastic crew of gerbils, who enjoy doing this, and any curious menfolk are welcome at the Staunch Ally down the road.

Previous thread: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5564959-the-bluestocking-womens-pub-in-which-we-wait-excitedly-for-the-next-instalment-of-goseis-adventures

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FuzzyPuffling · 22/08/2026 20:16

Were there any films, or books, that, in hindsight, anyone feels had a significant influence on them growing up such that they may have, in some small way, have shaped their lives?

"The Heart Shaped Bullet" by Kathryn Flett.
It's about her failed marriage, but how the relationship after that tipped her over the edge when that, too, failed.

EdithStourton · 22/08/2026 21:01

Found today on the grassy drift alongside the hay field: a buzzard feather, probably from the chest.

The one I found the other day is still in the car.

The Bluestocking Pub, where we continue to read about gerbils nobly and bravely working undercover in the Fen.
ErrolTheDragon · 22/08/2026 22:30

AnonyMumAuDHD · 22/08/2026 20:05

@ErrolTheDragon had to look up chrystalographer/ess and am still nonethewiser! Daren’t ask DH or DS in case I end yo being TedTalked! Am wondering whether DS may come across it in his phys degree though.

I would think he will. Crystallography is a method of determining the exact 3d structure of molecules. Have you heard of Dorothy Hodgkin or Rosalind Franklin? they were women pioneers in the field.

ChristmasStars · 22/08/2026 22:31

Were there any films, or books, that, in hindsight, anyone feels had a significant influence on them growing up such that they may have, in some small way, have shaped their lives?

Yes! As an only child i read all the boarding school books I could find and day dreamed about being part of the midnight feasts and lacrosse matches. However the books that really impacted me were the Chalet School books. I desperately wanted to go to a multilingual boarding school somewhere in the middle of Europe. In a funny kind of way it did happen for me minus the boarding bit.

AnonyMumAuDHD · 22/08/2026 22:36

FuzzyPuffling · 22/08/2026 20:16

Were there any films, or books, that, in hindsight, anyone feels had a significant influence on them growing up such that they may have, in some small way, have shaped their lives?

"The Heart Shaped Bullet" by Kathryn Flett.
It's about her failed marriage, but how the relationship after that tipped her over the edge when that, too, failed.

I’d heard of this book, but for some reason I’ve never read it. It has great reviews, so going to put it on my list. I read a lot of biography when I was young(er) but I’ve only really started exploring memoire in recent years. I don’t really read enough of it.

NotAtMyAge · 22/08/2026 22:39

Were there any films, or books, that, in hindsight, anyone feels had a significant influence on them growing up such that they may have, in some small way, have shaped their lives?

I was a voracious reader as a child, so it's always books rather than films which have a lasting effect (the pictures are better). However the single piece of media, if I can put it that way, which had the biggest effect on my life was an episode of University Challenge back in late summer 1964.

To put this in context, I was a very bright small town grammar school girl in East Lancashire, from a very bright working-class family. Neither of my parents had had secondary education, because of poverty and family circumstances. Both had finished their elementary education in their early teens and gone straight into work, where they basically educated themselves into better jobs over the years. The struggles they had had to realise their own potential as much as they had done meant they placed a very high value on education and were hugely supportive of their family of five girls, all of whom passed the 11+ and went to the local grammar school.

My elder half-sister would have loved to go to university, but back in the mid-50s there was very little financial support available and she had to leave school and instead trained as a nurse, only managing to get her degree in her 50s thanks to the OU. I was 8 years younger, so by the time I passed my O-Levels and went into the Sixth Form, I was in the first cohort to know that there would be mandatory financial help available (means-tested of course) if I managed to get a place at university.

To my amazement a couple of my subject teachers started to encourage me to think of applying to Oxford and Cambridge, something that hadn't occurred to me in my wildest dreams. It meant doing my A-Levels, then returning for an extra term to apply and sit the Oxbridge entrance exams and that's where University Challenge finally comes in.

Back then Oxford and Cambridge didn't produce a prospectus, so it was extraordinarily difficult to know which colleges to apply to. None of the teachers at my school were Oxbridge graduates so all I could find was a list of the names and addresses of the small number of women's colleges - 5 at Oxford and 3 at Cambridge - with no other information. Then one evening, when I was doing my homework, my father came through to say University Challenge was on and one of the competitors was an Oxford women's college. I went through to watch and the women's college won that round (and indeed went on to win that series).

I took it as a sign, put that college at the top of my list of choices, plus a Cambridge one chosen at random, and sent off my applications. The rest as they say is history. I took the entrance exams and was invited to interview at both, but the die was cast as soon as I actually saw and spent the night in what became my college. It was love at first sight and I was over the moon to be offered a place. I had three happy and life-changing years there and, to cap it all, met the man I married at the end of those three years, who is still my very DH 58 years on.

ChristmasStars · 22/08/2026 22:42

I love that @NotAtMyAge

ErrolTheDragon · 22/08/2026 22:48

That’s a wonderful story @NotAtMyAge!

EmpressaurusKitty · 22/08/2026 23:01

That’s lovely, @NotAtMyAge. And I bet your parents were over the moon that you went to Oxford, too.

@ChristmasStars, have you seen www.mumsnet.com/talk/what_were_reading/5412145-the-chalet-school?page=36&reply=154177815

MyrtleLion · 22/08/2026 23:47

FuzzyPuffling · 22/08/2026 20:16

Were there any films, or books, that, in hindsight, anyone feels had a significant influence on them growing up such that they may have, in some small way, have shaped their lives?

"The Heart Shaped Bullet" by Kathryn Flett.
It's about her failed marriage, but how the relationship after that tipped her over the edge when that, too, failed.

I read her columns while she was going through her marriage breakup at the same time as mine was and it was so helpful.

I also admired Servalan and Annie Lennox, who looked similar (maybe should have pursued that side of my sexuality but a repressed strict Catholic Evangelical upbringing made that impossible). Watching old Top of the Pops shows from the 70s and 80s I can see that women rarely featured in the charts and the behaviour of the male presenters was appalling with lots of sexist comments and embracing female members of the audience.

I hated Thatcher but her being Prime Minister showed me a different life to the wife and mother route I was being pressured to pursue, was possible. Barbara Castle and Shirley Williams were also role models.

And, despite my very difficult relationship with my DM, she was a SAHM who volunteered on a lot of Committees and was made Chair of a significant committee in my rural hometown. That role generally went to a man and a clergyman at that, so that also showed me that a woman could take on a responsible and well-regarded position.

Chickadeeinme · 23/08/2026 02:06

I also admired Barbara Castle and Shirley Williams. But mainly I was an omnivorous reader and very lucky to grow up in the era of no tuition and maintenance grants. DH1 also benefited (a couple of years before me) and was able to go to university despite strong opposition from his dad (but support from his mum, who got a job for the first time in her married life in order to send him bits of money).

EmpressaurusKitty · 23/08/2026 06:02

I was lucky enough to go in the final years of grants, & did English. In retrospect I think maybe I should have done something computer-related, but I loved it - especially the Gothic novels.
I have a memory of sitting on my windowsill around 2am one night, a bit drunk & reading The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock, & crying because he seemed so lonely & hopeless.

DeanElderberry · 23/08/2026 07:58

Morning all.

I think my life-changing books were not novels so much (though Elinor Brent-Dyer, Miss Read and Agatha Christie did something) but the Ladybird 'What to Look For' books with the Tunnicliffe illustrations and Keble Martin's Concise British Flora in Colour have influenced the way I see the world for ever.

I'm going to have to continue to beat a path through to the place the bookshelves will (I hope) go and then have to take a couple of hours to go to a teddybears' picnic. Hold on, not teddybears. Other things beginning with 't'. If I can work out how, I'll show ye a picture later.

The Bluestocking Pub, where we continue to read about gerbils nobly and bravely working undercover in the Fen.
DeanElderberry · 23/08/2026 07:59

oh, and HAGADAPA

EmpressaurusKitty · 23/08/2026 08:04

HAGADAPA!

My mum introduced me to Miss Read. She was one of my earliest examples of a woman who was an important part of her community but also valued her solitude & made an active choice to live by herself with her cat.

DeanElderberry · 23/08/2026 08:11

Young teenagers should not have been let read those books, she was subversive.

EmpressaurusKitty · 23/08/2026 08:23

Oh, it was worse. I was dipping into Village School from the age of about 8.

DeanElderberry · 23/08/2026 09:06

Really shocking.

ErrolTheDragon · 23/08/2026 09:27

Good morning!
Well…objectively it is but I’m a bit bleugh after a ‘getting to the airport’ dream woke me and I couldn’t get back to sleep. No idea why I needed to get from somewhere to a hotel and then catch a flight I didn’t know the time of, or why the Uber app asked lots of irrelevant questions and then froze on me and didn’t look anything like the uber app.

EmpressaurusKitty · 23/08/2026 09:39

DeanElderberry · 23/08/2026 09:06

Really shocking.

Somebody really ought to do something.

Errol, I dreamed about gallows, & Ron from the Thursday Murder Club books, & there was some kind of historical wrong that needed sorting out. It was all a bit creepy.

PastaAllaNorma · 23/08/2026 09:57

There have been good friends and boon companions in books my whole life. But actually changed me significantly? I think the most dramatic was The Women's Room by Marilyn French.

I read it overnight - all through the night - when I was an au pair in Switzerland. I was around 19.

For me, it was the realisation of Germaine Greer's "women have no idea how much men hate them."

Mira's boyfriend/husband Norm was so similar to my then-boyfriend I was really jolted and started to put a different complection on some of the 'caring' things he said and did.

Magpiecomplex · 23/08/2026 10:03

Morning all. I dreamt about trying to escape a criminal gang in the local town in the middle of a series of earthquakes. I suspect a not especially subtle work metaphor, since we start enrolment tomorrow.

AnonyMumAuDHD · 23/08/2026 10:35

@NotAtMyAge I love that story 🥰 I chickened out of applying to Oxbridge, which is why I am toying with the idea of throwing my hat into the ring for the Jesus College fellowships, just to get it out of my system.

I am quite evangelical about the transformative power of education - not the qualifications and the leading to high paying careers, but the windows into worlds that I personally would not have had access to otherwise. It was the means by which I found support and nurturing via amazing teachers, the space where I found an identity and self-worth that wasn’t instilled at home. And an escape from patriarchal expectations of my Muslim adoptive family and the same sexist expectations of the working class British families around me. It gave me a chance to be financially and socially independent. Many of my peers barely left school with O levels. Our Head Girl left school the Easter before O Levels, the second she turned 16, despite being a straight A student. She was married and pregnant by the end of the first summer. My best friend from school was stripping in pubs and had 3 kids by different dads by the time she was 25 (another toxic mother). Going to university was the stuff of a Maeve Binchy novel, which I also read as voraciously as Austen and the Brontes 🤣

It’s why it makes me mad that the loan system is effectively making it inaccessible to people from working class backgrounds without family support. It’s why I am so angry about recent news items such as the Arday/Cambridge recruitment scandal. It’s why I am apoplectically irate about the lack of international outrage over the situation of girls and education in Afghanistan. If you have come from a family living in social housing the very idea of having £50k of debt by the time you are 22 with gradually eroding chances of a job or decent income, is overwhelming. It may as well be £1m in debt because that amount of money is so incomprehensibly huge and debt is frightening.

Sorry… brought the tone into seriousness again. [Feel free to give me a slap.]But I am going to go and reread those Maeve Binchy Books again I think, as a tonic against all the crime genre stuff. Also been promising myself a visit to Ireland for decades so maybe I’ll go and plan that at last. Any recommendations for Dublin? It’s where my great grandad was born a million years ago. Gotta be done.

DauntlessDamson · 23/08/2026 10:49

I stopped doing History at school before O levels as I wasn't particularly interested at that time in the First World War, which was a large part of the syllabus and I also preferred to do Music, which would have clashed on the timetable.

However, I was a voracious reader and my youngest aunt, who was only a few years older than me, used to pass on books that she thought I would enjoy. So I took the book 'Katherine', by Anya Seton with me on a holiday to Cornwall. It is the story of Katherine Swynford, the mistress of John of Gaunt who later became his wife, with their 4 children being legitimised on their marriage in 1396. The descendants of their eldest son, John Beaufort, Earl of Somerset, include Margaret Beaufort and her son Henry VII, founder of the Tudor dynasty.

John of Gaunt and Katherine Swynford also had one daughter, Joan. Her (2nd) marriage to Ralph Neville, Earl of Westmorland produced, among others, Cecily Neville, who was the mother of both Edward IV and Richard III. The rivalries between these two groups of cousins, led to the Wars of the Roses.

Meanwhile, John Beaufort's daughter, also Joan, married James I of Scotland, giving rise to the Stuart dynasty.

So, from a rather inauspicious start as the mistress of a king's third son, Katherine Swynford became the ancestor of every English, Scottish and British monarch in the last 600 years.

I spent that entire holiday with my head in that book and, although I never followed history at an academic level, I do credit 'Katherine' with sparking my interest in a subject which endures to this day.

Magpiecomplex · 23/08/2026 11:06

Fascinating story, Damson! Although imagine being a noble girl, growing up in a time when the only important thing about you was your ability to have children, and you had little to no control over who would be their father because that would have been decided for you.

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