Stop calling me Mrs!!!

[everychildmatters]

Drives me mad.
Why the assumption still, in 2025?!!!!
Eurgh!!!!

@Jaws2025 And I totally agree with you! If we apply the same "justification" then men must be very embarrassed to be married because there is no public declaration of the fact! 😀

I get referred to as DP’s wife and we aren’t even married! And often Mrs “my dc surname” at appointments. I have my original name.

The main thing that annoys me is places that only have an option for Miss or Mrs. It’s happens surprisingly often. And when you are on phone or in person and they ask “Miss or Mrs” and I have to reply Ms.

@PollyBell Do I need to change the Ms title on the envelope of our wedding certificate? I had no idea I wasn't legally married(!)

Yes, frankly, I would. I take my status from myself, not as an adjunt to a man. The 'Dr' title is an achievement individuals work for, which in many senses makes it more valid than an obsolete title denoting women's sexual status. I never used to insist on being addressed that way outside my workplace, but if an unnecessary adherence to obsolete titles remains the norm, and people are going to continue automatically addressing me as 'Mrs' (I'm married, and am Mrs no one), then I will insist upon that title.

I'd much prefer no title at all, but in the current context 'computer says no'.

Incidentally, if I have cause to contact someone on any business basis and sign my communication Dr Initial Myname, I invariably receive a more favourable or considered response than if I use my obviously female given name.

Quelle surprise, eh?

Are there titles on wedding certificates ?
I just signed my name
I’d look but I have no idea where it is 🥴

Don’t have one (married 21 years at this point). Only joint things are the mortgage (my name first) and council tax (my name first).

Had a minor car accident 2 years ago. My car. DH not there. Other person reversed into my car whilst stationary. I used to work for our insurance company so deal with the annual (multi car) policy. Email address on the policy is mine. Phone number is mine. I’m main driver of two cars, DH one. I logged the accident and claim, spoke to the repair dept etc. Third party denied liability so my insurer issued court papers………. in DH’s name. When I called the solicitors to point out that DH was about 200 miles away at the point of the incident and had had no engagement with it whatsoever they explained that they always put the claim in the name of the male. I asked if they had read the file and why they thought the above was a good idea given he wasn’t there and had nothing to do with the claim and therefore would be a useless witness and they couldn’t answer. I complained and got £150 compensation (I just wanted the practice changed). My dashcam footage showed exactly what happened anyway so the third party insurer ended up paying up.

(I have 2 cars because I rally. You should see the shock on people’s faces when they ask DH about the car and he has to point to me (the one in the racing overalls) and tell them to ask me because he knows nothing about cars!)

Again with the "people" - women you mean women! It only happens to women!
It's also an amazingly reductive view of marriage to think that a female title is the only reason for doing it.
With dh for over 20 years, always been a Ms

I hate the assumption too OP.
I'm not married. I was once but we split over 20 years ago and I use my maiden name but still get called Mrs Maiden Name frequently.

I even had it at a recent hospital appointment where they didn't ask me about marital status but I spotted in the notes that went to my GP afterwards that they had referred to me as Mrs and stated that I live with my husband. All clearly just assumptions as I also live alone. I couldn't correct it as I had no reason to even think they would put something like that down!

I think some people just can't seem to imagine that an adult woman might not be married and using their husband's surname along with the Mrs title.

It’s the presumption that is the issue…….

@DrPrunesqualer Apolgies - I edited to add that it's the envelope. The registrars were brilliant and asked rather than assumed.

My car dealer took gratuitous offence when I asked them to amend my record from Mrs to Ms. The receptionist was openly rude. She changed it to 'Miss'. 😀

Next time I go, I'll insist on the record being changed to 'Dr'.

No titles on wedding certs. Because they have no legal status.

It’s record of the two people that made a legal commitment. Nothing about future names.

@SerafinasGoose That unfortunately doesn't surprise me. Don't deal with the same receptionist though as you'll likely be Dr and Mrs! That happened to a friend of mine when buying a car. Was told to go and get her husband as the forms were in Dr O!!

@AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti I edited to say wedding certificate envelope. I had no idea I wasn't legally married because it says Ms(!)

There is. Ms. Americans seem to manage!

Unless someone has been made aware of your preference, there’s a reasonable chance that they will use the wrong title when referring to you. I don’t think you can assume that all women will be happy to be addressed as Ms, any more than Ms or Mrs. Once someone has been told that you call yourself Ms, Mrs, or Miss, then it’s extremely rude and irritating if they then don’t use your chosen title.

People are often surprised when I mention DH. Neither of us wears wedding rings.

He’s far more likely to answer to Mr Myname than I am Mrs Hisname.

@CurlewKate The UK can't seem to cope with it!

I'm not married, never have been and don't intend to be, but every time I give my name I am called Mrs Bassano. Drives me bananas.

Maybe we should stop all this sexist crap and always be
Mr
or
Ms

@DrPrunesqualer Totally agree but the vast majority of women are "incredibly proud" to be married and want the world to know by becoming a Mrs.

Why do people get married if they don't want to be Mrs?

Marriage is a commitment to one partner for life. It confers certain legal privileges, not least that if one partner were to fall ill or die, the other could make legal decisions relating to their spouse's affairs. Without a marriage or civil partnership, a partner couldn't even register a death. This might seem like small stuff - to anticipate those responses as to why in that traumatic situation people don't have 'anything better to worry about' - but when you're in that position any obstacle getting in the way of a smooth grieving process is an extremely big thing.

The above issues are important. Marriage is important: a commitment I take seriously, and the fact I'm not a 'Mrs' makes me no less a loving spouse. And commitment to one partner for life is enough, without expecting a woman to relinquish her own identity into the bargain.

Maybe not everyone agrees with you.
What then?

And have awful surnames they wish to get rid of for their dh's lovely and easy to spell name.

Marriage is hardly an achievement.

Anyone can do it.