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Feminism: chat

Stop calling me Mrs!!!

262 replies

everychildmatters · 25/08/2025 18:44

Drives me mad.
Why the assumption still, in 2025?!!!!
Eurgh!!!!

OP posts:
KawasakiBabe · 07/09/2025 00:07

I a married Ms, but don’t really care if I get Miss or Mrs too. It’s one of those things that people get wrong so often it’s just something you gave to say Meh too or you’d go mad. Just correct nonchalantly every time and people will start to accept it.

Daisy617 · 07/09/2025 00:40

I get called Mrs “partners surname”. We’re not even married although we have been together 20 years.

I regularly get letters from school etc using that name despite the fact I’m not a Mrs and it’s not my surname!

DrPrunesqualer · 07/09/2025 01:12

VanessaFence · 06/09/2025 23:40

Every Ms I know uses a man’s name! Either dad’s name or husbands name with ms.

By this logic it's not your husband's name. It's your husband's dad's dad's dad's dad's... name? Or perhaps there was an unmarried woman in the family tree, in which case it might be your husband's dad's dad's dad's mum's name? This argument makes no sense whatsoever.

Taking a husband's name on marriage is clearly not the same as keeping the surname you were born with. If you want proof of that, ask your average man if he'd be happy taking his wife's name.

My names Viking 😁

I have it still because I love it.

citygirl77 · 07/09/2025 02:28

everychildmatters · 06/09/2025 19:00

@citygirl77 What's your title?

Mrs, but a lot of pupils call me Miss.

SerafinasGoose · 07/09/2025 09:55

Note that it's almost always women who did relinquish their family names on marriage disparaging other women on the pretext that they 'have more important things to worry about'. The subtext to that, of course, being that women's issues are of lesser interest or importance, and are just not as worthy as concerns affecting men.

No - that is wrong. Names do matter. Names reflect identity. They certainly matter to men, and women's identities do not matter less than men's. To respect a woman's correct name and title is the most basic and common of courtesies. Yet I've found in my day-to-day interactions that common courtesy isn't necessarily common. I've also noticed that it's nearly always women who try to put heretics like me, who dare assert their own preferences of identity, back into our box.

The second predictable objection is that keeping your own name and title is not in any way unusual or 'special'. I couldn't agree more. But if everyone really did hold that attitude, the issue would pass unremarked. Look at any variation on this thread on MN and you'll find legions of non-name-changers citing the same experience. It is an issue when a woman refuses to kowtow to social expectation, even in such a minor way as this.

Then there's the BS about men always owning their names, but a woman's name is never truly hers. I've owned my name since birth; it's the name I've always used; it's as much my name as my brother's is his. And much as I don't compute why a woman would take on someone else's family name on marriage, that is now her name. By right. It's not an object on loan to be handed back should her association with that man end.

Women are not adjuncts to men.

AgnesX · 07/09/2025 09:57

I seemed to automatically become a Mrs when I hit 30. Especially in the NHS. I think it's an age thing.

I'm not bothered, life's too short.

SerafinasGoose · 07/09/2025 09:58

AgnesX · 07/09/2025 09:57

I seemed to automatically become a Mrs when I hit 30. Especially in the NHS. I think it's an age thing.

I'm not bothered, life's too short.

If this happened to all women generically, as in France and Germany, I'd object far less.

VanessaFence · 07/09/2025 10:26

If this happened to all women generically, as in France and Germany, I'd object far less.

Yes I agree. If people are so attached to Mrs then let's make that the default then. Historically Mrs just meant "an adult woman of social standing" but by the end of the 19th century it became about marital status. Maybe unmarried women like me should start using Mrs so that it no longer means "someone's wife". Then we can put this whole silliness to bed.

everychildmatters · 07/09/2025 23:14

To me it is as simple as this...men have one universal title - Mr. So why don't women?

OP posts:
Bjorkdidit · 08/09/2025 05:38

Exactly. There's no threads about men's titles and the assumptions people make about whether they are single, married, divorced, widowed, gay or 'difficult'.

Women should also be free of this nonsense.

If this happened to all women generically, as in France and Germany, I'd object far less.

Same here, but we couldn't have that because the 'Proud Mrs' brigade couldn't cope with losing recognition of their special status.

borntobequiet · 08/09/2025 05:42

I’ve been Ms since the 1970s. In school I was often addressed as Mrs.

I didn’t care one jot.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 08/09/2025 07:33

I get it…
My title is Dr and I still get Mrs from people who know my title is Dr.
Funny how my DH who is also Dr rarely gets Mr though 🤔

ThrawnBeastie · 09/09/2025 00:29

DiscoBob · 25/08/2025 18:46

Who calls you it? I always put Ms and it gets adhered to. Unless someone is saying it verbally to you? Like hello Mrs?! That is rude.

So do I, but sometimes I've had emails and real mail (actual paper letters in paper envelopes!) addressed to 'Mrs', as well as it happening during telephone calls.

One time I got an unsolicited (& unwanted) letter from a local Tory politician wanting the votes of my then husband and myself but only one letter in one envelope addressed to 'Mr & Mrs' followed by HIS Christian name but not mine - and his name was most definitely not a 'unisex' one!. I was livid. I should add that lots of his relatives did the exact same thing. Drove me insane.

ThrawnBeastie · 09/09/2025 00:34

everychildmatters · 25/08/2025 18:53

@ForZanyAquaViewer My dad is appalled that a married woman would not immediately become Mrs Hisname!!! I mean, I have a child!!!!!

Mine were the same. In their defence they were both in their 70s when I eventually got coerced into marrying my thankfully now ex husband.

ThrawnBeastie · 09/09/2025 00:39

StrikeandRobinlol · 25/08/2025 19:12

You’re married so technically a Mrs?? What am i missing. If you don’t like it just some gentle correction i wouldn’t get hung up on it

Would you get you get annoyed if people didn’t call you Dr or Captain or whatever 😆

No, she isn't. And just because it doesn't matter to you doesn't mean it ought not matter to anyone else. Also it can actually make quite a big difference in some situations.

Friendlygingercat · 09/09/2025 00:52

I have not been Mrs since I divorced in my late 20s. I now use my academic title of Dr on all official correspondance. It saves a lot of problems.

SerafinasGoose · 09/09/2025 08:52

ThrawnBeastie · 09/09/2025 00:29

So do I, but sometimes I've had emails and real mail (actual paper letters in paper envelopes!) addressed to 'Mrs', as well as it happening during telephone calls.

One time I got an unsolicited (& unwanted) letter from a local Tory politician wanting the votes of my then husband and myself but only one letter in one envelope addressed to 'Mr & Mrs' followed by HIS Christian name but not mine - and his name was most definitely not a 'unisex' one!. I was livid. I should add that lots of his relatives did the exact same thing. Drove me insane.

I don't wonder. The idea that once a woman gets married she's required to 'disappear' is anathema to me.

Screamingabdabz · 09/09/2025 19:07

I think this apoplectic response to names and what people should do and what they shouldn’t do is exhausting.

I always take care to address correspondence correctly and spell people’s names properly, and I instil the same in my staff, but anyone having a tantrum over being called Mrs when that is a common social default really needs to get a grip. The same applies with sex based pronouns and the whole idea of ‘deadnaming’ or ‘misgendering’ being a catalyst for deeply traumatic flouncing and caterwauling.

Be a cool or shining example and over time people will follow your lead. A new default will
emerge. But not if you just get unreasonably arsey and mardy with people about it all.

everychildmatters · 09/09/2025 21:56

@Screamingabdabz So in order to stop incorrectly labelling women regarding title, just have one for us all - Ms. In the same way men are just Mr. Easy.

OP posts:
Superhansrantowindsor · 10/09/2025 20:26

Í am a Mrs. Every single kid calls me Miss. it’s just easier in a massive school. All female teachers are called Miss regardless of whether they are Mrs or Miss or Ms. If I am talking about a specific teacher to a pupil I will always used their preferred title. Personally I like being Mrs.

Slimagain · 10/09/2025 21:38

Sorry but there is your belief and reality . A single woman unmarried is Miss a Married women is Mrs. That’s just dictionary definitions. You are not Miss. The compromise is Ms… but you will literally need to wear a badge or tell them. Why on earth in your head is the word. ‘Miss’ so much more acceptable than ‘Mrs’ ?? One denotes a single status (which you are not) and the other denoted a married status (which you are ) are you embarrassed about being married and people knowing ? All too weird.
The surname thing is just not a thing . If you want his surname then take it .. I chose not to because his was hideous (think ‘crinklebottom’ and mine was easy (think Robinson) so I have always been Mrs Robinson and he is Mr Robinson and the kids were little Robinsons

you’re hung up in a nonsense

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 10/09/2025 21:56

Sorry but there is your belief and reality . A single woman unmarried is Miss a Married women is Mrs. That’s just dictionary definitions.

<KLAXON>.

Nope.

One denotes a single status (which you are not) and the other denoted a married status (which you are ) are you embarrassed about being married and people knowing ?

What’s the equivalent for men?

Why are you so determined that women should have any feeling about being married such that they should have to declare it to everyone they encounter? Why shouldn’t men do it too?

everychildmatters · 10/09/2025 23:28

@Slimagain Your "reality" is an untruth! I am a married Ms. Would you like to see my marriage certificate envelope? 😆
With respect, it is somewhat ignorant to think a woman's title automatically changes upon marriage. And unfortunately you are not the only misinformed one.
Is your husband embarrassed to be married to you? Doesn't he want people to know? And actually no - my marital status is nobody else's business!

OP posts:
330ml · 11/09/2025 08:05

And actually no - my marital status is nobody else's business!

If you feel that way then call yourself Ms. You have that choice.

But stop trying to dictate what choices other women should make. I am perfectly happy with Mrs, and from the responses to this thread it seems other women are too.

Slimagain · 11/09/2025 08:59

everychildmatters · 10/09/2025 23:28

@Slimagain Your "reality" is an untruth! I am a married Ms. Would you like to see my marriage certificate envelope? 😆
With respect, it is somewhat ignorant to think a woman's title automatically changes upon marriage. And unfortunately you are not the only misinformed one.
Is your husband embarrassed to be married to you? Doesn't he want people to know? And actually no - my marital status is nobody else's business!

Edited

Sorry . You are struggling with actual facts. Which are not the same as your beliefs. It seems a bit of an issue these days. However, just because you ‘want something to be’ doesn’t make it real.

  1. Your marriage status - far from being no one else’s business - is in fact a matter of public record and denotes that you are legally connected to a spouse.
  1. Miss - the actual meaning in every mainstream dictionary (OED, Webster’s, Chambers, etc.) denotes an unmarried woman. Which you are not. As public record shows you as married.
  1. The word Mrs denotes a married woman. Which you are.

So this is an option which, for some reason, you don’t want to use. Therefore, your only option is the slightly clunky Ms, which will mean you literally having to wear a badge explaining your preference unless you are prepared to explain it to everyone you meet. Which I would assume would be more than a little bit tedious, but if that’s the hill you want to die on…

It’s all beyond illogical to me. You stood up in public and made a legal contract of marriage to another person. However, when the public address you as such, you get the arse.

As you feel so strongly about the general public acknowledging your public declaration - why make it ? why on earth get married. ?

The REALITY is that you are married. You are not single, Yout marriage status is both legal and public records. You can ask anyone to call you anything you fancy but just be prepared to spend time explaining or they will default to the norm - related to the actual facts.