Stop calling me Mrs!!!

[everychildmatters]

Drives me mad.
Why the assumption still, in 2025?!!!!
Eurgh!!!!

It's not even just a teacher thing / if you're married thing...I'm not married, never have been, but at some point in recent years I hit a magic age where Mrs is the assumed address by any stranger I meet. Really PMO too!!!

But it seems they do remember who is married, the OP says they start using Mrs once they know she’s married. Otherwise they’d presumably be calling her Miss D-B some of the time too, if they can’t remember Ms.

Use of titles is mercifully becoming rarer in most workplaces. Schools are an exception, but if it’s supposed to be a mark of respect then that’s rather lost if the kids CBA to get it right. Even in secondary schools, they don’t have vast numbers of teachers in a year and some of those will be easy Misters.

Mrs continues to be the default for any adult woman, or so it seems!

I am single- permanently, cheerfully single- and in emails and letters, I still get 'Mrs' when I have clearly stated that I am a Miss! Mind you, sometimes I get the wrong first name, or misspelt surname...

If my grandmother sends me letters, she puts 'M/s'. I asked why (it was probably the done thing years ago, as she is nearly 100...) and it is, "Just in case she doesn't want anyone to know that she's not married!" I really don't think that people will be shocked to find that I'm a single, unmarried adult female these days!

I'm a married Ms and the only person who calls me Mrs. Husbands name is an ex boyfriend who knows it drives me nuts. Ex boyfriend is friends with both my husband and I (he introduced us 🤭) and he knows me well enough to realise there's no way I'd change my title or name so he gets amusement out trying to rise me, I've learnt to ignore it. I've another ex from almost 40 years ago (we're in our mid 50's now) and he still uses the pet name he had for me way back then, that is a little more concerning tbh.

Ugh I hate this, I'm not a teacher but I find that professionals call me Mrs and I hate it. I've never been Mrs, I've always been Ms since I was about 15. I correct people.

I mean, you got married

@Onthebusses Not following you?

Yanbu. Can you just ignore anyone who uses the wrong form of address and when they insist say "sorry, were you talking to me ? I assumed not as my name is actually Ms. X"

What’s the problem with Mrs ? I would personally be upset at being called Ms or Miss.. I’m married. I am extremely happy to be Mrs His surname - for the plain and simple reason that my father’s surname was hideous .. why does it make a difference ? You can be what ever you want to be .. if my husband’s surname was not as plain as it is .. think Jones/Smith etc then I might just of invented one for us and done a statutory declaration.. but the honorific is important to me. I want the world to know I’m legally contracted to him indoors. Being Miss or Ms (to me) would feel like I was embarrassed to let the world know I was married .. which I’m not

@Slimagain I don't feel the need to declare, or for anyone else to know, my marital status. In the same way as men don't. Mr. End of.
Do you suppose your husband isn't proud of being married to you?! Is he embarrassed?!!

Nobody ever calls me Mrs (or Miss). They always know my name (Sian - which they can never spell - which starts a discussion).
If I write it, I always put Ms S. E. E---.

Your perspective and certainly not everyone’s.

Surely the issue is that people should refer to you by your chosen title, and to not do so once they’ve been made aware of your preference is just rude? If someone calls themselves Ms, then I would always refer to them as Ms and would accept that they would be irritated if I didn’t. I also think it’s just as important to address a woman as Mrs if that’s her chosen title.

Did you go by Ms before you were married?

I know quite a few people aghast at being called Mrs because they go by Ms, but they started going by Ms the day they got married. It’s serving exactly the same purpose. They weren’t Ms; they were happy to be Miss. They’re only Ms to make very vocal negative comments about Mrs.

Then I know people who have been Ms their entire adult lives, nothing to do with after getting married. Those are the people I don’t roll my eyes at.

I get it. I teach and I think because I am older there is an assumption I am Mrs. I am Ms. Mrs Purple is my mum!
Staff are just as bad.

Agree.

I never ever use Mrs or DH’s name (21 years and counting).

I make a point of asking men that are getting married if they’ll be changing their name or going part time after having children. Just trying to even it up a bit.

All that just because you have a vagina though.

And you typed all that without spitting the irony that there is no way for your husband to be publicly proud (whatever the fuck that means, but it makes me be a bit sick in my mouth) that he is married.

I’ve signed lots of legal contracts, none of which needed to change my identity, least of all for people I don’t even know.

There’s no “technically” about it. Unless you still live in the 1850s and believe women are owned by men.

You’ve chosen to be Mrs Hisname when you want to be.

Can you not see that people assuming that for women that have chosen not to use Mrs or Hisname ever are - how do I pit this? - fucking rude?

You’ve chosen to be Mrs Hisname when you want to be.

Can you not see that people assuming that for women that have chosen not to use Mrs or Hisname ever are - how do I pit this? - fucking rude?

Big lengthy email last week from a diversity network, advising that people check how others spell and pronounce their names.

OUR NAMES ARE A FUNDAMENTAL PART OF OUR IDENTITY, it shouts.

Not if you’re a married woman who chooses not to define herself by her choice of mate, it seems.

<wanders off muttering about nuclear codes>

Big lengthy email last week from a diversity network, advising that people check how others spell and pronounce their names.

OUR NAMES ARE A FUNDAMENTAL PART OF OUR IDENTITY, it shouts.

Not if you’re a married woman who chooses not to define herself by her choice of mate, it seems.

<wanders off muttering about nuclear codes>

Our kids primary school teachers always called me Mrs dh surname
but I never responded and sometimes would look around for my MIL 🤣

They’d shout out to me at pick up and I was deaf
They got it in the end

Just keep at it. Remind, ignore and repeat
Or wear a big badge 😁

@Slimagain
does that mean all men are embarrassed to be married ?

I like being called Mrs. What wrong with that ? I'm married. , I chose to take my husband's name. Also a teacher where everyone calls you miss. I'm also on with that. Can we all get worked up about things that really matter ?