Stop calling me Mrs!!!

[everychildmatters]

Drives me mad.
Why the assumption still, in 2025?!!!!
Eurgh!!!!

Yep, same here, never married, but in the last few years (I'm 53), people in shops etc if they need to know my name, say, "Mrs...?" in a questioning way that they want me to fill in my surname. I prefer no title, but if I must have one, it's Ms.

,@Maddy70 It may not matter to you, but as a feminist it sure as hell matters to me! Just as much as you "like" being called Mrs and I would respect you by calling you that, I choose to be called Ms D-B. I'm married, I chose to keep my title and name. When others erase that choice then it is not OK!

I use Ms as well, and often get called Mrs despite never having been married.

The kids have their dads surname name so particularly irritatingly adults at their school often call me Mrs ExDPSurname.

So if they started calling you Steve, that would be fine? Even if you pointed out that your name is Susan? It’s just a name, right? Not important?

How is it that names are simultaneously seen as an important part of identity in one sense (cultural) but utterly unimportant when the purpose is to uphold sexism towards women?

So if they started calling you Steve, that would be fine? Even if you pointed out that your name is Susan? It’s just a name, right? Not important?

How is it that names are simultaneously seen as an important part of identity in one sense (cultural) but utterly unimportant when the purpose is to uphold sexism towards women?

It’s interesting (annoying) to me that it’s often those women that “chose to take their husband’s name” and use Mrs that decide that other choices aren’t as valid, telling us that “there are more important things to worry about <tinkly laugh>” whilst not recognising that their choice actually impacts on other women for whom that expectation applies.

Meanwhile men continue as usual, unencumbered by such trivialities such as being expected to announce their marital status (and ownership, given that’s where the “tradition” originates) to total strangers, free of the administrative burden of copying and sending marriage certificates to all and sundry and the potential future expectation to revert to a former name should the marriage fail. I’m amazed more women don’t see this and so the same as them - absolutely nothing.

I have used Ms when I wasn't sure about a Client and was then told that I had made her feel like an old spinster.

Unless you check which 99 times out of 100 comes back as Mrs, you can't win.

I used to be very insistent on Ms, but increasingly I'm coming round to the opinion that we should just use Mrs for adult women, as they do in most other countries. So Miss to 18, and Mrs thereafter regardless of marital status. I tend to be Mrs Maidenname these days...

I think Ms is hard to pronounce is it mss or mzzz - it’s an odd word there should be a better one. No excuse for people not using it though. ( kids get a bit of a pass but can be educated out of it….)

I agree but it should be a new word so no connotations.

To me Ms is just unnecessary and nearly as bad as Mx. Why do people get married if they don't want to be Mrs? What difference does being Mrs make? I get called Miss al the time at school, I'm not a Miss but I couldn't get upset about it at all.

We had a horrible Ms at primary school who would scream at you for getting it wrong, it was just horrible and everyone was terrified of her.

Question for you mumsnetters

Whose name comes first on a joint bank statement

Whose name comes first on a Mortgage

When I married I put my dh on my mortgage and they decided to put his name above mine on all letters. Despite my name coming alphabetically first

The same happened with the bank.

Every time we move my dh name is first. Even when he has no involvement with Estate Agents and lawyers.

I randomly HSBC and complained and was told they always put the men first. I made a formal complaint, accused them of sexism, reminded them of their alphabet and they changed it

None of the others would though.

So Ladies… what are your joint accounts like.

Why do "people" get married if they don't want to be Mrs?
I'll have to ask my husband.

I'm surprised at how many posters think that just because they are happy being called Mrs that means all women should be.

I wouldn't find it a big deal the first time, but after that, if you've corrected them it's rude.

At my kids' primary and high school all the teachers get called Miss or Sir except for some of the science teachers who insist on Dr, which is fair enough.
Would some of the posters here be telling them it's no big deal, they should stop being high and mighty and be proud to be married?
🤔

I’m getting married soon. I’m keeping my surname, as I don’t feel like changing it. I can’t go by Mrs, as it seems a bit like I’ve married myself. I don’t love Ms, it seems incomplete somehow, like it’s missing a vowel (even though Mrs has no vowels either).

Anyway, I’ve forgotten why I started this now.

@DrPrunesqualer My husband and I don't have joint accounts. I am lead name on our Council Tax bill as I pay it. We don't have a mortgage as we rent and that is in both names but again I'm lead name on the contract.

Absolutely agree. What relevance to any situation does my marital status have that my husband’s doesn’t?

If I were ever to get married I'd have a civil partnership and not tell anyone to avoid having to explain a million times why I'm not Mrs Hisname and why it does matter.

Me too 🤣🤣🤣

Must get the bingo card out.

If you think that’s hard to say don’t ever come to Wales!

@DrPrunesqualer He might even give you his "official permission" to not be a Mrs. I'll go and ask my husband if It's OK too but if he says no I'll definitely change it to Mrs. Honest.

The bully at my high school was called Julie. Not all Julies are bullies though…….

Marriage is a legal contract. It offers protections for both parties. It always has been, but for a long time women weren’t people with legal rights - they were literally owned by their fathers and then by their husbands. The change of title denoted this, and ensured that everyone knew the woman was married so that her owner (husband) could be assured that any children she bore were his. This was accompanied by girls not being worth educating and daughters not inheriting. All good, wholesome stuff, right? No?

And yet women are “proud” to bear the title Mrs (meaning owned) and to take their husband’s surname. They literally change their identity to that of association to their husbands.

Some of us aren’t that keen on continuing that, funnily enough.

Referring to me as Mrs is the same as calling me Steve - and it gets the response it deserves.

My point was that men get married but don't become Mrs, pp said why did people even get married if not becoming Mrs!

(If I asked dh's permission for anything he'd think I'd gone mad)

If you are legally married i presume that is why people use it, i would presume people that dont like Mrs dont get married

If you are not married then yes weird they do