Unacceptable things that men do in relationships

[Superlambaanana]

...which women put up with but shouldn't.

I'd like to create a list of stuff women do for men and put up with from men because society has programmed us to - and which we often don't even recognise as unacceptable.

I'll start.

Expecting their wife/ girlfriend to be dressed up for them all the time while they make far less effort in return.

Huffing like a child if they don't get what they want/ have to do a domestic task they don't want to do (but expect their wife/ girlfriend to do anything and everything without complaint).

Women brushing stuff under the carpet to protect his ego. e.g. pretending something is fine because he bought it when in actual fact it's horrible/ doesn't work/ was a total waste of money.

Women doing days or weeks of exhausting prep for family events like Christmas and barbecues, only for men to do the last but of cooking and claim all the glory.

I know these things are common scenarios op but it makes me cringe a bit, because what you are describing is immature men and shit relationships.

The men I know and love are nothing like that. And the women I know and love don’t pander to any of that shite either. Often these ‘sexist’ situations are a joint endeavour.

I don't recognise any of those scenarios. I've never dressed up for anyone, I've never had a relationship where we didn't both housekeep, I don't pander to egos and have never done all the prep.

Women brushing stuff under the carpet to protect his ego

I did this. I didn't see it for what it was at the time but with the clarity of freedom I can see that it was really myself I was protecting by managing his personality.

I don’t recognise these behaviours from the men in my life.

Oh right, forgive me for being so ridiculously wrong. Great that misogyny doesn't exist, women are equal, men never do anything unacceptable and they're all called Nigel. Phew! 🙄

Hair removal.

I think people just don't want to join in with your misogyny band misandry.

Pretending to like the things he likes, but him spending zero time engaging in something she likes. And in fact resenting the time she spends doing something he's not interested/ involved in.

*and

Not my experiences at all. I have many wonderful men my life and that doesn't describe them at all.

And inferring women "pretend" to like something, is something thrown at me because I love Motorcross, formula 1, boxing and rowing.

Eh nope mother was a massive sports fan and I was raised the same. So maybe check your assumptions.

Where are you getting your examples, 1980?

Nah, this is not representative of the men in my life.

I don't recognise any of this at all.

I suppose it depends on your own self worth, and what you choose to accept in a relationship.

My relationship is not like that, thankfully.

This is in feminism. Surely we can recognise that many, many women do some or all of these things as standard? I suspect the always dressing up thing is fading away as we become more casual in general, but the rest is still thriving.

It also depends on men's behaviour. If they're as bad as we let them be, that's a piss poor endorsement.

You sure can pick 'em, by the sound of that!

Maybe posting in relationships would have been better. Feminism does tend to attract the stronger women who don't put up with the shit.

Luckily my relationship isn’t as you describe but I know a couple of older female friends (late 50’s, early 60’s) who tolerate all sorts of bullshit from their husbands.

Or the ones who don't admit to themselves how deeply ingrained all this patriarchal stuff is, in society, in themselves, etc.

You carry on, OP. You have some good instances.

I will add: men who call looking after their own kids “babysitting”, thereby implying they are doing it for someone, namely their wife/partner.
Also implying that it isn't a particularly frequent thing.

Yes of course, it works both ways. Everyone is responsible for their own boundaries, and what they choose to accept in a relationship - male or female

Sorry, I'm not sure what you mean. By stronger, do you mean women who were lucky enough to grow up in safe, secure environments with loving parents and blueprints for healthy relationships, who fostered value and self worth? Who were lucky enough to have some sort of safety net to fall back on, somewhere to go or someone to turn to, when her partner treated her badly, who wouldn't be made homeless? Women who were born into a culture where women are (supposedly) equals, a culture that doesn't disown her for divorcing or disobeying?

You've picked a handful of examples seemingly from your own experience. I don't know any women who are dressing up for their man. I'm sure some do, particularly if very young but it's not something I've noticed.

There are nearly 4 billion women in the world and we aren't all in the same relationship dynamic.

Being lulled into a false sense of security, feeling that you’re with one of the rare good ones who pulls their weight, buys birthday cards for their own family, equally takes care of housework etc, to marry and have children and find out over the years that they’re yet another man who expects housework to be done, sex whenever he wants it, opts out of tricky parenting stuff with his own children, avoids school meetings, parents evenings, after school or weekend activity pick ups/drop offs, avoiding any vet dramas with pets, weekly shopping, could go on.

Anyway, my experience seems to be fairly typical in most families I know, but for some reason it doesn’t bother others as much as it bothers me, and some don’t even see the unequal distribution of responsibility (waits for the “not my Nigel” posts). I won’t have a relationship with a man now, it’s not worth the hassle.

There are things I will never tolerate

I will never tolerate a cheat - ever.

I will not live on a situation where I walk on eggshells - Zero Tolerance for that shit.

I will not spend any of my energy managing the mood of another grown adult - not a fucking chance.

I will not be their admin assistant - your.mums birthday, your brother's anniversary... You fucking sort it.

I will not now or ever lie back and think of England because he goes moody if he doesn't get a shag - ENTHUSIASTIC CONSENT IS THE ONLY CONSENT.

But I'm twisted and hateful, and will happily live forever without having a single partner ever again. It isn't worth it.

I wasn't exclusively looking for first hand/ lived experience examples. And not all my examples have happened to me.

We all witness behaviours in others around us which we can see are unacceptable and put up with by women because society has programmed us to put up with shitty behaviour by men.

Coercive control has only very recently been accepted as unacceptable but has been going on for millennia.