I went to the Tavistock as a young person - AMA

[MAW1993]

I attended the Tavistock from 2008 to 2011, beginning when I was about 15. I made this post because I saw the many questions people asked on a previous AMA. Unfortunately, the OP was uncomfortable answering some of them, and I felt there may be a need for an AMA with someone who can be more open.

Let’s not debate this here. There’s no shortage of threads on mumsnet where these conversations can be had. Let’s keep this thread clear for the op to answer questions, as it’s been so helpful to both sides of the debate and it’s been respectful so far.

We'll wait @WaitingForMojo 👏

Everyone else has been really respectful and asked genuine questions with curiosity and openness.

@Annabanananaa if you truly work in counselling and specialise in helping people heal from sexual trauma, please pause and consider how your words and unsolicited DM could make the OP feel. No victim of an assault should be spoken to like that or told what they are doing to manage and cope is wrong and jumping on OPs AMA post to tell them that really isn't on.

Horrific typo, this was meant to say well said!! @WaitingForMojo

Obviously you are entitled to your opinion but you are making a lot of assumptions here. There are many women who are happy to date transmen - I am one of them and have relationships with men and women. I have been reading this thread thinking about how the OP is coming across as really mature, sensitive and lovely and what a great partner they will make to someone when they are ready.

I think it is notable that the OP refers to having sex dysphoria rather than gender dysphoria.

I think that is what we should all be calling it.

As you say, gender is a social construct and to a certain extent I think if we accept the principle of transitioning as being a legitimate way to deal with "gender dysphoria", we are legitimising gender, i.e. stereotypes, as a valid way of categorising people in society. I think we should be moving away from that.

The OP has said that he doesn't really consider that he has a "gender identity", but that he has "sex dysphoria", i.e. dysphoria linked to his female sexed body. That is something I don't think we can just wish away by getting rid of gender stereotypes.

Oh sorry I missed that. I didn't want to be disrespectful to OP.

Excellent thread but I have to say that as a lesbian , I find it very distressing that any young woman feels so bad about being female. There are many reasons why girls think that they should be able to do anything they want with their bodies, but I would passionately try to dissuade them from doing anything irreversible. Just because it is desired and wanted, doesn’t always make it right. Having said that , I don’t understand why this type of procedure is seen as so positive when it is actually years of surgery and medication which themselves cause problems. Big breasts are often a problem for teenage girls , but it is incredibly difficult to get appointments to have reduction surgery. I don’t understand why “transitioning” such as yours is cheered on when other interventions are so difficult. I have come across a number of “trans men” and have always been able to tell. Although you present as male , I probably wouldn’t mind accepting you as a female in a medical or other setting, bar the fact that you have such negative feelings about your own body , that I can’t see you understanding mine. I think more generally, we lesbians feel betrayed by those wishing to transition, and will do anything we can to show young girls and women how to live as females in what is ultimately a dangerous world. Re respect. I can respect you as a person, but I cannot respect the decisions you made and are still making.

There has been quite a lot of things said overnight and some of it has been difficult for me. I appreciate that these are legitimate questions people have and I don't want to quell debate or make people feel like they have to walk on egg shells around me. However, I think it would be best for me to take some time and come back later to continuing replying to peoples questions. I hope everyone still feels comfortable to ask me anything, and does not feel like I am ignoring them. I want to be completely open and honest in this AMA.

In regards to the pronouns with which I am referred. I personally prefer to be referred to as male. I appreciate that may seem illogical considering that I am biologically female. However, I feel it better reflects how I am spoken to in my daily life, and also the sex I have always wished I were. I also recognise that people have strong and legitimate reasons to refer to people by their biological sex. I don't think anyone here should be coerced into referring to me as he, and fully understand those here who feel it is most appropriate refer to me as she or as a woman. I would like anyone with questions to be able to contribute in a way that feels authentic to them and the values that they hold dear. However, I wanted to clarify my personal feelings on the matter due to @DramaLlamaBangBang worrying that they were being disrespectful to me.

OP can I just say that we've had quite a few AMAs like this over the years and I think yours is the first where the person has really engaged and I don't get the impression you're at any point trying to say what you think you 'should' or trying to weasel out of questions. In fact your honesty is incredibly refreshing.

I'm quite shocked at the description of some of your experiences at the clinic and they clearly affected you when you were vulnerable.

I don't think any of can really know what it's like to be in anyone else's shoes but this does help.

I agree. It has been really enlightening. Thanks @MAW1993

Well that's solved that dilemma for me: as the sadly inevitable has now happened to this thread, I was going to suggest that it might be best (for your own peace of mind) to step back for a week or so in the hope that when you return, the thread can return to what (going from the words of the vast majority of others) has been a really helpful experience for so many of us.
If you feel unable to return, I just wanted to take this time to thank you and wish you all the happiness in the world.
PS I've been a health professional for 30 years and you will be a real asset to the profession. I would happily come to you (over others) for treatment, advice and counsel.

Your thread has been incredibly helpful, OP. Whether or not you come back to it. I’ve deliberately tried not to get involved in the discussions overnight so as not to inflame it and derail further. But please be assured that these views are not shared by the majority of people I know in the wider world, and I think mumsnet is a bit of a hub for this, although I know others will say ‘this is the only place we can voice it’.

Re a pp’s comment, ’we lesbians feel betrayed by those wishing to transition’ , I just wanted to assure you that I am a lesbian and i don’t feel that, and whilst I know there are lesbians who think this way, it is not the majority in my experience.

I hope this thread hasn’t been a harmful thing for you, as you’ve been incredibly brave here, and so helpful to actual understanding rather than a bun fight from either side.

The way you have replied in a calm and considered manner to all the questions here is incredible.

You've been through such challenges. I wish you all the joys, now .

I hope I get to see such a thoughtful, reflective healthcare professional as you, in the future.

(I hope the heinous man who harmed you is in prison).

@Annabanananaa You are peak Mumsnet.

OP I apologise on behalf of the people who have derailed this thread, you have been brilliant, and this thread has been good for Mumsnet.

@Annabanananaa Shouting PROFESSIONAL doesn't make it true! Agressively telling us all about your opinion rather than listening and considering OPs posts and asking questions is not helpful or kind to anyone on this thread.

@TasteOfHerCherryChapstick 👏👏