I went to the Tavistock as a young person - AMA

[MAW1993]

I attended the Tavistock from 2008 to 2011, beginning when I was about 15. I made this post because I saw the many questions people asked on a previous AMA. Unfortunately, the OP was uncomfortable answering some of them, and I felt there may be a need for an AMA with someone who can be more open.

For the love of everything will you GIVE IT A REST! And STOP saying 'vulva'!!

How effing dare you.

You’ve exhausted my patience and ability to be polite, the OP is a better person than I am and I only hope you haven’t affected him too much.

Just FYI - for anyone concerned, I am absolutely fine but I can't tell you how much I appreciate people caring. Frankly I'm currently laughing at @MsLuxLisbon frustrated request to STOP saying 'vulva'. It feels a little surreal.

I'm very glad you are able to enjoy the surreal humour of it- I must admit I laughed at that too, as I never in a million years thought I'd be on the side of someone saying, "Stop saying vulva!" I have taught literally hundreds of children (and three male colleagues...) what one is!

Exactly 😂 no I don't think vulva is some kind of dirty horrible word, I'm in the middle of studying reproductive medicine! I just recognise that it isn't polite to keep going up to people to comment on theirs 😳

🤣🤣🤣

Sorry OP I don’t actually think there’s anything funny at all about all those comments but this has cracked me up

Honestly @TicklishLemur why are you so concerned about who other people want to sleep with? There’s all kinds of reasons why a woman wouldn’t be interested in a man (or woman) and someone being trans is just one of them. Maybe they prefer someone taller. Doesn’t mean you go round shouting at every short bloke at how lots of women won’t be interested in him does it! Yeah its another hurdle to hop but at the end of the day there are plenty of women who find trans men attractive and I don’t see any reason why MAW wouldn’t be able to find someone when hes ready. And who gives a damn what that woman calls her sexuality at the end of the day its two people in love and the rest is confetti

Cosigned. @TicklishLemur, I hope that people's overwhelmingly negative reaction to your rude, invasive form of questioning has given you pause for thought. You don't have to utter every thought that comes into your head. It is a form of arrogance to think that your ideas are so valuable and worth hearing that it would deprive the world if you were to withhold your pearls of wisdom. It wouldn't, sometimes you just need to wind your neck in.

Well, Ticklishlemur has achieved something that nobody before her has achieved… she’s got the trans allies and the GC posters agreeing with each other because we’re all so appalled at her comments!!

My intention has been misunderstood a lot. I never wanted to make OP feel that OP was unattractive. I am sure that is not the case at all. I told OP about a large community of women who are most likely to accept OP. I only discouraged disclosing to a straight women because of the risk to OP. I’m glad that no one here would not see it as a threat or be offended and I’m not saying that it is right for anyone to react that way. But so many young trans-identified people have been hurt and even lost their lives when a straight person has gotten angry because they feel their heterosexuality is threatened and then take that out on the innocent victim. I understand how it originally came over as an accusation and victim blaming rather than a safety recommendation which is why I offered my profound apologies to OP. OP only tried to do the right thing and respect someone’s sexuality and I hate that I made OP feel ashamed and to blame for the betrayal and what that evil man then did.

I worry that it is unkind to say something that might give OP false hope and set OP up for heartbreak because OP has already faced enough difficult things. Some women might say they are straight and date a transman but that isn’t going to work for most women who identify as straight. At the same time there are same sex attracted women who it would not be an issue for. Even if it would not be possible to date a lesbian to avoid being found out there are still many bisexual women who could make very loving partners and would accept everything about OP’s history as well as OP’s current lifestyle.

Finally I accept the point that it is not kind or polite to talk about someone’s body when they have asked you not to. That was an invasion of your privacy OP and I should have been more thoughtful about it.

I can see why things got heated earlier because I wasn’t careful enough with how I picked my words to talk about traumatic things that have happened to a real person. I’m sorry for my role in that. I shouldn’t have accused OP of not excepting different views either but at that moment I just felt very attacked and lashed out as a result. I was trying my best to point out things that I think could hurt OP in the long run even if the intention behind them is kind. I don’t want to argue just for the sake of arguing. We all agree about the important things like that trans-identified people deserve to be loved, safe and happy.

Thank you for your clarification. I do feel the need to point out that I am an adult in my 30s and that my every day life is far more normal that might be assumed. The extremes will always generate the most interest, but there is a lot more to my life. It is simply far too dull to warrant in depth discussion. I don't feel I am at great risk of anything particularly bad happening to me. I appreciate that you wish to help others, but would like to reassure you that I am doing fine.

@MAW1993 💐

Btw OP what was it like picking out a new name? Did you always had your heart set on something or did you have to sit and think about it and go through options like my husband and me are for the pregnancy

It was pretty easy as I asked my mum if she wanted to and she chose the other name they had picked out for me before they knew my sex.

That's such a lovely idea; I'm sure that meant a lot to your mum.

The more I hear about your mum, the lovelier she sounds. Did you have an immediate sense of "yes, that's me", or did it take some time for you to feel you fully owned it?

That is so sweet, I love that.

I take my hat off to you, MAW. You've obviously been through a lot but your posts come across as very balanced and not remotely self-pitying.

Thank you all, I am incredibly fortunate to have the family I do. My mum has never been anything but the biggest supporter and advocate for me and my brother.

To be honest it wasn't a hard adjustment for me. I was called by my surname from the age of around 13-14 and still was after I transitioned. So it didn't require any change for my friends or for me. I think it was harder for my mum but I know that it helped her that it was the name I would have been given were I boy.

@MAW1993 What a brilliant , informative and insightful thread .
I hope the future brings you love and peace - you deserve it .
Thank you .

@CactusBasket and @Myfluffyblanket thank you both, I really appreciate your kind comments

Thanks @MAW1993 for your open, insightful thread. I haven't read all of it but it seems like you are in a good place in life and I'm pleased for you.

Forgive me if you have already answered but I wanted to ask if you have had medical issues from taking testosterone for such a long time. Do you have regular checks on bone density, liver function etc? As a medical student I'm sure you are more aware than most of the potential harms. Do you attend regular cervical screening and is this something as a transman that you find triggering? Please feel free to decline answering if this is too personal as I do not wish to pressure you at all.

Thank you I appreciate your kind comment.

I have not had any issues from the testosterone so far. However, I am 31 so still relatively young and I do make efforts to take care of myself. I have blood tests annually that check my testosterone level as well as liver function tests, full blood count, and lipid profile. That is because the main risks that are known of are polycythemia, liver dysfunction and dyslipidaemia. They used to be more regular and were 3 months to begin with then 6 months, but I have been on testosterone for 13 years now so moved to annual tests.

I haven't had bone density scans and my understanding is that the main risk with osteoporosis is linked to a lack of sex hormones rather than cross sex hormones. Someone did link to research saying that trans people should have BMD scans a little earlier though, due to a potential risk. I imagine they will have a better idea of the objective risk by the time I'm the age it would be relevant.

I have never attended cervical screening as I had a full hysterectomy at 24 and screening does not begin until 25. However, I think it is something I would have struggled with. I did need extensive gynaecological treatment when younger and it was very difficult due to the sex dysphoria. Also the experience of being stared at in the waiting room or on wards, and the clear shock and discomfort of staff when they first met me was difficult. That said the regular staff who knew me always tried to be kind and did make efforts to try and minimise that, such as keeping curtains drawn when I was on gynae wards.

Thanks for answering so clearly @MAW1993 and I wish you the very best for your future.