Men annoyed when women take up space

[lovelypidgeon]

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this- just wanting to vent and discuss with people who won't minimise or tell me it could have happened to a man too.

I have truly had enough of men expecting me (and other women) to prioritise them and trying to intimidate me when I don't. This morning, I was filling my car up at the petrol station and the man who had been filling his car behind me was pissed off that I did not move as soon as he was ready. He got out of his car to tell me I was in his way and that he needed to get to work so I needed to stop what I was doing and move my car (with lots of swearing thrown in). I remained calm and told him that I was almost done but the fact that I was not shocked and submissive seemed to irritate him even more. At one point he said 'Am I going to have to take your keys off you and move it myself?' I told him that if he did, I would call the police, and took a photo of him and his car reg. He told me to go ahead, and to make sure I told them what a fucking cunt I was, then called me a stupid fucking bitch.

Before I had finished filling my car he left the forecourt by just reversing slightly and going past me (which he could have done from the start). Which I think makes it pretty clear that this was not about me holding him up, but me having the audacity to be a middle aged woman in his way. There were quite a few other people around but no-one said a word. I'm pretty sure that he will go off to work and tell his mates about the stupid bitch that blocked him in and had to be told. I also know that if I speak to people IRL about this many will either question whether I was in the wrong to be where I was, or tell me that I should have just stopped what I was doing and got out of the way to avoid an argument.

I am livid, and exhausted with this shit. I'm not sure why this has got to me so much- it's hardly the first time I've encountered this sort of thing. But I really feel like we're in a bad place when a woman can't go to a petrol station in daylight without being intimidated by a man whilst other men pretend they can't see what's happening. I want to do something about this (in general, not just this one incident) but can't actually think of anything that will make a blind bit of difference. What do other people do?

Not saying this to be Goady but I think that some men of a certain age and maybe class and some of a different culture are not used to women not getting out of their way .

I really enjoy a bit of "manspreading" on the tube myself, like a power pose, it makes you feel good 😎

Will have to give patriarchy chicken a go!!

My new default is to consider that a) it must be bloody miserable to live your life so full of rage and b) having that amount of stress is turning them into a ticking time bomb waiting for a heart attack or stroke, and that little outburst/road rage etc has pushed them a bit closer.

Good analogy!

Very interesting re the belief that men fail to deviate from their path when walking. When my wife was towards the end of her pregnancy we both noticed that it was other women with pushchairs that seemed hell bent on trying to mow her down.

My new default is to consider that a) it must be bloody miserable to live your life so full of rage and b) having that amount of stress is turning them into a ticking time bomb waiting for a heart attack or stroke, and that little outburst/road rage etc has pushed them a bit closer.

This is a very good way of looking at it. They are miserable, and it's not going to end well for them sometime soon. I will try to remember this next time I see a gammon blowing a blood vessel over something minor.

Yes from this thread alone, it is last that many posters posters have responded in kind by going “ape shit”. So both parties blowing a gasket!

In surprised that everyone wouldn't "make way" for a pushchair; easier for an individual (even a pg one) to move than a person with a large wheeled object in front.
on the subject of pushchairs, when I used to struggle on and off busses with them, two groups of people tended to help - mothers of older children, and young men. I'm not sure why!

The patriarchy chicken phenomenon is really well known and documented. People have filmed days' worth of footage of the way men (in general) feel entitled to take up space and expect women to move out of the way. It's very odd that occasional posters pop up claiming this doesn't happen or that women do it just as much.
On the pram mention, I remember not moving out of a man's way on the pavement with a pram and he told me to 'get the fuck out of the way'. It's much easier for the person without the pram to step slightly to one side! Or wait two seconds for someone to pass.

Men saying it doesn't happen - I could say racism isn't really a problem because I don't personally encounter it. Well, I'm white so of course not. I listen to people of colour and don't assume my experience is more valid than theirs. Some blokes clearly need to do the same regarding women's experience of misogyny. Give Everyday Sexism a read, it's eye opening.

I've noticed this too with mum's pushing prams or taking there kids to school.

I remember being verbally abused by two men in Waitrose of all places.

They were at the till having a chat leaning against the till conveyor belt while their female partners in front of them was sorting out and paying for the shopping.

That went on for 10 minutes and they were blocking the way by hogging the belt for no reason just to have a chat. No one could put their shopping down and the queue was growing behind me.

I asked them if they could move so I could place my shopping on the belt and the queue could move again.

That resulted in dirty looks and rude comments so I was a bit more forceful and starting putting my shopping down and they finally had to move.

All 4 of them (including the two women they were with) were now staring and commenting continued to glare at me and make unpleasant comments while I loaded and paid for my shopping, it basically looked like they were waiting for me to have a go.

I just stared straight at them to show them I was not going to be intimated and would not show any fear and they finally left.

I think what shocked me the most were the fact that two women were happy for their partners to threaten a woman on her own for simply asking them to make space for actual shoppers.

Pushchairs don’t manoeuvre as easily as human legs, even pregnant ones.

I went to the British Museum Egyptian Hieroglyphs exhibtion the other day. Very popular. Very crowded. Two men were leaning their elbows on the glass case of a key exhibit and braying so you could hear them three rooms away, bragging about their holidays in the Maldives and why they'd never contemplate Egypt , which was awful because all Egyptians were such awful people. I tried standing intimidatingly close to them and peering at the exhibit under their armpits to make a point but they were oblivious.

And then this tiny. middle-aged blonde woman went up to them and said, 'Shut up. I can't hear myself think. You are so rude and loud. Your voices are hideous and they are wrecking everyone's enjoyment of the exhibition.' One of the men actually said, 'But my voice is dulcet!' The woman said, 'It really isn't. It's hideous and we all want to enjoy the exhibition in peace, so shut up and move on.' And they did. They were vair posh types and clearly reacted well to nanny ticking them off. It was hilarious. I so admired her.

My dad..he hated all animals but had to put up with pets in the house because me and my mum wanted them.

He generally avoided them but I caught him being down right nasty to one of my cats once.

Told him if I ever caught him doing stuff like that again, I would call the police.

He looked absolutely shocked. I never spoke
back to my dad. He had a bit of a temper.

Amazingly enough, he was a bit nicer the animals after that

Yup. I've had men nearly take my shoulder off walking past me before- when I'm just standing somewhere waiting and not in anyone's way or blocking a path. The consolation is that I'm quite solid and they likely hurt themselves.

V heavily pregnant, I was walking up towards a Pret in the City on way to work. Big Important Man came down in opposite direction. I paused to let him pass as I figured he had right of way as I was about to, in effect, cross the pavement to get into the Pret and if I'd done that, I'd have been crossing in front of him. There was plenty of space for him to get past. But instead, of course, he barged into me. Then cursed at me. I just looked at him and waved my hands down my very very very pregnant belly.

Wanker.

Actually, similar story and I think a PP had one like this - on Waterloo and City line so, for those of you who aren't London/City workers the key point is it only has 2 stations - Waterloo and Bank. So EVERYONE gets on at one and EVERYONE gets off on the other side. Also pregnant, although not as heavily (I did have a badge I think). Man sitting down, I'm standing in aisle. Train insanely crowded as usual.

As train is slowing to a stop, Big Important Man attempts to stand up - not sure where he thought the rest of us were going to go? I threw out my arm to block him and surprisingly calmly said, "you got a seat, so now you wait for the rest of us to get off". The look on his face.... priceless.

As a fellow commuter, I would just like to say that I love you!

Brava. 👏🏻

Had a great one in the gym the other day. It was quite busy and it's a simple gym with usually only one type of each machine.

One guy was alternating between doing the leg raise machine then doing ab crunches on the mat. That's fine, except he had left his hoody on the back of the machine, effectively reserving two bits of equipment for himself at once. This went on for some time- I noticed he was doing it for about ten minutes while I went on two or three other bits of equipment/mats and only had the leg raise left to go before doing my stretches and core work.

So I waited until he had got off and just went straight onto the empty leg raise machine and started my reps. He bowled over and said "Oh, I was still using that, I left my stuff there."

I just said "Oh, sorry, I didn't realise. I won't be a minute anyway." And did my 2 x 15 reps, (sweating onto his hoody I hope all the while) while he stood there. Then I got off and said "There you go."

Another day I didn't need to go on that machine but I noticed there was a young lad sat on there, apparently using it as an armchair, not doing anything on it for a full ten minutes (other than go on his phone) while I ran on the treadmill.

I'm 47 now and have been going to gyms since I was 19 and I have definitely seen an increase in this behaviour recently, and I have never, ever, in 20 odd years seen a woman do something like this.

I think that this is the problem that some men feel they have the right to throw their weight around BUT they will only do it with those physically weaker than them. Women are disproportionately affected by this kind of behaviour.

I have a male friend small in stature who was victim to a road rage incident. When the man forced him to stop (my friend was only driving a little, beat up, unimpressive car). He thought "oh shit" but he responded by getting out of the car quickly and forcefully and going marching up to the guy looking like he meant business. The bully quickly got back in his car and backed off.

It's like primate behaviour and has no place in modern society but my friend as a "beta" male avoided conflict and saw off a more "alpha" male through aggressive behaviour.

Women cant or dont even know how to behave like this.

@Catspyjamas17 I'm not sure if this is in the same vein of men taking up space, but DH had a mind blowing exchange with a punter at the gym he works at once. The man was in the free weights section and DH was asked by two women to please have a word with the man as he'd been staring at them and it made them so umcomfortable they'd decided to cut their workout short. DH went over and the man was absolutely FURIOUS. It turned out he was quite new to the gym, had liked the work out the women were doing and was watching them to get some tips. His response to DH? "They should have said something to me and I could have explained and maybe asked them to help me." DH didn't really know what to say to that!!

He also quite frequently comes back from the gym with stories of men in classes who take up a lot of space and make the women uncomfortable. He tries to step in but he says it's amazing how often the men get really arsey with him/the women. One man apparently stomped out of a class in a huff and hasn't been seen since. Everyone is thrilled!

I'm 47 now and have been going to gyms since I was 19 and I have definitely seen an increase in this behaviour recently, and I have never, ever, in 20 odd years seen a woman do something like this.

I find that hard to believe. I've seen many phones/bottle/keys/assorted paraphernalia left on equipment by women as they hop between machines.
I wouldn't say that kind of behaviour is gendered at all.

This is absolutely rife in my gym too. I’ve no issues with asking them if they’re using it, when they’re sitting there, clearly not, while browsing TikTok/taking selfies/swiping Tinder.

Most do leap up and move, although there’s one man, who I’m absolutely gunning for, who is insanely rude, throws equipment around, leaves bars loaded and dangerous, leaves weight plates scattered everywhere, and who walks through you. I was using a punch bag once and he waved his hand into my face (I had headphones on) to demand to know when I’d be finished ‘playing around with it’ as he wanted it. It was then that his card was marked.

@BlingLoving There was one guy who used to openly stare at my crotch every time I went on the adductor/abductor years ago in the university gym. I just ignored him back then but it happened every single time I was there. Really not on.